Latest Posts by dontkickmyshin - Page 6
I've been in a meme mood lately for some reason
Just a hunch here, gop. But I think being 14 and married to a gross older man or dying in a mining accident is a bigger threat to a child than hearing about trans people.
What self-diagnosis ISN'T:
I'm so awkward and I saw a TikTok that says being cute is autism!
I want to prove to everyone that self-diagnosis is fake so I'm going to say I'm autistic just to prove to everyone they're stupid.
I'm bored so I'm going to take up "autistic space" so that people pay attention to me and I get lots of autistic stuff and take it all away from real Autistics.
What self-diagnosis IS:
I've been struggling for a long time with social interaction and communication and I'm really tired and anxious and standard therapy isn't helping and I'm scared and tired but I've been doing a LOT of research and taken a lot of online tests repeatedly because I'm scared I'm faking it but I really really really identify with autism and I find that treating myself as autistic and taking care of my sensory needs and relearning social interaction has really helped and the community is helpful and I am finally less afraid but I can't get an official diagnosis because it's expensive/no one around me does them/my family won't let me/doctors are gatekeeping/insert other valid reason and I just want help.
"Walkable city" is not "City where to have to walk everywhere."
"Walkable city" is.
Sidewalks big enough to fit you, your stroller, your wheelchair, your guide dog, or anything else you need when you're getting from one place to another.
Safe crosswalks frequent enough so you don't need to walk in traffic.
Bike lanes to keep bikes out of foot traffic and car traffic.
Accessible and affordable public transit.
Cities where the essentials are close enough you can travel on foot (or in wheelchair)
Cities where it's reasonable to be able to get from point a to point b without requiring you, yourself, to drive
People get so caught up in the "Walkable" part of the term and like to spout "Walkable cities are abelist because not everyone can walk".
Bitch. The modern city structure is abelist because not everyone can drive. And classist because not everyone can afford a car and it's pretty damn impossible to get a job if you don't have a car.
Walkable cities are cities where people can reasonably get from pointA to pointB without requiring a motor vehicle.
"But fae. Disabled people have issues using the paths in modern cities." Bitch abled people can barely use the paths in modern cities. That's kind of the fucking problem.
Also walkable cities have fucking benches. Not only for disabled people. But sometimes you just twist your ankle and need to sit for a moment.
"Put fae. If you have benches, homeless people will sleep on them."
Then get fucking housing for the homeless. Problem solved. They'll sleep in their nice warm homes instead of on the benches.
-fae
"But only 2% of the population is intersex. It's not that common. Why should we reframe or perception of gender for intersex people?"
Completely ignoring the fact that empathy exists. You do realize that 2% of the population in the medical field is considered very common, yes?
2% of children and 0.5% of adults have a peanut allergy and that's so common that they have entire rules around in in public spaces.
0.24-1% of the population has Rheumatoid arthritis. That's an eighth to a half of the number of intersex people!
1-2% of people are estimated to have autism, and that's considered a common condition.
0.1%-2.6% of people will get melanoma in their life time, and that's considered common.
1.2% of people have epilepsy and that's considered common.
Completely ignoring statistics like 6% of women have PCOS (which is a condition that can fall under the intersex umbrella). 2% of the population in the medical field is considered a common condition, and ergo by medical terms intersex is in itself common.
I don't think you realize how big 2% is. That's 2 in 100 people. If you walk into 3 fully filled classrooms (when I was in school a full classroom was 40 students). Chances are you just saw 2 intersex kids and didn't even know it.
So yeah. I think intersex is common enough to include in our discussions around gender and how transphobic rules affects intersex people.
-fae
in this new year I want you to be alright. I hope you move out. I hope you have enough money to feel safe. I hope you abandon shame and forgive yourself. I hope you get enough sleep and some good news. I hope you laugh a lot and the heaviness of the world eases a bit. I wish you to be alright.
hey if you're a UK resident can you sign this petition and if not please rb to spread the word
this is an official UK government petition that they have to respond to if it reaches 10,000 signatures
normality is out. stanning wolf keum is in
Chain of Command Chapter 6
The elevator ride down was dead quiet. Forrest and Robin walked silently, faces turned towards the ground. She suspected that the two were embarrassed by the ordeal on the rooftop.
Standing at the doorway of the building was Grape, the pile of cigarette butts at his feet having doubled since she last saw him. She’d bumped into him on her way up to the rooftop, and she didn’t need to look at the ground to tell that he’d been stress smoking. The boy reeked of smoke.
She’d regarded him with a click of her tongue and a small look of sympathy before rushing upstairs– she supposed hearing the words ‘Wolf Keum’ alone were already enough to give him a panic attack. Poor baby.
“What did that fucker say?” Grape cut through the thick silence, returning to his position behind Forrest as he shoved his hands into his pockets, the expression on his face making it obvious that he only expected the worst. Not that she blamed him.
“The money and files got stolen.” Forrest informed him, and Grape nodded soundlessly. Had it been someone else he might’ve made a derisive joke, but he seemed to be worried that if he even opened his mouth, Wolf Keum would swoop down like an eagle and swallow him whole. Maybe he just didn’t want to take the risk.
The four of them continued to walk quietly, before Forrest Lee spoke again. Perhaps he’d wanted to break the silence, or perhaps he’d just been waiting till they were a safe distance away from Ganghak to talk.
“So you’ll be working with that bastard from now on, huh Bambi?” Forrest glanced to the side to look at her, and she studied his face. He looked grim, though she thought she could spot a hint of relief too. He was probably just glad he didn’t have to face the Big Bad Wolf alone anymore.
“Yeah.” She slowed down as the quartet reached a bus stop, and the three boys stopped with her. Her bus was already there, slowing down as it reached the stop. “I’m gonna go now. Bye.”
She barely heard the perfect sync of goodbyes from the boys as she turned around, long brown hair swishing behind her, and stepped onto the vehicle.
~
It’d been about an hour since this meeting had started, and Bambi was starting to get restless. The last sixty minutes, she’d been standing behind Donald’s armchair, watching as he talked to the new client sitting across from them.
The new business partner was another wrinkly man in his sixties with a failing business, desperate for Donald’s help. The news of KHG’s big break had spread through the grapevine, and now businessmen were swarming around Donald like he was the second coming of Christ. Because of that, they’d seen a pretty large increase in their commissions. What a blessed new year.
The old man seemed to be wrapping the meeting up now, sticking his hand out to Donald, both anxiety and excitement displayed on his face at the idea of all the money he was about to make.
