Kate: Okay Everyone, I Am Assigning All Of Us To Our Most Difficult Mission Yet, Possibly Our Whole Careers

Recovery and conditioning routine: Gen Z vs Millennial, 141 edition.

Johnny & Gaz

ice bath and sauna

tracking sleep metric data

active recovery sessions

no caffeine after 12pm

minimise blue light before bed

macro diary, with focus on whole foods and protein

gratitude journal and smart targets

foam rolling those leggies

Simon & Price

a nap and a wank

what the B stands for when Bruce’s colleagues call him that

Diana: baby (lovingly)

Clark: babe (exasperatedly)

Hal: bitch (provokingly *wink*)

Barry: boss (*star eyes*)

Arthur: buddy (*attempts to hook his arm around Bruce’s neck*)

Ollie: Brucie (old habit)

bonus

John (Constantine): bestie (*just pissed Bruce off and about to piss him off further)

a non-comprehensive list of reasons why bruce has tried banning halloween in the manor

1. dick was overly trusting of clowns as a child. he still holds the family record for most kidnappings in a single night

2. jason tried wearing his robin uniform as a costume. every. year.

3. jason then graduated to dressing up as his corpse and haunting (traumatizing) his brothers

4. cass always manages to scare him. no clark he does not shriek.

5. tim, duke, and steph got ‘spooky scary skeletons’ stuck in his head and martian manhunter started laughing at him in a JL meeting because of it

6. damian was followed and subsequently kidnapped by what they assumed was a group of very tall trick or treaters, but were actually just the league

7. that time of year is when jerry the turkey gets a little self aware (re: defensive). there have been incidents.

8. he walked downstairs only to be greeted with every member of his family dressed like green lantern. even alfred.

9. young justice decided to throw a giant party and to get in you had to wear the shittiest batman costume possible for their contest

10. jason won said contest. he didn’t even stay for the party, he just wanted the excuse

11. gotham rogues are drama kids and are therefore sluts for good thematic irony, so half of them do special edition attacks on halloween

12. the kids all do a candy swap at the end of the night, they invite kate and not him

13. tim has an allergy to peppermint and never seems to be aware of this, so he has to keep multiple epi pens on standby

14. he’s expected to wear slutty costumes and that’s just not worth his playboy cover

15. alfred only confiscates the candy he gets

16. he was just really hungover one year

17. damian has made them all watch coraline so. many. times. he doesn’t even get nightmares anymore

18. tim goes on a sugar high and has to be put on tech lockdown or he might frame lex luthor for murder and extort 90% of gotham’s elite

19. when dick and jason were younger they left open pumpkins outside his door and he would accidentally step in them every morning

20. damian tried to convince them to bob for apples with lazarus water

21. tim fell asleep while bobbing for apples (in normal water) and almost drowned

22. dick and steph drew a glittery skeleton over the batsuit

23. when he complains they all call him the grinch. it’s not even christmas.

24. pumpkin carving always leads to them flinging the innards at eachother and making a mess even alfred refuses to clean

25. the validity of candy corn argument comes to blows. every. single. year.

26. duke lead a revolt one year against the tyranny of bruce’s “no slanderous costumes” policy (he wanted to be slutty batman)

27. the kids throw a rager in the cave and somehow never get caught. it’s the only time they’re all willing to clean and it pisses bruce off that he can’t prove it.

28. bruce got sick and clark walked around the watchtower in a batman costume pretending to be him for two days

29. steph and dick glued the lorax mustache to him while he was sleeping because he refused to pick a costume. it didn’t come off for a week, and lois posted an article speculating he was secretly a natural ginger.

30. all the kids stayed in once and watched ‘it’s the great pumpkin charlie brown’ instead of partying and he’s been trying to get them to do it again ever since

Dick: So yeah, it really pisses Jason off, which is my main motivation, -- but I did sign Bruce up for Tinder

The JL in literal seconds:

AITA for not telling my brother that I lost my spleen?

