Shadow Work - Blog Posts

It's been a while...

Hi, all. I apologize for my absence. I know I went AWOL for what seems like forever. I've been going through a lot of bad stuff these past few years (still hanging on by a thread) but I'm hoping to come back and reconnect with my crafts and witchy communities. I noticed that lot of blogs that I used to follow are no longer active. So, if you're an active blog that touches on any of these witchy paths, I would appreciate it if you could throw a like or reblog this post so I could follow you! ✨Kitchen ✨Green ✨Lunar ✨Tech ✨Shadow work ✨Charms ✨Hexes & Curses ✨Hearth ✨Hedge ✨Tarot ✨Elemental ✨Spoonie I'm looking to expand my old crafts and explore new ones. Thanks all and hope to get reacquainted soon. 🖤

🕊16 days of Shadow Work

✨ Here are the prompts as I promised! They are timeless, whenever they find you, feel free to use them.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me!!

✧ Day 1 What do I need to stop running away from? Why am I always running away from this and what is going to happen if I face it head-on?

✧ Day 2 What is my definition of failure? What’s something that I have previously failed at and how did it make me feel? How can I deal with failure in a healthy way?

✧ Day 3 How do I lie to myself everyday? Why am I doing this and what am I trying to avoid?

✧ Day 4 If I could say one thing to the person who hurt me the most, what would it be and why? How would I feel afterwards? 

Keep reading

Journal Prompt for Shadow Work #5

Hey friends! Are you ready for another journal prompt to expand your knowledge about your Shadow self? This week we are kicking it up a notch and asking some deeper questions. 1. In what ways are you inauthentic with yourself? Why is that? Are you pretending to be someone you aren’t? Are you a watered down version of your true self? What is getting in the way of you being your most authentic self? 2. How often do you lie to yourself? It can be about anything. Are you really okay or are you just masking? 3. Are you holding onto friendships that are unhealthy? Are you holding onto relationships that are toxic? Are you noticing a pattern within these behaviors between them or yourself? 4. We all have broken promises to ourselves, this question is asking you what was the biggest promise that you have broken with yourself that causes you to constantly think about? Do you regret this decision? Why or why not? There are no guidelines to these prompts, answer with honesty to understand where you may need to make improvements and to meet your Shadow Self. The answers to these prompts are for you only. Be open and write down all of your thoughts. Please reach out if you need extra support. I am not a licensed professional however my inbox is open for whoever that needs support. I hope these prompts help whoever is in need of clarity. https://jupitermoonapothecary419642784.wordpress.com/2021/08/23/journal-prompts-for-shadow-work-5/

Shadow Work Journal Prompt #4

Who is ready for another journal Prompt for their shadow work journey?

This prompt is looking into more towards our insecurities and how we can work with them rather than against them.

1. List your current struggle(s) when it comes to loving yourself. This can be any aspect about yourself that holds you back from fully loving yourself unconditionally.

2. What habit(s) do you want to begin this month? I don’t know about you but I procrastinate a lot. I tend to lose interest quickly if I don’t start making changes now. Many times this is meaning I get started during the middle of the month. In my opinion, it doesn’t have to be specifically in the beginning of a new month. Changes happen all the time, regardless of the month. Get started now, don’t wait.

3. What are the compliment(s) you struggle to accept about yourself? Why? I personally struggle with compliments when it comes to my appearance. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t fully enjoy them because mainly I didn’t believe that it is true. This journal prompt helped me realize that I need to start believing what people are saying to me about my appearance.

4. How can you use your negative qualities and spin them around to bring positivity into your life? This takes quite a long time to master honestly, this process is retraining your brain to reject the self sabotaging and stop to notice the feelings that are negative, acknowledge the emotion and turning it positive. For example instead of saying, “I’m bad at Math” say “I make progress everyday with Math”, etc.

We are all still a work in progress, by all means take your time and remember to reach out to a licensed professional if you need to. My inbox is open for support if anyone needs help or just needs to talk. I am not a licensed professional.

