Latest Posts by angelaness - Page 4
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I think I'll create soon, I feel it, I know I will because I desire to create.
The only thing that was stopping me was my close-mindedness, my habit of only thinking inside the box, and being too comfortable with the known.
That is why I have been having an art block, because the only art that I know is self-portraiture. It's what I find comfort in; it's what I'm used to, and it is second to breathing for me.
However, my lack of willingness to explore other realms in art or anything else in general makes something so dear to me feel mundane and automated. As a result, I have no desire to look forward to it.
If I tell you that you are breathing, you will, for a moment, recognize that you are, in fact, breathing and maybe even start doing it manually before you go back to normal. It's like you've become aware... And you have!
And that's definitely what I should do with art, just like how I reminded you that you are breathing, I should remind myself that I am an artist, and by doing that, I'll have someone, or rather, a different branch in art remind me who I am.
Making yourself aware that you're breathing is not the same as me doing it out of nowhere, much like how I know I'm a self portraiture artist, then I'll be like OK and? But if I tell myself I do animation or crafts or 3d art then I'll be like 'wait, but I do self portraiture don't I?' And suddenly my appreciation is back...
Does this make sense, or am I trying too hard? Or are my thoughts translating poorly into text? I might have to write a longer version of this musing for Substack.
Angel x.
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Update of the day: I think I got dermatographia 🙂?
False alarm, it was HIVES 😍🤩🥰🔫
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Nothing exciting happened today, just scrolling the communities and daydreaming. Time of the month where I've gotta pay the WiFi but I don't, so I'm using my data :/
I'm gonna try drawing tonight. I don't know what but it's calling me to bring it to life. I should probably read a book too...
OH I FINISHED LUCIFER YEYEYYEE, I loved that show so much! Time to finish Dr House md. I wouldn't have changed the way Lucifer ended, but I'd love a special episode, but I suppose I can do without it.
10/10 show would recommend 🥲🫶🏾.
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A modelling community invited me to join teehee 💞
Did nothing much today except respond to messages about modelling castings etc, was a slow day, thinking of entering a fasting and exercising run again.
Idk what else to add... Hmm... I love YouTube, OK bye?
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Update: I went to the casting but I don't think I got in. They made us walk and nothing more, no chitchat, just writ your name age and contacts, walk in front of the panel, then give the paper with the details and leave.
Well, unless you were given back the paper with a tick added to it, and then you're measured and taken pictures of Infront of everyone — and as you've probably guessed by now, I wasn't part of the latter 😬.
I'll just send pics to agencies via dms, emails, and website applications.
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Today also has a pretty date imo.
Why did no one tell me that YouTube is no longer available on my iPhone 6+
WHY WHY WHY WHY 😭😭😭💔💔💔
Anyways, did nothing much today, except exist and editing my invite only YouTube video for my friends 😊
Keep in mind, I am 180cm tall, that is 5'11, and I checked the agency, its legit and they came to my country to scout for potential new models. I also feel like they don't have that many Black girls signed to them which is why they're scouting on my ends. I'm anxious coz I'm not exactly the skinny type they have on their site, but I'm also not chubby, I'd say my weight is OK for my height, on the leaner side.
I've had dreams of modelling because I love my height so much, like soooo much. But I get anxious thinking I'll walk weirdly or make a fool out of myself in front of the panel... I might think I'm eating up the walk, but in reality my body moves awkwardly and rigidly 😭.
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Made my hair! Love the twists🙇🏾♀️
I did half of my sudoku puzzle of the day, mostly binged Lucifer while on Pinterest #pip #andriod, and did nothing much except sit from 3 to 8 pm and do my hair.
I could do a face reveal but I don't know 🫣.
The perfect time doesn't exist, it's now or never ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪
If you're anything like me you've probably spent weeks, months if not years considering but not doing. The perfect time doesn't exist. Do it now or you never will.
I've seen countless videos on YouTube and TikTok titled things like "how to actually start working out from a retired lazy girl" and "how to actually start eating healthy". Just do it. It really is that simple. Find a gym near you and go. Find a fitness channel on YouTube if you don't feel comfortable going to a gym. Buy a cook book. Google recipes. Do it. Stop waiting and do it.