She didn’t pay further attention to any of the other words exchanged between the two, turning her focus instead to the clock on the wall (9pm) and both her mental and physical exhaustion. Thank God it’s finally over. Kingsley, who had stood by her side until now, followed the man on his way out to guide him downstairs, leaving Donald and Bambi alone behind him.
The room fell silent after the door snapped shut.
Bambi tapped her foot nervously.
Usually she preferred silence, but with Donald the quiet always felt suffocating. Like even breathing would make an avalanche of noise. Like there were a thousand thoughts running through his head at once, and she was missing out on every single one of them.
Donald didn’t seem to be bothered by the lack of noise though, standing up and making his way to the other side of the office wordlessly. Bambi leaned back to rest her body weight on the chair, watching as he stood in front of the large window, his hands clasped behind his back.
Perhaps to a bystander, it may have seemed like he was admiring the view. But she didn’t need to look to know that he was watching her in the reflection, his red eyes trained on her like a hawk. Staying as still as possible under Donald’s gaze proved to be a challenge, and she found herself fiddling with her fingers anxiously as she forced herself to meet his gaze in the glass.
She felt like he knew that he was torturing her with his silence– like he enjoyed her attention, enjoyed watching her hang on to his every movement, waiting for more.
After all, all she wanted was to know him better.
Ever since she first joined the Union, she’d felt an unexplainable magnetic pull towards Donald Na. It was as if he were the sun, and she was just a small insignificant dwarf planet rotating around him.
He had charisma, and what seemed like infinite confidence capable of making even her nervous. From the moment she’d first set eyes on him, she’d made it her lifelong goal to unravel the mystery of who Donald Na really was.
Plus, Donald was nice, which made it easier. Not nice in the way where he’d hold open doors for you or smile at you in the street, but where he’d make small talk and pretend to care about your personal life. Not that she was stupid enough to actually mistake this for friendship– he did this with everybody, even the executives he beat up. Just another thing that came built in with his alluring personality– but it opened up a door for her to actually know him. The person past the intimidating stare and massive displays of wealth that she now realised looked a lot like a form of protection.
She relished in the attention that he gave her, though admitting it made her feel somewhat embarrassed. It was like she’d deciphered a puzzle no one else could solve, except she was really only halfway to the answer– even after all the time they’d spent together, it still felt like she’d barely scraped the surface of who Donald Na really was. Well, she wasn’t gonna stop now.
No matter how much it went against her better judgement.
“It’s late. You should go home.” Donald had finally looked away from her, his attention turned to the streets below, and she felt a pang of jealousy. The tone he’d used was casual enough, but she knew the statement was more than a simple formality.
So, instead of saying her goodbyes, she walked towards his desk slowly, almost defiantly, fighting the urge to smile as his eyes finally left the window and followed her across the room till she was right behind him.
Dragging out the silence, she spoke slowly. “What about you?”
Donald turned slightly at her question, and his red eyes glinted, as if he was amused by her deliberate slowed pace. Often, she went so quick everybody around her found it hard to keep up. But when it came to Donald, it felt like she had to go slow, or she’d miss out something essential and never catch up. She knew he knew it too.
She stopped herself from huffing. Not her fault being around him felt like walking in a minefield. He let out a small breath of air, deadpan expression melting into a smirk. She wanted to ask him what he thought was so funny.
“I have work to do.”
Both pairs of eyes flicked down to the stack of files on his desk, and Bambi nodded in understanding. It wasn’t rare to see Donald working late into the night, a small frown on his face as he read through reports and legal documents, and who knows what else. Sometimes he fell asleep at his desk, head resting on his arms, a rare moment of vulnerability for someone as vicious as Donald Na.
“Would you like tea? Or coffee?” Bambi was already turning towards the door, though her eyes stayed fixed on him.
Donald smiled, tapping on his desk.
“Coffee will do.”
I finished my Rome book and have now begun one about Pompeii. I’m 65 pages in and I already love it: yes, it covers the volcano, but most of the book is about “this is what the town and daily life of it would have been like, actually.” Fascinating stuff. Things I’ve learned so far:
- The streets in Pompeii have sidewalks sometimes a meter higher than the road, with stepping stones to hop across as “crosswalks.” I’d seen some photos before. The book points out that, duh, Pompeii had no underground drainage, was built on a fairly steep incline, and the roads were more or less drainage systems and water channels in the rain.
- Unlike today, where “dining out” is expensive and considered wasteful on a budget, most people in Pompeii straight up didn’t have kitchens. You had to eat out if you were poor; only the wealthy could afford to eat at home.
- Most importantly, and I can’t believe in all the pop culture of Pompeii this had never clicked for me: Pompeii had a population between 6-35,000 people. Perhaps 2,000 died in the volcano. Contemporary sources talk about the bay being full of fleeing ships. Most people got the hell out when the eruption started. The number who died are still a lot, and it’s still gruesome and morbid, but it’s not “an entire town and everyone in it.” This also makes it difficult for archeologists, apparently (and logically): those who remained weren’t acting “normally,” they were sheltering or fleeing a volcano. One famous example is a wealthy woman covered in jewelry found in the bedroom in the glaridator barracks. Scandal! She must have been having an affair and had it immortalized in ash! The book points out that 17 other people and several dogs were also crowded in that one small room: far more likely, they were all trying to shelter together. Another example: Houses are weirdly devoid of furniture, and archeologists find objects in odd places. (Gardening supplies in a formal dining room, for example.) But then you remember that there were several hours of people evacuating, packing their belongings, loading up carts and getting out… maybe the gardening supplies were brought to the dining room to be packed and abandoned, instead of some deeper esoteric meaning. The book argues that this all makes it much harder to get an accurate read on normal life in a Roman town, because while Pompeii is a brilliant snapshot, it’s actually a snapshot of a town undergoing major evacuation and disaster, not an average day.
- Oh, another great one. Outside of a random laundry place in Pompeii, someone painted a mural with two scenes. One of them referenced Virgil’s Aeneid. Underneath that scene, someone graffiti’d a reference to a famous line from that play, except tweaked it to be about laundry. This is really cool, the book points out, because it implies that a) literacy and education was high enough that one could paint a reference and have it recognized, and b) that someone else could recognize it and make a dumb play on words about it and c) the whole thing, again, means that there’s a certain amount of literacy and familiarity with “Roman pop culture” even among fairly normal people at the time.
