Httyd Dragon Names Would Go So Hard As Shots. Pull Up To The Bar And Ask For A Shot Of Deadly Nadder?

The Vikings Bride (1)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63436504

Rating: G

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson

Words: 1.8K

Chapter 1/?

Summary:

Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around. “Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that. And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.” It was all he ever said to her.

Princess Bride AU

Astrid grew up in a farming town in the kingdom of the Berserkers. Her favorite pastimes were flying her dragon and tormenting the farm boy who tended to her wealthy family. 

The farm boy’s name was Hiccup. Though she didn’t call him that.

Astrid truly didn’t pay much actual attention to the farm boy who tended to the dragons. All she really knew growing up was his dorky crooked smile and his kind eyes that never left his freckled face despite the treatment he endured. Still, nothing gave her as much pleasure as ordering Hiccup around.

Even after she pried out of him that he was banished chieftain royalty, even after he grew from a lanky kid to a lanky teenager, his kind eyes never stopped shining that bright green. 

“Farm boy, tend to Stormfly.” She would snap. “Clean the stables!” She would order. Farm boy, do this. Do that.  

And every time without fail he would say, “as you wish.” 

It was all he ever said to her.

They grew closer. It felt inevitable in a way. 

With the Hofferson household being one of the few in the kingdom to hold dragons and Hiccup’s love for them it seemed they saw each other every day. While he would brush or clean Stormfly's scales, he would rattle on about the different types from where he came from. 

When she was 12, she just assumed he didn’t know dragons were rarely spotted and were considered odd to own.

When she was 13, she started to approach him of her own free will and tell him to do various tasks. 

It was at 15 she realized that she loved seeking him out.

“Farm boy,” She would say, coming up to him as he was struggling to chop wood. “Fetch the dragon's water would you?”

Their eyes would meet and Astrid could never recall nature that was as green as Hiccup’s eyes.

She paused, “Please?” She added, suddenly very aware of the thin scar on his chin and his puffy spotted cheeks. 

Hiccup nodded and said as he always did, “As you wish.” 

This continued for months until she realized she was in love with him. 

It continued on even farther until she realized that when Hiccup was saying “As you wish.” What he really meant was, “I love you.” 

She was 16 and throwing her axe in the woods when she caught Hiccup watching her.

“Farm boy,” She called. She looked up at the axe she was about to grab right above her, “Fetch me my axe.”

Hiccup walked up slowly, now just as tall as her, and grabbed the axe stuck in the bark of the tree.

“As you wish,” He whispered while handing over her axe to him, his warm fingers grazing hers. She felt a smile creeping up.

It was later that day under the sunset that they shared their first kiss. It was wonderful, it was exhilarating, and most of all, it seemed to fill her life with meaning.

She hated that she loved this farm boy so much. She hated herself even more because the fact was that she desperately wanted to marry him. She knew she never could.

Despite that, she loved his grin, his now growing stubble on his chin at 17, the fact that he was growing muscle, how he towered over her, how he laughed, and everything about him. Astrid grew to know Hiccup as him , rather than the intriguing farm boy. She loved pulling him to the side and kissing him senseless in the stables. She loved his sarcastic nature. She loved his unruly hair that was so much fun to braid. Even when he complained that he really didn't need the tiny braids. She loved how stubborn and kind he was. She loved Hiccup.

It was 18 when they got engaged. He gave her a necklace that was his mothers as their betrothal gift and her eyes welled up with tears and she gave him kiss after kiss in thanks. 

But Hiccup was still an exiled poor farm boy. He had no money for marriage and Astrid’s parents refused to pay. So Hiccup decided to find riches across the sea. He packed his belongings and said goodbye to every dragon the Hoffersons owned. She waited for him by the doors.

The moment she saw him, she pounced, wrapping her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest.

“Don’t go.”

“I have to Astrid.”

“What- what if I never see you again?”

“Astrid,” Hiccup pulled away suddenly and looked into her eyes, expression serious. “Of course you will.”

“But what if something happens to you? I won’t be able to protect you.” She felt irritation and want bubbling beneath the surface. She felt need. She needed him to stay. 

Hiccup suddenly cupped her cheek, forcing her to look back up at him. “Astrid. Remember this. Hear this now. There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. Always .”

She smiled sadly and leaned her forehead against his despite the raging storm happening in her chest, “I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”

“I can’t imagine a world without you in it either.”

“Make sure you come back. Promise me.” She demanded, feeling a burn behind her eyes.

“I promise. This is true love M’lady, it doesn’t happen everyday.” He grinned and kissed her softly. “There will always be an us. Trust in me, your scrawny, twig of a fiancé. Okay?”

“Right. Of course.”

“Love you.” A peck on the lips.

“Love you too. Come back.”

As you wish. 

Hiccup never came back. His ship was attacked by the infamous dragon master Drago Bludvist and his crew of dragon trappers. Drago never left captives alive. When Astrid got the news, she trained so hard that her axe became dull and her vision was blurry from tears. She felt foolish. 

She needed to hit something. She needed something to tame her anger, her grief. 

She joined the Berserker guard.

She beat all of them and became the best in her class, pouring all her anguish into becoming something Hiccup wouldn’t recognize. 