You could watch a thousand videos about it if you wanted to. You still wouldn't have done it. You'd have wasted hours of your life you could have put towards actually doing it though. Stop watching videos, go do it. Get up and do it.
There is no better time than the present because the present is all we really have. Tomorrow is not promised. Make today worth something.
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Too much to talk about, undoing my hair rn, did a sudoku puzzle 😝, might do 1 more b4 bed, I'm enjoying this.
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Got a sudoku puzzles book, I think I've completed intellectual girl status. I don't have much to say tho,
Peace out x
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Hello Angels, hope your having a wonderful day🙇🏾♀️ check out my super secret substack, no one else knows about it from my main account except you guys on tumblr! It's my alter ego that I get to share on this site :)
OK, the title is a bit ominous 😅 But have a read, and if you feel like it, subscribe for more 🫶🏾.
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Life is unfair yall. Tell me why the power went off for LIKE 2 HOURS , my phone died, no WiFi, and it comes back on at midnight.... AND I LOST MY POST 💔💔💔💔
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I NEED TO MAKE A BD GIFT FOR SOMEONE HELP😃😭 BIRTHDAY IS IN 3 DAYS BUT STILLLLLLL, I'M THE TYPE TO GIFT HANDMADE STUFF💔💔BUT I CANT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT WHAT TO CREATE
Today was boring, oh but the shower I took hit different today for some reason, went out of the house in like a month, if you don't count the market visits (those are in my circle so it's no different and feels home)
I look at this pic when I feel sad and remember how it tasted.
OH EM GEE WAIT, YOU KNOW THAT GUMBALL SOUND GOING VIRAL RIGHT NOW, I KEEP LAUGHING MY AHH OFF WHEN I SEE VIDEOS USING THE SOUND
I CANT STOP LAUGHING HELP MEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
EVEN GUMBALLS ACTUAL FACE IN THAT EPISODE TAKES ME OUT 😭😭😭
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Ate nothing till dinner, so pretty good fast actually, but I stayed in my room the entire day too which was beyond mundane, its insane out here. Was on the call with my BFF and power cut but its back now so I'll go text her sorry or something. Im in SZN 5 of Lucifer and I keep getting edits of the show and I don't recognise some scenes so I freak out and just favourite all the edits I came across, so that once I'm done with the show I can enjoy the edits.
Overall the most boring day on earth, 2/10.
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Woke up at 1pm today 😃
I'm being left on delivered rn after giving my best art advice...
Tomorrow I have to write something or finish my drawing.
But boring day tbh. ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT, FINE SHYT FOLLOWED ME BACK AHHHSKJDJDJKKDNDKEKJD
Forgot to add that I got this book yesterday, was debating btwn this and Persuasion, but sense and sensibility was cheaper and it seems like it would be a promising read that won't bore me too much...
5/10 day, mid.
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9/10 nice yummy udon soup
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I feel like I've forgotten to do something...
Anyways, my friend made me download among us and we didn't even end up playing it together... I walked the whole day, my legs feel jelly (I forgot to stretch in the morning) 12k steps today,fasted, ran— or rather walked errands.
Lucifer, good food, talking to my friend and that's it.
The Tragic Cycle of Wired Headphones: A Self-Reflection
You know that moment when you buy a fresh pair of wired headphones and make a silent promise to yourself? This time will be different. This time, you won’t shove them into your bag like some kind of deranged squirrel hoarding acorns. You won’t yank them out of your phone like you’re trying to start a lawnmower. You will treat them with care, with respect.
And yet.
Somehow.
Here you are. Again. Another pair, dead. The left earbud? Gone. The right one? Hanging on for dear life, whispering faintly, like it’s calling out from the afterlife. You stare at it, baffled. How? HOW did this happen? You were careful. You learned from the last five pairs. Didn’t you?
No. You didn’t.
Because the truth is, you’ve said this every time. Every. Single. Time. Your history is littered with the ghosts of headphones past—frayed wires, sound cutting in and out like a broken radio transmission, rubber casings peeling back to reveal the fragile, suffering wires inside. You think about how they got here. The careless wrapping around your phone. The times you let them dangle from your pocket like an afterthought. The fact that, at least once, you definitely fell asleep with them still tangled around you like a techno-umbilical cord.
And this—this isn’t just about headphones. No. This is about you. About your patterns. Your delusions. The fact that you keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting a different outcome.
