Edging And Orgasm Denial Techniques

Hotwife Lifestyle - Understanding Our Man’s Hotwife Fantasy and How to Use That to Our Advantage

The fantasy of having a “Hotwife” is growing, in fact, research shows it is growing at a higher rate than a good majority of the other lifestyle alternatives, including the old staple of “swinging” and the modern “open relationship”.  Why is it that a fantasy that revolves around only one part of a relationship – the woman – going out and finding pleasure from another man more intriguing to an increasing number of men than going out and “getting some” for himself?  

Basic psychology tells us that men are highly competitive creatures.  They have a drive to compete with other males of the species for the best mate – this isn’t so much different than what happens in the animal kingdom.  Most men have an innate drive to compete with other men when it comes to the “best mate” or the “most attractive woman”.  With this being said, one of the reservations of most women who find out about their husband or partner’s Hotwife fantasy is that he is somehow “weaker” than the rest because he wants to give up his position as your only partner.  Is this really true, though?  Could the truth lie somewhere within today’s man’s loss of natural competition in everyday life, and a desire to maintain a level of competition after marriage or “monogamy”?  Is this weakness, or rather the ultimate confidence?  

Cuckholding aside, because this aspect of the fantasy requires a bit more in terms of a “woman led” relationship, and a bit more from the man in terms of a desire for mental sadomasochism, a good majority of men enjoy the idea that they have been able to “capture” the best mate and even when she’s out having amazing physical and emotional experiences with men who may have qualities that actually supersede their own – a better body, a larger cock, youth, more prowess in bed – their woman actually WANTS to come back to them at the end of the night.  While most Hotwife-Husbands do get some level of turn-on from the jealousy and the possibility that their Hotwife may actually be enjoying their dates more than they enjoy being “at home”, the overwhelming desire is the competition and the “win” in terms of having a wife who chooses them again and again even after being allowed to go out and have other men.  

As Hotwives, we may be the focus of the fantasy, but there is that deeper and more psychological desire of a man who, even after committing to one woman, is able to compete with other males sexually.  This is why the desire for “reclaiming” a Hotwife after a date is so strong – it’s actually been scientifically proven that men who are able to reclaim a partner after she has been with someone else have an increase in testosterone levels, which means stronger desire, more powerful erections, longer lasting erections, and an overall stronger sex drive.  So, what does this mean for us as Hotwives?

He Enjoys the Jealousy, Go with It

As women we’ve learned that inducing some jealousy can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating – before we’ve found our “person”.  We use our female prowess to keep the men who we are seeing guessing…why?  Because they seem more interested in us when it seems as though we may not be 100% there.  So, if this works in the dating world, why wouldn’t it work once we’re married? In contrast, women typically don’t respond as well, or in the same way to jealousy – we tend to worry, question, and sometimes shut down if we feel that he might be “just not that into us”.  Naturally, because of our own feelings on the matter, we tend to avoid making our men jealous once we’ve committed to them, because we, ourselves don’t want to feel as though we’re in constant competition with other, more attractive, sexier, younger, etc., women.  Why would we do something to the man that we love that we, ourselves, would hate?

For men, though, and especially those with Hotwife fantasies, jealousy is a big component and tool for us to keep our men hot and bothered.  Sometimes just the mere mention of being flirted with by that cute guy at our favorite restaurant, or our interest in the sexy personal trainer at the gym is enough to send our men into a sexual frenzy.  It doesn’t take a lot to feed the fantasy.  It’s not ALL about dates and recounting how well we got worked over in the bedroom (and how much we loved it), though that is the ultimate turn on for our men, it’s also about the little things – the mention of our interest in someone else, the sexy messages that we send to potential lovers or Bulls, the “tease” of how much we loved what our last Bull did for us and how much we’re looking forward to doing it again.  Remember, this ignites the “competition” element of things, which is natural for men.

The More You Enjoy it, the More He Enjoys it

You may be thinking, “But I’m doing it for him, I’m not doing it for myself” (a common theme by A LOT of Hotwives), but in reality, our men WANT us to enjoy our encounters. They want to hear about what this “other guy” did for or to is that sent us over the edge, and yes, they want to hear what we liked better about the “other guy”.  I know it seems crazy, because we don’t want to imagine our men, even if we did allow them to be with other women, thinking that their “others” were better, sexier, hotter or had something that we don’t.  That’s because we don’t have that “competition drive” like our men do.

Let’s face it, despite what our men tell us – “It’s all about your pleasure” or “I don’t get anything out of it unless you’re enjoying it, because I love you so much” – this isn’t some ultimate “unselfish” thing our men are doing for us.  These things come out of their mouths, but what they are really saying is “I want to know that you came three times while he was fucking you, and you STILL want to come home to me”.  It’s their kink, and we have to understand it.  