Title: She Who Became the Sun Author: Shelley Parker-Chan Publication Date: July 2021 Publisher: Tor Books Genre: fiction, fantasy, historical fiction, queer lit
I think to sell this book as a “Mulan meets The Song of Achilles” is not only misleading, but also isn’t giving enough credit to Parker-Chan’s fascinating and rather original reimagining of Zhu Yuanzhang and the start of the Ming Dynasty. I was so taken to the political intrigue and motivations, which was brought together incredibly well by focusing on each character’s desires and their understanding of fate. The moral compass wavers quite a bit as the main characters narrate and get further consumed by their desires, putting the reader in an interesting position to work out how much these characters can be trusted in the end.
Leading me to what made this book so damn well: Zhu and Ouyang were standout characters. Zhu, being the protagonist, was one of the most well-constructed characters I’ve come across in a while. For one, to portray the first ruler of the Ming Dynasty as a genderqueer character was such a refreshing and original approach. Furthermore, Zhu’s gender identity was beautifully portrayed in a way that challenged the rigidity of the gender binary (and I would go so far as to argue the concept of the nonbinary identity). I loved how driven Zhu was by her burning desire for greatness—for better or for worse—that propelled her to where she ended up by the end of the book. As for Ouyang, I thought he was an equally memorable character. He’s an incredibly complex man who is eaten up by self-loathing and has a burning desire for vengeance, much of which is tied to him being a eunuch. Parker-Chan also does a deep dive into gender identity with Ouyang, scrutinizing the construction of masculinity in particular. At the end of the day, you could kind of call them both antiheroes in their own ways, and damn, they were well-written ones that really brought this book together.
One criticism I have of this book is that the fantasy element didn’t quite work for me. Unless I missed something, I felt that things were often left unexplained in a way that made the fantasy part of this book pointless. I’m hoping this is addressed in the second installment of this duology, but I guess we’ll find out in due time. I also found the pacing a little awkward at times, especially the middle part of the book, but not enough to frustrate me.
All-in-all, this was a fun read and well worth picking up if you want a unique reimagining of a historical moment and figure in China.
Keep reading
Weak Hero is such a fun Webtoon! A bit of an unexpected hit in the school action/martial arts genre because…
Every single high school/middle school character is so embarrassing and at least one other character knows it. Nobody has escaped a callout about their grimdark/chuuni/tough guy behaviour except for Big Ben. Big Ben only escapes this by being made fun of for being a dumbass instead, and everyone secretly respects him the most for being generally a good guy.
All the antagonists have friends and enemies of their own! Their friendships are genuine and, in some cases, have developed from much more parasitic relationships as the characters grow.
The central conflict of the story, which is about a bunch of kids fighting each other in various centralized crime rings, is actually about poverty as a direct result of systemic corruption??? Like, half of these children have less than no interest in getting into fist fights, and have ACTIVELY TRIED TO AVOID FIGHTING ONE ANOTHER, but have been steered into it by the interests of ??? corrupt property developers ??? and politicians manipulating a deeply corrupt school system ??? There is actually a pretty well actualized subplot here that is thoughtful about the root of the problem and the failure of many attempts to resolve it???????????????????????
The kick off of the WHOLE STORY is a kid attempting (and succeeding) to fight against corruption with legal resource provision for the poor at no profit THROUGH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM and GRANTING AGENCIES, who is then harmed by other children in response to a loss of privilege that occurs DIRECTLY because of the elevation of others out of suffering.
The key antagonist is locked in a little math competition with the main character. This math competition is clearly friendly??? Both of them would prefer academic pursuits if they weren’t driven into their current positions in essentially a criminal underworld, and both make regular attempts to leave said underworld (Donald just wants to be business-facing!!!!).
References homophobia as an aspect of school bullying without the narrative itself being homophobic. Many characters feelings towards those closest to them are open-ended and, upon having other characters reference it (re: “boyfriends” and homophobic jokes), there is no real denial of feelings.
Not every character can fight, and in fact one of the key current conflicts, in a beautiful parallel to the start of the story, is kicked off by a character who cannot fight using his head to try and do something good for his community. Very cyclical, very nice.
Next Benoit Blanc mystery is a muppet movie. You agree. Reblog.
For extra cash, the League of Villains open up an advice hotline.
Caller: “My boyfriend cheated on me, what should I do?”
Toga: “You deserve better. Stab him.”
Dabi: “Cheat back and burn his house down.”
Twice: “Have an in-depth conversation about the consequences of his actions and how it’s effected you, then reflect on what kind of partner you want for your future. Consider where you see the relationship going from that point on and base your decision off all the information you’ve collected. Don’t be afraid to do what’s best for you.”
Toga: “…”
Dabi: “…”
Twice: “…Then key his car!”
Toga: “Yeah!”
Dabi: “Thanks for calling.”
Caller 2: “Hi! My Dad’s an asshole—“
Dabi: “Kill him.”
Dabi, hangs up.
Caller 3: “So, uh… I have feelings for my co-worker— well, he’s more like my boss… and I’m not sure if confessing my feelings would be appropriate. Mainly because the work we do is pretty dangerous—“
Toga: “Spinner is that you?”
Caller 3 hangs up.
⚠️ (For legal reasons, pls do not follow the League’s advice.) ⚠️
Chain of Command Chapter 5
Fuck, where is she?
She’d called him the night before to ask for the designated pick up time, but ten minutes had already passed since the agreed timing and Bambi was still nowhere to be seen.
Admittedly, Forrest felt a little embarrassed for eagerly anticipating Bambi’s arrival like she was some knight in shining armour and he was a damsel in distress, but when you were facing a real life villain that would make any fairytale antagonist piss their pants, you needed all the protection you could get.
He’d felt relieved when she informed him that she would be tagging along to observe the pickup with Ganghak– for what reason, he didn’t know.
He doubted that Wolf would be happy with the decision, but as long as it meant that Forrest and his friends would be free from both psychological and physical damage, he didn’t give a damn about what the boy felt,
But regardless of what she’d said the night before, Bambi was still a no-show. And Forrest Lee was paying for it big time.
“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen. And yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?”
Wolf grabbed him by his hair, yanking his head down towards till their eyes were levelled.
“You dare do that to me? Have you forgotten who I am?”
Fuck. It became harder to evade Wolf Keum’s eyes as he leaned in closer to his face. Fuck. He was vaguely aware of Robin cowering behind him, and he was glad he left Grapes waiting downstairs. Where is Bambi? This was the exact scenario Forrest had wanted to avoid.
