iluvshifting

Latest Posts by iluvshifting

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and be homophobic.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and be transphobic.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and be racist.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and be anti-imagrant.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and be a nazi.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and mock ANY of the gods.

You can't be a hellenic polytheist and hate ANY of the gods.

Pick a side. The gods or hatefulness.

You. Can't. Choose. Both.

Books are expensive, Hermes thinks learning about your religion should be free.

They're just the basics and only a few, but feel free to ask me to add anything and I'll try my best!

May Lord Apollon always give light to you in your darkest moments.

May Lady Artemis assist you in forging your own path - the one least traveled.

May Lord Ares plant your feet on the ground and keep you steady.

May Lady Athena remind you of the power you wield to turn the tide in your favor.

May Lady Aphrodite smile back at you in your own reflection as a reminder of your worth.

May Lord Hephaestus encourage you to look back with pride at your own strength and resilience.

May Lord Hermes guide your steps when they're filled with uncertainty.

May Lady Persephone emphasize all of the beauty that exists in the world around you that has gone unnoticed.

May Lord Dionysus nurse your passion for life, celebrating even the smallest things with you.

May Lord Poseidon aid you in knowing when to assert yourself and when to go with the flow.

May Lady Hestia warm you on your coldest nights and shelter you from every storm.

May Lady Demeter keep your plate full and your cup overflowing.

May Lady Hera show you how to keep your head held high, even when the world heckles you.

May Lord Zeus raise your strengths and talents higher to prove to you how amazing you truly are.

May Lord Haides sit with you on days of worry and offer a grounding hand to hold.

Beginner’s Guide to Hellenic Polytheism

I KNOW this is a really long post but my intention was to just note down everything that I think is important for beginners and that’s A LOT. It took me forever to learn some of these things but they’re so important, so buckle in. I hope this helps some people.

If I’ve missed anything, please feel free to let me know what you’d like me to add. I’ve been working on this for two days, so if there are typos, I’m so sorry.

The sections I cover here are key terms, mythic literalism, deity work vs deity worship, FAQs and General Advice.

Some Key Terms

Hellenic Polytheism: Hellenic means Greek, and Polytheism means worshipping multiple gods. So, Hellenic Polytheism is the worship of the Greek Pantheon which is also referred to as the Theoi. The people who practice could be referred to as Hellenic Polytheists. Some also call themselves Hellenic Pagans, but not all people who practice Hellenic Polytheism consider themselves pagan.

Hellenistic: you may see the term ‘Hellenistic Polytheism’, but this is my PSA to ask people not to use that, as it’s incorrect. Hellenistic refers to a specific period of Andient Greece, from 323-32 BC, and your worship is almost definitely not specifically focused on that period. Additionally, here is a post by a Greek person on why ‘Hellenism’ and ‘hellenismos’ are disrespectful.

Ouranic: this is the term for the heavenly gods. Be aware that there is some overlap between Ouranic and Chthonic deities. Whether a deity is Ouranic or Chthonic will effect things like prayer position (palms up for Ouranic) and whether offerings can be eaten or drank (yes for Ouranic)

Chthonic: this is the term for the underworld gods. Be aware that there is some overlap between Ouranic and Chthonic deities. Whether a deity is Ouranic or Chthonic will effect things like prayer position (palms down for Chthonic) and whether offerings can be eaten or drank (no for Chthonic) side note - when it comes to hero worship, I personally treat them as if they’re chthonic.

Kharis: this means reciprocity, and also refers to the relationship formed between us and the gods. Arguably the most important aspect of Hellenic Polytheism is that when you ask something of a deity, you must give an offering in return. Size of what you’re asking for should correspond to size of the offering, or if you’ve given many little offerings without asking for anything you can use that as why you should be given the Big Thing.

Xenia: guest-friendship, hospitality. The idea that any stranger could be a God in disguise, so treat everyone respectfully. It’s an Ancient Greek social custom that a lot of Hellenic Polytheists see as important today. Simply put, in modern times this most often just means being kind to strangers. There’s a lot more to it than that though, so look here. Know that Xenia is a two-way thing, so you have to be generous to your guests but they must also respect your home.

Eusebeia: basically, piety. Respecting the Gods. This is really the only ‘rule’ of Hellenic polytheism. There’ll be different ideas of what is considered respectful, but as long as you have good intentions and don’t do anything you KNOW would be offensive, you’re okay. Don’t insult the gods (any of them), don’t ask for anything without offering something else, and don’t treat yourself as equal to or higher than the theoi.

Hubris: excessive pride or dangerous overconfidence, often the fatal flaw of a lot of Greek heroes in mythology. Specifically, this is when you act better than or equal to the gods. You are not.

Libations: a type of offering, in the form of a liquid. Usually poured on the ground but can be drank (unless it’s to a chthonic deity) if you’re a closeted Hellenic polytheist who can’t just pour some liquid on the floor every time you want to offer it. My advice for food offerings/libations to chthonic deities if you’re not openly a hellenist is to offer leftovers, rotting food, or something you otherwise know will go to waste.

Altar: traditionally a place used to put physical offerings and food offerings for deities. Some people have an altar to each deity, some people have one altar for all their deities. These can be as big or as small as you want. People may use shelves, drawers, boxes, windowsills, etc, and I don’t even use mine for food offerings, only for physical ones because I usually eat the food offering (I don’t like the idea of wasting food). My altars also just serve as a dedicated space for that deity in my life.

Hero worship: this is the worship of ‘heroes’ in Greek mythology, which includes literally any mortal. For example, I worship Odysseus of Ithaca, Penelope of Ithaca, Helen of Sparta, and Tiresias of Thebes. I’ve been asked a lot about how hero worship differs from deity worship, and you can find that answer here.

Devotee: there is a lot of disagreement on what the difference between a devotee and worshipper is, but for me, I’m devoted to Athena as I feel I have the closest bond with Her of all my deities and I honour Her the most. This partly comes from my feeling that She has been with me for much longer than I’ve been aware of Her presence, and that also so much of who I am and what I value comes under Her domains.

Patron: this basically means that if part of your identity comes under the domain of a deity, then that deity is your patron. There can be occupational patrons (like Hermes is the patron of merchants) or to do with things like gender (Hera is a patron for women. Yes this includes trans women, transphobes are not welcome here.) You can have more than one patron, and you don’t need to worship all of the deities who would be considered your patron.

Epithets: these are titles given to deities. There are two types - cult epithets, which describe the aspect of a deity you’re focusing on (like Athena Ageleia, meaning ‘Protector of the People’) since they have a lot of domains and it’s important in prayers to specify what you want. Then there’s poetic epithets, which are adjectives, often used to compliment a deity. I like using these to make my prayers seem more sophisticated to be honest (example: white-armed Hera)

Unverified Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. If it’s unverified, that means that it has no basis in historical sources as far as the person is aware, and they don’t know anybody else who has the same experience. You will often see this abbreviated as UPG. Personally, I think UPG is really valid, considering a lot of things are unknown to us due to the loss of sources overtime.

Shared Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. Like UPG, Shared Personal Gnosis (often abbreviated as SPG) doesn’t have any historical backing as far as the people who believe it are aware, but it is shared by multiple different people and therefore seen by some as more valid than UPG (though I’d argue that all SPG is UPG before you know that other people agree)

Verified Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. It being verified means that there are historical sources to back up the belief, and this is commonly abbreviated to VPG. You are more likely to come across the terms UPG than SPG or VPG, and most of what Helpol people on tumblr discuss is UPG, even if they don’t state that directly.

Reconstructionist: these are people who try to ‘reconstruct’ the ancient religion, recreating ancient rituals as best they can and doing things as close as they can get to how the ancient Greeks did based on our historical sources. An important note here is that we will never be able to do this perfectly and that’s okay. When it comes to things like animal sacrifices, most of us outside of agricultural areas almost definitely don’t have the means to be doing that properly, but you can use symbolism in place of a real animal, an example an anon gave me is cutting bread into animal shapes

Revivalist: these are people who try to recreate the ‘spirit’ of the religion, though not with the exact practices that the Ancient Greeks used. Revivalists are more concerned with the values and beliefs of the ancient religion than they necessarily are with how it was practiced. I personally feel like I fall somewhere between the two, but I also think both are really valid!

Mythic Literalism

Mythic Literalism is the debate in modern Hellenic Polytheism about whether or not the myths should be taken literally — and it’s common in Helpol spades online to say that the answer is ‘no, they’re metaphorical’. But I’d actually argue that they are.

Think of the Epics like the Iliad and the Odyssey — these begin with invoking the muses, goddess of inspiration said to have perfect memory. These goddesses know every event that has ever happened and are believed to guide and speak through the poets as they recite the myths, which means that they would be reciting history. That suggests the myths happened.

This isn’t ignoring the fact there are cultural reasons behind the myths and that parts of exist to them fulfil specific functions of that god or have parts of the world that they’re trying to explain.

For example, the myth of Hades kidnapping Persephone fulfils an aspect of Hades and has a cultural aspect about marriage in Ancient Greek society. First, it’s one of the myths we have of a youth being taken too soon by death (think Apollo and Hyacinthus, Zeus and Ganymedes, Thetis and Achilles, maybe even Castor and Pollux) and the grief that causes, Hades role being of the underworld. But also in terms of Greek society it was reflective of mothers losing their daughters to marriage, too. Both these things coexist in the ‘meaning’ of the myth; but just because it has metaphors, doesn’t mean it wasn’t believed to have happened. The Greeks did view their myths as having happened.

Zeus has so many children and so many affairs and rape myths, not because it’s just a metaphor and he didn’t actually do any of that, but because he’s a male fertility god, and he’s the god of kinds, and kings do abuse their power.

The Greek gods exist as how the world is, not how we want it to be or how it should be. Take Hera, for example — she doesn’t align with the passive and idealised wives described in things like Xenophon’s Economics, but is instead how women are. Real women get angry when their husbands are awful to them, so Hera, Goddess of Women, can be angry.

It’s good to learn the ways in which these deities were understood and what their domains can represent. Myths also help us to feel more familiar with our deities. Additionally the myths tell us not to be hubristic, and things like the Iliad tell us about Oaths and Offerings and Xenia. These are important parts of helpol.

I understand the want to disregard some of the more distasteful myths that depict things not only distasteful now but that would’ve even been viewed as wrong IN antiquity. But the Greek gods are not supposed to be perfect by human standards of morals. They have good and bad aspects based on their domains.

Deity Work vs Deity Worship

I’m going to preface this section by saying that I worship deities, I don’t work with them, so even though I’m doing research on this please take everything I say about deity work with a grain of salt and note that the rest of this post might apply more to worship, because that’s what I’m familiar with. Lastly, my intention here is not to place a value judgement on either type, I just want to try and make a full explanation for anyone out there looking for one, since I’ve found it to be kind of difficult to find.

From my understanding, deity work is common among witches, and usually involves asking a deity to help with your spells or other forms of magick. When you work with a deity, you are asking them to mentor you in a sense, and there’s often a specific goal in mind that they’re hoping to achieve with help of the deity. Additionally, because of that goal-oriented relationship, deity work has deadlines(?). Like, once you’ve achieved the goal you had, the deity will stop working with you

There are similarities, as both seem to involve reciprocity and offerings, and both involve cultivating a relationship with deities, even if the nature of that relationship and the reason for offering is different.