So, if you’ve actually taken the step into the world of Hotwifing, you’re going to have to learn how to properly tease your man into believing that, just maybe, your Bull was better than him in some ways.  Whenever you think “But I’m only doing it for him”, follow that us with “I’m doing it for him and he WANTS to know that I absolutely enjoyed it”.  Find some aspect of your encounter that was mind-blowing, and recount, in great detail exactly what it was that sent you over the edge.  This may require a little bit of embellishment, and that’s OKAY…trust me…embellishment is your friend in this situation.  Tell your man about your Bull’s amazing cock, how good if felt, how good he tasted, how fantastic he was at oral sex, etc.  These are the things that will ramp up that competition streak in your man and make him want to reclaim you with increased vigor and desire.  

The More You Want Someone Else, The More Your Man Wants You

Again, you’re playing on the competition and the teasing aspect of things here…  The more that you act as if you WANT to be a Hotwife, the more that your husband or partner is going to WANT you.  His desire for you is going to skyrocket, his sexual desire for you is going to make it so that he’s ready to chew his own leg off to get you back in bed.  I have experienced this firsthand many times…if I am completely honest about an “encounter” and admit to “D” that my Bull was lacking in some way, or I didn’t quite “get there”, he isn’t nearly as turned on as when I tell him about how amazing things were.  I don’t like or believe in lying, but I do advocate for being selective and stretching the truth…maybe your lover wasn’t the best at giving oral sex, but maybe he was an amazing kisser, so a good answer would be “he was amazing with his mouth” and leave the rest up for interpretation.  

We’re women.  We are strong and capable and we are smart.  And the truth is, this is a GAME we are playing for and with our husbands/partners, so we need to get our heads into the game. Furthermore, this is an intellectual game, and we need to use our intellects to get to where we want to be.  Where do we want to be?  We want to have a husband/partner who is absolutely drooling over us, believes we are the ultimate sexual goddess, and in is jealous enough to realize that in order to “compete” they will need to step up their own game in order to “keep” us satisfied – be that with amazing sex, extra romance, other rewards, or all of the above.  

Happy Hotwifing!

-S

I would raise those babies!

She Cuckolded Me!

I am now officially a cuckold.  My wife has cuckolded me 5 times now with a guy from work.  I’ll post pics/audio/video when I can.  His cock is longer and thicker than mine and he has a lot of endurance and she loves it.  She reels off multiple orgasms every time she is with him and brings me home a sore, gaping pussy smelling of his semen.  

Although she would like to continue with this guy, he is getting serious in a relationship with another woman and it looks like he will not be available much longer.  She is now looking for her next conquest....

When I introduced my wife to the idea of locking me up in a male chastity device, she was hesitant because she thought it was perverted, but she went along for my sake. That was then. Now, her mind has changed after locking me up for a week and wearing the key to work on her necklace; after giving me nothing but teasing all week while requiring me to give her head every day until she has mind-blowing orgasms; after giving me a list of chores every day and demanding (not asking) that I do them; and after a week of me doting on her like she has never known in our 16-year marriage (even when I was trying to woo her to marry me during our courtship), jumping to do her will immediately after her every command, and even begging her to allow me to do more to please her. Now she says of my chastity device "I love it! I would gladly have paid five times what they charged us. " Now, when I suggested that, since the week trial was over, she probably would choose to lock me up only on special occasions, rather than every day, she replied (with a sinister look on her face), "I don't know about that. You need to know that I have REALLY enjoyed how things went this past week..." This morning, when I asked if she was going to lock me up again this week, she grinned a sly grin and said "yes." Guess who's relationship just changed forever?...

The Submissive Conundrum

As a lifelong submissive, I want to tell you how much I appreciate your very down-to-earth writing. I have been alone for a long time because of an inability to find a truly dominant woman. Any suggestions would be welcomed.

Answer:

I get this question a lot. Well, more than a lot. There is a whole world of submissive men out there that really can’t seem to find a dominant female. Now First of all, yes, this type of relationship is definitely not the social norm. So it’s really important to understand that many women, simply don’t advertise that they’re dominant unless they’re a pro-domme. It does not mean there is a lack of dominant women in the world. They’re just not flaunting it with leather and heels, because that’s just not comfortable for daily life.

The biggest problem most submissive males have, is that they continue to search for a dominant woman online and really don’t look anywhere offline, because they’re like either one of two things.

