It Takes A Huge Effort To Free Yourself From Memory.

He was fluent in me.

In every way.

He rode my highs and my lows, and the waves that came crashing upon me almost drowned me.

He knew how emotionally deep feeling I can be, and how I overthink often to the point of anxiety.

He knew when I was quiet, I was in deep thought or upset about something and holding it in.

He knew when something was bothering me and filled me up with stress, I hardly ate.

He knew I was a very strong person, but also broken with many cracks deep as caverns, and cracks that are healing and mending.

He knew my eyes spoke more than my lips ever could. He knew my eyes can speak a language of their own only for him. A language he loved gazing at.

He knew my body even as he was in a meeting with his eyes closed, picturing me laying on the bed with that black lacy number he liked. He knew every inch, every curve, every line of my body in memory.

He knew how to make my body rise and fall, and quiver only for him. How to make me purr and scream at the same time.

He knew when to be soft with me, and when to not be so gentle.

He knew when I needed to talk about something on my mind, and when I needed to just be held as if there were only the two of us in the world.

He knew I always had a hard time falling asleep, but once sleeping-was hard to wake me up.

He knew I hated change and don't take it well. Even with choosing restaurants, ordering meals, or picking TV shows. The familiar felt much more comfortable and safe than the risk of something new.

He knew when something was wrong just by my voice or how my eyes looked at him, and I didn't even need to say a word.

He knew when I was stressed, I cleaned.

He knew my humor was dirty and sarcastic, yet childlike. And he knew I loved to laugh and make people laugh- because in depression-you know what it's like to not feel.

He knew I loved consistency, from the 'good morning' to the 'goodnight', to show me I was on his mind from sunrise to sunset.

He knew my walls were built higher and higher over the years due to traumas, loss, and pain- not to keep people out, but to protect myself and not burden others. Walls only He knew how to climb and navigate.

He knew how to protect me physically and emotionally, even from myself and my own anxiety filled mind.

He knew how I liked to be touched...and licked.

He knew how I loved laying my head on his chest because it's the safest place to be at times.

He knew when I tell him I love him, it's not just those words. It's also in me saying -'let me know when you get home okay', and drive safe'.

He knew the electrical currents to my mind, and the road map to my soul.

He knew it all. Every part, every inch of me. But most of all.

He loved me for me...accepting my rationalities, irrationalities, complexities, and my simple.

Loving you completely for all you are...the good and easy parts, and the dark and crazy parts- will come very natural and easily to the one who truly and genuinely loves you. It will come harder for one who doesn't. If you're lucky, you'll find 'the one'... like I did.

Know your worth.

When someone treats you like you're just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself from the equation.

Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you.

It's not pride - it's self respect. Don't give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value & what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

First love does not mean best love. And best friends may not mean best friends forever. But they both mean at some point, somewhere, someone did care. And their memories still there.

Hamas: The American-British aggression against Yemen is gross violation of international law.

GAZA : The Islamic Resistance Movement, Hamas, has condemned, in the strongest terms, the American-British aggression against Yemen, emphasizing that it represents a gross violation of international law.

In a statement on Sunday, Hamas said, “We condemn the criminal attack on the sovereignty and stability of our brotherly Yemen, which targeted a residential neighborhood in the Yemeni capital, Sana’a.”

Hamas expressed its full solidarity with Yemen and its people, praising their efforts to support the resilience of the Palestinian people in Gaza in the face of the “genocidal war that brings shame to humanity.”

Dozens of Yemenis were killed and injured in airstrikes launched by the American military on Yemen on Saturday evening and early Sunday. Yemeni media reported that the strikes resulted in the death of 31 people and injured 101 others, mostly in Sana’a and Saada.

The group vowed to respond to the American bombardment, while American officials stated that the attacks could continue for weeks with the aim of stopping the threat to maritime navigation in the region.

