Women Are Really Hot. Did You Guys Know This

the girls are fightingggggg [readjusts my glasses, squinting] by god… it appears i was mistaken. they're…my goodness…by god

i dont even care if a bigfoot comes up to my tent or walks in front of my car at this point like i have my own problems

want to try and relax but what if i do it wrong

"will you match my freak" no. i'm freakier than you. this is a competition and i'm winning

are you obsessed with me? were you obsessed with me? will you be obsessed with me? when will you be obsessed with me?

i would make such a beautiful dead bird on the sidewalk

I need to get laid…. to rest. like let me sleep forever

Don't you worry about my pronouns. My pronouns are pretty standard. Worry about my adverbs. My most frequent ones are "omniously", "haphazardly" and "obliviously".

*steals ur girl* *mom finds out and makes me return her and apologize*

“you know she’s insane right” why do you think i’m obsessed with her