Where the hell is she?
Just as Forrest was about to resign to his fate, his panicking was cut short by footsteps and a familiar voice.
“What’s going on?”
Relief flooded his body.
Thank fucking goodness.
~
Bambi had never had a favourable impression of Wolf Keum, not when she first set eyes on him, not when Sam Lee recounted the days where he was bullied by Wolf, not when he and his little gang of assholes nearly ran her over with their motorbikes, and definitely not when she walked in on him about to beat the shit out of Forrest Lee.
She had been nearly ten minutes late to the pick up due to an unexpected holdup, and was not in the best of moods even before she watched as Wolf Keum entangled his fingers in Forrest's hair, pulling down on it so harshly she was worried that Forrest would go bald before he even hit twenty.
After all the time she’d spent alongside Donald Na, she’d learnt how to keep her emotions from being public display. Despite that, she still had to physically stop her jaw from dropping at the sight in front of her. However, even if she did let it hang loose from shock, she doubted that anyone would’ve noticed it anyways. Aside from Wolf and Forrest, the only other people present were Robin Ha, and two other boys from Ganghak.
Robin stood with his back to her, his head lowered to face the ground and his shoulders slumped in what seemed like a pathetic attempt to shrink all six feet of himself to avoid looking at his fallen leader. Wolf’s two lieutenants stood at the other end of the rooftop, facing the elevator. If their eyes weren’t so glued to the scene in front of them, they probably would’ve noticed her arrival. In the centre of it all, was Wolf Keum and Forrest Lee, the former grabbing the latter by the hair as he leaned in closer to Forrest’s face.
Her first reaction was to butt in and stop Wolf (an impulse that EMBARRASSED her)– what overwhelmed her shock at his actions was her worry for Forrest Lee. It was pitiful watching the school head be reduced to a mere ragdoll in front of Wolf Keum, especially since she knew of his assaulter’s formidability. The choice of action she decided to take however, was to stand by and watch silently, crossing her arms over her chest.
Just like how she’d learned to control her facial expressions, she’d learnt how to control the way she acted too. Rushing into a fight to stop it just reeked of desperation, which was the last thing she wanted to show around delinquents, or anyone, really. Observing silently and collecting information was the smart thing to do. An uncaring, cool and collected image had already been built for the higher ups of the Union, and she’d be an idiot to not utilise it.
Not that she wasn’t entirely unaffected by the violence that had become her everyday life– contrary to the opinions of many Union members, she wasn’t totally callous and apathetic (or in their words, a “stuck up bitch”). She wasn’t Kingsley. She had loads of empathy. She just found it easy for her to watch delinquents that weren’t her friends get beat up since she knew better than to waste her empathy on them.
Asides from worry, another emotion that had wormed her way into her heart while she watched the scene in front of her was anger, something she was much more familiar with.
What does he think he’s doing?
Was Wolf really stupid enough to attack another executive? Perhaps stupid had been the wrong word, Wolf had brains after all. Crazy would’ve worked much better.
She knew she should’ve known better than to let Wolf’s actions shock her, but she couldn’t help but feel surprised at the boy’s brazenness. Not that they weren’t perfectly in character for the bastard.
The boy hadn’t been branded as the Union wildcard for no good reason– the big, bad, Wolf with sharp teeth and large claws. A powerful and scary delinquent, no doubt, but still a delinquent, who probably only started smoking because they thought it looked cool, and thought every little insult had to be resolved with violence. At the end of the day, he was just a teenage boy who thought he was hot shit just because he had a couple of wins under his belt.
Wolf was saying something else now, and she turned her attention towards him. She raised an eyebrow. The boy was still unaware of her presence, moving so close to Forrest’s face she might’ve thought that he was going in for a kiss.
“I said I’ll make sure to take care of the money that got stolen, yet you dare intimidate me with Donald Na?”
Stolen money? Her anger on Forrest’s behalf had been forgotten, her body temperature rising significantly before dropping again. An unpleasant chill ran through her body, like someone had dumped a bucket of ice over her head.
Wolf was now saying something about his name, but she tuned it out. Stolen money? That explained why she hadn’t seen any bags on the rooftop.
In the Union, it wasn’t rare to see members fuck up their missions. Sure, maybe it'd get them a slap or two from their assigned executive, or a lecture from Donald Na himself, depending on the importance of the task, but it was rarely that serious. Losing money, however, was practically a death penalty.
She exhaled, marching towards the two boys in front of her. She’d seen enough.
“What’s going on?”
Every head turned at the sound of her voice, all with varying reactions, though shock seemed to be a common factor in all of them.
Robin and Forrest’s faces leaned more towards relief, albeit mixed with humiliation. Hayden and Hwangmo, on the other hand, seemed to physically freeze up as her gaze swept over them and onto Wolf Keum, whose face had hardened at the sight of her with obvious unhappiness. Reluctantly, he let go of Forrest Lee.
If it wasn’t for the sense of foreboding descending unto her, she would’ve rolled her eyes.
She didn’t stop walking forward until she was a short distance away from Wolf. He’d switched most of his scowl out with the blank stare he kept on while around Donald Na, though there was still a hint of petulance in it that Bambi didn’t like.
“What stolen money?” The sharp edge in her voice went unnoticed by none.
“...I didn’t know you were coming.”
An eyebrow shot up.
“Clearly.” She scoffed. “Now answer my question.”
“What stolen money?”
This time, Wolf didn’t bother to hide his anger, letting it seep into his voice as he replied, though he at least had the sense to lower his gaze.
“The expenditure payment got stolen by a bunch of guys from Eunjang. We’re looking for them right now.”
She didn’t know whether to be shocked or infuriated. She settled for a mix of both. “You lost the money?”
Wolf opened his mouth, but she cut in before he could speak. “No wait, you let it get stolen?” Wolf tensed, but she paid no mind to it, thinking about how she would break the news to Donald. He would not be happy.
All the money, and some important files too, were kept in a big locked bag for safekeeping while it was being transported. Though it was an inconvenient method when compared to digital transactions, it made sure the money- and the Union- never left a trace. However, its weakness was that it also opened up the possibility of intervention from outside sources, which meant that it was the responsibility of the members of the Union to keep it safe.
That obviously hadn’t worked.
“Who lost it?” Narrowing her eyes, she glanced at two boys behind Wolf, who flinched in return.
