Talking About The Emptiness Of Barty’s Character In Canon Is Making Me Sad So

talking about the emptiness of barty’s character in canon is making me sad so

Just Barty Crouch Jr Things™️

valedictorian but once fell asleep while dumpster diving for a single unopened blister pack of xanax

very… dexterous? good with anything precise that involves his hands. this means classical piano but also rolling freakishly perfect joints

major bad influence older cousin energy

like he’s driving you to soccer practice with one tattooed arm slung over the passenger seat, ray-bans dangling. he’s bitching about what’s on the radio. his random tinder date is on her phone in the backseat

singlehandedly keeping Liquid Death in business

that fall out boy katy perry cover where it’s like “i kissed a boy (to start a fight) and i liked it (he punched me 😈)”

pierced his dick. sorry

if james is a sports bro with a heart of gold then barty is the polar opposite of this. he looks like the sensitive alternative loner boy and has the soul of a douchey early 2000s dj who will steal money out of your purse after a one-night stand

but he’s also secretly sensitive. okay

””u up””

has exactly two modes: 1) listening to the cure 2) No Hands (feat Roscoe Dash) - Waka Flocka Flame

neither goth nor emo sorry that would be too much work. his edginess is both unintentional and completely effortless

INSANELY observant

has a knight complex but slightly to the left. had to be reasoned out of killing evan’s situationships with a hammer (chivalrously!)

barty has really loud ENERGY but his actual personality is pretty quiet and calculating. however he WILL nonchalantly pick regulus up at the most inconvenient times, everyone is screaming, reg is screaming… he thinks it’s soooo funny

he always smells the way that sparkling water tastes. like….. inexplicably clean

your bartender coworker who is always in the stockroom coaching his adorable tiny mom through her divorce over facetime while exasperatedly hitting a juul

could potentially have a heart under all that grime (maybe put him through a car wash?)