Freckles-rosiecheeks-bumblebees - Skinny Little Bumblebee

Devon Aoki in 2 Fast 2 Furious

I fucking always binge when I’m around my friends. I do so well all day, I was at 500 calories when I got to my friend’s house and now I’m over 1200. I convince myself that it’s okay because I’m the tiniest one here by far and they’re all eating too, but how did I get to be the tiniest? By not fucking binging the way they do. UGH.

I’ve watched girls nibble away at half an apple, diced into little chunks to make it last longer. That’s all she’ll eat today. I’ve watched girls drink five litres of water because ‘sometimes you’re not actually hungry, it’s just thirst’. I’ve watched girls drink tea like it’s liquid gold, to pinch their stomachs and feel sick at the sight of the rolls. I’ve watched girls exercise until they faint, until their hearts threaten to beat straight out of their chest because it’s the only way they feel loved. I’ve watched girls do mental calculations of how much they’ve eaten, 110 calories from a large apple, only 55 from half. I’ve watched girls cry in front of the mirror because they’ll never be size 6, never mind size 4, or 2, or 0. I’ve watched girls hide in bulky clothing when all they’ve ever wanted is to wear dresses that don’t cover everything up. I’ve watched them flinch when people say, “I like girls who have big appetites.” I’ve watched them smile when people say, “you’ve lost weight, haven’t you?” I’ve watched girls who hate themselves so much they refuse to accept affection. I’ve heard their silence when people comment on how little they are eating - they think: ‘at least now I don’t have a reason to look this way’. I’ve watched girls measure their worth by the gap between their thighs, gripping skin and bone, convinced it’s fat that can be burned. I’ve watched girls, living skeletons, who laugh and smile just like everyone else, who needed someone to lend them a little strength when they couldn’t find their own, for someone to reach out and say: ‘can’t you see you don’t need to do this to be beautiful? You don’t need to do this to be loved.

S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #178 (via blossomfully)

What “pro-ana” means to me

Of course I’m not “pro” ana. None of the people who post with this tag are. None of us want you to develop an eating disorder. None of us want you to starve yourself, harm your body, and hurt your mind. Come on, who the hell would wish this on anyone? 

I’m not pro ana.

I know what “ana” is. It’s not something anyone in their right mind would support. I’ve been living with an eating disorder for over 10 years now. That’s my whole teenage and adult life right there. I don’t remember what it’s like living without it. I don’t know what having a normal relationship with food feels like. I don’t know how people go about their daily lives without obsessing about what they eat or how they look.

I’m not pro ana. 

“Ana” isn’t something you get out of. I’ll go through a restrictive phase, then relapse into bulimia, and every once in a while, feel like I’m getting better and healthier. It never lasts. It’s as if my eating disorder went to sleep for a while… took a little break, and then came back a little stronger. It always does. 

I’m not pro ana. 

If you’re not dealing with an eating disorder, or if the content on my blog is triggering to you PLEASE don’t follow me. Please don’t think eating disorders are an easy way to lose weight. Please don’t take any dieting tips from “pro ana” blogs. Please, please, please don’t starve yourself. Don’t harm yourself. Binging, purging, restricting, fasting are terrible ideas. Run while it’s still time. 

I’m not pro ana. 

I’m “pro” supporting my sisters and brothers who struggle with an eating disorder. If I post something with the tag “pro-ana”, it doesn’t mean I encourage you to develop disordered habits… it means I’m here for you. I’m right there with you. 

I don’t support eating disorders, I support people going through them. 

me: *obsessively weighs myself* me: *counts every calorie* me: *fasts for 24+ hours regularly* me: *lies about eating to loved ones* also me: I don’t have an eating disorder, i’m faking it

NO IT’S NOT! one month before school and I’m still a huge mass of pure fat and I’m totally nOT OKay

This is one of my fav thinspo ever

reblog

if your starting weight is higher than 130lbs 🙃