0ddjangles - Untitled

yeah golden retreiver boyfriends are great and I've met several personally, but personally I have a house cat boyfriend

extremely affectionate despite of seeming aloof and politely distant to unfamiliar people

my friends have seen him irl less than 5 times in the five years I've had him - if I invited people over he would hide under furniture until they're gone

haha you got up from your work desk, time for unskippable 35 minutes of kisses and cuddles

can and will throw up out of sheer anxiety because Things And Events Are Happening that do not even involve him in any way

can instinctively sense exactly when I am going to decide I'm done bedrotting and will climb on top of me to cuddle exactly 3 minutes before I was just about to get up

can be placed sideways on any soft surface at any time of the day and immediately takes a five hour nap

cannot eat or drink in unfamilair places. can and will go 16 hours without food or water if the situation is uncomfy.

unhelpful but valiant efforts to try to protect and rescue you from things and situations that he would personally hate being in, out of not understanding of Why Are You In There Voluntarily

will come show me incomprehensible memes the same way a cat will bring you a random bug. thank you. I do not understand it but I know you brought it to me because you love me.

Patch Notes:

Nerfed the "Tuna trick" that was unintentionally letting players skip past the sphinx without listening to her riddle (we spent a lot of time making riddles for you 😡)

Improved the Cyclop's field of view by 12% (big thanks to Optomitism92 for the 40 pages of forum posts about eye lenses)

Mummies will now spawn with big naturals and wolf cuts regardless of gender

Nerfed compound interest (vampires)

Nerfed stock market (vampires)

Added more rivers (vampires)

The Pharoah's Curse is now a stacking debuff for each additional stolen artifact in the player's possession (England shall be buried in sand🙏)

Added more beetles

One of my favorite genres of post

knights can be created by other knights like vampires except instead of biting them they wack them on the shoulders with swords

When I die I wanna be resurrected as the crab in the bucket of crabs that pulls the other crabs back into the bucket. And I'll love doing it

We literally just found life on another planet and everybody is just like "and?" Life on earth so wild rn we don't even care 💀💀

The adhd modes of food

1. You ate that burger so fast. You ate that burger so fucking fast and now the whole Red Robin is staring at you god what the fuck

2. You started eating like a normal person, but then you started talking or daydreaming and now the waitress is handing you the check but you’ve still got half a plate of cold fettuccine

3. You were going to go out to eat, but then you saw a video in your YouTube recommendation that drew you towards it like moth to a flame, and now it’s 10 pm and you’ve got an empty bag of tortilla chips in your hand and shame in your heart

4. Mac And Cheese

I'm amazed how often some perfectly sensible post that ends with words like "unless you've got some medical issue that prevents you from doing it, I recommend that everyone should give it a try!" has someone in the comments going "well what about me? I've got anxiety, depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, turboautism and maladaptive daydreaming and I literally cannot make myself go do that!"

Like. bitch you. you were mentioned. your situation was specifically clarified for in the previous sentence. If you have a mental health issue, you have a health issue. If your mental health problem prevents you from doing something, you have a health problem that prevents you from doing the thing. How did you learn to type before learning how to read.

he was hardly monstrous then