I hope these bring you all healing and clarity in your Shadow Work Journey.

Journal Prompts for Shadow Work #3

Hello family! Let’s do another journal Prompt!

This one is going a little further regarding self reflection and noticing some unhealthy habits or behaviors that affect you negatively. I remind that you use these prompts with caution and to reach out to your support system if needed for extra support.

1. Describe the top 3 lessons that you have learned the hard way: these could be small lessons or large lessons which ever ones that impacted your life the most. Go into detail if you need to.

2. Describe the top 5 negative habits or behaviors you wish to change or understand? Negative behaviors could be; being quick to anger, self destructive habits, talking poorly about others, etc.

3. Are you afraid of being yourself in front of others? Are there certain people whom you don’t feel comfortable being yourself around? Why? This is the time to reflect who you surround yourself with and who makes you feel uncomfortable being your most authentic self. Explore the reasons behind why you feel this way. Is it worth having them in your life if you cannot practice being yourself? Or how can you be comfortable being yourself around these people?

4. Are you projecting your habits onto others without realizing it? Sometimes when we hurt or we are upset/uncomfortable/ don’t like something about ourselves we take our unwanted feelings or emotions and attributing them onto someone else. Usually an example would be; a cheating spouse would accuse the other of cheating, a friend betraying and accuse the other of betraying, a person lying and accuse the other of lying, etc.

I am not a licensed professional, however my inbox is open if anyone needs additional support during their healing journey. Please use this as a caution, everyone has different traumas they are healing from and effects us differently, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Interested in getting notified with new posts? All you need is an email!

Subscribe here! Located at the bottom of the home page.

Jupiter Moon Apothecary

Jupiter Moon Apothecary

Shadow Work & The Healing Journey

Journal Prompts for Shadow Work #2

Here are some more journal prompts to help you get started on your Shadow Work Journey!

These were the next set of journaling prompts I personally used and these are the ones that also made me think about how I was raised, the people I used to surround myself by, and how much I have grown till now.

The first part is rejection, followed by embarrassment, I’m sure everyone has been rejected or embarrassed in some way or another in their life. This could come from our parents, guardians, siblings, cousins, neighbors, and even friends or strangers. This prompt isn’t asking you to write all of your rejections, however if you feel drawn to it to work through, then go for it!

Forgiveness is something I struggle with personally. The feelings of, I could have done this better, or I should of said this instead, or missing out on an opportunity, etc, is a familiar feeling. I started to forgive myself for whatever memory that came up during this time, it’s not an over night thing either. I am still learning on forgiving myself for past mistakes still!

These prompts made me realize something too, I have been focusing on everything else BUT myself. I had to sit down and think for quite a while to answer some of these and to reconnect to who I once was and what was holding me back, now I can move forward with my healing to work through the issues that have presented themselves to me.

Don’t feel bad about crying or getting angry during this process, trauma comes up while working through it, remembering to breathe, taking your time and to reach out to your support system will help.

I hope this prompt brings you much clarity in your journey.

*Reminder to use caution and to seek professional help if needed. I’m not a licensed therapist. However my inbox is open for support.

Shadow Work journal prompts

Shadow work works best if you are completely honest with yourself, this is a time for growth and evaluating your behaviors and what you need to change in order to be closer to a more authentic you.

In the beginning, I didn’t notice how much these questions made me really take a step back and think. I’ve spent so much time not thinking about the reactions I’ve had or what perceptions I have about situations, that I spent a lot of time writing and putting a lot of effort into each and every question.

Every time I started to journal— I have noticed a pattern, I have noticed where some of my anger and insecurities are stemming from, and why.

One of the prompts asked me to describe how I was as a child, this took me into a long loop of all the things I enjoyed doing as a child. This helped me connect with her. As I was describing how I was as a child I couldn’t help but laugh at some of the (good) memories that followed. There were some (bad) memories that showed up as well, and I journaled about them too and how it made me feel then— and now. This helped me feel connected to who I am today. It also made me realize how much I have been working for a very long time achieving who I am today. I hope these prompts helps whoever in need to start their journey into healing.