Deity worship doesn’t have a set end-goal. You CAN stop actively worshipping a deity, but this doesn’t usually come after a specific goal is achieved because there isn’t a goal in mind. Worship is more about honouring the deity. Khakis is built out of admiration, respect and love for the deity. This is why we pray, make offerings, etc. it’s all to honour the gods. We do ask for things in deity worship, but that’s not the entire point like it is for deity work.

FAQs

Do I need to be called to worship/work with a deity?

Nope! You are 100% allowed to reach out first. You can do that by praying or making an offering. Remember to research the deity first, so you know what epithets to use, know what symbols they’re associated with, have ideas for offerings, etc. Also, if a deity calls to you, you are not obligated to worship them. Acknowledge them and move on if you don’t have time, energy, or interest in worshipping them at that time.

Where can I find information on deities?

The main site that I think everyone uses is theoi.com, which has really in-depth pages on a lot of deities, with their myths, lists of epithets, family trees, etc. it’s a really useful resource!

Do I need an altar?

No. They’re nice to have but you don’t need one straight away. It took me two years of worshipping to get any altars, and even now I don’t really use them how you’re ‘supposed’ to.

Are there any sins in Hellenic Polytheism?

No, just don’t disrespect a god (don’t disrespect any of them, even the ones you don’t worship should be respected). Also don’t show hubris.

Deity X and Deity Y don’t get along, but I want to worship both, what do I do?

Disregard mythic literalism and remember this is a polytheistic religion. The gods know they are not the only god you will be worshipping, and they are chill with that. If you really want, you can separate their altars if you have an altar per deity, but it’s up to you completely.

Other General Advices

This post is a starting point, nothing here is very in-depth. Do more research if anything on here is still confusing to you. Feel free to ask people here on tumblr, I’m sure most of us would be happy to help.

Don’t believe everything you see on tiktok/tumblr. We’re all still learning, a lot of us are wrong about stuff. Do other research and let yourself form your own beliefs. As I’ve said, even parts of this post should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m no expert, I just want to try to help.

If you’re going to make your own posts about helpol stuff, advice I’ve seen before that really stuck with me is ‘keep some things scared’. You don’t have to post everything. I, at the moment, don’t post my prayers or photos of my altars. Those things are what I keep scared, you should have your own things. They don’t have to be the same as mine.

You have nothing to be afraid of. The gods can be intimidating when you’re starting out, but they know we don’t have as much readily available information about this stuff as the ancient greeks did. They also know you’re new, and they will be patient with you. Don’t be scared.

You can offer anything. Digital offerings are as valid as physical offerings. Devotional acts are valid too.

Know that you will never be done learning. Accept this and commit to trying to learn anyway.

Know how to tell signs from the gods apart from just General Happenings of the world. Here is a good post on that. I have a series on my blog tagged #signs from deities, to show the kinds of things I personally recognise to be signs and to show how frequently/infrequently those can occur. I would suggest keeping your own record of those, whether or not you share it is up to you. The reason is to reflect on your journey and, if you ever doubt your gods, you can look at those lists to remind yourself of how they’ve been there for you previously.

Doubt is healthy, it’s okay to doubt things. Don’t feel bad for this, the gods understand. Let yourself question everything you feel the need to question.

Similarly, anger is healthy. It’s okay to be angry at the gods, but don’t disrespect them because you’re upset. Handle your anger well. You won’t get punished for being upset.

The Hellenic Gods aren’t generally believed to be all-knowing, however it is believed that they can hear us when we call their names, which is why prayers start with invocation of a deity’s name and an epithet.

"your religion is evil!!!!"

they say as im picking flowers for aphrodite and asking her to enchant my favorite locket and perfume, humming and talking about my day.

“your religion is evil!”

they scream as i lay in front of my altar whispering to father Apollon about my day and how much i enjoy his presence and what i’m going to do to honour him in the best way i can

Beginner’s Guide to Hellenic Polytheism

I KNOW this is a really long post but my intention was to just note down everything that I think is important for beginners and that’s A LOT. It took me forever to learn some of these things but they’re so important, so buckle in. I hope this helps some people.

If I’ve missed anything, please feel free to let me know what you’d like me to add. I’ve been working on this for two days, so if there are typos, I’m so sorry.

The sections I cover here are key terms, mythic literalism, deity work vs deity worship, FAQs and General Advice.

Some Key Terms

Hellenic Polytheism: Hellenic means Greek, and Polytheism means worshipping multiple gods. So, Hellenic Polytheism is the worship of the Greek Pantheon which is also referred to as the Theoi. The people who practice could be referred to as Hellenic Polytheists. Some also call themselves Hellenic Pagans, but not all people who practice Hellenic Polytheism consider themselves pagan.

Hellenistic: you may see the term ‘Hellenistic Polytheism’, but this is my PSA to ask people not to use that, as it’s incorrect. Hellenistic refers to a specific period of Andient Greece, from 323-32 BC, and your worship is almost definitely not specifically focused on that period. Additionally, here is a post by a Greek person on why ‘Hellenism’ and ‘hellenismos’ are disrespectful.

Ouranic: this is the term for the heavenly gods. Be aware that there is some overlap between Ouranic and Chthonic deities. Whether a deity is Ouranic or Chthonic will effect things like prayer position (palms up for Ouranic) and whether offerings can be eaten or drank (yes for Ouranic)

Chthonic: this is the term for the underworld gods. Be aware that there is some overlap between Ouranic and Chthonic deities. Whether a deity is Ouranic or Chthonic will effect things like prayer position (palms down for Chthonic) and whether offerings can be eaten or drank (no for Chthonic) side note - when it comes to hero worship, I personally treat them as if they’re chthonic.

Kharis: this means reciprocity, and also refers to the relationship formed between us and the gods. Arguably the most important aspect of Hellenic Polytheism is that when you ask something of a deity, you must give an offering in return. Size of what you’re asking for should correspond to size of the offering, or if you’ve given many little offerings without asking for anything you can use that as why you should be given the Big Thing.

Xenia: guest-friendship, hospitality. The idea that any stranger could be a God in disguise, so treat everyone respectfully. It’s an Ancient Greek social custom that a lot of Hellenic Polytheists see as important today. Simply put, in modern times this most often just means being kind to strangers. There’s a lot more to it than that though, so look here. Know that Xenia is a two-way thing, so you have to be generous to your guests but they must also respect your home.

Eusebeia: basically, piety. Respecting the Gods. This is really the only ‘rule’ of Hellenic polytheism. There’ll be different ideas of what is considered respectful, but as long as you have good intentions and don’t do anything you KNOW would be offensive, you’re okay. Don’t insult the gods (any of them), don’t ask for anything without offering something else, and don’t treat yourself as equal to or higher than the theoi.

Hubris: excessive pride or dangerous overconfidence, often the fatal flaw of a lot of Greek heroes in mythology. Specifically, this is when you act better than or equal to the gods. You are not.

Libations: a type of offering, in the form of a liquid. Usually poured on the ground but can be drank (unless it’s to a chthonic deity) if you’re a closeted Hellenic polytheist who can’t just pour some liquid on the floor every time you want to offer it. My advice for food offerings/libations to chthonic deities if you’re not openly a hellenist is to offer leftovers, rotting food, or something you otherwise know will go to waste.

Altar: traditionally a place used to put physical offerings and food offerings for deities. Some people have an altar to each deity, some people have one altar for all their deities. These can be as big or as small as you want. People may use shelves, drawers, boxes, windowsills, etc, and I don’t even use mine for food offerings, only for physical ones because I usually eat the food offering (I don’t like the idea of wasting food). My altars also just serve as a dedicated space for that deity in my life.

Hero worship: this is the worship of ‘heroes’ in Greek mythology, which includes literally any mortal. For example, I worship Odysseus of Ithaca, Penelope of Ithaca, Helen of Sparta, and Tiresias of Thebes. I’ve been asked a lot about how hero worship differs from deity worship, and you can find that answer here.

Devotee: there is a lot of disagreement on what the difference between a devotee and worshipper is, but for me, I’m devoted to Athena as I feel I have the closest bond with Her of all my deities and I honour Her the most. This partly comes from my feeling that She has been with me for much longer than I’ve been aware of Her presence, and that also so much of who I am and what I value comes under Her domains.

Patron: this basically means that if part of your identity comes under the domain of a deity, then that deity is your patron. There can be occupational patrons (like Hermes is the patron of merchants) or to do with things like gender (Hera is a patron for women. Yes this includes trans women, transphobes are not welcome here.) You can have more than one patron, and you don’t need to worship all of the deities who would be considered your patron.

Epithets: these are titles given to deities. There are two types - cult epithets, which describe the aspect of a deity you’re focusing on (like Athena Ageleia, meaning ‘Protector of the People’) since they have a lot of domains and it’s important in prayers to specify what you want. Then there’s poetic epithets, which are adjectives, often used to compliment a deity. I like using these to make my prayers seem more sophisticated to be honest (example: white-armed Hera)

Unverified Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. If it’s unverified, that means that it has no basis in historical sources as far as the person is aware, and they don’t know anybody else who has the same experience. You will often see this abbreviated as UPG. Personally, I think UPG is really valid, considering a lot of things are unknown to us due to the loss of sources overtime.

Shared Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. Like UPG, Shared Personal Gnosis (often abbreviated as SPG) doesn’t have any historical backing as far as the people who believe it are aware, but it is shared by multiple different people and therefore seen by some as more valid than UPG (though I’d argue that all SPG is UPG before you know that other people agree)

Verified Personal Gnosis: gnosis is spiritual knowledge. It being verified means that there are historical sources to back up the belief, and this is commonly abbreviated to VPG. You are more likely to come across the terms UPG than SPG or VPG, and most of what Helpol people on tumblr discuss is UPG, even if they don’t state that directly.

Reconstructionist: these are people who try to ‘reconstruct’ the ancient religion, recreating ancient rituals as best they can and doing things as close as they can get to how the ancient Greeks did based on our historical sources. An important note here is that we will never be able to do this perfectly and that’s okay. When it comes to things like animal sacrifices, most of us outside of agricultural areas almost definitely don’t have the means to be doing that properly, but you can use symbolism in place of a real animal, an example an anon gave me is cutting bread into animal shapes

Revivalist: these are people who try to recreate the ‘spirit’ of the religion, though not with the exact practices that the Ancient Greeks used. Revivalists are more concerned with the values and beliefs of the ancient religion than they necessarily are with how it was practiced. I personally feel like I fall somewhere between the two, but I also think both are really valid!

Mythic Literalism

Mythic Literalism is the debate in modern Hellenic Polytheism about whether or not the myths should be taken literally — and it’s common in Helpol spades online to say that the answer is ‘no, they’re metaphorical’. But I’d actually argue that they are.

Think of the Epics like the Iliad and the Odyssey — these begin with invoking the muses, goddess of inspiration said to have perfect memory. These goddesses know every event that has ever happened and are believed to guide and speak through the poets as they recite the myths, which means that they would be reciting history. That suggests the myths happened.