“It wasn’t them.” Wolf said sharply, though Bambi noted that unlike how other leaders in the Union might’ve reacted, he sounded more annoyed than defensive. “It was two other guys. I’ve already punished them, so relax.”
For the second time that day, she had to stop her jaw from hanging open at his stunning display of audacity. Relax. He really was a peculiar bastard, wasn’t he? First, he’d grabbed another executive by the hair. Then he’d lost the expenditure payment. And now he was telling her to relax.
She released a massive frustration filled sigh.
“Wolf.”
A heavy silence rested on the rooftop as she paused. When she finally spoke again, her voice was dangerously low.
“It’s a simple job. Donald Na entrusted you with this himself, and he doesn’t have time for incompetency, so fix this quickly.” She practically spat out the last part, voice full of venom. “Get the money back by tomorrow or I’ll be telling him about your mistake.”
She started to turn, motioning towards Forrest and Robin to follow her as she made her way to the elevator. “We’re done here for now.”
“Oh, right,” She paused suddenly, swivelling her head to look at him again. “I’m sure you know the rules on attacking another Union member well enough, so keep your hands to yourself next time, yeah?” She sent him a scathing look. “Try to get your shit together now.”
As she entered the lift, she had the distinct feeling that Wolf was glaring holes through her back. She frowned. She had a suspicion neither of them particularly liked each other.
Them afterwards tho:
My dad and I once had a disagreement over him using the adage "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
I said, "That's just not true. Sometimes what doesn't kill you leaves you brittle and injured or traumatized."
He stopped and thought about that for a while. He came back later, and said, "It's like wood glue."
He pointed to my bookshelf, which he helped me salvage a while ago. He said, "Do you remember how I explained that, once we used the wood glue on them, the shelves would actually be stronger than they were before they broke?"
I did.
"But before we used the wood glue, those shelves were broken. They couldn't hold up shit. If you had put books on them, they would have collapsed. And that wood glue had to set awhile. If we put anything on them too early, they would have collapsed just the same as if we'd never fixed them at all. You've got to give these things time to set."
It sounded like a pretty good metaphor to me, but one thing I did pick up on was that whatever broke those shelves, that's not the thing that made them stronger. That just broke them. It was being fixed that made them stronger. It was the glue.
So my dad and I agreed, what doesn't kill you doesn't actually make you stronger, but healing does. And if you feel like healing hasn't made you stronger than you were before, you're probably not done healing. You've got to give these things time to set.
The Goncharov meme is such a fun little spotlight on how people view media. Like, fake academic analysis about a movie that doesn't exist. Cool. But that's only the first level.
Next you have posts recreating a modern tumblr audience "discovering" an older piece of media and engaging with it through the lens of fan culture. Particularly tumblr-specific fan culture. Particularly in a way that feels like it got its blueprint from Dracula Daily. (Shitposts and memes, intense love for the most prominent female character, reads of complex romantic dynamics between characters, etc.)
Then you get fake discourse about the fake fan response to a fake movie that are quietly complaining about real ways real people respond to real media. I.e., America-centric readings, shallow, shipping-based readings, fans lionizing a protagonist not meant to be admired, etc.
(My personal favorite are posts that recreate the experience of being told a piece of media is so gay, you guys, only to watch it and find it isn't even remotely, that fans who wanted queer subtext wrung blood from a stone and thoroughly misled you.)
I also like the extra-meta ones about "this obscure movie being recently re-discovered," fake film history about copyright battles or the original cut being suppressed, etc. And of course, Johnny fucking Truant is here to give his editorial take on it, as he should be.
Pale Fire, House of Leaves, Goncharov. Humanity is such that every now and then we need to get really invested in fake arguments about a piece of media that doesn't exist.
Chain of Command Chapter 4
Having a full time job working for a criminal empire had unexpected cons, and missing meals on the regular was one of them.
It was 9.40pm in Seoul, and Bambi was on the bus home from work with an empty stomach. After her talk with Forrest Lee at Hyeongshin, she had a bunch of tasks that took a couple more hours to complete before she could finally clock out and head home.
She regretted her choice of not eating before she left for home; she wanted to reach her house quickly so she could start on her boatload of school work, and now she was paying for it with absolutely crippling gastric pains. Just because she had a high rank in the Union didn’t mean she had the physical endurance of her subordinates.
The bus she was on hadn’t been doing a very good job of delivering her to her destination quickly either, driving so slowly the entire ride that Bambi was surprised it hadn’t been pulled over as a safety hazard, and suddenly coming to a halt at the red light, just metres from her stop. She let out a heavy sigh, unconcerned with the sharp look that the lady sitting next to her gave her.
It seemed like the universe was determined to kill her from starvation. Forget getting home to do work, she was gonna die in this bus. If she waited any longer, a flock of vultures would probably start circling around her head.
As if it had heard her internal complaints, the light turned green, and the bus started to move again, making its way to her stop. Fucking finally. Maybe God does exist.
The doors of the bus slid open, and fresh air gushed in, tickling Bambi’s face as she stepped off the vehicle and into the outside world. Though the bus wasn’t carrying many people, the streets of Yeongdeungpo were still full, and the bright lights and heavy traffic made it feel like it was still day.
Her apartment was only a quick walk from the bus stop, so it wouldn’t take too long for her to reach home and get dinner from the convenience store underneath, but the short trip didn’t stop her from brisk walking as swiftly as possible in order to arrive as soon as she possibly could. Perhaps running would’ve allowed her to reach faster, but that made her sweaty, and depleted the little energy in her famished body that she had left after her long day of work. Screw this job, seriously.
At least her boss and her coworkers (which was. Just Kingsley) suffered the same fate. And honestly, she thought she had it better than they did. Maybe keeping the delinquents in check was tiring, but it was the lesser of two evils. Kingsley’s job of following Donald around the whole day sounded fucking boring- she’d sat in on some of Donald’s meetings herself and she nearly fell asleep every time. And she couldn’t even imagine being Donald Na himself.
Speaking of Donald and Kingsley, she wondered what the two of them were doing at the moment. They usually wrapped up around nine, but sometimes their business matters leached into their free time, and they wouldn’t get off work until ten or so-
Her phone rang, snapping her out of her own thoughts.
She rolled her eyes as she checked the caller ID. Speak of the devil.
“What?”
“We’re having dinner.” Kingsley Kwan’s monotonic voice was muffled by the sounds of traffic, and she pressed her ear closer to her phone in order to hear what he was saying. “I’ve sent you the location. Do you want to join us?”