Okay, so I don't think I'm wrong here, but he's been really upset (not mad, but he gives me these really sad looks that make me want to apologize over and over again).

Background:

I (m17) lost my father a year ago. My brother (N, m24) focused on my new little brother (R, m11, we just found out about him, mom not in the picture) because he thought I would handle myself. R and I didn't get along initially because we were jealous of each other and he took every opportunity to antagonize me. N took away something very important to me and gave it to R without telling me, and I found out when I walked in on R gloating. N's defense was that he knew I wouldn't take it well so he planned to tell me later, and that R needed it more. We argued and both said some things we wish we could take back.

(I don't blame him for any of this anymore, it was a very hard time for all of us and he was thrust into our father's shoes while grieving. We've talked, and I know he did what he thought was best for me and R, because he believed placing me as an equal to him would show that he trusted me. But he apologized for not understanding how much taking it away would hurt me and that I still wanted to be a kid, not an adult, and I apologized for not being more understanding of his position. We've moved on and are working on our relationship.)

Anyway, the main conflict was that I believed our father was still alive and nobody else did. My other older brother (RH, m21) was the exception, but he's estranged and didn't want to get involved.

(Side note: my siblings except for R are all adopted by our father, but I got emancipated after his supposed death)

N said I was going crazy due to grief and insinuated that I should be locked up in Arkham (an asylum in my city for the criminally insane). I chose to leave to find proof that my father was alive.

Fast forward six months and I found proof, but in the midst of it, I had to have an emergency splenectomy. When I came back and gave them proof to bring my father back, relationships were still strained so I didn't tell anyone. We reconciled in time, but I still didn't see the need to tell them as it wasn't important to them.

The issue:

A week ago, R caught a nasty flu. N wanted me to give him his medicine, I declined. N, frustrated because he thought I was just being difficult, told me to just be nice to R when he’s sick and that it won't cost me anything. I snapped back that it may cost me my life, not that he would care.

Something in N's expression shattered, and he let out a little, "what?" I remembered too late that I didn't tell him I lost my spleen. I tried to backtrack, but he kept pushing until I finally admitted I lost my spleen and under what circumstances. He was devastated, and I felt really bad for not telling him because he looked like he was on the verge of tears (he's really emotional, and that year took a toll on us and is still a sensitive topic). N asked whether it's because I didn't trust him, and I said I didn't know.

Ever since then, N has been hovering over me and bugging me about my health and diet and sleeping and working habits. He told the rest of the family and they've been overbearing as well.

N, however, still feels very guilty about the whole situation. I feel bad for making him upset, but I still stand by the fact that I did nothing wrong by not telling him. I think it was just unfortunate circumstances and that neither of us are to blame. R vehemently says that I'm the AH for never saying anything because my family and I engage in an activity that gets us injured frequently. He said I endangered myself and others by not telling them (he's worried about me and that's how he shows it, and probably also feels responsible about how I lost my spleen because his maternal grandfather was involved and he's got trauma surrounding him)

So, AITA?

The Batfam as getting called to the principal office?

[in the hallway]

Bruce: Explain. Now.

Duke: Well, it all started when I kinda-sorta-not-accidentally started a food fight by using a hamburger as a hackey sack.

Damian: And he roped me into it by insulting my honor.

Steph: He just called you short. Get over it, pipsqueak.

Bruce: Why are you here?

Steph: Duke called for backup after Damian made a napkin sword, so I brought it.

Cass: I'm backup.

Tim: And the car you stole to get here was mine.

Bruce: Okay, what about you, Dick?

Dick: The school got your voicemail so they called me, but then I needed to use the bathroom and flooded it. It was an accident!

Bruce: And Jason?

Jason: Missing assignments.

The principal: Mr. Wayne?

Bruce: That's me.

The principal: These are all your children?

Bruce: Apparently.

The principal: I see. Please step into my office.