1. They are too upfront about their submissive side, and push it onto every woman they meet, who gets completely turned off the idea, even if she might be dominant curious and not know it. How it’s presented to a potential female partner, whether in person or online, really matters. If you’re admitting you like to wear panties and sniff feet…… You’re not really sending out the signal that you’re a good candidate for a long term relationship that promises a good future. Instead, you’re just seen as a sissy foot fetish weirdo that makes her feel obligated to entertain. This obligation is a turn off, and typically ends the relationship before it even starts.

2. They are too shy about their submissive side, and never tell anyone for any reason ever, because they’re trying to protect their fragile masculinity, while at the same time desperate want to break it.  This leads to a submissive always being in limbo, and aloof. Always indecisive and lacking in confidence. Which tends to lead to vanilla relationships, if she can get past your lack of confidence in the first place. It becomes a relationship stuck in a vanilla mindset, and likely, she’s a submissive too. This can lead to sexual incompatibility issues down the road, when the kettle boils over and you finally cave in and express submissive desires, taking a huge risk revealing your “secret” and possibly being rejected.

So… we have, too shy, and too upfront. The biggest roadblocks for a submissive. so what’s the solution? It’s actually really simple, but its going to require you to put yourself out there, in ways that more represent who you are as a whole.

Being submissive, is not the only thing you are. It’s not the only thing you have to offer. But it is a part of you, and you need to find a way to offer it, when the time is right. Which is easily doable, by being exactly who you are. You don’t need to change anything, except your approach. The only reasons you lack confidence is because you don’t know how to express yourself, or you fear rejection. Rejection in the early days, is a beautiful thing. Rejection in the later days, can get messy, so the sooner you face the possibility of rejection, the better. Rejection is a beautiful thing, because its a literal time saver. It saves, your time, and her time, when you can be completely honest. If she’s not willing to accept your submission…. then maybe you’re just simply not compatible with each other. There is nothing wrong with this. Let them go. Move on. Accept that not everyone in the world, is going to embrace who you are, because that’s just silly. So embrace rejection, and expect it. Expect it not in a lack of confidence type of way, but in a way that makes you have gratitude when you’re accepted and enjoy the relationship that much more. That’s the purpose of rejection and failure for that matter.

Second, is expressing yourself. This is a big one because its so simple and so easy, that its overlooked. Whether you’re over expressing yourself, and being all in for your face submissive, and making her feel obligated….. Or under expressive and can’t make decisions and pissing her off every time she asks you where you want to go for dinner…. There is a happy middle ground. That’s the good news. There is a happy middle ground.  The bad news is, you must mentally discipline yourself, and pay attention, to how you’re expressing yourself and train yourself as you go. In other words, you need to be able to look at yourself and see beyond yourself. This is a lot easier than it sounds.

Let me explain.  

As I said earlier, you are more than just a submissive. You are a person, and you have a personality, you have hobbies, and interests, likes and dislikes. You have a life, you have something to offer. Kindness, compassion, chivalry, romance, good conversation and so on. You have a unique way of connection with people. The problem is, when it comes to women, most submissive men(all men), can’t see beyond their hornyness, and she is seen as if she’s on a pedestal, or as a fetish dispenser, or as something to conquer…. ( topping from the bottom subs are the worst) ….. See her as a person. See her like anyone else in your life, and have a normal decent conversation with her. Get to know her. Dominant women are everywhere there is no shortage of them, they’re the cashier at the grocery store, the waiter at your table….. They’re everywhere. But you can’t know that, unless you get to know them, unless you get off the internet, and start going on dates. Forget the submissive part for now, its like going around wearing a t-shirt that says “ I fuck on the first date.” Leave sex out of it.  Be who you are, without sex, and just enjoy the attraction to each other, this is how chemistry is built to begin with.  Go have a good time together.

Now while you’re having a good time together, you can show certain but subtle submissive traits. Which are typically all the traits we were supposed to learn as children. Like opening doors for her, buying her meal, and just general chivalry. Let the chemistry build up and see if it can go to the next level. As things carry on, and the relationship becomes sexual, you can begin to tell her that you’re submissive and enjoy pleasuring her. Nothing crazy…. see how she responds. You’re only a few dates in, and you’ve gotten to know a really nice person, now its time to find out if you’re sexually compatible. If you are, then you’ve made more than a friend. If not, then maybe you become friends, maybe you don’t, but the relationship can end there, and very little time was wasted. It gave you experience being yourself, and being comfortable talking to a woman, and it also gave you the possibility of being accepted as a submissive. Which is very rare with the typical upfront or too shy approach.

In other words, to make this entire thing succinct enough to wrap up in a single sentence…….

Use your alpha to empower your beta.

Now get out there and rock a woman’s world with your personality, so she can see the true value you have to offer with your submission.

