16 Shadow Work Prompts/ideas:

The Kelpie by Herbert James Draper (1913)

Why am I injured?

I’m not physically injured which I think makes me feel all the worse about myself. I am able bodied while people are struggling yet I can’t seem to heal from the wounds I’ve received growing up. I’m an adult and I can’t get over everything that I’ve been through. I don’t know how to heal. I’m afraid that I’ll be like this forever.

Forever closing myself off to opportunities and people because I’m scared of opening old wounds. I’m turning out just like my parents and I hate that about myself. I wanted so much more from my life but i genuinely feel like I’m cursed or making up for some kind of past karmic bullshit from a previous life.

Every time life is good and I’m in a good headspace, things go crashing down and get 10x’s worse. I feel like I’m caught out in a storm and I keep getting pushed out to see. I’m so tired all the time and I don’t know how much longer I can keep swimming. Some days I just want to sink and let it be done with. Have my next self deal wihth whatever karmic justice they need to make up for because it’s too much for me in this life.

Day 11:

What should you attract into your life?

I want to attract more positivity into my life. I myself want to be more positive about myself, my situation, and my life but I also want my surroundings to radiate positivity as well. I do not want to be surrounded by people who dwell in negativity because that will seep into my life. I already feel like I have something attached to me that bleeds me dry most days and surrounding myself by someone who digs that wound deeper is not what I need during this time.

And while I want to eliminate the negativity altogether, unfortunately, I am in a situation that leaves little room for positivity. I know that I should not be putting this into the universe but like I said, I feel like there is some sort of cosmic vengeance that hangs over me 24/7. It is a cruel joke most days if I am being honest, for everything to be going great and then have it all come crumbling down tenfold.

At some point, I think I want to perform a return-to-sender ritual because someone has to be wishing ill upon our whole family. There is just no way that we all have been dealt the nastiest cards if someone was not putting it into the universe.

Day 15:

How do you deal with criticism?

It truly depends on whether the criticism is constructive or destructive. If I am in a work or school setting and someone is correcting something that I've done or giving helpful tips, I appreciate it to my core. And that is because I am a firm believer in always learning and if I am doing something wrong, I will never know until someone comes along to help. In essence, I welcome constructive criticism when it comes from a good place.

On the other side of that coin, there is destructive criticism which I will cry in private about later. These are instances when someone will acknowledge something I am self-conscious about in a negative way. Not to sound like a broken record but I am bigger and overall I am considered fat, so when someone criticizes me based on size, food, looks, etc. it truly does hurt. I will act like it does not bother me but deep down it shatters me. I am trying to hard to find self-love and to love the body that I am in and all it takes is a couple words to set back that progress.

And you’d know I’d say, “the last time I drank, I was face-down, passed out there on your lawn.”

Orange Juice, Noah Kahan

I have spent my whole life swimming

Fighting the currents

Trying to reach the shore

But I am tired

Of giving it my all

Only for the waves to pull me back

So instead I float

To avoid drowning

I can see the shore

I can make it

If the waves don't engulf me first.

What does my childhood me need the most?

I think childhood me needs stability, reassurance, love, and peace. I know it could have been much worse, in comparison to other people’s childhood, but what I went through has affected me deeply.

I felt like I was in a constant state of turmoil, always walking on egg shells around my parents. I felt like we were always being pulled back and forth by both parents. We were pawns to them and used as excuses for them to live in their toxicity. They couldn’t live without each other and we suffered because of it.

I have never known what it was like to grow up with parents who loved each other selflessly. There were always restrictions in place and even when it came to us, I felt like they loved each other more than they ever loved us.

Because of all of this, I have been in a constant state of anxiety and that has followed me into my adult life. I am a mix of both of my parents, in the worst ways possible.

I wish I could go back and hug childhood me and let her know that I love her so much. I want her to speak her mind more instead of bottling it up. I know she has so much love to give.

Rainy day in Kyoto

Write an apology letter to yourself.

Dear Me,

I am sorry for what you have been through. I am sorry for the pain that you have had to endure. I am sorry that life has dulled your spark.

But most of all, I am sorry for how long it has taken me to forgive myself. I have been so hard on myself and for what? I mean, look at me! Despite it all, I am still here.

You joke about your trauma to make it easier but it is still trauma. Be kind to yourself and let everything fall in to place. You are a survivor who is trying their best despite the odds they have been given. It is time to be soft and delicate and to stop scrapping with life.

You are made of gold and diamonds and you are not glass. You might fall under pressure but you always rise to the challenge.

Do not let this world continue to ruin your beautiful heart. You love so wholeheartedly and I am so proud of that despite everything we have been through. Despite everything you have witnessed growing up.

We got this and I forgive me for using my past as an excuse at every step in my life. It is time to grow up and realize that yes, you have been dealt shitty cards but it will not always be that way. Start a new game or fold and move on but do not let it continue to drag you down. Stop being weighed down by the past.

Your dad was an angry man who you have let affect you all your life but he is dead now and you are here. Your mom is an alcoholic who regrets so many of her choices but she is not you. I am made of both of my parents but I do not have to be like them. I am so much better than them.

Learn and move on but stop making excuses.

Love,

Me.

Day 10:

What do you need to let go of?

I need to let go of the trauma my parents put me through. I need to let go of everything that happened to me growing up and instead become a better person because of it. I need to stop swearing off people, things, and opportunities because I am terrified of ending up like my parents.

My mom and dad were so toxic together that I used to hope that they would divorce but they "stayed together for the kids." But that is bullshit, they stayed together because it was easier and because they were selfish. And I look back and I refuse to ever go through that and because I am holding onto that I have been so scared to love that I have closed off completely. I think that I am unlovable.

I know that it is all in my head but there are so many years of watching my parents hate each other, makeup, abuse each other, dance, drink, and smoke themselves to death, and the cycle would just continue.

I do not want to fall into that cycle but I fear that I have created a whole new toxic cycle instead.