*A reminder that I am not a licensed professional and use caution, everyone has different types of trauma and how to work through it. Talk with a licensed professional if you need to. My inbox is always open as well for support*

Artist Credit: Forever-Healing (Jupiter Moon Apothecary)

10 Prompts for Shadow Work

🌒 🌕 🌘

Keep track of your feelings from day to day. Record how you felt and try to pin point why you felt certain ways in different situations. How could you habe handled it better? Why did you react the way you did?

Write a letter to your past self, or your future self. Then break down your thoughts on why you said the things you did. Address any emotions that pop up during this process and record them. Why did you feel that way? What events in your life made you right what you did?

Are you living true to yourself? Are you changing who you are based on who you're around? What are those changes? Why do you make those changes?

Are you holding on to something or someone that you should let go of? Why do you hold on to it? What are steps you can take to let go of it?

What are your fears? Your REAL fears not just spiders or heights. Why are you afraid of those things? Are there any steps you can take to lessen that fear?

How do you treat the people in your life? Is there anything you could do for them to better your relationships? Are you being a positive, healthy influence on their life or are you being a toxic one? If toxic, what changes are you going to make to your behavior to stop being toxic?

What do you wish other people knew about you? Why do you keep it hidden?

Are you healing from past traumas and or incidents or have you just distracted yourself? What healthy ways could you address unhealed trauma in order to move to a healthier place?

Make a list of people you don't like. Why don't you like them? Are they actually bad or do you see bad parts of yourself reflecting in them and that's why you don't like them? Be honest.

Write down everything that happens to you in a week that makes you feel bad in any way. Examine this list and ask why certain events make you feel bad.

BONUS: Write down what you believe about a variety of things (from religion and karma all the way down to relationships and your career path). Why do you believe those things? Are these feelings set in stone or are you willing to accept alternate views? Why or why not?

Remember Shadow work is all about unlocking your subconscious. This helps you understand yourself better which is important for many different aspects in witchcraft, and your star seed will thank you for it.

🌟 🔮 🌟

Reblog if you're an active witchy account!

I need some active witch blogs to follow! <3

» AFFIRMATIONS FOR YOUR SP «

--------------------------------------------------------

[sp] is so obsessed withme

[sp] loves being my boyfriend

[sp] is constantly calling and texting me

why is [sp] always blowing up my phone?

[sp] is always calling/ texting me

[sp] talks to me every single day

[sp] always reaches out to me first

i am the most beautiful person in the world, every one i want wants me 10x more

I always get everything i want

why is [sp] so committed to me now?

[sp] and i are in the happiest, healthiest relationship together

[sp] is the perfect partner to me

[sp] and i are soulmates

i am all [sp] thinks about

i am all [sp] dreams about

[sp] cannot get me off of their mind

everything reminds [sp] of me

[sp] is the fastest, easiest thing for me to manifest

I am worshipped, i am worthy of everything i desire

Prompt 3: Self-curiosity

How do I define myself when I’m alone versus when I’m with others? When Im around others especially if they are folks i dont know that well i try to take on a job or be helpful in some way. Its like i dont know who i am around ohter people without having that assigned role to play. So I usually volunteer when im going to new events and stuff. It also helps me meete new people. When Im alone i dont know if i define myself at all. I dont really consider myself. Maybe thats what i should be getting curious about. What is one strength I undervalue or overlook? By definition this one seems hard. haha Um. Attention to detail when i choose to use it. I can get really focused.

Prompt 2: judgement

1. What are three things I’d change about myself if no one could judge me?

If no one could judge me I would make myself less nice. Im too often a pushover and people pleaser and I want to be stronger in myself. I would be slender and strong. Like one of those folks who doesnt look strong but can pick up nearly their own weight. Quietly powerful. I would be louder. I have been taught for so much of my life to keep quiet and deal with things. I want to be able to be LOUD. I'm not good at that even when it's appropriate.