Ideas...

HER FIRST LOVER

When talking a the wife or gf about becoming a slutwife, there are two general questions that will come up. The first question will generally be, “Why?” Because we have talked about that in a previous post, we will cover second question that generally pops up, “With who?”

As an example, perhaps her getting gang raped by a bunch of thugs in a ghetto who don’t wear condoms is something that gets both of you off and often a topic of roleplay, but odds are she will not be down to making that her first slutwife experience. So for the realistic talk, we are going back to something within the realm of possibilities. She and you may have different expectations on what may work best, so it is important to sort those things out before trying to move forward.

Generally speaking, it will come down to one important factor, do you prefer secrecy or intimacy. Both factors can exist simultaneously given time, but for the first experience may come down to a choice. In other words, would you prefer she have sex with someone you know, or a complete stranger. There are pros and cons to both, and it comes down to personal choices. I have made a list below of possible sexual partners, people you know and strangers, and the pros and cons of each.

Strangers - A stranger could be anyone not currently involved in your life. Some couples prefer strangers because they intend to keep their secret sexual life as far away as possible from the people they know. A stranger that knows nothing about your life can provide a great level of comfort for couples. The idea being that if something did not work out, they would never need to see or hear from the stranger again. The wife can control how much, if any, information is shared with the stranger. Here is a list of strangers a slutwife could hook up with.

1. Stranger in another city - Regardless of who the guy is, the general concept is that the wife has sex with a guy from another city who knows nothing about her. This can be done as a couple or the wife alone. Because the stranger is in another city/state/country, the odds of bumping into each other randomly will be slim to none. This concept works well with slutwife vacations (see post on topic). Downside to the stranger, is not actually knowing much about the person either, so caution and condoms are recommended.

2. Male escort - This concept is about getting a professional to guide your wife through her first experience. This is one of the most preferred methods for beginner couples, since it provides both secrecy and a satisfactory experience. A male escort can be hired to the specifications of the wife’s/couple’s desires, so black, tall, muscular, huge!, good looking, etc along with acting the part to fulfill your fantasies. The main downside to male escorts is that they do cost money and some women may find paying for sex demeaning. Sexual protection is also encouraged.

3. Adult dating site - Adult dating sites are full of horny men looking for a girl to fuck. Normally, they just want the thrill of sex and are not looking for long tern commitments. Any girl posting on adult dating sites will be bombarded with male attention, so finding a willing man will be easy. The downside will be that many of these men may not meet your wife’s sexual criteria for looks, attitude, dick size, etc. so filtering through may take some time.

4. Bar/club hookup - The general concept is that the wife goes out dressed very provocatively and lets a guy she likes hit on her. She may pretend to be single if needed or hooking up on her own, but the basis is that she will be flirty and be easy for the other man. She can also say she is married if you plan on being a part of the action later, but she must make it clear she is very available. When the time comes, she will accept the other man’s advances as he begins feeling her up or talking about sleeping with her. The downside to this scenario is the same as with any stranger, physical and sexual safety. The upside is that she can pretend to be a single girl being a slut and let the scenario play out naturally.

5. Beach hookup - The idea here is for her to go out in a skimpy bikini and flirt with a stranger at the beach. This can be by herself or you watching. This works well for slutwife vacations or spring break, where she can simply become another slutty girl like all the others. Downside is the same as with other scenarios where strangers are involved. Upside is that she can show off her body and have her pick of men to choose from.

6. Swinger club hookup - Swinger clubs and parties are becoming more common and provide a good opportunity fir a first time hook up. The stranger part of it comes from going to another city to attend one of these parties or attending a mask/costume swinger parties. Aside from general sexual protection, there is no real downside to this option.

7. The Celebrity - The celebrity is someone your wife has admitted that they would have sex with if you allowed it and he was available. It may seem far fetched, since you are probably thinking that getting Brad Pitt to fuck your wife is near impossible, but think outside the box a bit. How many celebrity guys are there? There are thousands of men she could be into at any given time, from actors, musicians, tv personalities, athletes, etc. if you got your wife comfortable with the idea, how many guys would your wife think are fuck material. As far as the getting her in front of him, VIP tickets, fan mail, fan clubs, groupie clubs, etc are all good options. Think of a rock band going on tour, your wife is alone, dressed slutty, and going backstage with her VIP tickets to meet the band members privately. What are the odds of one of them hitting on her, or if she is daring enough, turning down the offer of a blowjob. We will talk more on the celebrity slutwife experience in the future for more ideas, but this is the general concept.

