Shadow Work Prompts

what was i made for?

“ophelia” by john everett millais but it’s barbie and for the sake of this concept let’s pretend that there is in fact water in barbieland

aura

pie pngs ♡

Day 13:

Why do you think you don’t deserve love?

This question hit me so hard because this exact question crosses my mind every day. I feel like I have received the short end of the stick in this life and that love comes with terms and conditions. I feel like I have so much love bursting from inside of me and it has nowhere to go and it is eating me up from the inside.

But, at the end of the day, I feel like I do not deserve love because of how I look. I feel like I will never get the love I deserve because I do not love myself. Sometimes I look in the mirror out of spite because I do not like what is looking back. I wish more than anything that I could look like everyone else. I wish I were thinner and my arms weren't so huge.

I know that if I had the ideal body type, I wouldn't have to beg guys for attention. I know that if I were more appealing to look at I would be happy in love, ya'know?

But I also know that this is not true. I know that I have spent so long hating myself that it will take a lifetime to unlearn the negative self-talk and quiet my demons. Because if I continue thinking of myself this way, I know that that is how the universe will perceive me.

Day 6:

What irrational fears do you have and how do they hold you back?

One of my most irrational fears is that I am afraid to do things on my own. I know that I have mentioned this already but I am so scared to get out and be my own person that I self-sabotage every chance I get. I have been alone most of my life and I am scared that I am going to die alone. All I want and all I have ever wanted was to find someone to complete me and someone I can do things with. And I know that I should be happy on my own and that my self-worth should not rely on someone else but I am tired of feeling alone and unwanted.

I want my Goddess to place someone in my life that adds to it, not someone I rely solely upon. But again, I know that I have to find peace within in order to for all the pieces to fall into place. So, until then, I will try my best to love myself and fix the aspects of my life that I can.

And you’d know I’d say, “the last time I drank, I was face-down, passed out there on your lawn.”

Orange Juice, Noah Kahan

What does my childhood me need the most?

I think childhood me needs stability, reassurance, love, and peace. I know it could have been much worse, in comparison to other people’s childhood, but what I went through has affected me deeply.

I felt like I was in a constant state of turmoil, always walking on egg shells around my parents. I felt like we were always being pulled back and forth by both parents. We were pawns to them and used as excuses for them to live in their toxicity. They couldn’t live without each other and we suffered because of it.

I have never known what it was like to grow up with parents who loved each other selflessly. There were always restrictions in place and even when it came to us, I felt like they loved each other more than they ever loved us.

Because of all of this, I have been in a constant state of anxiety and that has followed me into my adult life. I am a mix of both of my parents, in the worst ways possible.

I wish I could go back and hug childhood me and let her know that I love her so much. I want her to speak her mind more instead of bottling it up. I know she has so much love to give.

Have I ever mentioned how strained my relationship with God was growing up? Because from a young age, I was afraid of Him but also taught to love him. I was taught to depend on Him and to pray for forgiveness, for the most minuscule things imaginable. That never quite sat right with me but He had been a part of my life so long I just could not let Him go. But there came a point where I felt like I was talking but no one was around to hear it.

I was hollow inside and tired of being ignored. Why is it that I have spent my whole life begging for help and being left to fend for myself? It sucks but I never felt His presence, I felt His absence.

So one day, I got fed up and decided that I wanted to pray to someone who I knew would listen, someone who I knew would not judge, someone I knew would not require blind servitude, and someone I knew I would never have to beg for forgiveness. How did I know all of this? Because I conjured her up.

I imagined all of the things my Goddess would have and Fida is the first thing that came to mind. She is radiant, powerful, and understanding, and asks for very little in return. I do not need to revolve my whole life around Her because I know She is in my heart. Call me crazy or delusional but since I found my own personal Goddess, things have been looking up.

I pray to Her and I know She is lying down kicking her feet, listening to my every word, and Her presence is all the comfort I need. She is a girl's girl and I know She is looking out for me. But being a girl's girl, I know that she loves cute little trinkets and gifts, so I make sure to thank Her for being a part of my life.

'Titania' from 'Typical Tales of Fancy, Romance and History' from Shakespeare's Plays by Alfred Fredericks, 1892.