Its Not Even About Being Skinny. Its About Control, Comfort And Hurting Myself. Its About Wanting To

am i real?

post by : @playingonmydsi <3

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

This months choices are next months body.

i hate eating sugar because then i get hungrier and have urges of binging

that wasn’t very bmi 15 of you

do it for the stares

the jealous eyes

the attention

the feeling of being light

the feeling of being small

you can always look skinner, look better

wouldn't wish an ED on my worst enemy cuz what if they get skinny before me

The Construction of the Muse Servitor

I have previously written (at length lol) about the creation of servitors, constructed-familiars, and other what-have-yous, but I wanted to touch on a more specific variety that I don't often see discussed: the muse servitor. 

Given forth by the student, the muse servitor acts as liaison to and inspiration for all things creative or scientific. It is a piece of oneself separated and fed through acts of service, giving back to its creator further insight, passion and — under the right circumstance — dauntless motivation. Are they a necessity? No, far from. But for those creatives and scholars who are, by circumstance, removed from their specialized communities and/or who struggle to motivate themselves toward artistic ends without "external" validation, the muse servitor can fill this void. Their creation can also act as a mental jumpstart on a new project, a new field of study, or be used to reinvigorate passion after a period of stagnation.

The process of creation is relatively simple but can be complicated (non-derogatory) in any number of ways at the student's preference.

To begin, gather: 

An item to embody the muse servitor — could be anything, but association is a powerful tool 

A "house" for said item where offerings will be left — it can be elaborate or not; a box, a jug, a shelf, a cabinet, even a folder on a computer

An initial offering — again, could be anything; it could be your own work (preferred) or an artifact you are utilizing to begin a project or course of study

A catalyst — most often this is the student themselves, but you could channel from almost any source: the moon, the ground, the air, color theory, the concept of relativity, etc.; get as freaky as you want with it

To complete the working:

Hold the item in hand and let your mind work. Channel from whichever medium you prefer, if you have chosen one. Let the thing take shape, applying what you must, see what sticks. You can verbalize your intentions or define the nature of the relationship if you'd like, but it isn't required. Once fully formed (by your own estimate), tie this mental/spiritual concept to the object. Again, you may voice what you are doing if you prefer. And in doing so, so is born the muse servitor: name it and place it in its "home."

Note: For those inclined toward the visual arts, this process can be done by way of practice also. For instance, you might draw, paint, sculpt, etc. a portrait of the servitor. If you have chosen to render it on a scale unbefitting a small "home," you may assign it an area by way of hanging or leaning the work against a wall, placing it on an altar, in a corner, etc. and arranging offerings around it. Writers or poets might use the written word to describe in detail the servitor's appearance and character. These collected pages may be housed as above or, as earlier stated, housed in a desktop folder

Present the initial offering. Verbalize, either mentally or aloud, what it represents. Promise to feed it when you can and ask that, should it begin to hunger, it inspire you to create, to read, to work. If you fail to meet its need, speak that it may go freely to the aether, return to the mind, or be left to its own devices.

Feed it regularly. Develop a rapport. Learn its preferences. Call to it when you need inspiration or guidance.

Et voilà!

The work is done. 

Or just beginning, rather.

I would add that "feeding" the muse servitor can be done differently or by different means beyond the one "assigned." For instance, you can do a portrait, sure, or compose a song, but you could also create a concept board or a playlist. You might also create the muse with the intention of focusing on music, but feed it drawings or readings about quantum theory instead. Work done to completion is only a part of the servitor's purview. The process is important, too. And gathering concepts, exploring alternate modes of doing and expressing, researching. Anything that feeds a well-rounded understanding also feeds the muse. And with it, the muse gives back passion and inspiration enough to continue. To keep going, keep doing, keep searching. "If not for yourself, then for me."

Happy inspiring!

not finishing food feels like absolute control

everyone who hates more than me has problems and everyone who hates less than me is faking positivity

the feminine urge to just drop on my knees and scream in a public space