21, he/him || matt engarde enthusiast || hq atz bllk aa || cosmicallylyss/serpentcorelyss on ao3
237 posts
Latest Posts by cosmicallylyss - Page 6
i meant to be a casual fan but it ended up ruining my life
I don't even know if you're still in the Matt Engarde hype but oh my fucking god. holy fucking shit. I am obsessed with the thought that this man would rather create a whole persona as an amalgamation of the traits he doesn't see as "acceptable", one who can carry the blow of Celeste's suicide because he's bad and independent and dettached and everything he was never allowed to be, one who can carry the anger he bottled up for the sake of images; the anger rooted so deep, burning him inside out at every ounce fear and the self-hatred and the neglect and the betrayal of being left behind he encounter. I'm going insane.
He sees "growing up" as something bad, as if being a fully separated entity from who nurtured you is shameful, and how this somated with the grayness of Celeste's relationship with him (and the fact all the people in canon she was in a relationship with, romantic or not, borderline or straight-up codependent) heavily implies that she, consciously or not, made him fully rely on her for everything and fed into the image that things should be like that forever: that he would never be someone if not "part" of her. And not to be an Engarde apologist or anything but the knowledge that this is a common strategy for abusers, especially parents and caretakers; to "mesh" with their targets to a point they don't know who they are without them, and how this causes long-lasting identity and self-image issues, much like that dude Matt?? It's driving me nuts.
Just. The littlest, tiniest voice in my head saying that Engarde would rather destroy the already poor image he had of himself as a person and wear the "evil" label like an armor than to acknowledge he might have been a victim won't shut up and i'm very sorry for the lenght of this but i've been running up my walls all day brainstorming about this and i need to sleep. I know this may be far-fetched, so feel free to add any divergences from my biased conclusions if you'd like!
i am always and forever in matt engarde hype anon....thank you so much for this ask that has been on my mind since i got it. your point about his relationship with celeste being part of his urge to "mesh" and stay childlike is really fucking me up. i love it so much it makes different aspects of the whole puzzle click in my head. also "would rather be evil than a victim" i think describes engarde deeply. anyway i just love all of this thank you so much for sharing<333
never heard a single mf object to t4t audrey and seymour . they’re actually just that powerful. and trans
love how Wocki is this edgy gangster but he’s the only ace attorney character with a good relationship with both of his alive biological parents
Wocky kitaki and matt engarde comm I made for @pisskingirl on twt!🥰
COMMS OPEN! || interested? Dm me here or on twitter @rlgstuffers!
this fucking guy
I actually like it when ships hurt each other in long lasting and unforgiveable ways. I like it when they leave vicious, glaring scars. I like when they leave traumas. I like when they stab each other and torture each other and ruin each other’s lives and violate every inch of each other’s values. and I like it when they fucking kill each other permanently dead.
Never forget that his ass goes teehee
I truly love how morally grey Hajime is.
Like in the beginning of the game, everyone’s talking and they’re all saying stuff like “we would never kill a friend to get off this island”
Meanwhile Hajime’s off on the side like “damn. I actually really wanna get off this island”
This happens multiple times, too: Imposter was like “I wont stand for anyone killing each other.”
And Hajime’s internal dialogue is just “I could and might do it”
Man considers murder so many times throughout the game and I am living for it
saw Wicked on Broadway for the first time this weekend and can I just say No Good Deed is so so so matt coded.
"no good deed goes unpunished" oh you mean like how he told juan the truth about inpax and her creepy abusive ways to try and save him from that relationship and then years later they're both blamed for her death?? yeah??? yeah.
I'm playing justice for all rn and this is how it feels waiting for him
Also the reason Matt looks all biker despite it going against the "spring breeze aesthetic" because Desiree wouldn't allow him to leave the house otherwise.
" You are not allowed to leave the house without biker gear."
" It'll be quick, I'm just taking a limo to and back to pick something up from the studio."
" I don't care."
She wins everytime.
Juan drank tomato juice from a wine glass like how Matt drinks (seemingly) chocolate milk from a wine glass the both of them wanted to be seen as mature soooo bad there's so many parallels between them ahhhh
electric touch is so enrida and I will be making an entire google doc analysis thank you very much
enrida fans go read my au fic it's fluff <3
Pairing: Matt Engarde/Juan Corrida
Rating: Teen And Up
Word Count: 5.3k
" Any time the passion for his career was brought into a conversation, Juan’s entire face would light up. Matt had known this expression of his for a while, damn near studied it during school rehearsals. “I wanna know everything about my favorite customer’s new piece.”
If there was any heat in Matt’s body, it would have rushed to his face upon hearing ‘favorite’ come out of Juan’s mouth. Sure, they were friends, and Matt was as much of a regular here as his paycheck allowed him to be, but ‘favorite’ felt just a bit too special for someone like himself. "
aka, it's raining it's pouring, and matt has no way home til juan (who he's kinda maybe definitely crushing on) offers him shelter for the night.
hello 4 fans of enrida.
you'll be getting some fics of them in the coming days. reskins of my other stuff on ao3 with one of them having a special twist second chapter !
i have original content for them in the works but like . summer job eats away most of my time
i think enrida/juangarde should be more popular but i also fear that their dynamic and characters will get bastardized and woobified so maybe I Am Content with only having like 5 people on this earth care about the boyfriends
Happy Pride
Juan asks Matt to be his boyfriend as they're playing a couple rounds of Mario Kart and Matt of course says yes and is ecstatic but is also convinced that Juan chose Then to ask him because he wanted to sabotage Matt's game but in reality. No. Juan was just looking at Matt and how much he was enjoying himself and their little date night. Completely enamored. Couldn't hold the question back any longer.
has anyone done this yet
Waterparks Songs That Make Me Think Of Matt Engarde because I Said So.