4 years later, and her talent caught the eyes of Oswald the Agreeable's son. 

5 years after Hiccup's death, at the age of 22, she was to be married to Dagur the Deranged. It was announced at a festival with Dagur standing on a balcony with General Heather. The kingdom cheered.

“In a month from now will be the kingdom's 500th anniversary!” Dagur said with a manic grin. “In a month I will be marrying the best Berserker guard that we have ever seen! I will be marrying a commoner like you all!” Dagur giggled suddenly, “But now she will be above all your tiny insignificant lives! I present to you, Viking Astrid Hofferson!”

And it was at that moment when Astrid walked out and looked at people who were just like her, did she feel emptiness consume her. She hated Dagur. She wanted Hiccup.

Astrid felt the wind in her hair as she flew with Stormfly across the vast forest. She sighed. This was her only free time and she cherished it daily. Flying with Stormfly was truly the only joy she had now. 

Astrid has been layed back on her dragon’s back for around an hour when a shout from the forest floor caught her attention. Three people were waving. A short stocky man with a black bob and two blondes.

She flew down and the short man who she now discovered had a rather sad sense of style grinned smugly. Astrid narrowed her eyes.

“A word, my lady.” He said with raised eyebrows. “We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?”

Astrid observed the three. The short man didn’t look intelligent enough to deceive her but why they would try in the first place escapes her mind. 

The two blondes don’t have much going on. The big bodied man with nervous eyes and baby fat on his cheeks doesn’t look threatening. And the blonde with dreads in his hair tied up to form a beard might be the only threatening person in the group if the mace strapped to his back was any indicator.

Astrid furrowed her brows in confusion and got off Stormfly. “No. There aren't any towns for miles.”

The raven haired man smirked cockily and suddenly clapped twice. The big man’s expression changed from anxious to angry and he charged at her. Astrid didn’t even have time to grab her axe before she blackened out. 

The last thing she heard was. “Then no one will hear you scream.”

Snotlout was ribbing the royal crest off of the Viking’s bag. When Fishlegs became Thor Bonecrusher and attacked Hofferson, the dragon freaked out. A few well placed nets later and Snotlout had the bag strapped to its side.

“Yo, Snotman, what are you doing?” Tuffnut asked from where he was prepping a boat.

“Replacing the Berserker crest with the Berkian one. They are sworn enemies, thus when Prince Dagur finds her body dead on their shores, they will have no choice but to go to war!”

“You never said anything about killing anyone, Snotlout.” Fishlegs said from the side.

“I hired you to help me start a war!” 

“I don't know Snotlout…” Fishlegs wringed his hands anxiously.

“Come on! It’s a very strong and prestigious line of work! You fit right in, especially when you become Thor.”

“I just don’t think it’s right.”

“Well I’m paying you and you seemed to agree with me when you're the manly version of you!”

“I agree with Fishlegs.” Tuffnut piped in.

Snotlout untied the dragon and placed the bag back on it, shooing it away. Perfect.

Snotlout hopped on the boat, “Well you two won’t be killing her! I will! Me! Duh!”

“I don’t know S…” Tuffnut shrugged.

“Don’t complain now! When I found you, you were drunk and eating toenails! You couldn’t think straight! And you!” Snotlout turned to Fishlegs, “Unemployed until I made Thor! I remade you into a better version of yourself! I can make Thor Bonecrusher no more! Do you want to be unemployed in Denmark again? I’ll send you to the edge of the earth!”

“The earth is round actually!”

“Shut up Tuffnut!” 

Right as they were setting sail Tuffnut went up to Fishlegs, “Snotlout, he can…fuss.”

Fishlegs nodded solemnly, “He really likes to scream at us.”

Tuffnut put a hand on Fishleg’s shoulder, “He means no…harm.”

“He’s very short on… charm !” 

Tuffnut whistled, “you are very good at rhyming Fishlegs.”

“Shut it, Tuff, Fishface!”

“S, are there rocks ahead?”

“If there are, we’ll all be dead!” Fishlegs added.

“UGH!” Snotlout yelled. “No more rhymes now, I mean it!”

“Anybody want a peanut?” Tuffnut asked.

Snotlout's shriek could be heard for miles.

I like to think that Hiccup would be more of an affectionate father because he somewhat wished that Stoick was. Hence the birth of this sketch. I also love the more domestic side of Hiccup and Astrid, and can’t resist drawing cute family moments lol.

p.s.

Zephyr hates her father’s affection.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

Remember and celebrate all what we are fighting for! Remember and celebrate all the wonderful black figures in your life and in history.

Remember what we are fighting for.

Don’t fall victim to trump’s narrative.

"the longest day" is fucking hilarious. the a plot is hiccup and toothless going absolutely through it against a dragon mother ship and her fighter jets while the b plot is the rest of the gang being so mindfuckingly sleep-deprived they couldn't even wash dragons three times their size and said dragons throwing a coup by locking the gang up in a hole. like?

I still find it kinda funny that she Ra is a show about healing from religious trauma thrown in a trench coat of glitter and princesses

THE SHIT (GOLD) YOU FIND IN THE OCEAN (YOUTUBE COMMENT’S SECTION)

I wish they interacted more :(

Youve been reading too much fanfiction

Absolutely. Probably. Most likely. 😭