Someone You Know - The general concept here is simple, she prefers to have sex with someone she or you knows already because of a physical attraction or ab already established level of trust. Some couples prefer this option due to the enhanced level of intimacy and contact already shared, and a belief that this person will look out for your interests as well. In some cases, it the person’s relationship, position, status, or physical appearance itself can be part of a fetish that the couple seeks, this enhancing the sexual experience. The general downside, is this person likely knows other people associated with the couple, but that can also be a turn on for some couples. The bigger downside is that once the act is done, no one will ever forget it if later it was decided she does not want to keep going with it.

1. A Friend - There may be a friend she or you already have in mind that fits any given criteria that makes him a perfect sexual partner for her. Because he is already acquainted with you or her, there is a level of intimacy and trust already shared. Some couples find a friend an easier option to digest because of a this. Friends also provide availability and a general care for the well being of the wife. Couples that want a long term sexual relationship with another tend to prefer this option, and even strangers eventually soon fall into this category given enough time.

2. A Relative - There is always at least one person from your family, or hers, that would fuck her in a heartbeat. Odds are either you or her have noticed the guy staring or flirting etc, so you know exactly who that is. In some cases, women have guilty “fantasies” about relatives as well. Relatives could be brother, fathers, stepfathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, etc. This is a very personal and erotic road that often is best left in fantasy, but there are couples that have enjoyed a family affair where the wife has sex with a husband’s relative and it works really well for them. In other cases, it’s a wife’s relative, though that is normally best left in fantasy as well.

3. Coworker - It is a common fetish and fantasy for some couples to think of a coworker as a sexual partner. This is due to many reasons, physical attraction, availability, the thrill of keeping things secret at work, the intimacy that comes from people often spending more time at work than at home, etc. the fetish/fantasy is quite popular. In most cases, women will always have at least one man in her workplace that wants to fuck her and may even flirt with her. In a sense, a coworker already has rapport with her, or you, and some women may find this as an easy option to establish as her first lover.

4. The Boss - Another common fantasy/fetish that couples enjoy. The boss has an implied position of power over her or you. Because of this position, couples often find this option very thrilling. It tends to come with the sane benefits as a coworker, but it is often more rewarding. The boss has influence over her job position, pay, days off, workload, etc. The wife may find this both exciting and beneficial. An alternate version of this is that the wife has sex with the husband’s boss.

5. An Ex - Another common fantasy/fetish that couples often enjoy is the idea of her having sex with an ex. For many, it is easier to digest this idea since he already knows her intimately and has been there and done that. While the ex is really easy to digest as a sexual concept, because there was a relationship, this personal relationship may come with drama.

6. A Neighbor/Roomate - Another common fantasy/fetish. Physical proximity is the name of the game with this one. This person lives within the physical space thus creating a level of physical intimacy. Some couples find this exciting and very available as an option.

7. Her Crush - Her crush is that guy that she likes or liked at some point but things never came together. It could be any of the previous men already mentioned, or some random guy working at a gas station somewhere, the pool boy, bartender, the plumber, her teacher, personal trainer, etc. or some college/high school crush. The idea is that she will approach him via social media, phone, or in person and confess of her desires for him. He will likely make a move on her and she will of course let it happen.

These are some general ideas for you and your wife to think about for a first time slutwife experience, we will cover some of these with more depth in future posts. It is recommended you play through as many of these as possible in fantasy and get a feel of which seem to work best. As always, distinguish fantasy from real life and determine which options work best for you and have fun with it.

I appreciate the likes and reblogs, and comment with your thoughts or any other concepts that you think work well for her first time as a slutwife. Also comment what you would choose for her first time.

Why So Hesitant?

To any man who claims he wants his wife or girlfriend to become a slut and to every woman who says she fantasizes of being a slut, I always ask them the same question: Does your partner know?

The answer is typically some version of: No.

People are hesitant to speak sincerely to the person they claim to love and trust the most for some reason. Not being able to express your sexual fantasies and desires will make it multiple times harder to ever accomplish them. So needless to say, both partners need to be able to express their sexual desires freely.

When I ask someone who claims they want this lifestyle why they do not dive into it, I normally get a variety of answers that try to excuse why it is not happening. I have made a short list of these answers and why they are bullshit.

1. Afraid to Ask- The first and most common symptom felt before asking the question is fear. This is not fear of the consequences of the lifestyle itself, but fear of asking. It is fear of the unknown. Fear of not knowing a reaction, of what he or she might think, of the possibility of losing someone for simply asking, of losing the magic of love. Let me tell you something, if you believe there is a magical element to love that gets lost when you tell your partner of a desire, then you are living in bullshit land. Not only are you keeping yourself trapped in this bullshit land, but you are keeping your partner in there with you, forever keeping them “in love” with a fictional version of yourself with no sexual desires. Step up and speak, a true partner values the truth. If you expressed a sexual desire and your partner left, then you two are not designed to be together, plain and simple. This is not to say your partner should fulfill your needs, but if your partner can not accept your desires for what they are, desires, then that partner can’t accept you. Plain and simple, fear to ask is bullshit. (I will cover a few warm-up strategies to overcoming the fear of asking in my next post).

