Latest Posts by ethicallyhungover - Page 4

Way to torture somebody with OCD....

Put crumbs in their bed when they sleep naked

Myself?

THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT!!! SPREAD THIS PLS!!!

One minute of Elon Musks income would set an average worker for life.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating…

She says, “What the hell do you guys think you are doing?”

One of the Bulgarian men says, “Can’t you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry.”

The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, “So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??”

One of the other businessmen replies, “The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!”

Husband “the doctor said I should touch myself whenever I feel like it”

Wife “no, he said you could have a stroke at any time”

What do you get for winning a muscle loss competition?

Atrophy.

My girlfriend broke up with me for being too “un-American”

I saw it coming from a kilometre away

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know… a little peace and quiet?”

“Yeah. But today is the last day…”

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he’d won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.