This isn’t ignoring the fact there are cultural reasons behind the myths and that parts of exist to them fulfil specific functions of that god or have parts of the world that they’re trying to explain.

For example, the myth of Hades kidnapping Persephone fulfils an aspect of Hades and has a cultural aspect about marriage in Ancient Greek society. First, it’s one of the myths we have of a youth being taken too soon by death (think Apollo and Hyacinthus, Zeus and Ganymedes, Thetis and Achilles, maybe even Castor and Pollux) and the grief that causes, Hades role being of the underworld. But also in terms of Greek society it was reflective of mothers losing their daughters to marriage, too. Both these things coexist in the ‘meaning’ of the myth; but just because it has metaphors, doesn’t mean it wasn’t believed to have happened. The Greeks did view their myths as having happened.

Zeus has so many children and so many affairs and rape myths, not because it’s just a metaphor and he didn’t actually do any of that, but because he’s a male fertility god, and he’s the god of kinds, and kings do abuse their power.

The Greek gods exist as how the world is, not how we want it to be or how it should be. Take Hera, for example — she doesn’t align with the passive and idealised wives described in things like Xenophon’s Economics, but is instead how women are. Real women get angry when their husbands are awful to them, so Hera, Goddess of Women, can be angry.

It’s good to learn the ways in which these deities were understood and what their domains can represent. Myths also help us to feel more familiar with our deities. Additionally the myths tell us not to be hubristic, and things like the Iliad tell us about Oaths and Offerings and Xenia. These are important parts of helpol.

I understand the want to disregard some of the more distasteful myths that depict things not only distasteful now but that would’ve even been viewed as wrong IN antiquity. But the Greek gods are not supposed to be perfect by human standards of morals. They have good and bad aspects based on their domains.

Deity Work vs Deity Worship

I’m going to preface this section by saying that I worship deities, I don’t work with them, so even though I’m doing research on this please take everything I say about deity work with a grain of salt and note that the rest of this post might apply more to worship, because that’s what I’m familiar with. Lastly, my intention here is not to place a value judgement on either type, I just want to try and make a full explanation for anyone out there looking for one, since I’ve found it to be kind of difficult to find.

From my understanding, deity work is common among witches, and usually involves asking a deity to help with your spells or other forms of magick. When you work with a deity, you are asking them to mentor you in a sense, and there’s often a specific goal in mind that they’re hoping to achieve with help of the deity. Additionally, because of that goal-oriented relationship, deity work has deadlines(?). Like, once you’ve achieved the goal you had, the deity will stop working with you

There are similarities, as both seem to involve reciprocity and offerings, and both involve cultivating a relationship with deities, even if the nature of that relationship and the reason for offering is different.

Deity worship doesn’t have a set end-goal. You CAN stop actively worshipping a deity, but this doesn’t usually come after a specific goal is achieved because there isn’t a goal in mind. Worship is more about honouring the deity. Khakis is built out of admiration, respect and love for the deity. This is why we pray, make offerings, etc. it’s all to honour the gods. We do ask for things in deity worship, but that’s not the entire point like it is for deity work.

FAQs

Do I need to be called to worship/work with a deity?

Nope! You are 100% allowed to reach out first. You can do that by praying or making an offering. Remember to research the deity first, so you know what epithets to use, know what symbols they’re associated with, have ideas for offerings, etc. Also, if a deity calls to you, you are not obligated to worship them. Acknowledge them and move on if you don’t have time, energy, or interest in worshipping them at that time.

Where can I find information on deities?

The main site that I think everyone uses is theoi.com, which has really in-depth pages on a lot of deities, with their myths, lists of epithets, family trees, etc. it’s a really useful resource!

Do I need an altar?

No. They’re nice to have but you don’t need one straight away. It took me two years of worshipping to get any altars, and even now I don’t really use them how you’re ‘supposed’ to.

Are there any sins in Hellenic Polytheism?

No, just don’t disrespect a god (don’t disrespect any of them, even the ones you don’t worship should be respected). Also don’t show hubris.

Deity X and Deity Y don’t get along, but I want to worship both, what do I do?

Disregard mythic literalism and remember this is a polytheistic religion. The gods know they are not the only god you will be worshipping, and they are chill with that. If you really want, you can separate their altars if you have an altar per deity, but it’s up to you completely.

Other General Advices

This post is a starting point, nothing here is very in-depth. Do more research if anything on here is still confusing to you. Feel free to ask people here on tumblr, I’m sure most of us would be happy to help.

Don’t believe everything you see on tiktok/tumblr. We’re all still learning, a lot of us are wrong about stuff. Do other research and let yourself form your own beliefs. As I’ve said, even parts of this post should be taken with a grain of salt. I’m no expert, I just want to try to help.

If you’re going to make your own posts about helpol stuff, advice I’ve seen before that really stuck with me is ‘keep some things scared’. You don’t have to post everything. I, at the moment, don’t post my prayers or photos of my altars. Those things are what I keep scared, you should have your own things. They don’t have to be the same as mine.

You have nothing to be afraid of. The gods can be intimidating when you’re starting out, but they know we don’t have as much readily available information about this stuff as the ancient greeks did. They also know you’re new, and they will be patient with you. Don’t be scared.

You can offer anything. Digital offerings are as valid as physical offerings. Devotional acts are valid too.

Know that you will never be done learning. Accept this and commit to trying to learn anyway.

Know how to tell signs from the gods apart from just General Happenings of the world. Here is a good post on that. I have a series on my blog tagged #signs from deities, to show the kinds of things I personally recognise to be signs and to show how frequently/infrequently those can occur. I would suggest keeping your own record of those, whether or not you share it is up to you. The reason is to reflect on your journey and, if you ever doubt your gods, you can look at those lists to remind yourself of how they’ve been there for you previously.

Doubt is healthy, it’s okay to doubt things. Don’t feel bad for this, the gods understand. Let yourself question everything you feel the need to question.

Similarly, anger is healthy. It’s okay to be angry at the gods, but don’t disrespect them because you’re upset. Handle your anger well. You won’t get punished for being upset.

The Hellenic Gods aren’t generally believed to be all-knowing, however it is believed that they can hear us when we call their names, which is why prayers start with invocation of a deity’s name and an epithet.

I was wondering if hero worship (like worshipping Odysseus and Penelope etc) is any different from deity worship.

If so could you explain it a little for me? I’m really interested in worshipping Odysseus specifically and already worship a few Olympians. Tysm <3

Of course! So as always if anyone else has anything to add or any differing opinions, please do add on!

I have answered a similar ask before, also with some stuff about Odysseus, so here is that post. I think it would be helpful. I don’t think I articulated the role mode point very well but I also don’t know how to re-word it so we’ll just have to live with that.

I think the thing I see the most often in hero worship is that it’s really important to treat them like humans. You still have to be respectful towards them like with deities, but you can relax. I personally feel at this current time that my relationships with the heroes I worship feel more ‘casual’. Things that you might not say to deity, you could say to a hero (as long as you’re not insulting them or anything). Like I wouldn’t really call any of my deities my friends, but I do feel like my relationship with Helen is a friendship. That might not be true for everyone though! I think a lot of people do feel comfortable calling deities their friends, but still.

I guess on that note another thing to remember is that it looks different for everyone, so whatever feels right to you, do that.

Take this part with a grain of salt because I think other people would likely disagree and I don’t think this is historically accurate, but I pray differently to heroes than to deities. I don’t really ask things of heroes in my prayers? They’re not gods so I don’t believe they have the divine power to actually grant me things. Instead, I pray to heroes for inspiration from them with something that relates to their myths. So for example, a prayer I have to Odysseus asks him to remind me that my long-distance friends love me and to help me remember that I will see them again. Whereas if I was praying to Aphrodite, I would ask Her to give me an opportunity to meet up with or call that friend again. It’s different. I hope that makes sense? I guess a simpler way to put it is that I ask deities for concrete/physical things whereas I ask heroes to help with my mindset. I guess? It’s complicated. I’m really not great at articulating this stuff, but I hope that helps!

PLEASE DO NOT USE TIKTOK AS A RESOURCE FOR HELLENIC POLYTHEISM

Tiktok is probably one of THE WORST places to learn about REAL hellenic polytheism because it is rampant with misinformation and most creators are only interested in views and parroting misinformation THEY heard. Yes there are some great and informative creators on there to learn about the hellenic gods but they are far and few in-between.

INSTEAD if you're new to the religion and have no clue where to start researching/learning, here are a few phenomenal creators on here with wonderful and informative posts!

@wisdom-devotee has an amazing guide for starting out in hellenic polytheism

@seasaltdevotion also recently made a fantastic post on resources for starting out

@crazycatsiren has a SUPER long list of resources and research material

@khaire-traveler has possibly the greatest list on subtle deity worship for just about every god

Please actually learn from those of us that truly love and covet this religion and spread information that will truly benefit you.

Reality Is Not Solid. You Are Not Stuck.

You are not trapped in your current reality like a fly in amber. You are not carved into the universe like a name on a tombstone. Reality is not concrete. It is water—fluid, shifting, taking the shape of whatever you decide it to be. So stop acting like you're stuck.

ʚ Why Reality Bends to You ɞ

Physics already agrees: what you see is not what is. Matter is mostly empty space. Your hand never actually touches a surface—the electrons repel each other before they ever collide. The world feels solid because your mind tells you it is.

You are already shaping reality at all times, effortlessly. You are the painter, the architect, the scriptwriter. But you’ve been tricked into thinking you’re just an actor in a set reality, following a script someone else wrote. Throw that script out.

ʚ The Grand Illusion of "Stuck" ɞ

Your current reality is just a collection of assumptions that have hardened into habit. That’s it. The moment you stop assuming, it starts crumbling. You are not "stuck"—you’re just replaying the same radio station because you forgot the dial turns. Shifting is just changing the station.

Stop waiting for the universe to "let" you. Stop hesitating like you need permission. You wouldn’t wait for approval to blink, would you? You wouldn’t beg the universe to allow you to breathe. This is no different. You want to shift? Then shift.

ʚ Time Does Not Exist the Way You Think ɞ

Clocks tick. Calendars flip. But time itself? It's a suggestion. A concept. A trick of the brain.

Quantum physics has already disproved linear time. Particles don’t follow time—they ignore it completely. They move backward, forward, exist in multiple places at once. If the universe itself refuses to obey time, why are you letting it chain you down?

You are not shifting "later." You are not "on your way." You are shifting now. Time is just an illusion you’ve agreed to. Stop agreeing.

ʚ Drop the Effort. Step Through. ɞ

Stop making shifting feel like climbing a mountain barefoot. You are not "breaking in" to another reality. You are not prying open a door with your fingernails. You are stepping through.

Your thoughts create. Your beliefs sustain. Your attention fuels. That’s the formula. That’s all shifting is.

Believe it’s easy. Assume it’s now. Live like it’s done. That’s it. That’s all.