No need to guess what ‘we’ meant. Unless Kingsley had very suddenly (and very uncharacteristically) added a new person to his social circle, which Bambi thought was as likely as him growing an extra head, or perhaps changing his hairstyle to something more fashionable, it meant he was having dinner with Donald Na.
Which also meant, they were probably at some nice, expensive restaurant, while she was brisk walking home deluding herself into believing that she wasn’t actually that hungry anyways.
She sighed exaggeratedly as she considered her options, loud enough for Kingsley to hear. By the time she reached the restaurant, they’d probably already be done with their meal. What a shame; Donald always paid too.
“So nice of you to think of me, Kingsley.” She said into the phone, a sneer apparent in her voice. She knew he wouldn’t take it seriously anyways. “But I’m nearly home. Sorry.”
She and Kingsley were sort of friends, where they both understood and cared for one another, except with the care part left out.
Due to the isolating nature of their jobs, Kingsley was the only person she hung around on an everyday basis who also worked directly for Donald. The large amount of time that they both spent around each other led to a mutual understanding between the two; they could empathise with each other’s problems, hold a conversation without it being awkward, and banter with one another without coming off as overly familiar.
But also because of the nature of their jobs, every interaction with one another was always laced with the underlying awareness that at the end of the day, they’d both choose the wellbeing of the Union over the other. Or in Kingsley’s case, he’d choose Donald over her.
Like she’d said, the Union benefited from disloyalty.
She paused for a moment, before adding on. “Thank Donald for me.”
“Hold on.” Kingsley’s side of the call was silent for a moment, though she heard hushed talking in the background, and then shuffling like the phone was being passed over.
“Bambi. How is Hyeongshin doing?” Unlike his second in command, Donald spoke at a slow pace with a lowered voice; a voice that commandeered attention and respect. Even from behind a phone screen, it still put her a little on edge.
“I informed them about the dip in sales. Forrest Lee assured me that he’d take care of it. Other than that, I think they’re handling everything well. Tomorrow they’re heading over to Ganghak to make a pick up for KHG, I told Forrest to inform me once it’s done.”
“Good.”
Donald paused, and Bambi held her breath for whatever might come next. Though it had been ages since she’d last been reprimanded (and she intended to keep it that way) you never really knew with Donald Na. He liked to take his time while speaking to collect his thoughts, unbothered by the nerves of those around him.
“From now on, make sure you keep as close an eye as possible on the executives. Make sure to make use of the observers that I’ve planted around Yeongdeungpo.”
The observers were Union members whose jobs were to bring any suspicious activity to Bambi’s attention so that she could investigate it and take care of the matter. To pluck out any weed before it had the chance to grow.
“After all that’s happened with Eunjang and Myles’s excommunication, we need some time to restabilise. While that’s happening, we can’t let anyone take advantage of the weakened state of the Union, especially with the new businesses that require our attention. Report anything out of the ordinary to me.”
“...Okay.” Bambi heard silence in response, before the robotic beep of Donald hanging up.
Donald was right to be concerned. The boys in the Union were the type to cause trouble regardless of how many times Donald Na had demonstrated his power. In order to keep them in line, he’d have to maintain a tight grip on their leashes at all times.
She sighed as she approached the convenience store under her apartment flat. What sounded better, microwave heated pasta or pizza?
Her mind wandered to the pick up that was due to happen the next day.
It was just a simple exchange- Ganghak was just transporting the money to Hyeongshin so that they could drop it off again somewhere else. The Union executives did it all time, so there had never been a real need for Bambi to keep an eye on them while doing it.
Even now, after Donald’s instructions, she doubted that he needed her to watch over every single transaction done in the Union. However, he did order her to observe them as carefully as possible, and she was in the area tomorrow…
She scrolled through Kakaotalk, clicking the call icon on a certain contact as she pushed the door to the store open.
“Hey Forrest, there’s been a change of plans…”
~
okay so i'm a lot happier with this chapter than my other ones. for one, i gave myself more time to write this. i know i just posted chapter 3 so it might look like i rushed this chapter in two days, but it was actually supposed to be posted on tumblr two weeks ago. i just forgot about it after posting on ao3.
Chain of Command Chapter 3
Though Yeongdeungpo was by no means a great neighbourhood- with its graffitied walls and copious amounts of street violence- Bambi was unable to get used to the crumbling walls and dirty streets that were distinct features of the area surrounding Hyeongshin.
The school itself seemed a little dingy, with shabby furniture and even shabbier students, so unlike Yeo-il’s pristine hallways and spotless floors. She eyed an overflowing trash can at the side of the corridor as she walked through, before turning away and sighing.
Whatever. She wasn’t a judgemental person. (She was).
She was headed to Hyeongshin’s meeting room, the usual meet up spot for when she came to do business with Forrest Lee. Despite the not-so-stellar quality of the school, she was in a good mood, as she always was when she was about to meet up with Forrest Lee, though it was a little dampened by the news she was about to deliver to him. It had something to do with business decreasing, which would’ve been fine if it was Ganghak, or Yoosun, or anybody with a reputation accumulated after a long time.
But for someone who just lost to another school and had their management changed in the short span that they were an executive (a position that they only gained through snitching on their ex leader), it would not have been the best thing to hear.
The boys from Hyeongshin were already losing part of their commissions, who knew what Donald would do if they continued to mess up? She frowned. Donald’s wrath was something she did not want to be on the receiving end of.
By now, she was nearly off the first floor, halfway up the staircase to the second storey where the meeting room was located, right at the end of the hallway. Though it wasn’t her school, she was well acquainted with Hyeongshin’s layout due to the numerous times she’d visited.
Like Yeo-il, there weren’t many students still lingering in the hallways, most having already left the school to go to karaoke or the pool hall, or perhaps even a cram school. (She snorted a little at the thought.) However, whatever little students were left identified her immediately and soon she had a small crowd of students whipping their heads towards her at breakneck speed, giving themselves a millisecond to gawk before directing their gazes to the ground, arms stiff by their sides.
In other parts of Yeongdeungpo, when people realised of her affiliation to the Union, they tended to stare and whisper amongst themselves.
But in Hyeongshin, when the boys saw her, or any other Union member, they all grew very silent and still, parting before her like Moses and the Red Sea. It seemed like Myles Joo had them trained well.
…
Before he left, of course.
