Forgiveness - Blog Posts

Daily Doodles- Day 177- 09/10/24

Corable Whistlemel! She's Artimax's son's soon-to-be wife!

I'm contemplating making her some sort of metal or woodworker. She studies under her father, so it's a family business this.

I want her to be cute and girly with some roughness to her. I drew her head too big here though. She's not gonna be big-headed!

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 176- 08/10/24

Furbeeza- Elloeeza! I'm trying to come up with funny-sounding names for these characters. They live in a world where 'Feffella' is seen as an elegant name for your girlchild.

I won't say who she is quite yet, because I have to flesh her out some more, but she's going to be kind of crazy.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 175- 07/10/24

The Dark Woods! Well, it's supposed to be a forest actually.

I was inspired to freehand draw this and it went from a rough doodle to something more complete.

This is where Artimax and her family live, btw.

I still haven't come up with a name for the forest yet.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 174- 07/10/24

A 19-year-old Artimax on her wedding day.

I want to give her whimsical rococo vibes, you know, that washed-out pastel candy look that has everyone looking grey and ill, but pretty.

Her headpiece is vaguely ocean-themed with a coral-like structure and pearls.

I also want to do weird makeup. those splotches across her cheeks, nose and chin are going to be brightly coloured.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 173- 07/10/24

Last Post

Another design for Artimax's clothes and hair!

This one is a fancier dress with a leaf cape and spiderwebs.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 172- 04/10/24

My last Artimax post is here

Here's Artimax looking more her age. She's a 59-year-old woman who lives in the forest with her husband and children after being accused of a crime she didn't commit and sentenced to death in the same forest that she now comfortably lives in.

I was doodling a more concrete design for her. She and all the other characters are human, but they tend to change appearance based on where they live.

She looks like a plant with her bushy hair, vines growing from it and her green-tinted skin. She's all soft and round, very sweet with a youthful air despite her age. Her clothes would be made of natural fibres and some of the larger leaves.

I also had the idea that married folk would have a vine wrapped around their left forearm, a very obvious symbol of them already being in a committed relationship.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

Daily Doodles- Day 171- 04/10/24

A new character for a new story idea!

At the moment, her name is Artimax and she's a 59-year-old woman who lives in the forest village with her husband and children.

When she was 19, on her wedding day, she was accused of a heinous crime that she didn't commit and the people dragged her from her wedding and threw her into the 'dark forest' (I haven't decided on an ominous enough name yet) as punishment to fit the crime.

Her almost mother-in-law was ecstatic because she never liked her and her people-pleasing almost-husband didn't try to save her.

She was supposed to die in the forest because no one who entered came out.

Turns out people live in the forest, happily and comfortably. She made a life for herself there, met her husband and kids and healed from early life hurts.

That was until she got a letter in her mailbox though, from her ex-fiance's family clearing her name and inviting her to a 'welcome home' party.

The tag for this is #agdoodles

hi.

Depois que Mortimer acaba perdendo o desconforto dele, ele percebe a besteira que acabou de fazer e sente um peso no peito.

*estado mental normalizado de novo*

PS: Eu realmente senti uma pontada no meu peito porque eu tenho uma amiga que também é autista e ela sente um desconforto quando mantém contato visual com alguém e eu tenho pena dela por causa disso (ela é autista nível 1,5 suporte)

I slowly approach you and give you a note saying:

"Eu tenho algo importante para te dizer"

Once you pick up the paper, I started to run away

Opening the paper, it's written:

After many failed attempts:

Ah... It may even seem easy to do the Peixonauta, but it is an easy thing that ends up being difficult to do.

#thoughts #pondering #forgiveness https://www.instagram.com/p/CIpr2rInHuT/?igshid=1hlc2ta3r7klu

There is always a way back to love and renewal through forgiveness. There is always an opportunity to make right your wrongs and breathe new life into your heart. The journey of forgiveness often begins within ourselves, a willingness to be open and a desire to be in union with our soul.

To forgive others, we must first confront our own mistakes and accept our humanity. When we hold onto guilt or resentment towards ourselves, it becomes a barrier to extending that compassion to others. This weight of unacknowledged mistakes can cloud our judgment and perpetuate cycles of blame and hurt. By forgiving ourselves, we create a space for understanding and empathy, not only for ourselves but for those around us.