Reality has never been solid. You are not trapped. Shift as easily as you breathe.

pre-shift vibes

How I Shift On Command + How You Can Too

I don’t plan on posting anything other than this or starting a blog, so I don’t need anyone to “believe” in me. The only person you should trust is yourself—trust yourself to resonate positively with what you see online and click away if it doesn’t serve you. This is here for you to take from if it resonates. I literally only made this blog to post this here. My hope is that it reaches at least one person who can take something from this and apply it to their shifting journey. If not, and this post ends up here untouched, I’m just glad to finally get everything down in words and off my chest. 

Jumping straight to the answer because I’m not going to make anyone sit through a long post for it. The rest, the "advice," is here if you want to read it.

The "method"

I figured out what works specifically for me as an individual instead of following everyone else’s journey. Everyone has their “thing” that makes shifting click, a sweet spot that makes reality shifting possible. For me, it’s a combination of the law of assumption and inducing an altered state of consciousness.

During the day, I spend time affirming—or sometimes just reminding myself or keeping a little note nearby—things like:

I can shift.

I know how to shift.

I could shift tonight.

Shifting is accessible to me.

At night, I watch videos, look at Pinterest boards, or listen to music that reminds me of my DR. This ingrains where I’m going in my brain. Sometimes I do this for fun, and other times I skip it entirely.

When I lay down, I always lie on my back and stay somewhat still because I like the feeling of my body going numb. This isn’t necessary to shift, but I enjoy it—it lets me feel the symptoms of hypnagogia (that in-between state of wakefulness and sleep).

To meditate quickly, I count from 1 to 100 with a few affirmations in between to remind myself of what I’m doing. I do this until my body goes numb, and I start messing up the counting. Usually, the mistakes or random, nonsensical thoughts are my signal to start shifting.

At this point, I begin affirming the things I affirmed during the day:

I could shift right now.

I have the ability to shift.

I have the power to shift at any moment.

While I do this, I focus on the feeling of being in my DR—not my surroundings, not my senses, just the internal feeling of being there.

This is where “brazen impudence” comes in. I hard-force myself to feel like I’m in my DR. It’s not about imagining my surroundings but purely about embodying the feeling of being there.

Hypnagogic imagery and sensations like floating often kick in at this point. These are symptoms of your body falling asleep so your awareness can take shape in that sweet spot for shifting.

I continue this, then stop and start counting from 1 to 100 again, with affirmations like:

I can shift.

I know how to shift.

I could shift right now.

Then I repeat the process: using brazen impudence to force myself to feel like I’m in my DR.

Eventually, I reach that threshold between sleep and wake—a liminal state of pure consciousness. Body asleep, mind awake, I call this the “rabbit hole” which is honstly just a deep state of hypnogogia. It’s a state where anything is possible: lucid dreaming, astral projection, slipping into the void, shifting—anything.

When I’m in this state, I use brazen impudence to force myself to feel like I'm shifting to my DR and don't take no for an answer (I tell myself I'm in Barbados and shut the door in my own face). This can involve affirmations or just talking myself through it, either way I wake myself up there. Occasionally, I simply relax, expect to wake up in my DR, fall asleep, and wake up shifted.

Does all that sound complicated? Let me simplify:

Lay down and get comfortable.

Count from 1 to 100 on a loop with affirmations in between until you mess up the counting, get sleepy, or have your mind wander. Like this:

Me: *counts from 1 - 100* Me: *says a few affirmations/askfirmations* Me: *counts from 1 - 100* Me: *says a few affirmations/askfirmations*

On a loop until...

Persist in the feel of being in your DR—not focusing on surroundings or senses, just the feeling. Feeling is the secret.

Alternate between steps 2 and 3 until you’re in that relaxed body asleep/mind awake state, OR just straight up hypnogogia tbh. (That is, if you don’t already shift lol)

From there, choose what feels right: shift from a lucid dream, affirm, slip into the void, or just feel yourself in your DR like I do, convince yourself that either you shifted and are there, or are shifting and will end up there.

One thing I’ll tell you now—regardless of your circumstances, how long you’ve been trying, how long it’ll take, who you are, etc—is that you already know how to shift. You, reading this right now. You know how to shift, and there’s nothing you did to learn it. There’s nothing you can do to unlearn it. It’s something that will stay with you until the end of time.

Why do you think people shift randomly without prior knowledge of shifting? Even people who don’t believe in it? It’s because everyone can shift. You can shift.

Right now, stop reading this post and say in your head or out loud, “I already know how to shift.” Or, if that doesn’t feel right, “I already have the ability to shift,” “No matter what, I have the power to shift,” or “My mind knows how to shift no matter what.”

Can you argue that? No, you can’t. And if your mind starts throwing out “buts,” go back and read that again.

Shifting isn’t difficult, and no one struggles to shift. I’m sure you’ve heard it before—that shifting is simple and happens in seconds—because it does. You don’t struggle with shifting. You can shift; everyone has the power to. What you “struggle” with, so to speak, is figuring out what works for you, what your brain likes, how it operates—because everyone is different.

What ended up working for me more than anything was figuring out how I operate and modifying shifting to fit me—not forcing myself to fit shifting.

Will my method work for everyone? I have no idea. Unless you assume it will work for you, this is what works for me. I’m me, and you’re you.

Before you say “Oh, but I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked so far” and expect me to sit here and ask you “but have you really tried everything? <3” , listen to me. 

I could shift perfectly well with my own personal method before I started shifting regularly. I knew it worked well for my brain, but the thing that “blocked” me (so to speak) were my assumptions. 

When you sit there and say “I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked” that’s your assumption about yourself. You believe that nothing works for you, that you don't know how to shift, that you’re this powerless, lost baby shifter who needs guidance. 

There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s not your fault, and theoretically you could shift even with your “blockages” (I really hate that term), as shifting waits for no one.

This is why so many people shift randomly and with poor assumptions without meaning to. But you clicked on this because you want to know how you can shift consistently + on every time, and this is the answer I’m giving you. 

You find out what works better for you, be it affirming, visualizing, scripting, shifting awake, shifting asleep, shifting with hypnagogia, shifting with hypnopompic, shifting through lucid dreams, shifting with brazen impudence, through SATs, robotic affirming, through letting go, through putting your DR on a pedestal, through listening to music, through law of assumption alone, and many more. 

If that sounds overwhelming, please note that all of these are the same vehicles that get you to your destination. Just in different shapes and colors. Like how some people drive a car, others drive a motorcycle, others walk, others swim. The movement forward is always the same. 

What you’re doing, no matter how you’re doing it or in whatever state of consciousness you’re doing it from, will always be:

Assume it's true, feel it, receive it. “Assume and persist,” “ground yourself in the assumption,” you’ve heard it all before. 

How to Find What Makes You Shift On Command

You could either test different techniques (affirmations, visualizations, scripting, lucid dreaming, etc.) and see what feels natural to you. 

You could (and I love this one because it’s a cheat code) Assume you already know what works, and let the law of assumption guide you. “Manifest it” so to speak. 

Pay attention to your life, because you already shift on command, you've been doing it your whole life, but I guarantee you haven't noticed it. Pay attention to you, like how easily you slip into hypnagogia, your dream recall, or how strong your intuition is, maybe you put too much emotion into a scenario you don’t want in your life and it inherently manifests, things like that. Pay attention to the thing that makes you go “huh, that was weird”

“But Clover, I tried everything you mentioned above and still haven’t found my method!” 

My darling. Listen up. Come closer—I’m about to let you in on a secret. The way you apply the law of assumption isn’t one-size-fits-all, because assumptions and beliefs are not linear. It's the same every time, yes, it's a law. But just like you, the way you can use it is unique to each person.

Let me tell you how easy it is so you don't think I'm over-complicating it

You could, for instance, believe you’ve got $1000 in your bank account right now and act like it, fully living in the end. Or you could believe you’re going to have $1000 in your account and act like it’s already on its way. Or maybe you believe something’s going to happen that’ll bring you that $1000.

The same applies to shifting. It’s been a game changer for me. I used to struggle so much with things like:

“You’re already in your DR, just act like it.”

“Ignore the 3D.”

“You’ve already shifted.”

Do those methods work? Absolutely, they work beautifully. But like I said, if it doesn’t feel good or true to you, don’t force it.

My dearest, darling reader. If the story you see in your 3D is that you can’t shift, can’t find what makes you shift, are you just going to sit there and accept it? What is more satisfying? Think with me here: accepting that you don’t know how to shift and cannot shift, or persisting that you do know how to shift? 

“Clover, but I’ve been trying for 4 years! I’ve tried everything and I still haven’t shifted”

So that's your story? Your story, your assumption is that you’ve been trying for 4 years and haven’t shifted? If you’ve resonated with the phrase above, that’s your story. And there’s nothing wrong with it, but! there will be no magic solution for shifting. Or a magic method. Or a person like me giving you advice, that can make you shift without you changing your assumptions first.

“But I don’t want to reprogram my mind! It doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to do robotic affirming 24/7, I want results now!” 

I know, right? It’s annoying having to do these 100-step methods, and drink charged water, and have to beg the universe for your desire, and loop affirmations in your mind that directly contradict what you’re experiencing in the 3D.

“Oh ignore the 3D, the 4D is your only real imagination!” they say, as you sit there, clutching your phone, rocking back and forth in bed, repeating affirmations you don’t resonate with while dreaming of being railed by your S/O.

Believe me, I've been there, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I asked myself why couldn't these basic steps that worked for everyone else work for me. I blamed myself for not trying hard enough, for being lazy, for inconsistent. When all that time, the answer was me. I needed to manifest/shift in a way that felt good for me.

Just remember, the law of assumption isn't complicated, and the way you apply it is not one-size-fits-all. Reprogramming the mind through continuous repetition and affirmation works, and if that resonates with you or feels effective, you should absolutely go for it.

However, at its core, you don’t inherently need to reprogram your mind. It’s as simple as assuming your mind has already been reprogrammed and watching it unfold before your eyes. You do what feels right to you.

For example, if person A does better with visualization and listening to music, why on earth are they affirming and listening to subliminals?

If person B feels better scripting in a notebook, why the hell are they reprogramming their mind?

If person C feels good reprogramming their mind, why are they taking the simple route?

Funny, isn't it? Which is why if you've read all of this so far, and you have not resonated with it, just click away. Go find another post or advice that feels true to you. The words I'm writing right now are not universal, they're not the absolute truth. That's the beauty of the law of assumption. Whatever you believe to be true, becomes true.

I didn’t feel good with the affirmations “I’m already in my DR” and “I already shifted.” Do they work, are they true? Yup, but I didn’t feel good ignoring the 3D, even when I knew the 4D was the true reality. So I swapped them for affirmations like "I'm shifting to my DR", “I’m going to shift to my DR”, swapping things like “I already shifted” to “I’m shifting” because those are the kinds of affirmations my brain loves. 

I've heard a silly bit of misinfo that these affirmations stating future events put you in an infinite loop, and that they don’t make you achieve your desire. That’s not true? At all? Makes me laugh, really. Because here I am, “master shifter” or whatever name people give it in this reality, shifting as much as I want to wherever I want with these types of affirmations.

Yet here I see every day on the internet, people implanting stubborn little rules and regulations to a practice that has been done for ages, a universal law that will work even when you don’t care for it to work. 