2. She Won’t Be Into It- Another excuse for not even asking is a belief that the partner will not be into it. Sometimes, a person will ask and the partner really will not be into it....yet. This is normal, however, this is not where it ends. Now that your partner knows of your fantasy, there are many ways in which it can be roleplayed or tease you on the fantasy without actually becoming a slutwife. For example, she can go out with you one night wearing less clothing than normal, talk to you about her hottest sexual experience during while jerking you off, dance with another guy while you watch, chat with another guy online, or pretend she is having sex with her favorite movie crush during sex. The possibilities are endless. The point of telling your partner your fantasies is getting her aligned with your needs and helping her adjust to better please you. While roleplaying, she may discover she becomes curious about this lifestyle as well, but you never get there until you start.

3. Is It Cheating?-Another concept that keeps people from living their dreams is comparing the lifestyle to cheating. This could bot be further from reality, as they stand two polar ends apart. Being in a slutwife style relationship is all about love, trust, openess, maturity, experimentation, adventure, desire, respect, boundaries, happiness, and putting your partner’s needs above your own at times. Cheating is lying, deception, disrespect, manipulation, lack of trust, and only caring about yourself. While cheating could be an exciting aspect of a slutwife lifestyle we will cover later, it is not the foundation of a relationship. There is only one thing in common that cheating and hotwifing have in common, sleeping with other men, and that is it. Everything else is as different as it can get. Anyone who claims the two terms are the same is simply brainwashed by a bullshit concept of society’s monogamous relationship fantasy and does not understand that a real relationship goes beyond who a person sleeps with.

4. She Will Think I Don’t Love Her-This fear comes up both during the asking your partner phase and during the going through with it phase. People assume that asking your partner to sleep with other people will make then think you don’t love them. I want you to rethink this bullshit concept. If your partner truly questions your love, ask them, “Why would I share such a deep secret of mine with you if I did not love and trust you completely? Why would I want to experience something like this with you if I did not love you and trust you? You can then proceed to clarify that your love for her is so strong and your trust is so deep that you feel free to share your most intimate secret and know that if she would go through with it, your love for her can only be enhanced knowing she had a sexual experience she enjoyed and still came back to you for true love.

5. What If She Falls in Love- This is the another concept that gets in the way of people living their dreams. What if she falls in love. The assumption here must be that the only people that have sex are in love, or that people that have sex stay in love forever. That is obviously bullshit. But let’s think this out for a minute because it is natural for two human beings that have a pleasurable experience together to have a form of “feeling” for each other. This “feeling” can be compared to puppy love middle schoolers feel for a different kid every month. This type of feeling is possible and often leads to an amazing hotwife experience. But here is question to you, so what? Is love limited? Do you love your mother but not your father? Do you only love one child but stopped loving when you had another? Do you only love one brother? Most people will experience love for different people throughout their lives, without taking away the love from another. The “puppy love” a person may experience can be an infatuation with the excitement of something different and new, and not the deep love for the person themselves. This puppy love is easily replaceable over time with something else new and exciting, unlike the deep love a husband and wife in a good relationship develop, or a mother and child develop which goes on forever. The key takeaway I want you to get from all this is that even if she fell in love with another man, which is highly unlikely, it will not be an issue. Love is not limited. If she loves you the way you love her, your place in her life is set forever, loving another man does not take away from your love, it enhances it due to the fact that she is sharing an intimate experience with you and is loving you all throughout it. In a solid hotwife relationship, she may experience feelings for different men that will come and go, but you will be the only one with a true deep love that she was able to share it all with.

6. The Other Man Is Better- This concept is a fear of jealousy upon realizing that the wife is experiencing something better than what you provide. This could be, the guy has a bigger dick, is more handsome, muscular, can fuck all night, makes her laugh more, better dancer, has more money, etc. Could this happen? Of Course. Odds are, that there is a guy out there who is better than you for any given area. Unless you are Jeff Bezos, chances are there is someone richer. Unless you are Mandingo, some guy out there has a bigger dick. Unless you are Ronnie Coleman, someone is more muscular. Unless you are Brad Pitt, someone out there is more handsome. Thinking your wife should not date guys that are better than you at something is absurd and greedy. You want your wife to experience the best in each man and still come back to you. Unless you are one of the above mentioned men, she did not marry you for that characteristic, so you will be fine. The best part is, all these guys that are better than you will likely be looking to fuck your wife when they realize she is a slut. Your wife will be intrigued and she will likely want to experience them as well. It is your job to overcome your jealousy and let her enjoy the experience. When she comes back to you after experiencing all that, you will realize she still loves you and it goes beyond certain traits that other men are better at.