She paid no mind to them, walking through the now cleared path (though there weren’t that many people in the way in the first place) and quickening her pace as she approached the meeting room, reaching for the handle.
Hyeongshin High’s meeting room, though smaller than a regular classroom, was spacious, with a long table on one side and two couches on the other. Though, officially, its purpose was to serve as a room where the student council would gather (and that was what it was used for, at least to the knowledge of the teachers) but the students of the school were all well aware of what it really was; the gathering area for the school head and his friends.
And there the school head was, sitting across the room quietly, frowning and presumably deep in thought.
“Hey,” Bambi tossed her bag onto the couch opposite Forrest Lee, making herself comfortable, before she noticed the unusual silence in the room and the absence of two certain someones. “Where’d they go?”
Forrest seemed to immediately know who she was referring to.
Robin Ha and Sam Lee (or better known as Grape) were Forrest’s second and third in command, though they seemed to be in disagreement about who was who. The two of them followed Forrest everywhere, and it felt strange when they were gone. Grape, who earned his nickname from his curly purple hair, was the shorter and more talkative one of the duo, with a cocky personality and an overt eagerness whenever it was time to get into a fight. Robin Ha, though less talkative than his friend, was by no means less sadistic or willing to punch somebody in the face.
“Hey. Robin went for a smoke, and Grape went to look for him.”
Forrest paused a little before he continued, and the look on his face told Bambi he was only expecting the absolute worst.
“So why’d you come down here today?”
She grimaced a little; it was too bad that she was going to have to validate his fears.
“It involves KHG industries.”
“Hyeongshin’s uniform sales have dipped after your loss to Eunjang. It’s not so bad for Yoosun, since Jimmy Bae’s in charge, but you haven’t been school head for long so…”
She studied his face, and when he stayed silent, she continued.
“Anyways, just get your boys to beat a bunch of guys up, or whatever. The method doesn’t really matter, as long as Donald doesn’t lose his commission.” Bambi pursed her lips; she usually never had trouble relaying instructions, but watching Forrest Lee’s cressfallenness made her feel a little guilty. “It’s better for all of us anyways, for sales to be high.”
Her attempt to lighten the tone didn’t seem to work very well, as Forrest continued to stare down at the table in front of him, his eyes never meeting hers. There was a grim yet pensive look on his face, like he was slowly processing the information.
After a moment, he finally responded.
“Yeah, okay.”
Bambi raised an eyebrow.
She’d been around Forrest long enough to put a name to each of his mannerisms, and the tone of voice he was currently talking with was the one he used when he was down- dejectedness badly disguised as impassiveness.
Usually he was brimming with confidence, making small talk and laughing with her, the large smirk on his face one of someone who knew he had power. But today it was different. She thought back to the events of the last Union assembly, sighing inwardly as she observed his downcast form.
She didn’t have to guess to know why.
“Has Ganghak come over to collect the files yet?” She inquired, neither addressing nor ignoring the elephant in the room, choosing to awkwardly skirt around it instead.
“Robin offered to pass them to Wolf, but I’m not sure if he’s arrived yet. I’ll check later.” Forrest’s grim look seemed to worsen at the thought of Ganghak’s leader.
“Okay.”
To be fair, who could really blame Forrest for being disheartened? Bambi certainly didn’t, but she was never really good at situations like this; she was more used to just saying something snarky and leaving.
She directed her gaze back to Forrest Lee, who was now staring at the wall behind her. His eyes were narrowed, like he was contemplating something, and she sighed again, out loud this time.
“Look, man.”
Forrest finally directed his gaze towards her, seemingly apprehensive about what she was going to say.
“I don’t like this new shift in management either. But if you and Jimmy Bae handled the situation with Eunjang better, this wouldn’t’ve happened. Not to mention what happened with Myles…”
Forrest Lee flinched, and for a split second both of them recalled the events that came before Myles Joo’s excommunication.
Bambi had already been suspicious of Myles after his show of displeasure at being demoted after Jake Ji’s arrival; his obvious anger at Jake and Donald Na, and even his hostility towards her and hesitation to follow orders, which had never been a problem before. She had the observers planted around Yeongdeungpo to report to her if Myles Joo was caught acting out, before Forrest Lee came to her all of a sudden with evidence that Myles was betraying the Union.
She narrowed her eyes.
She was pretty new to the Union too at that point of time, so Forrest’s information had definitely helped her in gaining Donald’s trust. Perhaps it was considered cowardly, or disloyal, to go behind your leader’s back to rat him out, but so what? The Union benefited from disloyalty.
If the boys were just going to sit by as their leader plotted a coup, it could end up leading to the downfall of the Union. And she couldn’t let that happen, could she?
“But I guess I can’t complain, since it was beneficial for me, too.” She finished, and Forrest nodded quietly. He seemed relieved that she hadn’t drawn the topic out any longer. Nobody wanted to think about the punishment that Donald had bestowed upon Myles, and the betrayal that had led to it.
“I’m gonna go now. Don’t forget to make sure the files are handed off to Ganghak. See you.”
“Later.”
She caught a glimpse of his face as the door slammed; his expression had shifted into something steely, like the gears in his head were slowly turning.
The sky outside had turned a dark blue while she was in the meeting room. She made her way down the stairs and out of the school gate. Though the school was empty by now, the streets were busy, cars rushing past her in a stream of colour.
She stood there for a moment, idly watching the traffic before a loud roar came from behind, forcing her to jump to the side as a group of motorbikes sped past her.
(God, she fucking hated motorcycles. Every goddamn Union assembly was full of them, leaking exhaust and polluting the air.)
Bambi glared at the bikers, her eyes catching sight of their red blazers and gray slacks. Could it be? Her eyes narrowed in on the boy at the front of the group, his messy purple hair slowly becoming less visible as he sped away into the distance, turning a bend and disappearing. She grimaced.
Seems like Ganghak did come over to make a pick up after all.
so eye-opening to understand that self-love and self-sufficiency are inherently different concepts. if you enjoy going to places alone, cooking alone, taking a walk by yourself, you’re self-sufficient—able to both rely on and luxuriate in your own company in instances where you’re on your own. but self-love has more to do with how compassionate you are to yourself when you make mistakes: with understanding that failure is human, that it’s unavoidable at times, and that you should be kind to yourself when it happens rather than critical of your shortcomings. this is why the whole adage that “you can’t truly be loved by someone else until you love yourself” kind of falls flat for me. finding someone else who’s emotionally secure & available has been proven to help you become more compassionate/kind/patient to yourself (self-love), even if you already know how to spend time alone (self-sufficiency). confusing these two things has led people to mistakenly believe that wanting human connection means that you can’t rely on yourself, when in reality it’s perfectly valid to want a bond that strengthens your self-esteem and encourages you to pursue life the way you want to
general ouyang
I really do adore the kind of character who would rather make everything worse than even try to fix the problem. Yeah man, fuck communicating with your friends, blow the place to hell!!!
please
YOU THERE! YES YOU! FIC READER!
