There Must Be Another Life, She Thought, Sinking Back Into Her Chair, Exasperated. Not In Dreams; But

i pick at memories like scabs on juvenile knees

and i bleed when i could be change,

but i am both the bird and the tarnished cage.

i think some people are steel-toe boots and some of them are sidewalks;

some people live and learn the names of humans, of streets just to run away,

and some of them are cities forged and born to always stay.

and if life is a tree, i have to say, some days i want to leave,

but i think my birthmark is a footprint, and i'm bona fide concrete.

— concrete // melancholy galaxies (t.e.t.)

10.20.19

anxiety is nicotine.

and by that, I mean the way it seeps through my veins faster than coffee but slower than blood.

Depression is lukewarm coffee at 9pm on a Tuesday.

and by that, I mean every day runs at warp speed / and I miss the milestones

my blood is made of

nicotine and coffee / muffins and tea / poison and toast

Anxiety is nicotine / and by that I mean / I am trying to quit / but like clouds before a thunderstorm / you'll follow me through

“When a million things can bring you down, find one reason to keep you up.”

— Unkown

my heart is a ripe fruit rotting in my chest

well guess who took a lot of money to destroy oneself

“𝐼'𝑚 𝑎𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑙𝑦, 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑦, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑎𝑓𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑢𝑛𝑟𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒.”

—L.M. Dorsey, She Is Made of Chalk

“Don’t touch me! Don’t question me! Don’t speak to me! Stay with me!”

— Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

What would you be if there were no one who constrained your living space and time?

i pick at memories like scabs on juvenile knees

and i bleed when i could be change,

but i am both the bird and the tarnished cage.

i think some people are steel-toe boots and some of them are sidewalks;

some people live and learn the names of humans, of streets just to run away,

and some of them are cities forged and born to always stay.

and if life is a tree, i have to say, some days i want to leave,

but i think my birthmark is a footprint, and i'm bona fide concrete.

— concrete // melancholy galaxies (t.e.t.)

and I don’t want the world to see me ‘cause I don’t think that they’d understand when everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am