The American strikes came after the Houthis announced that they would resume targeting Israeli ships in maritime corridors in the region in response to the blockade of aid into besieged Gaza, and after the US administration reclassified them as a “terrorist group.”

These airstrikes are the first carried out by the new American administration since President Donald Trump took office for his second term in January. Trump had ordered, on Saturday, the execution of a “decisive and powerful” military strike against the Houthis in Yemen, stating on Truth Social: “Today, I ordered the U.S. military to launch a decisive and powerful military operation against the Houthi terrorists in Yemen,” adding that the Houthis “have waged a continuous campaign of piracy, violence, and terrorism against American ships, planes, drones, and others.”

#Abdullah Abdullah

Not every person you meet will understand your value, so never try to convince someone of your worth. It will never end well you will spend your precious energy trying to change the opinion of another person which is most often impossible.

Spend time with people who respect, value, and care for you and your life unconditionally.

If they don't see the value of having you, don't try to convince them.

#Abdullah

“If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle to others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself.”

I don't want to remember the scars you left

But every day they're stuck within my mind

There'll always be a little piece of you around.

Like a nightmare that doesn't fade in the morning.

~

Because the scars you left behind cut deep

If i was to compare them to an ocean.

My lungs would burst as i reached its bed.

That's how far your abuse made me drown.

~

Maybe I've now learnt to come up for air.

But the toxicity of your actions still haunts me.

My mind has these mental flashbacks all the time.

It's like although I've finally reached the surface

All that i have to greet me is a flood of acid rain

~

Because the memories are probably more painful.

Replaying it over and over again every day.

Makes me relive each moment in high definition

It makes the wounds bleed once again.

~

I've carried them with me since I was a child.

The bruises may have now faded away

But your fist feels like it's always approaching

My body still flinches every single time.

~

I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you.

But somehow i have to learn to move on.

I can't let you control my life forever.

Even though i still feel like that little child.

~

THE SCARS YOU LEFT BEHIND.

#Abdullah

As I sit alone in the darkness, tears stream down my face as I fight to keep from falling apart.

All the questions and emotions of us flash through my mind as I rest my face in my hands.

For so long, all I wanted was your love and to spend my days and nights being loved by you.

But no matter how hard I tried to be what you wanted, regardless of how much I wanted us to be happy together.

It never really happened the way I had always hoped.

I don’t know if you just don’t care, don’t realize or don’t want me…you never actually told me what you wanted.

It’s a hard thing to be stuck in a place of uncertainty when it comes to matters of the heart-

Especially when all I wanted was to love and be loved by you.

I know now that I have to turn the page and close the chapter on you and me.

If there ever really was a “you and me.”

I’ve known for the longest time I deserve better but I was so scared to move on, fight for what I wanted or lose you.

But now I realize that I never really had you to begin with.

The idea of “us” was really just wishful thinking..so it’s time to let go of all the hopes and dreams I had for us.

And finally move on and be happy on my own.

It’ll be hard, I know, and I’ll shed a lot of tears as I do what I have to do to let you go.

But as I wipe away the tears from my face, I look outside and see the sun shining brightly.

I’ll get there, I know.

That place where I can think about you and not cry.

When I can get up in the morning and be happy it’s a beautiful new day.

I’m far from that right now, but I’ll get there.

I can’t fight for someone who won’t fight for me.

Who makes me work just to get their attention.

I deserve better and I’ll find it.

But first, I’m going to work on myself and do whatever it takes to be happy by myself, for myself.

It won’t be easy, it won’t be fast,

But it will be the best thing I’ve ever done.

Love myself for the person that I am because in the end, that’s what truly matters the most.

I’m closing the door on you and opening the door to my happiness.

One moment, one step, one day at a time.

- Abdullah.

Remember that in life there will always be people who can never admit that they’ve done wrong.

Such people exist. They will always try to make you feel that you’re at fault.

Be careful of such people. Keep a safe distance. Pray for them. Only the Almighty can help them.

🖊️ Abdullah