Isn’t that the definition of insanity?
Maybe it’s a metaphor. Maybe your headphones die because you don’t handle delicate things well—physical or emotional. Maybe you ignore problems until they break. Maybe you see the warning signs—the faint crackle in the audio, the slightly exposed wire—and you pretend everything’s fine. It’s fine. It’s FINE. Until one day, it isn’t.
Or maybe, hear me out, wired headphones are simply not meant to last. Maybe they are built to self-destruct, to betray us, to force us into this never-ending cycle of grief and rebirth. Maybe we are all just victims of a larger force—planned obsolescence, capitalism, the cruel inevitability of entropy.
Or maybe, just maybe… I need to stop buying $3 gas station headphones and expecting them to last a lifetime.
Anyway. If you see me buying another pair tomorrow, no you didn’t.
I (edit: recently viewed a video indicating that some people may not recognize what an em dash is, and that using it could lead to assumptions of AI usage. I would like to clarify that I do not utilize AI; I merely use an em dash when it is suitable for its intended purpose.)
The Dance of Fate and Free Will
Do we really have free will, or is everything already mapped out for us?
It's the kind of question that's kept philosophers, poets, and theologians up at night for ages. Just asking it feels like standing on a beach, staring out at this massive ocean where what's logical and what's just plain mysterious kind of blend together. If it's all predetermined, then are our choices just an act? Are we just going through the motions in a play we didn't even write? But if we do have free will, then what's setting the limits on what we want, what we can do, and those invisible walls that pop up in our lives?
This push and pull – this back-and-forth between fate and our own choices – it's really what being human is all about, isn't it?
The Illusion of Choice
We like to think we're in the driver's seat, right? Every day, we get up and decide what to wear, what to eat, who to love, who to say goodbye to, and the kind of person we want to become. The world tells us if we just try hard enough, if we're disciplined and really want it, we can create any future we can imagine. "You can be anything," they say. But, can we, really?
Think about how life actually plays out. The family we're born into, the country we call home, the body we're in, those moments of pure luck or just plain bad luck that shape us – we didn't pick any of that. Someone born into a wealthy family in a rich country will never know what it's like for a kid born into war somewhere else. Someone who bumps into their soulmate on a train – are they really more deserving of love than someone who just happened to be on a different train that day? So much of who we become, it's just not in our hands, no matter how much we wish it was.
Even neuroscientists are saying our brains make decisions before we even realize it. If a machine can guess which button you're gonna press before you even "choose" it, what does that tell us about free will? Are we just following a script, but we're tricked into thinking we're the ones writing it?
The Beauty of Predestination
And yet, there's something strangely comforting about the idea that it's all already decided. If fate is a real thing, then nothing is truly wasted. The heartbreaks, the screw-ups, the chances we missed – they all had to happen exactly like they did. You were never meant to end up with that person, never meant to get that job, never meant to be anywhere else but right here, right now. In a way, it takes this huge, exhausting weight of regret right off our shoulders.
Some of the most peaceful people I've ever met are the ones who truly believe in destiny. They just trust that what's meant for them will find them, and what's not will just fade away. They move through life with this quiet confidence, like they're not even bothered by problems. There's a kind of beauty in just letting go and going with the flow, seeing life as something that just unfolds, instead of something we have to fight and control all the time.
But Then Again, What If?
But even if it's all predetermined, does that mean we should just give up and do nothing? If a river already knows it's going to end up in the ocean, does it just stop flowing?
Maybe free will isn't about controlling everything, the whole grand plan, but about how we feel it. Maybe the whole point is just the joy of making choices, of having dreams, of just acting on whatever we feel like doing in the moment. Even if your future is set in stone, isn't there something exciting about not knowing what's around the corner? If fate is real, then so is the amazing thing of being clueless about it. You still get to feel things, to move, to chase after whatever calls to you. And isn't that a kind of freedom in itself?
Think about this: Say your fate is to become a painter. But the second you pick up a brush for the first time, it just clicks. It feels like your choice, like you discovered something amazing. That feeling of joy, it was always going to happen, but that doesn't make it any less real, does it? Maybe you were always meant to read this, to think about this, to feel that little spark of "aha!" Maybe even the feeling of free will is part of the plan, and isn't that actually kind of a relief?