Hawaii (Stay Awake) — "A hurricane lives in my bedroom, it keeps me up and awake for round two. And I just wanna sleep but that's all too much."
Stupid For You — "I'll be your new favorite tune, I'll be your black cloud by June, but only when you miss the rain like I miss you. Just double-dare me and I promise now that I'll stay. It's not like you're married but I still got carried away."
Royal — "I fall in love with everything that wants nothing to do with me. I know that there's no dealing with the way I'm feeling, I'm so out of touch with everyone and everything's a blur to me."
Dizzy — "I wanna pour my feelings down the drain, but I just take another sip until my eyes drip, 'Stay the same.'"
It Follows — "Kiss me like nobody would when I was fifteen, I'm tired of the waiting and the wondering. If I could find my something to burn out these feelings, I'd cut them out completely and I'd stop this reeling."
Plum Island — "It's harder than it should be for me to be straightforward. Like even when I did, I couldn't tell her I adored her, which I know is messed up, and I know I messed up, but at least I 'fessed up, now of course it's too late—"
Blonde — "I never wanted to be thinking this loud, I never asked about the when, why, or how. I wanted privacy, routine, and everything between while they're just finding me out. I never wanted to be thinking this loud. At least it's all about you."
Not Warriors — "There's nothing in my system so I'm feeling what I feel for you. There's nothing left to miss except the shots I take and phone calls with you, and I just need you to feel it too."
Sleep Alone — "I distract myself awake but in my dreams you're playing a song. I'll tell my friends we made amends tying up loose ends in the sand. But if you want it, you can have it, you can have me in full."
American History — "We are expected, but only in the best way, to live a small time—a year: expired. We are supposed to fall into exposure, we have the biggest sparkling eyes."
Turbulent — "So fuck yourself and fuck your feelings. I believe, but not in you and me, so I'd unfuck you if I could, I'd unlove you like I should have, months before I did in the months before I split."
War Crimes — "Behind my forehead's an assortment of things I'd like to forget. I wear a smile that's about a mile wide, I'd like to sport it. It's my fault I miss my friends, I'm lonely every day."
Worst — "It was me or whiskey, now you're pissed I wasn't bluffing. Fuck it, took a couple shots, don't you dare fucking miss me. Miss Unfaithful hit the backboard breaking bed springs, so delete us from your phone and never look back, fuck you and your friends and LA."
Snow Globe — "In the daytime I get to debate myself and quiet all the evil things I say, like 'Everybody hates you, people miss the old you, they hate everything that they all changed you into.'"
Magnetic — "But you said it, I'm magnetic to the things I hate the most. I spent today insubordinate, yeah I'm fucking up, I'm recording it. I'm projecting big through a tiny screen where I'm stacking up my reality."
Real Super Dark — "I'm out of the cage and I'm on the stage, I'm dying to give you a show. I'm alienated, way overrated, here are a few of the notes: my fans are the best, they'd love me more dead."
Self-Sabotage — "What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm on my way to you, but I self-sabatoge, so I might drive my car and crash into your garage. To get away from you, I'll self-sabatoge."
Ritual — "My inner child needs a bulletproof vest and a phone that can't text and 20 years rest. Build a bomb shelter, bite a belt for the stress, never know what's next. Sleeping with my clothes on in case—goes wrong."
Fuck About It — "We can fuck about it later if you want, because we never fix the problems that we got, baby, you don't seem to like it when we talk. I guess I'll see you later."
A Night Out On Earth — "I wear my red flags like a cape, it gets so fuckin' hot under all this shade. Everywhere I walk's a toxic parade, the glove don't fit but I wear it anyway."
Celebrate Pride With These 10 Incredible LGBTQ+ Characters
it follows by waterparks but through the lens of matt engarde:
"kiss me like nobody would when i was 15" taken not in the way that nobody kissed him, but nobody did so with care, with tenderness, with respect. love him, all he wants is love. something real and true and messy, sure, but in the way love is. Not lust. Kiss him in all the cheesy teen romance ways he was never allowed to experience.
Pav doodle im srry i use this page as a dumpster
(i still need to post the rest of my style comic)
sentences from my wip matt/juan hurt/comfort fic that i had a little giggle while writing because matt engarde third person limited pov is one of my favorite writing styles:
- ...he doesn’t know where to put his hands and they rest awkwardly on Matt’s shoulders, and there’s enough space in between them to appease Jesus at a fucking middle school dance. [just to clarify the 'he' here is not Juan]
- ...the guy’s only sticking his tongue in Matt’s mouth and not doing anything with it. He’s like a frog. [this is the same guy as above, still not Juan]
- He slurs out a response that amounts to something something whiskey dick, and he’s in the clear for now.
- Matt’s in a high enough tax bracket that buying everyone in this seedy shithole three rounds of his favorite top shelf brandy wouldn’t make a dent in his monthly earnings, but he’s not the type to turn down free booze.