Brock08 - Untitled

“Move on,” you hear, but to what howling emptiness?

— Denise Riley, from "Little Eva," Say Something Back & Time Lived, Without Its Flow

I can’t explain why I still feel the way I do, I have every reason not to care or feel anything towards you, but I still care so much. I can’t move on because I don’t want to do that to someone else, and so I’m just stuck in this emptiness. I wish I could just feel nothing at all.

Everything that held me together is now laying shattered and broken. I gave you the power to build me up or destroy me and in your pain you couldn’t acknowledge my sacrifice and love. You decided to bring me to my knees and rip my heart out. My passion is gone and all that remains is a ghost in this hollow shell. Goodbye Princess I hope you find the fulfillment I was never able to give you 😔

Newish state, new to me car, new job; things were looking up then my dog goes and unsnaps his collar like he’s the next reincarnation of Houdini, runs out in the road and gets hit by a car. All of this happened about 5-10 mins before I got back from work. One week, 4k, and lots of ups and downs but he’s making a decent recovery and will hopefully fully recover.

Just found a few of your old voicemails while trying to make some space, hearing you say you love me again after so long was definitely a roller coaster. For a second though, I got to remember what it felt like to be cared about by the person that mattered the most to me in this world. Kinda glad that even after everything and all this time little things like that still bring joy to my life.

It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t get easier, you just seem to lose a little more of yourself each time until there is nothing left of the person you once were. Sadly this world seems to have created far more takers than givers.