So, whether you're team fate or team free will, live like your choices actually matter. Love like it wasn't already written in the stars. Create like it wasn't a done deal. Because, when you think about it, if destiny does exist, it's probably already figured in your rebellious side anyway.
With thoughts of G♡
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Today in two words: Chess, Lucifer
White wins (I bullshited every move)
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Watching Newtopia as I type this, I know I won't finish ep1 cause I'm already suffering Lucifer withdrawals (I'm alr in szn4)
Need. More. Lucifer.
030325 (something about the date makes me happy
Alright guys, no more entries unless my day is interesting. People seem to like lists or writings or advice. I mean I used to post that type of content and got a lot of engagement, meaning I was actually adding value to someone's life, which is what I truly intend.
Besides, this decision isn't so bad, to be honest. Today wasn't fruitful; I spent the day in bed to the point that I became uncomfortable lying down, as if all my blood was pooling down. I even fasted until 5 PM. The most productive thing I've done today was my Italian lessons. 👍
And that's OK, I can always have another day to start over. :)
And yes I binged Lucifer, yes I had to bring him up again.
Free will
Write a letter to your future self and seal it for next year
Break one routine just to see what happens
Say yes to something you’d usually decline, just for the plot
Make one decision purely on intuition, no logic involved
Practice doing things without documenting them: no photos, no notes, just presence
Go somewhere new without checking reviews first
Pick a book blindly, first one you touch, you read
Have a conversation where you only ask questions, no statements
Order something totally random at a café, no overthinking
Try fully disagreeing with someone in a debate just to explore another side
Walk a different route than usual and pay attention to new details
Give yourself one day to act like a completely different version of yourself
Spend a whole day making choices like a child; curious, playful, unfiltered
Ask a stranger for a book, movie, or music recommendation and actually try it... ACTUALLY
Give something away without expecting anything in return
Try doing the opposite of your instinct just to see where it leads
Write a personal philosophy: what do you actually believe about life?
Spend a full day in silence, no speaking, just observing
Set a personal rule for the day, no lying, no complaining, no autopilot responses
Go on a walk and let a random object or sign dictate where you turn
Pick a past “what if” and go do it now, no excuses
Invent a personal holiday and celebrate it however you want
Try making an important decision without asking anyone for advice
Spend a full day making choices as if you're already the person you want to become
Do one completely pointless but deeply satisfying thing—just for the joy of it
Let go of one belief or habit that no longer serves you, just to see how it feels
Set a rule for yourself: every time you feel hesitation, do the thing anyway
Pick a random topic and learn about it like you’re preparing to give a TED Talk (I'd choose to talk about my art)
Make one small but bold move that shifts the trajectory of your life, even slightly
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First of all, and most importantly :
Alright then friend 👏
I saw other's march resolutions and added them to mine!
1. Find my thing –
Maybe it’s calligraphy, maybe it’s journaling with my bougie burgundy ink, maybe it’s playing chess in random places like a movie character… IDK, but I wanna start doing one of these consistently.
2. Upgrade my self-care, but in an “I barely tried” way –
Dry brushing before showers? Adding a lil’ dusting powder to my routine? Romanticizing my nail care? Just small tweaks to feel ✨ put together ✨ without effort.
3. Make my breakfasts pretty –
No more sad meals. Oat bowls, chia pudding, cute little clean girl plates; I deserve to wake up to aesthetic nourishment
4. Be mysterious in public –
Take a book or notebook to a café, maybe even write something cryptic. No phone scrolling, just pure main character energy.
5. Actually post on my website or YouTube at least ONCE –
No pressure, no perfectionism, just one thing to keep the creative flow going. I've already posted on my secret YouTube channel in both January and February; hopefully, I won't forget this month. However, the website...
6. Own ONE beautiful pen & make it my entire personality –
Maybe it’s a fountain pen, maybe it’s deep burgundy ink, but it has to feel
✨ significant ✨.
7. Find my signature scent & commit to it -
No more being indecisive. One perfume, one body oil, one dusting powder, I want people to associate a scent with me.
8. Buy ONE cool nostalgic gadget –
A flip phone, a Walkman, a Gameboy; something that makes me feel like I exist in my own timeline. I'll start with a flip phone but the ones I desire aren't available in my country 💔.