How I Shifted The First Time

The law of assumption is what made me shift in the end. Initially, I surprised myself at the beginning of my shifting journey because I shifted three months after starting it. I woke up one morning in my DR room, felt it was real, knew it was possible, but accidentally shifted back because it was too good to be true. 

What followed was a period of losing my mind; I shift back to my DR for a few seconds (mini-shifts), fully shifted to different rparallel ealities, and filled the hell out of shifting journals with my discoveries as I went along. But I never fully shifted to my DR and stayed there. I wanted to permashift. I was so focused on leaving my CR and going to my DR permanently, frustrated because I knew I could shift, knew how to in theory, but was stuck in this endless loop of assuming I couldn't make myself shift and had to rely on spontaneous shifts.

And then one night it clicked when I was reflecting on the law of assumption and reality shifting. I knew shifting was real. I knew I could shift. Everyone can shift. I had shifted before. I would continue to shift even if I gave up on shifting. I could shift that night if I wanted to. I could shift that night even if I didn't want to. I knew how to shift. And so do you.

These are all assumptions I went to sleep with in mind, laying there, feeling like an idiot as it all clicked for me. 

If there was no doubt in my mind that I could shift that night, why wouldn’t I be able to shift? 

What followed was an overwhelming sense of peace washing over me. I let go. What more was there to be done? I could shift. There was no crying or screaming that could make me shift more than I could right then. 

I laid there and started my process. Just like I mentioned earlier. I began counting from 1 - 100 on a continuous loop. With affirmations that I could shift, I knew how to shift , I could shift that night.

And then I reached hypnagogia, and began inducing the feeling of being in my DR, just like I mentioned earlier. That liminal space rabbit hole shortly followed. I could go anywhere I wanted then. I could lucid dream. I could astral project. I could slip into the void. I could shift, and I did. Just…letting go and inducing the feeling of being in my DR. Not the surroundings, not the 5 senses, no affirmations. Just knowing that I was in my Dr. 

It was peaceful. 

I was at ease. 

And then I was woken up by a violent crack of thunder because my dumbass scripted my DR wakeup scenario to be in the middle of spring, and it was raining -_- 

I woke up in my DR, fully grounded, fully there, pinching my skin purple because I couldn't believe I was looking out the window at my DR city.

I wish I could tell you that I remained cool, but I so didn’t. I sat in bed for a good 10 minutes, mouth agape, repeating “oohh fuck it’s real….ohhh my god it’s real…whaaat the hell.” 

And then I paced around my room panicking, giggling like an idiot, checking my DR phone because all my friends and DR life was on there as evidence, opening drawers, looking at myself in the mirror, and straight-up freaking out. 

What followed after that was incredible, something I lack the words to describe. I spent a few weeks in my DR before shifting back, spending a few weeks here and then shifting back–here, back, here, back and forth, spending more time in my DR then my CR to the point where I consider my DR my true reality, and this one as my “other” reality. 

I shifted back here in early December of last year, and I’m here now before I shift back permanently—meaning, I’ll shift there, and then the next time I shift will be to another DR or a waiting room somewhere in the multiverse. I’m taking a "break" so to speak and hanging out here until events I scripted in my DR start to happen, and my life changes (positively, all good things I assure). 

I’m not sure if the person or people who find this post will care, but my other reality was originally called my “Witch DR”, where, as the name suggests, I’m a witch :) But not the fun kind, with a broomstick, a cauldron, and a pet cat though 😂The kind where I have to be up early for work in the mornings, can’t keep a cat because the building I live in doesn’t allow it, and have more responsibilities there than I do in this reality. 

One thing I didn’t expect about shifting before I lived there the first time is that—it’s life. You will have good days. You will have bad days. You will fuck up. You will laugh so hard that soda comes out of your nose. You will cry more than you ever have. And the people you once saw on a TV screen are very real, and can be very annoying lol. I miss my DR friends dearly right now, but I can’t go poking around the internet for videos and pictures of them because it feels so weird. 

Gut feelings are strange. I use them as a compass in both realities whenever I have to manually flap the butterfly’s wings and take a route. I felt compelled to write this post, and I’m not sure why. But if what this post has the power to help one singular person and help them realize their power, I'll be beyond happy.

How I Entered the Void in 10 Minutes + Tips

Usually, it takes me around 30 minutes or sometimes even longer to enter the void state. I typically get there by the time I reach step 4, but this time I somehow mastered it and entered in 10 minutes! Here’s exactly what I did to enter quickly and effortlessly (but remember that everyone’s journey is different)

1. Find a Comfortable Position, You can lay however you want, but for me, lying on my back helps me feel more symptoms. I stayed completely still, letting my body relax fully. No adjusting, no tension, just letting go.

2. Affirm with Full Belief, I repeated simple affirmations in my head, like:

• I am in the void.

• Entering the void is easy.

• I am pure consciousness.

I didn’t stress or wait for symptoms, I just affirmed and let myself sink into the feeling.

3. Counted to 100 & Affirmed When Needed, As I counted up to 100, I didn’t feel the need to constantly affirm. I only affirmed when I noticed my mind starting to wander. By the time I reached 100, I was already in the void.

4. If You’re Not In Yet, Count from 100 to 0 & Affirm, If you’re not in yet, try counting down from 100 to 0 while continuing to affirm every now and then. Usually When I reach 0, I am already deep in the void.

I know for a fact it took 10 minutes because I had a subliminal playing in the background. Just as I fully entered, the sub ended, and an ad suddenly played, scaring me and pulling me out.

TIPS:

• Don’t Overcomplicate It, The void is natural. The more you let it happen instead of “trying” to enter, the easier it is.

• Detach from Outcomes, If you keep thinking “Is it working?” you’re just pulling yourself out of it. Assume it’s already done.

• If You Feel Yourself Dozing Off, Let It Happen, A lot of the time, you’ll enter as you “fall asleep.” Trust the process.

And that’s it—10 minutes, and I was in. No forcing, no stressing, just trusting. If I can do it, you can too!

how to shift like it’s second nature

shifting is not an escape plan. you are not tunneling out of your reality with a plastic spoon. you are not bargaining with the universe for permission to exist elsewhere. shifting is natural. instinctive. something you were built to do.

𓂃🖊 stop making it complicated. you did not have to read a 300-page manual on how to dream as a child. you did not have to ‘earn’ the ability to imagine. shifting is just as simple. your mind already knows how to take you where you want to go. let it.

𓂃🖊 stop thinking of your current reality as a cage. there are no walls. no locks. no force keeping you in place except the belief that you are stuck. shifting is not about ‘breaking out.’ it’s about stepping through. like opening a book. like turning your head. that easy.

𓂃🖊 let go of ‘waiting.’ there is nothing to wait for. no perfect moment. no ideal circumstances. no checklist to complete before you can shift. if you act like it’s in the future, it will stay in the future. decide that it is now. and it will be.

𓂃🖊 stop overthinking. You don’t stand over your garden all day, waiting for the flowers to bloom. You plant the seeds, water them, and trust that they’ll grow at their own pace. Shifting works the same way—once you’ve set your intention, it’s already on its way. trust that it is happening without hovering over it like an anxious supervisor.

𓂃🖊 the universe is not testing you. you are not jumping through hoops to prove yourself worthy of another reality. you are not being graded on technique. shifting is not about effort. it is about surrender. drop the struggle. release the overthinking. allow it to be easy.

𓂃🖊 start trusting yourself. stop second-guessing. the second you declare that shifting is easy, that you are good at it, that you have already done it—you are. shifting does not reward struggle. it rewards certainty. decide you can, and you will.

𓂃🖊 shifting does not require ‘proof.’ you don’t need to feel tingles. you don’t need to float. you don’t need a neon sign from the universe confirming that it’s working. shifting happens in the quiet, in the effortless, in the assumption that it already has.

𓂃🖊 be the person who shifts effortlessly. the one who doesn’t doubt, doesn’t obsess, doesn’t wait. the one who moves through realities as easily as breathing.

so take a breath. let go. and go where you want to be.

was supposed to post this before feb ended oops lol

she’s genuinely so gorgeous ͙͘͡★

the prettiest eyes ᯓ★

EMMMAAA!!!!!

i had enough , i won't be able to go on tumblr for some time now so...pls give me only one or even severals steps to make me shift tonight ! no matter what , but real steps tho! i won't find any excuses and i'll do it ! but pls help me !!! i need a method anything , something for my brain to stop being trapped in this long shut door reality ,i'll do it tonight and whatever i think or whatever rotten mentality i have i'll do it anyways !!!!!

hope ur gonna see this message , i need it , my soul need it , i have to move on and.....i know you'll be able to help me !

alright. no overthinking. no waiting for the stars to align. you’re shifting tonight. here’s how:

DECIDE : not “i hope i shift” or “i’ll try.” you’re going. shift or die mentality. burn the boats, no way back.

LAY DOWN & RELAX : whatever position you want. body loose, mind sharp. feel like you’re already there. no effort, no stress. just knowing.

MENTALLY STEP OUT : imagine standing up, leaving this reality like you’re walking out of a bad party. you don’t question it. you don’t second-guess. you GO.

SEE IT. FEEL IT : don’t force it. just let it happen. feel your new reality like muscle memory. the air, the clothes, the way your body moves there. it’s not “what if,” it’s done.

LET GO : no desperation, no doubts. shifting is like falling asleep. too much effort keeps you awake. trust the process, surrender to it.

that's it. no more thinking. no more waiting. you already shifted. now go catch up to yourself.

˚ ༘♡ 𝙎𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙙 𝙂𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙈𝙚𝙣 𝘼𝙨 𝘿𝙖𝙙𝙨 PT.1 ࿐ ˊˎ-

(This gif of Lee Jung Jae with a baby is so cute♡(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)♡)

Series Masterlist: Here!

Summary: In-ho, and Gi-hun if they had a family!

Plz Read: This is part one of the dad series! So, I'll be releasing two characters at a time. Next will be Thanos and Dae-ho!

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Hwang In-ho

୨୧ In-ho never saw himself as a father. What he did for a living was unsafe, and he was already pushing the limits by letting you break down his walls.

୨୧ He never understood how he got so lucky with you. He had always felt undeserving of love. But then you walked in, and everything changed. You made him feel worth something, like he belonged in this world.

୨୧ He was completely, utterly, irrevocably in love with you. And to be honest, it scared the shit out of him. You were perfect. Wherever you walked, flowers bloomed behind you. Wherever you went, the sun beamed down.

୨୧ So he never expected you to accept him for his faults. When he first told you the truth about his job, you were taken aback (obviously). But you could see he wasn't proud of what he did, you knew he felt ashamed telling you the truth. And after a long night of deep discussion, you accepted it.

୨୧ After all, In-ho and the 'frontman' were two different people. And who were you to judge when you had a dark past of your own. You both saw each other for who you were, not broken people, but people with broken pasts. And you were able to pick each other up, sealing the cracks with kisses and tender love you both so desperately needed.

୨୧ So when he proposed, he couldn't even ask the full question before you engulfed him in a hug. Peppering him in kisses and repeated, "Yeses", until you both were a crying mess on the floor. Happy tears, of course.

