To Be Or Not To Be…

It takes everything in me to not write “cringy” fan fiction about me and my QPP because I want to read fan fiction, I am a fan of them and, my only fandom is big mouth (all sex stuff) or the burreau of magical things (Australian kids tv with a very small fan base)

Is this normal? Should I do it?

Why are homophobes, transphobia and people who are ableist on the gay, trans, neurodivergent website 🙄

I am currently crocheting my teddy bear a Halloween costume to match me and my best friend

Johnny and pony are in a qpr and they will always be together

What do you mean that Jonny does so they can’t be in a qpr FOREVER…

YOUR HONOUR, THIS MAN IS SLANDERING THE NAMES OF THESE BOYS

I made it through Christmas and only cried once!!!!!

Now I will lie in bed and look at my gifts and use every gift I can immediately.

Anyone want to hear about the stuff I got? /hj

What is it called when you are sex repulsed but only when it comes to real life. Like my little guys on paper or the little guys on the screen having sex is ok because they don’t exist and can’t actually have sex

But even hinting at sex in real life is icky it’s gross. It’s unwanted. It’s bad

FIVE HARGREEVES in The Umbrella Academy season 3

Can we just take a couple minutes to talk about how perfect Elijah’s story line is.

Elijah shows up in the story very close to the end and is “marketed” as missys boyfriend. He is used as character development for missy and the creators understand that. They even reference in the first episode that is an “Elijah” story. (Season 6, episode 8, asexual healing, 4 minutes in)

This episode is the first Elijah based episode and is one of my favourites from the whole show. Elijah’s whole character is so well put together and we really get to see that from this episode on.

In this episode Elijah figures out that he is asexual through his aunt after confiding in her that he doesn’t feel sexual attraction toward missy.

He of course goes on to the internet to get more information and (suprinsingly) it helps him find out more with only a little bit of white supremacy.

That episode has multiple plots.

The A plot is meant to be Andrew going all the way to Vermont to see Bernie (I think) but you just forget about it because of how influential Elijah’s story is.

Some of my favourite points from that episode include:

Breaking the fourth wall

Elijah’s aunt

The absolute confusion of Elijah when his uncles talk about sexual shit.

The fact that the show explains how asexuality is a spectrum and how people who are asexual can enjoy masturbation.

- also love the convo that comes out when missy catches him and him explaining to her what it means and the difference for him.

The fact that Elijah is a catholic and asexual and it’s not even questioned

The butterflies

Honorable mention: the C plot of Jessi learning about gender roles

The fact that Elijah is a straight asexual man is so perfect. It really shows how asexuality can be both a sexuality in itself (like me :)) or a part of your sexuality (like Elijah)

In short, if you’re going to watch any episode of big mouth. This is THE BEAT ONE!!!

Also, Connie and monte la song is so good I. This episode :)

Do I like EDH?

Yes.

Is it almost strictly because of bonding with my dad and getting to do so much planning?

Yes.

The fact that I’m not diagnosed with autism fucking sucks. Like, many people have told me they think I have autism, including my therapist but because my mother will not even put me on the wait list for a diagnosis I won’t know for at least two years if I am autistic (probably more then two years). All because my mom doesn’t believe I’m autistic.

All because she doesn’t understand, I don’t get the support I need. The closest I get to feeing validated is my best friend saying that she is there for me and that she believes me. This is hard.

I need help to function properly but no one will help me. I can’t do so many things that people my age should be able to. I can’t get my license because I’m too scared to drive alone because I zone out a lot and don’t think I could process everything. But my dad keeps pressing me to get it.

I can’t do everything all the time. I am supposed to swim for 2 hours four days a week but I can’t do that. I have to lie to my mom and tell her I’m sick so I can stay home because she doesn’t let me take mental health days ever.

I can’t have a social life because I can’t hang out with anyone for more then 30 minutes except my QPP.

I don’t understand social situations so when I try to understand and make a mistake people get mad at me.

I need help with taking care of myself because it’s to much for me to do alone but my mom isn’t willing to help.

My mom refuses to keep my comfort foods in the house because I “eat them to fast”

No one believes me when I tell them my problems. At school it’s because I have good grades. My mom doesn’t believe me because I “ function well.”

I’m always tired because I have to mask so often around my family so they don’t say I’m faking it

And worst of all is that despite all of that and more, I might not even be autistic. If I’m not autistic what’s wrong with me?