I Just Love The "they're More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Them" Thing Because, Yeah, Earth Is A Deathworld

vampires have been drinking human blood for centuries they don't give a fuck about guys on eight different antidepressants. they were sucking on asbestos factory workers

Same time same place as 2 days ago I swear my stats class is cursed....

"embraced" is up!

"embraced", the 3rd fic in the Robin Chronicles series is up! <3

Two words: Cuddle Pollen

embraced - foerchen - Batman - All Media Types [Archive of Our Own]

Jason*tells to a new friend how he wants to kill the Joker*.

Danny*takes a sip then gives him the thermos*: Chill, dude. Just eat him.

Jason:..What have you got in your thermos, Danny?

Danny: Do not ask the question if you already know the answer. But it’s something with an ecto signature.

Jason:

Danny: Don’t be shy. I already had breakfast today.

~~~~

Batman: Suspiciously, no sign of the Joker.

Batman: What are you drinking, Hood?

Red Hood: Em..Soda?

Batman: Which flavor is it?

Red Hood *who can’t keep his mouth shut*: Sweet revenge.

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

What a year this week has been.

There is a parallel universe where Tumblr is actually a great functioning site

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

My school was on lockdown today and this happend

Girl 1: tell you boyfriend to stop bringing guns to school (it was her boyfriend who brought the gun to school

10min later

Intercom: *locks lights out of sight thing*

Girl 2 (same as the Florida girl) : Thank you! I thought we where on VACATION!