I just read a fic from 2013 and left a comment on the end. The author responded within 3 hours.
Please leave comments on fics. It doesn't matter if you don't know what to say I literally made a joke about a space worm. Please comment on fics it'll make the authors day even if its from 9 years ago.
Homeland Security Admits It Tried to Manufacture Fake Terrorists for Trump
🥀🔪 SPOOKY BOOKS FOR AUTUMN 2022 👻🏚️
hi guys. I really like books right now. have you heard about books? I’d like to talk to you about some spooky books
SPOOKY
Horror but like LIGHT not too much
Bound Feet - **initially forgot this gem !!** a novella where two women break into a Chinese Garden and Ghost Museum at night !!
Our Wives Under the Sea - this is very literary light on the horror, about a woman’s wife coming back wrong from a Marianas Trench investigation
Weird Horror #3 and #4 - I love this magazine. it has the exact kind of horror story I like, more interested in intriguing you than disturbing you. I’ve only read 3 and 4 so far but I’m sure they’re all good.
Goddess of Filth - this is an unique possession tale. A group of Mexican American girls hold a seance that allows a goddess to possess one of them, but their real enemy… CATHOLICISM
My Heart is a Chainsaw - it’s Stephen Graham Jones. you cannot go wrong with SGJ, but this is the most for tumblr of his works. Jade is a very traumatized teen who loves horror movies and life becomes one
Come Closer - this is Possession Horror at its finest, told from the perspective of the woman being possessed
The Carrow Haunt - a group of paranormal enthusiasts all stay at a haunted house ! somehow gives warm hug found family coffee shop vibes even while bodies are dropping.
You Should Have Left - apparently now a movie with Kevin Bacon. haven’t seen it, but enjoy this book for the style and execution. screenwriter on a vacation in a house that should have never been built where it has been built…
What Moves the Dead - a retelling of the Fall of the House of Usher with a nb protagonist, very gothic without being too scary
A Head Full of Ghosts - a possession story where a family welcomes a reality tv crew into their home to film their possessed daughter
A Dowry of Blood - give it up for a book entirely about Dracula’s polycule aka his wives and husband. horror in the sense of domestic abuse.
Hide and Seeker - I will add a middle grade horror book bc I want to support the kids getting their horror. this one gives creepy rhymes and child abduction
Miss Dark Academia
Catherine House - so you want DARK dark academia? look no further. this is nihilistic and brimming with dread. not for lovers of plot
BUNNY - Welcome to the Smut Salon. is this horror? you decide. the first third of this book is incredible and the rest of it . I have no idea
The Atlas Six - this is if you want dark academic magic grad school. I can’t decide if this is a Recommendation exactly, but I was entertained the whole time
Hot weather halloween-y tales (for those of you in warm climates who still want to get spooky)
The Ballad of Perilous Graves - urban fantasy sent in New Orleans where music is magic, you got paintbodies (ppl getting high on graffiti), cemeteries, haints, sky trolleys, children tasked with finding the nine magic songs that keep Nola alive, and a trans man POV character going through it. it gives kids halloween.
okay so I recently read The Daughter of Doctor Moreau, perfect if you want gothic jungle drama scifi and can handle some heterosexual nonsense. I loved the cenote and the hybrids, but I still think the best book from this author is yes Mexican Gothic
HORROR horror like. horror
Tell Me I’m Worthless - the haunted house IS fascism in the UK. the protagonists are a trans woman and a terf. showstopping. incredible. I enjoyed the whole thing. SO many trigger warnings.
The Silent Companions - historical fiction where wooden cutout props of people are pretty scary, this book somehow managed to accomplish jump scares
Your Body is Not Your Body - an anthology of weird body horror, proceeds go to trans youth in Texas. very literary and bite-sized.
We Are Here To Hurt Each Other - if you’re excited for new Hellraiser, and like gooey and gory, give this collection a try.
Helpmeet - returning to an abandoned orchard in 1900s New York might make you think oh a simple gothic tale? No. Nothing will prepare you
The Last House on Needless Street - it’s best to go into this book knowing nothing. all I can say is it is a truly wild time
HOT OFF THE PRESS aka new books I can’t wait to get my paws on
House of Hunger - we’ve got gothic manor house we’ve got blood maids look at that cover I also hear it’s maybe lesbionic ?
Leech - gothic science fiction, something weird and queer happening in an isolated chateau. say no more.
his outfits at the start of the webtoon were...questionable
Not the goddamn gucci tracksuit. It's giving Jeffrey Star😂
So many critiques of She Who Became The Sun seem to boil down to either
1. Zhu isn’t a perfect feminist hero according to 21st century gender norms,
or
2. Ouyang wasn’t sufficiently ‘punished’ for his misogyny and by the end of the book he isn’t the image of a repentant former misogynist.
And I feel like these are both very cheap critiques.
Of course Zhu isn’t the ideal of a feminist icon. Yes, she has an interesting relationship with gender, but nowhere does the narrative frame her as perfect.
Of course Ouyang isn’t ‘punished’ for his sexism. That isn’t something that would have happened much at the time when the story is set, and anyway, Ouyang is very clearly only midway through his character development by the end of the book.
You lose so much of a story if you want every main character to be pure and perfect.
i love him so much but everytime i think about him i am in pain
Ouyang is such an interesting character istg. I need a spin off series detailing his entire life just so I can study him.
he’s literally pure rage. he’s fuming all the time. he’s miserable and angry and pissed off and would rather die than even attempt to change or be happy in any way. he kills the one person he loves after destroying Esen’s life and kingdom. he violently denies himself any pleasure out of self loathing yet keeps spec sheet of everyone who was ever mean to him. he desperately wants to be seen and understood as much as he wants to rid the world of anyone who even comes close. don’t even get me started on his deeply complex and incredibly simple misogyny
I’ve never seen such a fucked up, hateful main character. Ouyang is a pathetic, horrible little man in every objective and subjective sense and I love him so much