“He Obviously Died Of Natural Causes.”

“It’s very rude of you to make me fall in love with you. Inconsiderate, really.” 

“Not what you had in mind?”

“So inconvenient.”

“I’m not sorry.”

“…me either.” 

“Don’t listen to them, please. Try and shut them out. They’re not real, this isn’t real.”

Hi I’m Emily and this is my petty revenge. Two months ago I was dumped for being “too fucking fat” in my ex’s words. That moment I decided to lose weight not for him or for anyone else, but for me. My weight is something i’ve struggled with my entire life & I wanted to change that. I decided to try this fruit cleanse my bestfriend recommended. I was able to lose 33 pounds in 6 weeks with no change in diet and little exercise. It increased my metabolism and melted my fat away like wax. But calories weren’t the only thing I burned.

When I sent my ex this picture of my new body, he asked me back out. I said “no thanks…. your pencil dick is too thin” 💀💀

“There are so many things I could do if only I dedicated myself to the process of getting there.”

“Don’t you ever get tired of being the villain?”

“I’ve let people ruin my image for too long. I’m leaving this place and things people have said about me behind.”

“It was a joke, but everyone’s taking it seriously. I don’t want to be known for that- it’s practically a lie!”

“Everyone’s been spreading that you’re a part of the mob. Is it true?”

“If there’s anything you’re known for, it’s certainly not ‘being subtle’.”

“If you get arrested, I don’t know you.”

some more domestic fluff prompts

scenarios: 

 lying on the couch on top of eachother, one combing their fingers through the other’s hair as they watch a movie 

 waking their partner up for work when they notice their alarm didn’t go off 

 alternatively: allowing their partner to sleep in because they were overworked anyway and need the rest. 

 one waking up before the other, so they make up their side of the bed and can’t help but tuck in their sleeping lover as they do so. 

 giving the other a spoonful of the meal they’re cooking to test it out, holding their hand under their chin so nothing falls. 

 one is sick, so the other heats up a blanket in the dryer to give it to them while they rest on the couch. 

 listening to music together while they both take the day to clean around the house (maybe even getting a little distracted to dance instead)

 calmly reassuring the other it’s okay when they drop a glass, gently checking their hands for any injury. 

 wiping a bit of frosting (or smth else) off of their cheek while eating and taking it for themself

 smiling across the table when their cheeks are full of food and look quite cute. 

dialogue:

 “can you turn the heat on? i’m getting cold…” 

 “you were talking about that table there being a little…bare, so i got you some flowers to put in it’s space.” 

 “stop singing into the broom and hurry so we can watch this movie!” 

 “you always fall asleep halfway into the episode.” 

 “move your blanket, i wanna lay down on your lap.” 

 “sweetheart, you look cute, but i’m gonna need the sweater.” 

 “i know we had it for dinner last night, but…” *sighs* “the things i do for you.” 

 “did you just put my hoodie in the wash?!” “yeah.” “love, my phone was in there!” 

 “come here, hold my hand.” “you’re washing the dishes.” “..i can do both…” 

 “i hope you don’t mind that i took that painting down, but i thought that picture of us looked a little better…” 

“Staring into the mirror, my eyeliner smeared on my face, my hair resting gently on the side I looked like the poster child for the misunderstood broken hearted.”

Prompt #128

Submitted by: Jammydoodler

“So… are… you…”

“A vampire? Yeah.”

“What? I wasn’t gonna ask you that.”

“What? Did you even know before I said that??”

“Of course, we’ve been together for three years. I was gonna ask if you were ok.”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Dude, you forgot your sunscreen. You look like you are about to die.”

“I was scared you were going to confront me.”

“Do you know how ruined my sleep schedule is now?”

“That’s not a very nice thing to do, but I’m not a very nice person.”

“I know what you’re trying to do. Stop.”

“Yeah, sure, just waltz right in. You were totally welcome.”

“If I want to go swimming in the trash heap that is my room, I will, thank you very much.”

❤️

“I would’ve unzipped the galaxy, unlocked the stars, and stolen the sun if it meant getting to feel her lips on mine one more time.”