୨୧ In-ho knew he was going to marry you from the gecko, he had been carrying a ring in his pocket since your first date (okay Jim Halpert). But what he didn't know was that only three months later, you'd be handing him a small box. A single pregnancy test sitting inside, resting on top of the cutest baby onesie he'd ever seen.

୨୧ You were scared at his lack of a reaction, his body sitting still as he held the test between his fingers. So many questions were running through his mind, his hands becoming increasingly sweaty as he thought about how he could possibly keep you and the baby safe from his double life.

୨୧ But as he communicated this, you took his hands in your own, giving him the much-needed reassurance he craved. It took a few months for his nerves to fully calm down and be replaced by excitement. This was his second chance to have a family, and he was determined to make it perfect.

୨୧ During your pregnancy, you did not lift a finger. Hungry? Here comes an entire menu door-dashed to your doorstep. Tired? There you are cradled in In-ho's arms. Need to shower? In-ho is already lathering your hair in the bath, your back resting against his chest.

୨୧ While going through your third trimester, you often find yourself staring in the mirror. Missing how your body looked when you could see your own feet, hating how your stomach was adorned with stretch marks. But you could never let your thoughts get to you. Not when your husband is constantly on his knees, worshipping you like a goddess.

୨୧ Not only were you beautiful, but you were carrying In-ho's future. Those marks on your skin only reminded him of how very soon a mini him would be held in his arms.

୨୧ And on the day you gave birth, In-ho did not leave your side once. He made sure the doctors and nurses catered to your every request, making sure your voice was heard. And after twelve hours of labor, In-ho was finally able to hold his baby. All 7 pounds and 6 ounces.

୨୧ You wish you could freeze the moment. Making sure to take as many mental pictures as possible while In-ho cradles your son in his arms. During the first night, In-ho did not sleep a wink. Every sound, every coo, every breath, he was by your baby's side. Reaching down into the bassinet, your son's tiny hand wrapped around his finger, it was the perfect image.

୨୧ And in that moment, In-ho felt complete.

୨୧ I think it's obvious to say that he would be a very protective dad, especially when it came to strangers. No, you can't touch his baby without asking. No, you can't kiss his forehead, it's flu season. He always pushed the stroller, making sure to have one hand on you too. His love for you only grew stronger each day, you had given him a family, a purpose. You were at the center of his universe.

୨୧ "Appa, I'm scared." In-ho felt the tiny hand in his grasp pull him down, the small face of his son peering up at him with big brown eyes.

His backpack weighed more than him, and his black hair fell in front of his face as he looked at his father, "What if the other kids don't want to be my friend?"

In-ho gave a small laugh, kneeling in front of his son as he brushed the hair from his eyes, "Su-ho, you are the strongest boy I know. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend, you'll be okay kiddo."

He fixed Su-ho's shirt, straightening it up and brushing off his shoulders, "Will you be here when I get out?" The small voice caused him to smile, his son peering into the school with curiosity.

In-ho took a moment to look at him, his prominent dimples reflecting your own, "I'll be right here. Waiting with mama and your sister, okay?" Su-ho looked at his dad, a small smile evident on his lips as he ran into his arms.

He held him close, taking in the moment. Truth be told, he was scared too. Kindergarten meant he was growing up, and that terrified him, "Be good okay?"

Su-ho gave one last look before running into the school, giving a small wave as he disappeared into the sea of Hello Kitty backpacks and Sesame Street lunch boxes.

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Seong Gi-hun

୨୧ You were a blessing in Gi-hun's life. You helped him in more ways than one, giving him sanctuary and care after going through hell at the games. You were patient with him, giving him time to grieve the loss of his friends. And you were the sole reason he rekindled things with his daughter, making his ass board the plane instead of turning around.

୨୧ You were the best thing to have ever happened to him. You gave him a reason to live, a reason to fight instead of letting his past consume him. He spent many nights in your arms, your hand absentmindedly running through his hair while making idle chatter. You'd stay like that until you both fell asleep, the comfort of each other's presence engulfing you in a safe bubble.

୨୧ It was on the first anniversary of Sang-woos death when he realized it. You had spent the night panicked, driving through Seoul trying to find your boyfriend. His phone was shut off, and you immediately thought the worst.

୨୧ When you found him outside of a convenience store, a half-empty bottle of soju sitting in front of him, your first instinct was to tell him off. But you didn't. Instead, you sat in front of him without a word, pouring a shot of soju into the small plastic cup. He watched you, watched how you joined him without question, watched how you shared his pain.

୨୧ That's when he realized he was going to marry you.

୨୧ Your wedding was perfect. Though, even if you and Gi-hun eloped, it would've been perfect. Just as long as it was him you were saying, "I do" to in the end. You didn't have a honeymoon, opting for your late-night talks in the comfort of your own home.

୨୧ You actually brought up the topic of kids first. Which, Gi-hun brushed off almost immediately. He was so scared of ruining things with you like he did with his ex-wife.

୨୧ So after one drunken night and one missed pill, you found yourself alone on your bathroom floor, a positive test sitting on the sink. You couldn't tell Gi-hun. You just couldn't. And even though you wanted a baby, you knew he didn't. And you respected that. So when those two lines popped up, you felt the word beneath you begin to shake.

୨୧ You fell asleep on the bathroom floor, having spent the evening picking your brain with a way to break the news to your husband. When Gi-hun returned from work, not finding you in your usual spot by the TV, he grew concerned. He called out your name, which remained unanswered, so he tried the bathroom.

୨୧ When he opened the door, he immediately ran to your body, shaking you as you slowly woke up. He had completely missed the test on the counter. But when you finally got the courage to tell him, he stilled.

୨୧ Doubts ran through your mind, "This was it. Things are ruined now, and things will never be the same. You might as well move out-" but the sudden feeling of Gi-hun cradling you close snapped you back to your senses. He placed a hand on the back of your neck, cradling you close as he started to cry, "I know this wasn't planned, but I promise everything will be okay."

୨୧ But, things weren't okay. They were perfect.

୨୧ Every morning, Gi-hun would wake up with his arm protectively over your stomach, mindlessly tracing shapes. He opened every door for you (which he would do already), and always made sure you were comfortable.

୨୧ While walking home from a date during your second trimester, you suddenly resented the black heels that pinched your feet. Gi-hun told you not to wear them, but you insisted, cramming your feet into shoes two sizes too small.

୨୧ But, Gi-hun being the perfect man he is, kneeled down and began to unlace his shoes. A confused look was evident on your face as he slipped them off and turned his attention to your heels. He untied the strap and took them off, slipping his shoes onto your sore feet before cramming his own into the heels.

୨୧ A laugh escaped your lips as he struggled to stand, reaching your hand out to support him. He brushed it away though, insisting on showing you his model walk. Which he did, just terribly.

୨୧ During the third trimester of pregnancy, it is very common to start nesting. And you often had packages being dropped off on your doorstep. The thing is, it wasn't your name on the package. It was Gi-hun's.

୨୧ You had a high chance of preterm labor, and to counter that, your doctor put you on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. Which bummed you out. You still had a whole nursery to finish decorating, clothes to order, and a crib to assemble. And if it wasn't for Gi-hun, it would have never gotten done.

୨୧ During your bed rest, you always found Gi-hun sitting on the couch, his nose buried in his iPad as he scoured through Amazon. But after hundreds and hundreds of packages later, you decided to put a child lock on the iPad, much to Gi-hun's demise.

୨୧ You had a daughter. A beautiful, healthy, baby girl who had your nose and Gi-hun's eyes. The second she was born, Gi-hun became a whole new man.

୨୧ It was like he unlocked a new level: 'Girl Dad'. Wherever he went, and whoever he met, he would show photos he'd taken of his daughter. Not only was his camera roll full of pictures, but he had filled his wallet with Polaroids as well.

୨୧ And as your daughter got older, Gi-hun knew the My Little Pony theme song by heart. Suddenly he didn't mind wearing princess dresses and tiaras, and glitter had become a staple in all his outfits. Girl dad Gi-hun was the best version of Gi-hun, in your opinion.

୨୧ He loved his little family.

୨୧ "Ohhh, so pretty!" The small toddler slowly walked down the stairs, careful to not trip over her dress. Her tiara was slightly too big, tilting as she bashfully spun around, showing off her princess dress.

She looked back up the stairs, the fairy wand held tightly in her hand, "Appa, your turn!" Your eyes peered up the stairs as your husband rounded the corner. A bright smile formed across your lips as you held back a laugh, covering your mouth while you watched your husband struggle down the stairs in his princess costume, "Mommy's laughing at me." He pointed to you, your daughter whipping around with her hands on her hips.

"Don't laugh! He looks pretty." She shakes her head with sass, waving her finger in emphasis. As you throw your hands up in defense, she turns back around to proudly clap as Gi-hun curtseys.

You whip out your phone, taking a picture as he fixes her tiara, "You're going to be late! The birthday party is in 15 minutes!" You hand Gi-hun a small gift bag while laughing as he flashes the plastic rings on his fingers.

"You laugh now but next time, this will be you." He motioned to his dress, whispering so your daughter wouldn't hear. You giggle before patting his butt and leaning against the doorframe as they walk down the porch, a content smile evident on your face.

You bring your hands up in front of your face, clicking your finger down as you take a mental picture.

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a/n: i have the fucking flu. but hey, i finally published this! yayayay. but yeah, this will be a series! i'll probs make a taglist. okie dokie love yall!

@shadow-tumbler @veiledsaint @rosyflowerss @satansangel4330@sxmmerchxldblog @bohemiandelilah @nicki-lovesolderfictionalmen @menabuser16 @speedymagazinewhispers @nellabear  @marymun @orihime188 @nanascupid @fnl9zer @chasinghxran @crystalizia @auspicious-lilana @machipyun @cdej6 @namelesslosers@lovelymindescape @macnbriee @rosegracewood09 @gurjxxpp11 @tmr-simp7193 @revnamjinn @orihime188 @rafesbunniebby @r-i-ptomyyouth @iluvshifting @ilovwfurina @scream-queen-25

If you want to, only if you want to

jinx/powder x female reader — 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬⠀𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

summary: when your ex girlfriend thought you'd move on with another woman, she tried to ruin your "date." (request from @Snow0Knight0 on ao3) warnings/themes: fluff and slight angst, ex lovers, valentines, amusement park date, mordern au, jealous!jinx, isha's sister!reader, bible terms ig as a metaphors, pov switch words: 9.7k notes: kinda ooc jinx cz i think she'll go on a rampage if she's jealous 🤷‍♀️

You sit on a park bench, watching your little sister play with Jinx. Isha chases after Jinx in circles around the park while Jinx hides behind trees. You see Jinx pop her head out from behind a tree and make faces at your sister before ducking back behind the trunk. Isha giggles, then keeps running after her.

Your little sister can't wait to see Jinx again. After all, they had so much fun the last time they played together. But things aren't the same anymore because you and Jinx are no longer together. Though you can't say no to your little sister, so here you are.

Isha keeps on after Jinx, her legs running as fast as they can go. Jinx grins and sticks her tongue out as she runs backward. “You gotta keep up, kiddo!”

You pull out your phone to film your little sister. But right before you hit record, your phone starts ringing. It's your boss.

