Bnolan - ON THE VERGE

Jeremy Allen White for Saint Laurent (SS24)

"d'y'know what i mean?" nolan asked, peering at thea as he held up the two different colored polos. “i don’t think it’s the colors. i’m just more of a t-shirt or button-up guy.” why have a hybrid of each one of the two’s worst parts? maybe it was a sensory thing, but nolan hated the thick knitted fabric of them compared to the softness of a dress shirt. // @theaxward

a cluster of tangled up sentiments comes up when nolan sees it’s oliver. ever difficult for him to be positive, nolan sits little to soften the edge in his tone. "really? looks nicer than anything i expect you to be used to." a nasty smile twists across his face as he puts a palm down behind him in the sand and leans back slightly, letting the sun warm his face as he takes another drag. he feels proud of himself. it's not like they had been blind to the whatever had been happening back there in the cabana.

Oli's eyes looked down at the wet pile of sand as he flicked the lighter and lit up his cigarette, he inhaled for a moment as he took in the smoke before finally releasing. "Your kingdom looks shit I won't lie.. I have definitely seen better. If some sand soldiers came and attacked you then I think you're in for some trouble." Taking another drag of his cigarette before exhaling once more. "Unless you have a sand dragon hidden somewhere of course."

not knowing what else to do, nolan sat in the sand. they scooped some into the bucket, methodically making sure it was wet enough that it would stand tall once he flipped it over. the cigarette he had lit rested between his lips as he worked. the movements were so easy, something he'd done a thousand times as a child, that he needn't think at all about it and yet, it still kept his mind from all that had been troubling him. once he turned it over and pulled the bucket off, however, the sand slipped down, so what was left was just a simple mound of wet sand rather than a castle. "fuck." he took a deep drag from the cigarette and blew it out as he allowed himself to fall back to lay flat on the beach. when he opened his eyes, he noticed a figure in his peripheral. he turned his head to look at them. "welcome to my kingdom," he said flatly as he sat up. // OPEN

#Is this not what happened?!

if there was one thing nolan could count on, it was lottie being a good sport. he appreciated their deal, though he hadn't been totally transparent with his intentions. yes, it was true he did want to people to see them together. to talk about them, questioning the nature of the pair's relationship. maybe the buzz would become widespread enough to distract any media that might already be looking at him into rumors of nolan ballard having a new beau; replace any other unwanted headlines. if anyone here could, it would be charlotte with her professional ties, after all.

truly though, he wouldn't mind if the gossip stayed local, so long as it reached a specific someone's ears. unsure if he was ready to admit to all of that, nolan decided to ease into it. that way he could always always backtrack and course correct. "just, err, catching up with an old friend. it's been weird being back home and seeing the faces of people i thought i'd never see again," he tells her, looking at her radiant smile, hearing her giggle, it made him relax some. "you seem to be having a great time, though. and here i thought my absence would make your heart grow fonder and miss me." though it's said in a playful tone, there's a hint of truth to it. nolan would have everyone wrapped around his finger if he could.

(closed event starter: @bnolan )

one drink, two drinks, three drinks more... charlotte had lost count of the minutes or maybe hours that nolan had stepped away along with the amount of drinks she had consumed. she was feeling light, airy, and free as she lounged on one of the chairs. she got bored of the conversations she was a part of but found herself with a bright grin watching what looked like the downfall of many many residents of palm view. "oh look, he finally returned.." she teased as she saw the other finally approaching her. "quick, dont make it obvious, but it looks like yet another break up happening at three o'clock.. or is it six o'clock ??" lottie let out a soft giggle. "anywhoooo.. where did you run off to ? and explain the sour face ??"

while thea made a good point, nolan would not allow the message to sink in. he would much rather sacrifice his comfort and suffer through an evening of wearing something he didn't like for the sake of looking the part than than sport something out of season.

noting her impatience, however, nolan shrugged and said, "fine, but the next time they tell me i'm underdressed at the yacht club, it's gonna be your problem." not that he expected the subject to ever be brought up to him since (as mentioned) he enjoyed dressing up. if ever though, he would actually find a way to pin the blame on someone else. typical nolan. speaking in half-truths.

as the two walked out of the boutique, nolan stuck his hands in his pockets. "so you haven't mentioned working on anything. i was sorta hoping there'd be something for us to jump into," he admitted. since he was trying to keep a low profile, nolan was keeping away from new york and california, but he missed the stage.