[later that afternoon]

The principal: Welcome to detention. All of you will do as you're told and there will be no talking.n

The principal: Mr. Thomas, you must compose a three-page essay on why you should not play with your food.

The principal: Mr. Wayne junior, you must come up with ten appropriate responses to teasing that don't involve physical escalation.

The principal: Miss Brown, you must give a speech on why stealing cars is wrong.

The principal: Miss Cain, you must stand in the corner until I tell you to come out.

The principal: Mr. Drake, you must read and sign the contracts that you were hiding in your car to avoid.

The principal: Mr. Grayson, you must help the janitor scrub the bathrooms.

The principal: Mr. Todd, you must write a book report on To Kill A Mockingbird, build an electrical circuit, debate a current event, and complete pages one through thirty of your algebra workbook.

The principal: And Mr. Wayne senior, you must come up to the chalkboard and write a hundred lines saying you are a grown man and will not pretend to be Batman.

If you could live in one DC city, which one would you choose? Star City? Central City? Metropolis? Gotham? Or a different one?

All of them have their pros and cons

Star City

- Pros: the Arrowfam

- Cons: Ollie's chili

Central City/Keystone

- Pros: more mentally stable Rogues gallery

- Cons: the Midwest

Metropolis

- Pros: not Gotham

- Cons: gotta buy a new car every week the way they get thrown through your office

Smallville

- Pros: Kon

- Cons: corn

Gotham

- Pros: grunge vibes

- Cons: Gotham

Tim Drake Headcanon Time!

Ok but listen

Tim Drake drunk

I literally can’t stop thinking about this. Like, how chaotic does this boy get. I just imagine him being just like his sleep deprived and ‘I’m 3,000% caffeine’ self but wobbly and the Batfam has to monitor him constantly because:

He keeps completely missing his mouth when eating. One of them tries to feed him, but he just says some whack shit like “no, no, it has to be an airplane”

He will become an inch worm on a mission if he stubbles onto the ground and wants to go somewhere

This boy will try to drink sauce because he ‘thought it was juice’

If you look away for a sec, he’s gone quicker than Batman

Slurred “I’m gonna ddos Lex, again”

Distant feverish shouting of “TIM NO!-” heard throughout the manor

One of them found him on a floaty in the pool before

Moonwalks into glass doors

He’s been spotted on the fucking roof

Cabinets? He’s probably in one

Very slurred quotations of memes

“GUYS HELP!! HE SNUCK INTO THE CAVE!”

Jason just deals with the fact Tim has delegated him for piggybacking. Dick still tries to pry Tim off of Jason because, it’s Jason, he’s drunk too

Please, this is giving me too much happiness

Jason, in full Red Hood gear: Hey mom, can I borrow one of those new Thanagarian guns you guys got?

Diana: Sure, sweetie.

The rest of the League:

Bruce: *sighs*

The rest of the League:

The rest of the League:

Hal: wtf

Examples of Bruce’s “Dad Strength” as witnessed by various Robins throughout the years:

can and will bodily pick up any new Robin and bail as soon as gunfire starts on patrol

one time Bruce got out, physically ripped off a broken part of the Batmobile, and threw it in the backseat so he and Jason could keep chasing someone in the Narrows

ran home with Nightwing over his shoulder when he got shot

frequently lifts sewer grates/manhole covers like they weigh nothing

does push-ups with Robins on his back for a challenge

held onto the side of a building with just his fingers for ten minutes once when Steph’s grapple line broke and he had to help her back up

pulls hot dishes from the oven without mitts sometimes for Alfred (insists scar tissue on his hands means he can’t feel it, nobody fully believes him)

Damian swears he saw him kick a tree down once during training. A big tree.

Dick frequently catches him unscrewing screws in his prototypes with his bare fingers

Punches through walls????

can drink nothing but straight black coffee for several days before any signs of discomfort (this freaks out everyone but Tim)