By nurturing a forgiving attitude towards ourselves, we set the foundation for healing relationships and in turn creating a more compassionate world.

To forgive, is to love—and it really is as simple as that.

Love Covers a Multitude Of Sins

Realising that all behaviour is the result of a complex web of cause and effect invites us to embrace a deeper understanding and forgiveness for ourselves and others.

While the specifics of each reaction may elude our understanding, shaped as they are by our own singular journeys—we can find peace in the knowledge that everything reflects this universal principle and grounds our relationships in the reality that non of us are right or wrong, allowing us to see the reflections of our shared humanity in one another’s actions.

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was forgive someone who was never sorry.

(via dreamsleftunspoken)

This is one of the days when I can't sleep in peace because there's a lot of things in my mind that I can't help but have a conversation with myself.

I know am hurt. I want to be petty and complain.

But I'm also trying to forgive by giving myself reason on why I should.

Honoring yourself...

and being truthful to yourself.  I haven't really delved into this whole mindset that you can forgive yourself when everybody else has or hasn't.  I have so much pent up guilt within myself that it's sometimes suffocating, that sometimes on those rare moments that I have time to think, it makes me dizzy when I think about that one event in my life, or that one memory of a memory that isn't really complete, but you know it's there, but forever fragmented every time you try to recall.

I'm 32 now, and I'm allowing myself, little by little to let things go that happened to me in that past, so that I can gain new experiences, and not let the past weigh me down.  But like they say, it's easier said than done.  I want to heal, I want to not have guilt and pain so easily manifest itself if I'm alone. 

Also, people get this mixed up sometimes.  Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely.  People say that so freely, that I sometimes wonder if the lonely they're talking about is them just being bored. 

I was asked, "If I don't have this (insert emotion), then what am I?"  I asked myself this the other day.  If I didn't have that abortion, and the pain, depression, and guilt that came with it, then what am I?  It's been 5 years, and I hardly know myself before all that happened, that I have to ask myself, could I ever go back to the girl I was?  Probably not.  I've built walls, and I've found comfort in things that brings me joy, that probably wouldn't even cross my mind 5-6 years ago.

I was also told once that you change every 5 years or so, and I didn't used to believe that, but now I do.  I definitely am not who I was 5 years ago, nor do I want to be.  I'm honoring myself by being truthful to this decision.  I'm happy, and that's all that I can ask for.  It's more than anyone can ask for.

Be well, my friends.

Sometimes forgiveness is swallowing a match, 

          swallowing ten. 

Your veins ignite like gasoline-soaked wood 

(are your doubts the gasoline or your convictions?)

(does it matter?)

.

Sometimes it’s a bit like suffocating,

Water rushing in through your nose and you’re

Drowning 

(are your memories the water or your dreams?)

(does it matter?)

.

—y.c.

“Eu perdoo você. Essa sim é uma das frases mais poderosas que existem. Capaz de te trazer de volta toda paz roubada e liberar todos os sonhos engaiolados que você têm de ser feliz. O erro dos outros é uma bagagem deles, não sua. A mágoa pesa demais e ocupa muito o peito, não há como se dar o luxo de ocupar o coração com o que não é bom. Perdoar tem o poder de esvaziar os oceanos contidos de lágrimas que doeram e não foram choradas. Tão poderoso a ponto de te permitir continuar. É como dizer: você e o que me faz mal já não tem espaço aqui. E, assim, poder seguir em frente.”

— Diego Castro.  

Silent harmonies

Context: Y/N is the replacement for Aether. Dewdrop doesn't like this and he always insults her, but Y/N didn't do anything wrong...

Pairing: Dewdrop (Sodo) x Fem!Reader

Warning: None

Length: 3500~ letter

(Ps.: lately I've been reading a lot of dictionaries out of boredom, so if there are words in it that are not used that much in conversation, I apologize)

Dewdrop strummed his guitar absentmindedly, lost in the haunting melodies that drifted through his mind. The Ghost band practice room was filled with tension, an unseen barrier between the two guitarists, Dewdrop and Y/N. Y/N, the rhythm guitarist who had stepped up to fill the void left by Aether's departure, had become the unwilling recipient of Dewdrop's misplaced frustration. Ever since Aether's departure, Dewdrop found himself yearning for the familiar harmonies and connection they once shared. Y/N was an exceptional musician in her own right, but to Dewdrop, her presence was a constant reminder of what was lost. He struggled to accept her as Aether's replacement, and in his pain, he turned to criticism as a means to cope.