9. Get into a “smart girl” activity –
Sudoku, crossword puzzles, chess, calligraphy, collecting physical newspapers… something that makes me feel like an intellectual femme fatale. And no, it's not because the TikTok girls are yelling at me to be a 'smart girl'; I'm just genuinely tired of seeing myself like this. I want to be smarter, back to the old me.
10. Romanticize my grocery shopping –
Only buying food that fits the vision:
fresh bread, fancy butter, crunchy greens, avocados, dark chocolate, fancy salt (I’m eating like a Parisian poet.)
11. Be That Girl™ at the library –
Engage with specialized literature, take notes in the margins, and perhaps leave a tasteful anonymous note in a book for another reader to discover. 🤭 (I may be somewhat out of touch with reality).
12. Curate a tiny aesthetic corner in my room-
It could be a pretty tray with perfumes, a quick arts setup, or a candle-lit nightstand with my current reads. Just something that feels intentionally like me. Oh, I think a cute workout corner would be so me and motivational.
13. Get better at money but make it cute –
Set up a cash binder or start saving for one special thing (a new piercing, a luxury tea set, a really good pen? Who knows, most likely a piercing).
14. Wear something intentionally beautiful, even at home –
Silk pajamas? An old-money bathrobe? A delicate lace top? The standard for me is romanticized comfort.
15. Leave my house looking effortlessly elegant at least ONCE a week –
No more 'I just threw this on' when I actually just threw something on; a planned, unbothered but stunning outfit.
16. Sit outside for 10 minutes a day & just exist –
I am choosing to observe life without distractions, romanticizing the gentle wind, and letting others speculate about my thoughts.
17. Write one poetic sentence every day –
It could be in my journal, on my website, in the Notes app, or even just a phrase I think to myself.
18. Become an enigma (my friend's favourite word) –
Less talking, more observing. Text like I've got a secret. Smile like I know something they don't. Mwhehehe x.
Motto of my March:
Live at a leisurely pace while being attentive; we all share this beautiful earth and the same 24 hours, no more, no less.
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I feel like March is Orange, he is giving orange idk why, it fits the handsome lad very much. Yes March is a boy... No further queries...
Woke up... Late - sink routine - skipped stretch again... - had only black coffee and one toast as breakkie - read a classic - listen to substack - OH EM GEE I FORGOT TO TAKE A PIC OF MY LUNCH : FRIED SWEET POTATO, TRUST ME😌👌- the scroll of doom - thought of march resolutions; will share tomorrow - played LADS - made whipped coffee - touched some grass, coz my phone was dying and there was no electricity/WiFi - made dalgona for funsies - simped over older men - watch Lucifer - shower - dinner + Luci - now bed time + more Luci.
Also look at this tweet of mine that NOBODY liked. Furthermore, my friend is fed up of me 💔
What's wrong with liking Hannibal, Dr. House, and Lucifer? Clearly, I have a type 🙄.
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Woke up - sink routine - skipped stretch - breakie was delicious 😫 #frenchtoast - admired my artworks - watched Lucifer a bit too immersed - had crazy art block - 'played' against a 5-year-old in chess (bless her heart lol) - late lunch + hibiscus tea - listen to substack - read classic - take fat nap - dinner - shower - didn't finish ep2 of hannibal so will do it tonight aka rn.
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Woke up (duh) - sink routine - stretched - breakie (forgot to take a pic) - grocery shopping - watched ep1 of hannibal - took a fat nap coz of pain meds - rearranged my entire closet - late lunch + rotten mango podcast - made those hairclips out of boredom - doulingo lesson - shower - stretch - winding down by continuing hannibal.
Highlight of my day: mini magnetic chess set! And the hairclips :D
Remember the post I made about the importance of having a chess game on the go? Yeah I got one with the shopping!!! I'm so excited to have spontaneous games with anyone, also the practice will keep me off the brain numbing dopamine factory that is tiktok. Maybe I'm romanticizing this whole chess thing too much, but I feel like my frontal lobe is developing pretty fast rn.
The hairclips, well, they will be a great accessory on my wigs, they're so me :)
This song has been on my mind the entire day. I think it's because of the 'you run like a girl' trend, it breaks me every single time.: