“I Promise Falling For Me, Won’t Be A Mistake.”

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating…

She says, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?”

One of the Bulgarian men says, “Can’t you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry.”

The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, “So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??”

One of the other businessmen replies, “The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”

That selfie is way too cute for my account

A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theatre. Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.

“Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?“

The man groans, but stays where he is. The usher becoming impatient with the man says "Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved”

Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher as he marches off to get the manager. In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success. It was at this point that the manager calls the police.

Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “alright buddy, what’s your name?”

“Sam” the man moans.

“And where ya from Sam?”

With pain in his voice Sam replied “the balcony”

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photo by skalli85 ( my edits )

“Wait for someone who bumps mouths clumsily with yours cos they’re too busy smiling to kiss you properly. Yeah. Wait for that.”

— Azra Tabassum

no I'm using finger guns bc I'm threatening you

Two types of dogs

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Your mom was the first escape room you’ve ever done.