Each practice session grew more hostile, each note became an opportunity for Dewdrop to unleash his discontent. He criticized Y/N's every chord, every strum, even when she played flawlessly. His words were shards of ice that pierced through her heart, chipping away at her confidence and leaving her feeling broken. One fateful day, as the piercing remarks echoed in the room, Y/N could no longer bear the weight of Dewdrop's hostility. In a moment of sheer frustration, she slammed her guitar down, her voice trembling with anger. "I've had enough!" - Y/N's voice trembled, her eyes blazing with emotions. "I can't take your constant criticism anymore, Dew! I didn't choose to replace Aether, and I don't deserve this treatment!" - Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, a mixture of anger, hurt, and a desperate need to escape. Without another word, she turned and fled from the practice room, her footsteps echoing down the empty hallway.

The silence that followed was deafening. Dewdrop stood there, the weight of his own bitter words crashing down upon him. Regret flooded his heart like a tidal wave as the reality of his actions settled in. He had allowed his pain to consume him, blinding him to the damage he was causing. Dewdrop's remorse fueled his determination to mend what he had broken. He searched tirelessly for Y/N, seeking forgiveness and the chance to make amends. It took hours of searching through familiar spots and hidden corners until he finally spotted her, sitting alone on a park bench, silently succumbing to her tears.

Summoning his courage, Dewdrop approached Y/N. His voice was filled with sincerity, a plea for understanding. "Y/N, I am so sorry," - he whispered, kneeling before her. "I let my grief consume me, and I unjustly took it out on you. I know I've hurt you, and I hate myself for it." - Y/N's tear-stained face turned to meet Dewdrop's gaze, a mixture of skepticism and pain lingering in her eyes. "You have no idea how much your words have hurted me," - she replied, her voice strained. "I gave my all to be part of this band, to support you, and yet you treated me with nothing but hostility." - Dewdrop bowed his head, his own tears threatening to escape. "I didn't want to hurt you, you didn't deserve what I did to you." - he apologized, his voice choked with emotion. "I miss Aether, and your presence as the new rhythm guitarist only amplified that pain. But it was never your fault, and I want to make it right." - Y/N's eyes softened slightly, a flicker of hope igniting within. She could sense the sincerity in Dewdrop's voice, the genuine remorse in his eyes. Slowly, she spoke, her voice strained with vulnerability. "If you truly mean what you say, if you're willing to change, then maybe we can find some common ground." Dewdrop nodded, tears now freely flowing down his face. "I promise" he whispered, his voice trembling. "I will work to earn your trust again, to show you the respect you deserve as a musician and as my bandmate." Together, they sat on that bench. In the stillness of the moment, they shared their pain, their fears, and their hopes. It would be a long road to rebuilding the trust that had shattered, but they were willing to take the first step together.

In the days that followed, Dewdrop stayed true to his promise. He replaced criticism with encouragement, sharing his experience and knowledge with Y/N to help her grow. And slowly, the hostility between them melted away, making room for a newfound harmony within their music and their relationship.

I implore the great old oak, she who holds knowledge; she who holds power.

I implore the great old oak, forgive me; forgive us.

I implore the graceful cherry blossom tree, he who vigils life as death; he who makes the violence art.

I implore the graceful cherry blossom, stay with me; do not fleet from us as life does

I implore the soon barren earth, hold my hand; guide us to our fate

I implore the soon barren earth, she who mothers; she who guides

I implore the blinding sun and silent moon, they who shine; they who lead time

I implore the blinding sun and silent moon, do not stop the chime; judge us all for our greatest crime.

I implore she who holds power, he who makes art, she who mothers, they who shine.

Please forgive and be confined.

Please guide and flow time.

Sea Me

-kalika

Forgive, because you deserve peace.