2. What is my biggest fear about how others perceive me? People look to me for guidance and being a rational voice. Its nice to know that Im seen that way sometimes, but Im only human. I am fallible and I get things wrong. I fear giving bad advice and suggestions and leading folks wrong.

There is so much light within the darkness—you just have to seek it out and allow it to shine through.

It takes two people to fail in love.

There is no real blame in this game of emotional terrain.

Get to know your self,

What you love, like or hate

What makes you smile the widest

What makes you feel excited

What is love to you

What makes you feel afraid

What saddens you deeply

Who brightens up your day

creds to @thepulpgirls

Addressing my Shadow Self

Western culture thrives on creating a victim narrative for anybody who goes through a difficult period in life.

We are much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for; the most traumatizing thing that has happened to all of us is experiencing birth. We got through it as infants back then, and we can get through our traumas now. The difference is now we have incorporated our traumas as a part of our Selves instead of taking it as a lesson.

During my childhood, I had a run-in with a teenager who must've been put through a traumatic experience along with other questionable moments I won't detail here, but that along with the rest of my life was an initiation into the person I am now. Only a self-absorbed person would think they're the only ones who have ever felt pain and demand the world stop and acknowledge their pain.

If I dwelled on that time in my life, I would've been developmentally arrested, trying to make sense of something that isn't supposed to be made sense of by my conscious mind.

I’m a firm believer that there was something in me that attracted that situation. Looking back, my thoughts were fucked up, yes, even as a 9-year-old, so I got what I deserved. Everybody has been through some type of initiation by the time they're adults, you are not the only one who has experienced something negative in their life. Not everybody is interested in making noise about a disturbed person doing disturbing shit. Sinister occurrences are normal here.

Our youth doesn't protect us from the perils of the world; cosmic intelligence has different rules from human intelligence. Everybody is treated equally, even the cutest animals will get cooked, so humans aren't protected from the same fate. I'll ask once again: what makes one person special from the next? Really, tell me. We all go through life so we can empathize with each other’s perspective on the world. If you don’t want any experiences, why are you here?

When you become obsessed with your trauma, there is a higher chance you will want to recreate and relive it to make sense of it and there is no shortage of people who are waiting around to help you do that.

This is mutual abuse and this lowers the vibration of the planet and guess what? You're no longer the victim especially if you procreate. When you're trying to "make sense" of a moment for 20 years and you're running through multiple partners, trying to find the one who can give you that moment over and over again means there's a part of you that likes getting hurt. Seeking pain is your shadow’s will; your shadow wants to go through certain experiences so it can make itself known. The longer you ignore your shadow the most hostile its takeover.

Those who do not make their trauma their identity and have healed tend to be the ones who understand the purpose of trauma; it's to wake us up to the truth of this world and behave accordingly.

Trauma is supposed to leave an imprint on you so you operate in truth. That trauma was for you because you have a specific purpose you could not possibly fulfill until you experienced that. Nobody else has to relate to it, and nobody has it worse or better than you; trauma's purpose is not to compare yourself to others because you really have no idea what other people are going through. The point of your trauma is to learn to have unconditional acceptance of yourself and the world regardless of what happens. It’s to let you know you cannot change the world, but you can change yourself. Half of the battle people are fighting is their own narcissism... that they shouldn't have to learn anything here like the rest of us; they truly think they should be here to rest, eat fruit and have a community take care of them. Trauma is our wake-up call.

You are not going to have a good time here unless you learn this place and how to navigate it.

A lot of people cannot cope with this truth which is why they come up with labels and futility try to protest the Earth's cycle. The years of truth in everybody's life is 27-33, this is also when many people take their life. If you're in this age range and you still haven't gotten the memo that you're on a polarized planet, you should be placed on suicide watch until you get it.