You look down at your phone screen, then back up at your little sister. She's still chasing after Jinx, giggling the whole time. You hesitate, then swipe to answer the call.

—

“Yeah, I'm free next week.”

Jinx stops running, suddenly curious about your conversation. She slows down and looks over your way, trying to hear what you're saying.

Isha looks confused, her face scrunched up in a frown. She glances up at Jinx, then back to you.

“Okay, I'll see you next Friday then.”

Next friday? As in on valentine's day? Why are you making plans with someone else on one of the biggest couples holidays there is?

Jinx narrows her eyes at you. She can see the phone up to your ear. Who are you talking to? why are you planning to do something with someone else on valentine's day? 

Isha tugs at Jinx's hand, wanting to continue playing. But Jinx is too preoccupied to pay attention to your little sister right now.

Jinx turns to Isha, her attention still partly on you. She squints her eyes. “Hey, listen, kiddo.”

Isha cocks her head to the side, curious why Jinx isn't playing with her anymore.

Jinx lowers her voice to a hush and whispers so that only Isha can hear. “Do you know if your sister already has a girlfriend or something?”

Isha just shrugs. She doesn't know. She doesn't really care about her sister's love life, at least not as much as Jinx does. Though she remembers you and Jinx dating, and she knows you've broken up. But all that matters now is that she plays with her favorite people, like you and Jinx.

Jinx frowns, not happy with the lack of answer she's getting from your little sister. 

She's not mad... at least, not right now. She's still not sure if the person you were talking to was a girl or not, or if you two really had something going on for you to make such plans. But the thought of you spending that day with anyone but her is bothering her.

To be clear, Jinx isn't like… jealous or anything. She's just curious. Yeah, just curious. To know why you're talking to someone on the phone and what they want with you, specifically on a day like that.

Still, Jinx tries to shrug it off. You do have your own life. You're not together anymore.

She doesn't care. She doesn't care if you spend a stupid holiday with someone. She doesn't even care that you two aren't together anymore. You have every right to make plans with someone else. She can't be mad... nope, definitely not mad at all.

She looks down at your sister, who's still standing there, staring up at her expectantly. She remembers that she's supposed to be playing with her. 

Jinx tries to smile at your little sister. It's forced, though. She decides to put her focus back on the kid in front of her. She can't spend her time worrying or getting upset over you and your weird phone call. Nah, it's better to focus on the little one in front of her. Playing with her is much better than worrying about you. Definitely.

“So…” Jinx starts. “Still wanna play tag?”

—

A few days later, Jinx still can't shake the thought. She knows she shouldn't care... but that doesn't stop the thought from being there. That doesn't stop it from thinking about you with someone else. 

She needs to know who you're seeing. She needs to know who you're going to spend Valentine's day with.

So, she keeps trying to get more information from your little sister, whenever and however she can.

One day, Jinx finally gets the information she's been looking for. 

And now, she's standing outside a cafe. Jinx sees you through the window, talking to someone. She watches as you laugh at something this woman says. She can't see who it is. She can't hear whatever the conversation you're having. But she can see you laughing, and that... that makes her stomach churn.

She's seen you happy before. But there's just something about the way you're laughing with this woman. It's making her feel... something.

Wait.

Is she jealous?

No, that's just stupid. She just wants to know who you're talking with. Yup. That's all. She just wants to know who you're seeing. She's not jealous.

Jinx steps inside the cafe, the bell above the door jingling. Her eyes are locked on you, not even twitching an inch. She's so focused on you that she's not even paying attention to anything else. Not even the barista trying to ask her what she wants to order.

“Um... ma'am?” the barista tries again.

Jinx finally snaps out of it, turning her attention toward the barista. She realizes that she probably looked weird, just staring at you like that.

She blinks once, twice, before she answers. “Uh…” She looks back at you, and then back at the barista. “Oh... um... yeah. Can I get a…” Jinx looks at the menu. “A caramel mocha, or something…”

The barista nods, not minding Jinx's sudden zoning out. “Sure thing. And just so you know-” they continue, as they start preparing her order. “We have a discount for couples, especially since it's Valentine's today.”

Oh?

Jinx's eyes dart back to you, and she starts to put two and two together. Couples? Discount? Does that mean you and that woman are…

—

“Hahaha… yeah.” You force out a laugh, feeling awkward. Free food. Yeah, free food is good.

You don't have work today, thanks to your boss who's sitting in front of you.

Spending Valentine's day with your boss of all people and…

Ugh.

It's not a date. It's just a meeting. Just a meeting that your boss decided to have on valentine's day. 

You're sitting across from your boss, forcing out a laugh as she talks about… about-

Wait. What was she talking about? you were too busy thinking about the fact that you were in a valentine's meeting with your boss that you didn't pay attention to the actual conversation.

“I must say,” your boss chimes in with a smile, taking a sip of her coffee. “I'm quite impressed with your recent work.”

You force a smile back. “Oh, um… thank you, ma'am.”

Your boss nods. “In fact-” your boss continues, but their voice starts to fade out. Why? Because…

Your attention suddenly drifts towards the door. The bell jingles as someone new walks in.

You're not sure why... but you feel the sudden urge to look at whoever has just walked in. Is it... is it a feeling? a weird feeling?

“Promotion”

What?

Did you just hear your boss say... promotion?

The noise in the cafe suddenly dies out. You're no longer listening to the sound of coffee being brewed, or the barista taking orders, or the hum of conversation.

Your focus is on the one word you just heard.

Promotion.

“Promotion?” you repeat. As in, a pay raise. As in, even more responsibilities. As in-

“Yes.” She puts her coffee down. “You've been an excellent employee. You're diligent, focused, and always go the extra mile.”

Just before she can get another word out, something happens. Just when everything seems to be going right with those precious words “promotion,” something just HAS to happen.

Accidents happen, right?

Except this one is a really big accident.

Because some idiot accidentally spilled a hot, caramel mocha with a mountain of whipped cream all over your boss's shirt.

“What the-” your boss's eyes widen when she sees the ruined blouse that she's wearing. “Who on earth-”

“Oh god. I'm so, so sorry.” The idiot who caused this whole mess apologizes, stepping closer to your boss.

Wait-

There's something about that voice...

Why does it sound so familiar?

Your head turns slowly toward the source of the voice.

Your ex.

Jinx.

JINX?!

What is she doing here?!

“Again, I'm so sorry.” Jinx repeats herself as she tries to fix the mess, grabbing some napkins from the table and using them to soak up the mess on your boss's shirt. “I didn't mean to-” Her head suddenly turns in your direction.

Why is she... why is she here? she already spent time with your little sister last week, what could she possibly want-

“Oh-” your boss interrupts, noticing the way Jinx looks at you, or the way you're looking at Jinx. “You two... know each other?”

Shit. 

This is going to be awkward. 

“Uh…” You look over at Jinx. She's still staring at you with that look on her face. Why does she look like that? Is she trying to tell you something? “We're just old friends.”

You cringe at the words. Friends isn't the right word to use, but you know you had to say something. You couldn't just say, “Oh yeah, she's my ex and I don't know what the hell she's doing here.” There's no way you're saying that in front of your boss.

Then you notice the way Jinx clenches her jaw, just subtly. You know that look on her face. The one where she's trying to hold something back. Not that she's going to explode or anything, it's just... the expression tells you that she has something to say.

And she looks pissed.

Why is she pissed? You didn't say anything wrong. You aren't together anymore, right? So shouldn't everything be fine?

But that doesn't matter now because you have bigger problems to deal with. Like how Jinx just spilled a freshly brewed, steaming hot coffee full of sugar and cream all over your boss's blouse.

“Yep.” Jinx affirms with a nod. “We're just old, good friends.”

Your boss looks between the two of you. Then, she takes a napkin and dabs some of the excess, creamy liquid off.

You stand there, waiting for the moment when your boss will explode. That she'll get extremely mad at the woman who has just ruined her blouse (which cost probably double of your salary) and demand compensation.

But-

Your boss just sighs.

“How... unfortunate.” She murmurs, looking down at her blouse.

That's it?

Why isn't she asking for compensation? or demanding an apology? or an explanation? or whatever else one would demand in this kind of situation?

“Don't worry about it.” Your boss reassures. “It was just an unfortunate accident.” She smiles at Jinx and then places the stained, crumpled up napkin onto the table. “I'm just... out of luck, because I don't have a spare blouse to change.”

—

Jinx didn't expect that.

She thought she'd get chewed out by your ‘girlfriend’ for ruining her expensive shirt, have to pay for it, or something similar. But instead, she just walked over to the shop across the street, picked out an expensive replacement for the ruined shirt, paid for it, and then went into the changing room to try it on.

Now, you and Jinx are just sitting next to each other on a white leather couch, close enough that your thighs almost brush, but far enough that you have enough space to not actually touch.

Her foot is tapping impatiently against the tiled floor. She's staring at the side of your head, trying to catch your attention. Your eyes are glued on a random painting on the wall across from the couch.

It's quiet and uncomfortable.

She remembers how many times in the past you and her would sit on a couch like this. In her place, in your place, it didn't matter.

She'd be snuggled up next to you, sitting on your lap, and you'd have an arm around her waist, or she'd place your hand on her thigh, or her hand on the back of your neck, or she would be playing with your hair.

But now, she's keeping both hands to herself, and it feels... wrong. Like something is missing.

“So…” Jinx drawls, the tapping of her foot stops. “You and your d-” She barely gets the word out before you interrupt her. 

“What are you doing here-” you turn to face her, and the words just kind of blurt out of you, “-I mean, why are you-”

“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I was at the cafe.”

“Why were you in the cafe?”

“What?”

“Did you know that I was going to be there?”

“No,” she lies. “Why do you think I went to the cafe? Do you think I'm stalking you or something?”

“Are you?”

“What?!” Jinx throws her hands up in frustration. “Since when do I stalk people?”

You give her a look, one that says, ‘really?’

“Don't look at me like that! I've never stalked anyone in my life. Ever.” She huffs. “I was just... doing my own thing. I just happened to be there. In the same place. At the same time. That's all. A coincidence.” Jinx pauses, realizing her own words, how it sounds, and how she sounded. She then looks at you, eyes tracing over your face, before she suddenly looks away. “Anyway,” she says, “you and that woman... are you two a thing?” she asks, trying to change the topic.

“Why do you care?”

Why does she care?

She doesn't.

She shouldn't.

She can't care.

She has no right to care.

She left you. She pushed you away. She can't care anymore, because that would make her a hypocrite, to push you away but care for you at the same time.

She's supposed to be moving on. That's what she was supposed to do.

But why does she still feel like this?

Why does her heart ache? Why does it ache because she's sitting right next to you, and she can't do anything but keep her hands to herself? Why does it ache because your shoulders are only an inch away from touching? Why can't you just touch each other again? Why do just a few inches feel so... lonely?

She's supposed to be over you. It's been months.

Months!

She doesn't understand why she still feels this way. She tries to date other people, but none of them compare to you.

And that's not fair.

It's not fair because she keeps comparing everything about them to how you used to be.

She compares the color of their outfit to yours, she compares the way they walk to yours, she compares the sound of their voice to yours.

