How To Pretend

You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.  I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.  Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Revelation 3:17-20 (via thatwhichdoesnotsuffer)

Absence of celebration

When I was in elementary school, my dad always took me to get some ice cream, when it vacation started, because of my good grades. But it stopped with the beginning of middle school. Ever since, my birthdays have been celebrated only with my family, only was celebrated my girlfriend with me in private. I also had this graduation supper, where I got to be but a mere guest. I know it's not bad and I could be very grateful for this and I guess this all's just 'coz my ego can grow very rapidly but still, sometimes I really want to be celebrated. Today, like an hour ago, I finished the revision of my book. It's not in the phase of getting published or anything, though I count it as a huge step. But I'm sitting in my room, alone, typing this entry. When I finished the first manuscript (a very raw one) i got to go on a walk alone in the park.

You know, I'm not trying to get your empathy. I don't really need that. It just hit me, that I can celebrate alone. And so I will. I've had enough of dreaming of this. You know, I'm a believer, so I wouldn't say, that it's my achievement, ergo I'll mostly celebrate my heavenly Father. He always amazes me. Just like with this.

Randomness rules!

Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know--because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot, and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.

F Scott Fitzgerald - The Beautiful and Damned

Lost Slayer by ~slyvanie

major choices in life in a nutshell

It’s about Catan to leave Chicago.

The Secret Life of ME

Ben Stiller's The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) got some harsh reviews on accounts of being a cliché and of praising the sort of life that only a substantial amount of money can make possible. Some critics even say they'll graciously overlook these because Ben Stiller's just not that profound and we like him for his unique and entertaining humor, not his abstract thoughts. I watched the movie today and I was blown away.

I had quite low expectations because of the reasons above, and my intention was simply to watch something light and to relax. It was light, yes, and it was relaxing, true, but it wasn't at all as superficial as some say.

The title character, Walter Mitty, is a guy, who, after his father's death, became a responsible adult, who had to put aside his dreams and desires, in order to provide for his family and himself. He lived a life, where adventure existed only in the form of fantasies and daydreams. The movie is about his brave moves of going out to the wild and exotic parts of the world.

I admit, even in my brief summary it sounds like a cliché. However, what makes this movie extraordinary is there, among those lines. It's not the story of a man, who's just a little gray piece of paper (even one of the characters says that he imagined him as that) but someone with a past, with hopes and dreams and abilities. I can't stress abilities enough because that's a crucial point in Walter Mitty's greatness. He does the things that he can actually do and not the impossible. In an early scene we see him perform cool skateboard tricks and that's him, not his imagination, him. Now I'm not saying that someone has to be able-bodied or some such thing to live a good life. My point is that this story shows us a guy, who's coming from somewhere and goes on doing amazing things that he's had the potential to do all along. If he's an athletic guy, then it's a good thing he does things that require that.

Another important element of his character is that he wants to travel. You can say that everybody likes traveling and it's their financial states that prevent them from going to see the world. However, this is a misconception. I see people around me everyday, who say they wish they could go abroad and see this and that part of the world but in reality, they're afraid of people, who don't speak their language, they're uncomfortable with hiking, they hate spontaneity and so on and so forth. If pricey hotels with fancy rooms and fluent English concierges is what you want, then that's actually achievable almost exclusively through spending a fortune on it. If you want to see nice landscapes but only without breaking a sweat, here's tumblr, where there are endless photos that you'll be happy with and that's that. But if you're one of the few adventurous people out there, willing to jump in the ice-cold ocean, then you can do that on very little money.

My point with these is that looking at the events in the movie very specifically will make you say that yeah, it's pretty cool but no one can actually do that. But those specific events would take place in the life of that very specific Walter Mitty.

This movie is about the lifestyle that our generation has forgotten but even a hundred years ago it was the prevailing idea. And I remember that when I was seventeen I wanted to be a journalist and travel to the Sahara and climb the Mount Everest. I know, from my own experience, that abandoning these dreams won't erase them from the fabric of my mind, only I can oppress them with the new idea of life. But it's wrong. It's so wrong actually that my fear or reluctance to realize at least some of them has resulted in having me now with a poor heart, probably incapable of climbing the Everest but at the same time, a heart that's aching to do it.

My conclusion is that not all of us are adventurers or journalists and we shouldn't try to be the things we can't be, so it's not necessary to pretend we're Walter Mitty. However, figuratively, our generation's father died and we've become responsible. But it wouldn't be irresponsible to stop playing it safe and stop living petty lives. We complain a lot and believe all the crazy-labels that are put on all sorts of awesome things and I think these two things are on the top ten list of things that are wrong with people of this era. Let's try to change that.

A brief look-back to my book

I'm still working on the little extension thingies for my book. It's been over a year and a month, that I started writing it.

One night I had the weirdest dream, probably of my entire (rather short) existence, about these kids being tricked and trapped in Underworld... I remember, I was in the middle of another "novel" (which by the way I still have not finished :P), and I was just browsing among self-publishing companies. I randomly filled out a registration for one site, as to see what it would cost me to publish myactualwork. I don't know for what reason, but I clicked children's books category, and then things just got crazy in my head...

Nothing real was set in motion but the next day I was called by this publishing company. A very nice woman was politely asking me about mybook. It blew my mind. I felt like I was arealwriter. For no apparent reason I started telling about my dream, insted of the project I was making. What I said was to no extent collected or organised but it didn't bother me much, I was just speaking. Dreaming of getting published...

In one week I wrote like twenty-five, thirty pages. I was extremely thrilled. But, then my joy was soon overcome byreason. I was (and still am (for a hopefully short period of time)) monetarily dependent on my parents. The cheapest publishing package was about 2000 pounds if I remember correctly... Anyways, they said, that a book is not a good investment. So they gave me exactly 0.00 pounds to follow my dreams...

I never give up. I didn't give up then, either... In the coming two months I finished my book, had it revised by a published author, who became a very good friend of mine on the way... After that I sent my manuscript to another friend of mine, who resides in Michigan, U.S.. He used to be a professor of genetics and his knowledge is literally unprecedented. Though I hardly agree with him on anything... So he revised it, as well. He said, it's not really good but he sees some potential... This is kind of like the greatest compliment I've ever heard from him, so it was extremely delightful to me, despite its actual indifference :P

My endurance was always fueled by my beautiful Special Girl (I never know how to call her because girlfriendis kind of awkward and she's not my wife yet, so I'd feel uncomfortable with calling her my Half). She is the greatest artist I've seen, or heard, or known about. The inspiration and motivation she gave me are like this once-in-a-lifetime thing, which we always hear abot but can never truly depict... She never let me give in, or turn blue...

And now, after a year, I'm here. Still trying to make it better. But in this one year, I've learned, that I'm ready to leave my parents' house. For good. I'll write. I'll marry my girlfriend (according to my parents) before time. These are my plans and I know, that I shouldn't be crossing the bridge yet, but there's this thing, called faith. I know this is my path because I was instructed this way, by my Heavenly Instructor... I don't fear the shadows of my future, or even my present because I know, that nothing can go so wrong, as to prevent me from becoming the man, that I'm born to become.