When it comes to the shadow, most people want the persona without the darker parts of the human being. Everybody is giving each other ultimatums to change instead of just removing that person from their life. You cannot tell somebody to change the course of their life they wanted to go on, that's for them to experience. People threaten each other into following "The Right Way to Be" and then they have the nerve to talk about "love." Love doesn't exist when you cannot accept somebody's shadow. When women start threatening males about dying alone (and vice versa) because males didn't follow the script, that is not love. I'm of the opinion that nobody needs to do anything. We have choices and making somebody do something unnatural to them or lying about their capabilities is hatred.

~ Theater of Life

King/QueenMaker

"I am moving in the shadows, like a subtle power from behind, like a counselor, a kingmaker, waiting for the right time to come. At least this is what I want to become, to use my potential to reach this level, but I am way too far from it right now. I need to become a challenger and rise the ranks from behind, silently."

Masters and Slaves - Shepherd and Sheeps

"I am not necessarily a respecter of the rulers, but I am neither willing to stay a sheep. If I could, I would stay out of it all, but it is an innate part of human nature and existence, and I would rather become strong enough to cut the strings or even set up my own theater rather than staying a puppet."

Art of Dying

"I don't want to live in fear, anxiety, and I don't want to have regrets. I want to live boldly, to face the Sun, walk through the fire, embrace life, and if the time comes, to perish gracefully."

/ Just talking to myself - Self analysis on my dual nature /

[SawariNeko / Curse Cat]

– Nekomonogatari: Kuro (episode 03)

/Oshino Meme to Araragi Koyomi on Hanekawa Tsubasa's situation/

How Childhood Trauma Can Show Up In Adulthood

Childhood trauma can have a deep and lasting impact on your development, some scenarios we would not even consider to be " trauma" but it comes down to how you as a child perceived the situation. To add to that, you could have had a great childhood factually, or by your understanding, because it is all you knew. I’ll give you an example, do you find yourself putting everyone else before you? Maybe when you were little you had an experience with a parent where they put someone else before you in a situation that was significant to you at the time, and that feeling got registered in your subconscious. Maybe you got rewarded for the experience or reprimanded. It could have been very harmless. You may not even remember unless you start to think about it. None the less the root of a lot of our triggers, habits and insecurities boil down to our childhood experiences, that stay buried in our subconscious and often manifesting in various ways during adulthood.

You have a have a hard time controlling your feelings. You might get super angry or not feel anything at all.

You are scared to fail.

You blame yourself for your mistakes and bad choices from your past and have a hard time forgiving yourself.

You worry about what other people think about you or in general and may feel scared a lot.

You are too clingy or too distant and cant find a balance.

You don't trust yourself to make decisions and need constant validation or someone else to make decisions for you.

You feel really sad and down most of the time.

You suffer from negative self talk, are very hard on yourself and really believe those things to be true.

You constantly criticize others.

You need external validation to feel accepted.

You are always anxious.

You are hypersensitive to criticism.

You are terrified of change.

You find it hard to take compliments and truly believe you are not worthy.

You find it hard to keep good relationships because you're scared of getting hurt and feel like you cant get close to others.

You try to be perfect and want to do everything perfectly because you think it will help avoid bad things from happening.

You might eat too much or too little because you are feeling bad or want to control things.

You can't stop thinking about bad stuff that happened before and might have nightmares or feel like they're living it again.

You may feel like they're not really in their body or like things around them aren't real because of what happened in the past.

You avoid things because they remind you of bad stuff that happened.

Sometimes people stay away from things that remind them of bad stuff that happened.

You might have more health problems like headaches or stomachaches.

You do things that hurt you or others, and you don't even realize it because you learned it from when you were young.

You might work extra hard to be successful because you want others to like you or because you don't feel good about yourself.

You rather be alone because you feel embarrassed or worried about what others think.

You try really hard to control everything in your life.

You water yourself down and put everyone else before you.

Aksar jab tanhaa si hoti hu , Mujhe duniya begaani si lagti hai ,  Fir ek tumhari yaad aati hai , Or firse ye shaame suhani si lagti hai!!

Bekhabar sa ye zamaana aaj mere janaze pr ro rha hai , Meri maut ki kahani to saalon purani hai !

