corpsedforest

Latest Posts by corpsedforest

puppeteer.

That kind man, forged from a  generational habit of skillful deceit, found his way into the unguarded chambers of my mind; with his soft words, he carved and morphed the memories that his Hyde had inflicted on me; what resulted was near insanity, as what I knew to be truth, what I knew to be reality, crumbled. I had --- and still have --- moments where the very fabric of reality seems to be wearing thin, and I can see no difference between reality and these captivating, yet nonetheless dreadful, memories. As years passed, and Jekyll continued to wear thin the cognizant layer of my mind, I had more and more moments where I seemed to slip from my body; not in a paranormal way, but in the way of one who knows not who she is --- what she is. What she means.

Confusion. Hysteria.

An evolutionary and well-developed terror at the thought of my captor and those calloused hands that molded my torture. Delirium because the vividities of last night were mere dreams, mania because yesterday's twisted events never happened.

Half-assed apologies over text, disorienting "I love you"s slipped under doorways post-episode; a huge sheet of unlined, white paper, with crude sharpie scribblings and an effortless, three-featured smiley face. "Sorry if you think..." "Sorry that you feel...but..."

A doctor could say someone's guilty. A prosecutor would say you're guilty. Yet here I am, doing nothing.

Ah, trauma bonds.

I must not waste my own love on a love that shouldn't have been. And yet here I am, crying more for my father, who still lives, than for any dead being. There are not tears enough in the ocean with which to express my cries; not enough fire on all the earth to succumb my rage; not enough beauty in this world to make up for the illusory treasure I have forever lost. I must hold my head high and acknowledge gone. I must hold my head high and acknowledge forever. It was not meant to be. I am not dissonant enough to believe there is some higher, divine purpose to this injustice. But I am no longer foolish enough to give him all of my love. I am no longer foolish enough to sell myself to a soul so loveless that it cannot survive without a vessel. It is over. He is gone.

wordless i remained, my soul restrained;

again i was paralyzed, my voice stripped from me, some evil force magnifying my senses to feel everything, everything

hands tied, able to do nothing

in some hollow cavity of the universe, my soul cried out, louder than the raging fires themselves, trying desperately to reach through those abandoned chasms, the insatiable need for my grief to be known.

the cruelest fire; one that burned me, refusing to ever kill me.

with evening came his never-missed promise, his dedication of invincible love; with night came desire, temptation, desperation; a choice.

an irrevocable, filth-ridden choice.

ruin a girl's life for a moment of pleasure, melt her glittering snow for a kick; his night in ecstasy, her's never slept.

twisted pleasure writhing through your body, defilement coursing through my veins, a part of me now, wholly ruined, forever changed.

was it worth it?

The first Harvest leaf had fallen with a crash, delivering a long-kept secret from the farthest branch of my mind. I held it tenderly for a moment, fearing that I might break it; I read it's inscription, and the mad need to destroy it came over me. I threw it, I burned it; but as if already dead, it would not die, and as if alive, it ceaselessly grew. Its features became sharper and more defined with each moment that passed, and the words rang louder and louder until all other voices were mere dreams.

This terrible secret told me to look at myself.

I did.

And plastered across my body, I found scars the shape of his handprints.