Most girls loved shopping. Thea was not most girls and she did not much care for polo shirts either. "If you hate them so much, why does it matter if it's the color or the presence of buttons? Put the damn things down so we can get out of here before we end up old and gray." Privately, Thea did think the colors were perfectly hideous as well. Even if it wasn't a fabric issue, Thea would never let someone walk around in something that color. Not even her worst enemy would deserve such a fate.

it was true, nolan was aimless. palmview did something to him. it was almost as if he’d reverted back to teenage-hood whenever he got back home. not in every way, but in some sense. maybe it was the lack of work or the wanting to fit in, but feeling unknown to himself. whatever it was, it sent him on a walk, which often led to wandering around town for hours. today, however, he gained some direction when he saw a familiar face, only realizing he was in the market when she spoke to him. “i actually want to know nothing at all,” he replied with a wry grin, weighing whether or not he was speaking truthfully to himself as he took a seat next to her. “by all means, though, tell me what’s in there.” he nodded towards the smoothie, his smile still soft, now with curiosity. he allowed himself the comfort of being in the presence of someone who wasn’t his mother.

Where&When: the green spot // 6pm on Monday Starter for: @bnolan

This week had been hard and it had barely started. All she wanted to do was enjoy her green smoothie and cross items off of her grocery list but as usual, she had been bombarded with people that just wouldn't leave her alone. It was something she'd normally be cool with and readily accept/enthusiastically greet people but today had been a combination of a hard day at work and overwhelming attention.

She decided to sit down on a bench to catch her breath before seeing Nolan walking in her direction. "Please tell me you want to know what's in my smoothie and nothing else." She speaks with a bit of an exasperation in her voice.

everything happened fast and yet slow at the same time. the moment of eye contact was brief, but it struck a cord that rushed their shared memories to the front of his mind. nolan felt a desperation he thought he’d abandoned some time ago.

the aggression in serra’s large response made nolan release her. it was a reflexive movement, as if he'd placed his palm on a hot stove. despite appearing almost helpless, it felt like serra had turned to flame and now nolan had a burned hand.

he thought back to when he last saw her. she’d been unreadable to him. it had discomforted him then since he had believed himself to know her better than she knew herself. hadn’t he freed her? had she wanted to be free of him too?

recognizing the threat of spiraling down a hole they had gone down many times, nolan shook their head violently to bring them back up. his hand still burned from the contact. “okay. fine.” he said curtly. his lips pursed as he watched her walk away. nolan did his best to believe she would do as she said and meet him at the beach.

the water was warm on his feet as he paced along the shore. they had hoped the lapsing waves would soothe them, become a sort a sensory distraction, but it was no use. there was no escaping the anxiety and dread of being played for a fool yet again as old questions and worries troubled his mind. it wasn’t until he saw her from yards away did the water actually begin to comfort him.

shoes in hand, nolan walked towards her. “i’m really happy to see you,” he told her once they were close enough to that he was sure she’d hear, unwilling to admit he doubted she’d come. “i just didn’t think i’d see you.. here of all places.”

who: serra and nolan (@bnolan) where: coral cove beach, palmview, florida

they say that the human body will respond to fear in one of four ways: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. flight has always been serra’s default, but with nolan’s hand around her wrist, escape seems impossible. she’s like a deer in the headlights, her big, doe-like eyes caught in his piercing blue gaze. realizing her mouth is slightly agape, serra swiftly presses her lips together and swallows, throat tight. “get off me!" her words spit like venom as she yanks her arm away and takes a step back to create distance. after a moment, she takes a breath, "please leave me alone." though her words are softer, tears threaten to spill.

anger, betrayal, and a deep sadness consume her. she misses him terribly but no longer trusts him. nolan turned her into a pariah under the guise of "protecting" her-- how does that make sense? but as she stands there questioning his motives, the ache of missing him only grows when she looks into his eyes. she doesn’t owe him any explanation for ghosting, but she can’t help feeling a pang of sympathy, knowing he might be seeking one. nonetheless, this wasn't really the right place to do it. "we can talk, but not here. i'll meet you on the beach in twenty minutes." she says gently, then walks off to gather her thoughts before seeing him again.