Still - Poem

I am rot / I am foul / I am nearly gone / Still you kept me in your embrace / Satan streched out his hands / With his long fingers / To get me to him / To get me to purgatory / Still you kept me in your embrace / I bled on your bed / I bled on your carpet / Drowning us both in my blood / Still you kept me in your embrace / The little girl inside me is long gone / The girl with fair hair / The girl with a pink room / The girl with dreams / The girl you fell in love with / That girl has vanished / Still you kept me in your embrace

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

This is my first poem I am uploading here so please be nice..

forgive yourself for all that you did not become yet.

ESOTERIC DUMPSTER VOL. 1 ISSUE # 2: SECOND SNOW

This week, I am going on a school trip to New York City. It will be my second time on a plane in my life and my second time seeing snow since West Virginia. It will also be the longest time I have spent away from home, and the farthest, save for the hot and hellish California trip of sophomore year.

My half-sister was getting married then, and already I have four nephews between her and my other two half-siblings. I remember being in line for the bathroom at the warmly lit and wine-fueled reception, standing with the groom while my sister was in the bathroom. I asked what was in his vape and he said "Tobacco." and offered me a hit. I had never taken anything before, mild or hard. In that moment, I grew up.

I was one of the big kids, a peer, and it felt good. The dry heat felt good. Leaning against a table, talking about the closet with a new cousin who emerged from the woodwork felt good. For a few minutes, everything felt good. My sister turned The Smiths on for me and made me dance. I was awkward, but it felt good.

I am constantly hit hard in the face by the fact that I will never be like them, my half-siblings. Never as old, never as straight. Eyes not dark enough. Haven't been hurt enough. They had it harder than I did growing up, and I am grateful that they tamed my father before I had to be alive under his roof.

They lived first so I didn't have to wonder whether I would flounder and drown in my adulthood because everyone does. I remember, when I observe their lives that success is simply happiness. They are very successful now.

Jumping forward in my Time-Traveling Dumpster to the present day, I am nervous for the trip. Anxious that my friends will see me tear up in front of Caravaggio's "Musicians" or when I see my dad in Central Park for a moment, and he asks me what he did wrong, and tells me that he loves me, even though my art teacher knows more of my life than he ever did.

A friend told me recently that getting over people is forgiveness. His mother left his family and died two years later in a car crash on a stretched Nevada highway. He seemed genuine, but he could have just been high.

I don't have much else to say, so here are some recent photos of the town, with more from New York en route to my digital camera come Thursday.

Until then!

SONGS: “Girl” by the queen of lyricism Tori Amos

and “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” covered by creep geniuses The Doors

Whats you favorite fairy tale? (Essay)

My favorite fairy tale or the fairy tale that means the most to me is the Three Followers. The story of of one master and three followers who were the best of friends, until ambition, envy, loneliness, and duty took hold of the friendship they had and destroyed it. Destroying themselves in the process. This story is supposed to teach children that although these feeling do not have to be evil if you let them take a hold of you and emotions get the best of you, whatever you were trying to achieve will be beyond you reach. Something we should have thought of when the arguments began. Thought I will not go into details, this happened to my friends and I. These emotions turned our friendship that we once thought as hard as steel into tatters and shreds. We fought and blamed one another because of a desicion that was not in our control. In the end all that has left was anger, guilt, and memories of a happier time. A lot of time has passed since then, and for all that my friends did to me from verbally and physically, to the scars they gave me both literally and emotionally, I can say I have forgiven them for it. Some might think me a fool for it but if I were to stay with the anger and guilt they would have taken over me until nothing was left. I didn't want that. "The past doesn't define who you are, it just a starting point for who are going to be." I wasn't going to become a person who held grudges, never forgetting what had divided us but one who always remembers the good memories that united us. I hope that one day in the long future we will meet again, though we might not be the best of friends ever again. I hope when our eyes meet and I see not hatred or anger but nostalgia and forgiveness. I hope that day will come.

Eventually, I am getting old, old but fine, like gold. If you'd asked me, five years ago, I wouldn’t have predicted patches of happiness even for a day in my life. But here I am, getting old— and loving it, to the moon.

a happy birthday to me on this 10th

Am not hopeless, yes, but am remained with a hope that can sustain me only and nobody else. Am not even right to be near to for am a time bomb ticking and i don’t want to burst with anybody.

Am not right to be loved, thus I fear for a soul that flatters mine. Am not just to be trusted, thus I am scared to trust. Am aiming nowhere, thus scared for someone to get lost with me.