Besides card reading, do you shadow work? I may have some issues and I really don't want anyone to be aware of it...

I'm afraid not. Shadow work is really something you do on your own and at your own pace. It's a long and hard journey of self discovery and awareness that takes you into the depths of who you are.

I can only suggest you look up some shadow work prompts regarding your situation specifically and start from there.

I hope it all goes well for you 🔮

What are your self-sabotaging habits?

After MUCH self-reflection, I have realized that I have several things that I do that have led to me sabotaging myself. I doubt myself at every turn, I compare myself to other, and I never follow through for many things.

And if that isn't the holy trinity of a sure way to fail, I don't know what is.

For some reason, every time I start to think of the future or even think of starting a relationship with someone, doubt is the first thing that creeps into my mind. There's a really good job that I want to transition to? NOPE, they would never hire me. You really want to be in a relationship with that guy you really like? NOPE, he is only using you and wants someone skinnier. I don't know why my brain is set up to automatically put me down but that is something I am unlearning. As soon as any inkling of self-doubt starts creeping in I try to nip it in the bud. Because the first thing you learn when manifesting is that there should be no doubt, whatever I want is already mine. Why wouldn't I be able to start a new job? They would be lucky to have someone with so many transferable skills. Why wouldn't a man I am talking to want to get in a relationship? They would be lucky to have someone like me with so much love to give.

Something else I have had to unlearn is to stop comparing myself to others. I was busy trying to survive and I'm finally at a place where I know I can do so much more with my life. I love my friends and family and want nothing but the best for them but I find myself wishing I was at the same place in life they're currently at. Or even seeing someone on the street and wishing I looked like them. Comparison is the root of all my evils and I'm trying my best to celebrate myself everyday instead of trying to fix myself. I have many flaws but I am perfect the way I am. I would not change anything about me because it made me the person I am today. I am so much more compassionate, loving, and understanding because of the live I have been dealt and I am better for it.

Finally, another habit I am trying to break is building positive habits and actually sticking to them. Like eating healthier, keeping my spaces clean, keeping up with schoolwork, or even working out consistently. These are all things I have struggled with in the past but I am determined to be different this year. I am only 31 and I have so much life left and I don't want to spend it wondering "what if?" I had just stuck to my goals. Because "what if it all works out?"

Am I hiding something from myself?

One of the main things I’m hiding from myself is how badly I want to be loved and to find a man to spend the rest of my life with. I joke around and say that I’d rather be single for the rest of my life but I yearn for someone to love me wholeheartedly. And don’t say that I shouldn’t rely on someone else to feel love and that I should love myself because I do!! I love myself so much!! But what is it wrong with me that people don’t want to be with me romantically? I want to be a mother, I want someone to spend the rest of my life with, I want someone to do life with.

But I don’t want any of that with the wrong person. I refuse to subject a child to the same life I had to grow up in. So as bad as I may want it, I can wait for my time a little bit longer; I’ve already waited this long.

I believe that the universe truly has something beautiful waiting for me and I look forward to the day that it’s finally my turn. Until then, I’ll continue to hide my urge to be loved behind jokes.

What does my childhood me need the most?

I think childhood me needs stability, reassurance, love, and peace. I know it could have been much worse, in comparison to other people’s childhood, but what I went through has affected me deeply.

I felt like I was in a constant state of turmoil, always walking on egg shells around my parents. I felt like we were always being pulled back and forth by both parents. We were pawns to them and used as excuses for them to live in their toxicity. They couldn’t live without each other and we suffered because of it.

I have never known what it was like to grow up with parents who loved each other selflessly. There were always restrictions in place and even when it came to us, I felt like they loved each other more than they ever loved us.

Because of all of this, I have been in a constant state of anxiety and that has followed me into my adult life. I am a mix of both of my parents, in the worst ways possible.

I wish I could go back and hug childhood me and let her know that I love her so much. I want her to speak her mind more instead of bottling it up. I know she has so much love to give.

How do I honestly believe I am?