7. What If She Got Addicted?- Addiction of any kind is bad, mainly because the term would mean she has no control and can’t stop. The concept that she will become addicted and lose all control because she is a slutwife is absurd. Has she never had sex before or something? Has she never slept with another man? Has she never seen porn? Has she never seen a big cock? Has she never loved another man? Has she never had an orgasm? Why would she lose all control all of a sudden? If she begins living out the lifestyle, chances are she will get to experience sex in many different ways that she will enjoy, but that does not mean she is going to throw everything else in her life away. While there is such a thing as sexual addiction, the important thing is that she can keep her life balanced and under control, and that is where the husband comes in. Ultimately, a good husband should want his wife to live her sexual life with so much pleasure that she borders on being a sex addict, but maintains her life under control as any other woman does. Women are often far better at keeping things under control then men, so the odds of losing control are slim. A couple can always plan on dialing back on sexual activity for some time to bring things back to normality if things ever went too far. Fear of addiction is bullshit excuse not to try it.

8. What if Someone Finds Out-Fear of someone finding out is one of the most common barriers to overcome by both the wife and husband. Who is this someone? It could be anyone. From parents, children, friends, coworkers, etc., there is usually a fear of someone possibly finding out about the lifestyle and living life outside of society’s normal expectations. There are many precautions that can be taken to keep things as secret as possible, like doing things while on vacation in another land, of hooking up with people from another city, we will talk more about those options in a later post. The important thing to cover today is the possibility of someone finding out. So what? While it may not be expected, it is far from being a crime when a couple lives the slutwife lifestyle. It is actually become much more acceptable nowdays and will continue to become more mainstream with time. If someone you know did find out and asked about it, there is no obligation to explain yourself. However, it is best to approach the situation calmly and say that it is a fun sexual adventure you both agreed to explore, and that it has been very rewarding. That should clear up any concern for cheating or something being wrong in the relationship. Most people outside of close family would likely never mention it to you even if they knew for fear of causing drama.

These are some of the most common excuses of why people are not living their dream lifestyle. Recognize them, overcome them, and start living your dreams.

Might need this sometime...

BDSM Links And Resources

I thought I would update the list of BDSM links and resources I posted a while ago, as some links were no longer working and I had several new ones to add, including a list of books. These should be particularly helpful to those who are new to BDSM and looking to explore D/s relationships, as the best way to go about that is to first read everything you can and then read even more! Not only will this allow you to educate yourself, help keep you safe and avoid any potential mistakes or regrets, but also the more you understand something, the less intimidating it will seem.

If you have anything to add, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I will update this list, in particular if there any books that a submissive might find helpful or informative, as most of the books I have read or included are intended for Dominants.

Note: For the sake of consistency and readability, I have used capitals throughout this document and have not used lower case when referring to submissives or slaves.

Websites:

Babygirls ‘n’ Daddy Doms: Website dedicated to littles, babygirls and Daddy Doms, with a lot of useful information on the subject.

Collarme: A free BDSM dating website and community, that is probably the most popular and a better option than the commercial alternatives.

DS Arts: Academy of DS Arts, fairly self explanatory.

Evil Monk: Ambrosio’s BDSM Website, featuring many useful articles.

Fetlife: An online BDSM community that I would highly recommend and which is perhaps best described as Facebook for the kinky, allowing users to create a profile, publish photos or writing and join interest groups where you can ask questions.

Kink Academy: An online resource with many educational and instructional videos on various aspects of BDSM, although users must pay a small fee to access all of the content.

Submissive Guide: As the name suggests, this is an online resource for submissives.

The Iron Gate: A general BDSM online resource, with many aticles, essays and even stories on the subject.

Dating and Relationships:

10 Principles For Healthy 24/7 D/s And M/s (Source: sexgeek.wordpress.com)

Difference of Dynamics in BDSM (Source: the-little-kitten.tumblr.com)

Finding Your Dominant (Source: asubmissivesjourney.com)

How To Find A Partner (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Initiating a Discussion About BDSM Interest with a Vanilla Partner Part 3 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

So You Want Your Boyfriend To Dominate You (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate Her (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

The Unfortunate But Common Misconceptions About DD/lg Relationships (Source: a-lolitas-life.tumblr.com)

Play:

Consent Is Mandatory And Non-Negotiable (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

Food Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive (Source: domwithpen.tumblr.com)

Initial Steps Into Orgasm on Command Training (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Rules and Tasks for Building Confidence (Source: themostdangerousplaything.tumblr.com)

Tools of Consent in BDSM (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Training in D/s - Why? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - How? (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Training in D/s - Thoughts And Concerns (Source: her-master.tumblr.com)

Wax Play (Source: bdsmsadomasochism.tumblr.com)

Safety:

Basics Of Safe, Sane And Consensual Power Exchange (Source: Molly Devon / the-iron-gate.com)

Common Sense (Source: Sean R. Powell / the-iron-gate.com)

Emotional Safety (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Offline/Online BDSM Safety Rules (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Ouch Is Not A Safe Word: Safe Words, Limits, and Scene Protocol (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Rules For Meeting Strangers (Source: Jack Rinella / leathernews.com)

Safewords and Safesigns 101 (Source: kinkology.tumblr.com)

S.S.C. VS R.A.C.K. (Source: Justin Medlin / the-iron-gate.com)

Checklists, Communication and Negotiation:

BDSM Play Partner Check List (Source: Sovereign House / the-iron-gate.com)

BDSM Scene Negotiations (Source: daddyvinnie.tumblr.com)

Can I Get That In Writing: Basics of Negotiations (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Communication (Source: submissivesupportgroup.tumblr.com)

If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Negotiation Forms (Source: Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction / greenerypress.com)

What Are Negotiations Good For? (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare:

Aftercare for submissives (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Dominants (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Aftercare for Switches (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Emergency Self-Administered Aftercare (Source: Mistress Abode / brairthornblog.wordpress.com)

Sub Drop (Source: David Williams / subshelpingsubs.tripod.com)

Sub Drop and Aftercare (Source: desires-of-a-domimant-man.tumblr.com)

Dominance and Dominants:

A Dominant is NOT… (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dom (Source: Washington Sexuality University / the-iron-gate.com)

Advice to a Novice Dominant (Source: cherhatton.tumblr.com)

An Open Letter To A Novice Dom (Source: evilmonk.org)

Qualities of A Successful Dominant (Source: Polly Peachum / the-iron-gate.com)

Daddy Doms: They’re Not What You Think (Source: edenfantasys.com)

Domination for Nice Guys (Source: Franklin Veaux / the-iron-gate.com)

How To Spot A Non Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Learning To Be A Dom (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 1 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Run Don’t Walk: Warning Signs of A Predator Dom/me Part 2 (Source: submissiveguide.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts - Part One: Dominants (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

The Dominant (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Daddy Dom? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

What Makes A Good Dominant (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

What Should A Dominant Be (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Submission and Submissives:

10 Considerations For Inexperienced Subs (Source: fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com)

A Submissive Bill of Rights (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Creed (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

A Submissive’s Ethics (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Introduction To Submission (Source: Kim Debron / kimdebron.tripod.com)

Learning to Trust Your Instincts (Source: bewildbetruebekinkybeyou.tumblr.com)

Red Flags, Warning Signs, and Intuition: Learning to Trust You Instincts- Part 2: Submissives/Slaves (Source: the-iron-gate.com)

Some Rules For The Submissive (Source: daddylookingforhisbaby.tumblr.com)

Submissive Owner’s Manual (Source: youmadememe.tumblr.com)

Ten Tips For The Novice, Heterosexual submissive Woman (Source: Jay Wiseman / the-iron-gate.com)

Warning Signs for Submissives (Source: RC Bauer / the-iron-gate.com)

What Is A Babygirl? (Source: babygirlsndaddydoms.webs.com)

Books:

BDSM: The Naked Truth by Dr Charley Ferrer

Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers About Master/Slave Relationships by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Devil in the Details I: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - The Master, The Slave, The Power by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details II: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Mastery Refine: The Issues, The Skills by LT Morrison

Devil in the Details III: The Art of Mastery, A Mentoring Trilogy - Sustainable Structure and Traning by LT Morrison

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs

Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves and Their Relationships by Dan and Dawn Williams

Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel

Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402, Living in Harmony by Robert Rubel

Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel

Real Service by Joshua Tenpenny and Raven Kaldera

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Phillp Miller and Molly Devon

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Control Book by Peter Masters

The Loving Dominant by John and Libby Warren

The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy.

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino

This Curious Human Phenomenon: An Exploration of Some Uncommonly Explored Aspects of BDSM by Peter Masters

Where I Am Led: A Service Exploration Workbook by Christina Parker