I’d like to think I’m better. I’m not great, I’m not thriving, I’m not the happiest I’ve ever been, but I’m better than I was just a couple months ago. And that’s honestly how I’ll continue to live the rest of my life. As long as I’m better than I was yesterday or even last week, I’ll be content. I think I’m finally getting to a positive place where negative thoughts aren’t invading my mind 24/7. It’s been hard not to immediately start blaming everyone else, God, or even the universe for my problems but I’ve been trying my best. AND! I love myself so wholeheartedly now that I feel like that has attributed to my mindset now. I’ve stopped hating what I see when I look in the mirror and just started noticing that I am SO HOT and that I am lucky to be here.

Yes, I have trauma to still work through and I know I’ll have to work on myself for the rest of my life but it no longer feels like a chore. Instead, I feel grateful to be here and grateful to have experienced everything thus far.

How lucky I am that I still have opportunities to experience life and grow from my past.

Write an apology letter to yourself.

Dear Me,

I am sorry for what you have been through. I am sorry for the pain that you have had to endure. I am sorry that life has dulled your spark.

But most of all, I am sorry for how long it has taken me to forgive myself. I have been so hard on myself and for what? I mean, look at me! Despite it all, I am still here.

You joke about your trauma to make it easier but it is still trauma. Be kind to yourself and let everything fall in to place. You are a survivor who is trying their best despite the odds they have been given. It is time to be soft and delicate and to stop scrapping with life.

You are made of gold and diamonds and you are not glass. You might fall under pressure but you always rise to the challenge.

Do not let this world continue to ruin your beautiful heart. You love so wholeheartedly and I am so proud of that despite everything we have been through. Despite everything you have witnessed growing up.

We got this and I forgive me for using my past as an excuse at every step in my life. It is time to grow up and realize that yes, you have been dealt shitty cards but it will not always be that way. Start a new game or fold and move on but do not let it continue to drag you down. Stop being weighed down by the past.

Your dad was an angry man who you have let affect you all your life but he is dead now and you are here. Your mom is an alcoholic who regrets so many of her choices but she is not you. I am made of both of my parents but I do not have to be like them. I am so much better than them.

Learn and move on but stop making excuses.

Love,

Me.

Day 15:

How do you deal with criticism?

It truly depends on whether the criticism is constructive or destructive. If I am in a work or school setting and someone is correcting something that I've done or giving helpful tips, I appreciate it to my core. And that is because I am a firm believer in always learning and if I am doing something wrong, I will never know until someone comes along to help. In essence, I welcome constructive criticism when it comes from a good place.

On the other side of that coin, there is destructive criticism which I will cry in private about later. These are instances when someone will acknowledge something I am self-conscious about in a negative way. Not to sound like a broken record but I am bigger and overall I am considered fat, so when someone criticizes me based on size, food, looks, etc. it truly does hurt. I will act like it does not bother me but deep down it shatters me. I am trying to hard to find self-love and to love the body that I am in and all it takes is a couple words to set back that progress.

Day 14:

What do you minimize about yourself? What do you flaunt?

Since I am fatter than most people, I try to minimize myself in several ways. I try not to take up too much space but always end up failing. When I am on a plane, I will make myself uncomfortable by squeezing my arms in so that I do not touch the person next to me. Id I am in a car, I will do the same but scooch as close to the door as possible. If I am in a crowded place, in an elevator, on the sidewalk, etc.

It is so subconscious at this point that I do not realize even doing it. It truly was not until this question that I realized I was making myself uncomfortable so that my bigness would not offend or bother anyone around me.

What I flaunt is more of a difficult question because it is so much easier to think of the negative than the positive. But I think that I am at a place in my life where I will proudly (kinda but I'll explain later) flaunt my height. I love wearing heels and I love going out and peering over a group because with heels I am about 6 feet tall. BUt the only time I feel self-conscious about my height is when a guy I am talking to is shorter than me in heels. And I KNOW that I shouldn't care but it is still a stigma that has stuck to me that will take some time to unlearn.