Her mind keeps finding little things in them that remind her of you.

How their hands feel too rough. How their smiles are too forced. How their eyes never lit up like yours did. How their hugs didn't feel right. How they never seemed to get her the way you did.

It's all wrong.

Because they're not you. No one could compare to you.

She tries to convince herself that she's over you, that she doesn't care, that she doesn't miss you. That the fact that you've found someone else shouldn't bother her at all, that she's totally fine with the fact that you've clearly given your attention to someone else. That she has no right to be jealous, no right to be like this.

So she repeats the same thing she's been telling herself for months.

“I don't care,” she lies to herself and lies to you. Her eyes darts to your hand, close enough for her to take if she reached out her own hand. “It doesn't bother me.”

“Of course it doesn't.” You scoff. “It has nothing to do with you.”

It has something to do with her.

Before she can say anything else, the changing room door opens, and the woman walks out wearing a new black and white blouse.

“Ah, much better.” The woman looks at herself, smoothing out the wrinkles on the fabric. She turns her attention to you. “What do you think?” She smiles. “Looks better, doesn't it?”

Jinx glares at her. That woman looks dumb in the stupid white and black blouse, which somehow manages to look cheaper than the previous blouse even though it probably cost more.

“Yeah.” You force yourself to look away from Jinx, standing up from the couch. “It looks good.”

Jinx grinds her teeth, standing up as well. The way you speak to her like that, it... annoys her. It makes her want to do something petty.

“Glad you think so,” she continues, adjusting the collar. “At least this is presentable. Unlike my previous blouse, which is now... coffee-stained.”

Jinx smirks at that. But her smirk quickly disappears when the woman turns to look at her.

“Speaking of that,” the woman says, her eyes locking onto Jinx. “I don't believe we've had a proper introduction. I'm Cassandra. Cassandra Kiramman. What's your name?”

“Uh…”

“Don't be shy,” she says, in a tone that could be perceived the wrong way, and it grates on Jinx's already thin temper. “I just thought we should greet each other properly, especially after the… earlier accident.”

“Jinx,” she replies. “Just Jinx.”

“Jinx,” the woman repeats. “Interesting name.”

“Better than your boring name,” Jinx mutters.

You elbow her side. Jinx holds back a grimace.

“What was that?” The woman's brow quirks.

“Nothing,” Jinx lies. “Just…” She looks down at the woman's designer heels. “I was just admiring your heels.”

“Oh.” The woman looks down at her heels as well, raising one foot up to show them off. “I got them at the same store I bought this outfit.”

Jinx snorts. “Cheap.”

The woman either doesn't hear what Jinx just said or she just ignores it. Instead, she holds out her hand, and Jinx stares down at it.

“It's nice to meet you, Jinx,” the woman says, still holding out her hand. “I hope we-”

You nudge Jinx. “Be nice,” you whisper.

Jinx scoffs but begrudgingly reaches out and grips the woman's hand. “Likewise.” She forces a smile onto her face.

The woman's hand feels too soft. Jinx could break her with her bare hands if she wants to. Which she is very much considering.

“I'm glad that's settled then.” She lets go of Jinx's hand, and Jinx wipes it on her pants, trying to rid that weird feeling off her skin. Everything about her just makes her sick. Even her name, Cassandra, makes her want to hurl.

The woman starts to walk towards the counter. “I'll just... go pay for this.”

“Sure.” You say, watching her walk away.

—

After your boss pays for her overpriced blouse at the register, she pulls you outside, away from Jinx, who stands several feet away. Jinx can see you talking to her, but she can't hear what you're saying. 

“About that promotion…” your boss starts. “Your name is still in the running for consideration, however, we're still going to be discussing it before making any final decisions.”

“Since my name was mentioned?” you repeat, “so there are already some possible employees they're considering?”

“Yes,” she says, looking at you with a stern and serious face. “The only problem being…”

“...being?” you prompt.

“How do I put this?” Your boss clears her throat. “Your performance has been excellent, to say the least. You've always exceeded our expectations and more, and your skills have certainly improved over the years.”

Your confidence rises a bit. “But?”

“But,” your boss continues, “the decision isn't solely based on your performance.”

“How so?” you probe. “It's always based on performance, right?”

“Not in this case,” your boss explains. “In regard to the promotion, the decision is up to the board members.”

The board members? Up until this point, you had assumed that the decision was made by the managers, but you guess it makes sense, since you're dealing with a large company.

“You mean the... big guys? The ones who are…”

“Rich, wealthy, snobby?” Your boss completes your sentence for you. Smirk forms on her lips, as if the board annoys her as well.

“Ahh... and that could be bad…?”

Your boss pauses for a moment, then, “...yes.”

“Why?”

“Because the board is a bit finicky.” She sighs. “They're not one to make decisions easily, and they've always had this... habit of arguing over even the most trivial affairs.”

“So… it’s not looking good for me then?”

“Don't say that,” your boss says. “It's not looking terrible for you.”

“I see.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “Wait, does that mean I have to impress the board members?”

“Yes, that's exactly it.” Your boss agrees. “The members are picky, so to speak.”

Figures. Of course the rich assholes are picky bastards.

Your boss gives your shoulders a reassuring pat before returning her hand to her side. “Just-” she glances over your shoulder towards Jinx, “-try not to worry about it, alright? It's out of your control.”

Jinx continues to glare at the woman. Your boss leans in to whisper, “Your friend-” she nods at Jinx “-doesn't seem to like me very much.”

You follow her gaze. 

Jinx notices the two of you staring and suddenly finds great interest in a nearby pigeon pecking at the ground.

“Yeah…” you reply, laughing nervously.

Your boss chuckles, turning to you again. “Anyway, I've got to run. But don't bother coming to work today. You have the day off so-” She gives you a smile and glances towards Jinx, “-spend the rest of your Valentine's day... with her.”

“Oh no, we're not-”

“Don't give me that.” She cuts you off. “I'm not naive, okay? I'm not stupid. I know you two are a thing. It's obvious.”

“Was.” You correct her.

Your boss doesn't seem to care much about the correction. She doesn't react at all. No surprise, no shock, no disappointment. “Was, is, who cares?” 

Huh. What is this woman talking about? “Excuse me?”

Your boss ignores your confused look. “The point is, the two of you have something. Something that still hasn't faded.” She motions at Jinx, who's still busy watching a pigeon pick at some bread crumbs on the ground. “I'd better get going. Take the day off for yourself. And…” She gives you a knowing look. “Figure things out.”

With that, your boss turns around and waves to you before walking away. You watch her go, dumbfounded and confused. Is she right? Does Jinx still have feelings for you?

—

Jinx hates the way the woman pulls you outside, she hates the way the woman lays her hand on your shoulder, she hates the way the woman leans into you to whisper something that Jinx hates because she couldn't hear what the two of you were talking about. When the two of you catch her looking, she suddenly looks away.

She hears you laugh. It's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard, but it's the fact that you're laughing with someone else that pisses her off. 

She focuses her attention on the bird pecking at the ground.

That's right. 

Focus on the bird, not the sound of your laughter. Ignore the way the woman keeps her hand on your shoulder. Don't pay any attention to the way the two of you are talking. 

Just focus on the bird. Nothing but the bird.

She could turn and leave right now if she wanted to. Nobody's forcing her to stay. She doesn't even know why she stuck around and followed you and the woman into this shop in the first place. But she wants to stay. She wants to stay because you're here. Because of you.

This is ridiculous.

It's none of her business. You two aren't together anymore. You're not her responsibility. You're not her issue to deal with. She's free to do whatever and whoever she wants.

She hears footsteps getting closer to her, and she turns her head to see you coming over. She looks around, noticing the woman is gone.

“Did you bid your farewells to your girlfriend yet?” she asks curtly.

“She's not my girlfriend,” you reply, walking to her side.

“Oh…” She turns back to the pigeon but finds it has flown away, leaving a few bread crumbs on the ground. She's left with nothing to focus her attention on aside from you. “Then what is she?”

It's a stupid question, but she asks it anyway. It's not like she's entitled to your intimate details. 

“She's just my boss.”

She lets out a sigh. Is it a sigh of relief? Maybe.

“You know… you've been glaring at me the whole time,” you continue.

She snorts. “That's just because your face is irritating to look at, nothing else."

“Oh, I'm sure that's the only reason.”

No, it's not just the only reason.

“So what is it then, huh?” she asks, irritated. “Is she flirting with you?”

“No.”

“She laid her hand on your shoulder, didn't she?”

“Is that what you're worked up about? That she laid her hand on my shoulder?”

“Why did she do that anyways?”

“It's no big deal, she's just-”

Jinx interrupts you. “Why did she do it? what compelled her to touch you like that? It's not very appropriate for your boss to be physically affectionate towards you.”

“Since when were you a stickler for rules and appropriate conduct?” 

“I'm not.” 

“Then why are you so worked up about a simple touch?”

“Because it's not just a simple touch.”

“What? So now you're the authority on what a simple touch looks like?”

“I know a lust driven touch when I see one.”

“Lust driven? What are you, insane?”

“I'm not insane,” Jinx grumbles. “I know the difference between an innocent touch and a not-so-innocent touch.”

“Not-so-innocent? Seriously, Jinx. What are you—do you think my boss has a thing for me?”

“Don't be dense. It's obvious that she has the hots for you.”

“Jinx, she's married. Didn't you see that ring on her finger?”

That makes Jinx pause.

A ring?

Huh... she didn't notice it.

Had she really been so focused on you that she hadn't noticed?

“And married people can't want anyone else? you'd be pretty blind if you think married people can't have crushes, or feelings, or affairs... oh god, is she having an affair with you?”

“What?! No, she's not-” You facepalm. “What in the world would make you think that my boss, who's happily married by the way, would be cheating on her husband with me? That's fucking insane!” You pause, suddenly realizing something. “...wait a minute?”

“What?”

“Earlier today... the spilled drink. That was on purpose, wasn't it?!”

She remains silent.

“You're jealous,” you state.

“What? Jealous? That's bullshit.” Her face heats up. She's a terrible liar, isn't she?

“Then why are you so bothered by the fact that my boss-”

“Because you're mine!”

And there it is. This is what she wanted to hide. Her jealousy, her possessiveness, her attachment to you.

The words slip out before she can even think, and they're so loud and so clear that anyone within a few meters could've heard them. There was no plan, no filter, no hesitation. Just the words that spill out from her mouth before her brain could catch up.

What is she even saying? You're not hers. Why did she say that? She didn't mean it. She has to backtrack, change the subject, anything, just don't look like a blubbering idiot.

“I'm-” She turns away from you. “You're-” She covers her face with her hands and groans.

How pathetic.

Why did she just say that?!

She'll just laugh it off, right? Just say haha, kidding, no hard feelings, we can be friends... right?!

You rub your forehead and shake your head. “Jinx... even if my boss had any feelings for me, which she doesn't, but even if she did-”

The thought of you being with anyone else is driving Jinx completely crazy.

She can't bear to even imagine the thought of you being with someone else or your boss. She's already picturing it in her mind, the both of you together, laughing, smiling, happy, while you're wrapped around your boss like a dog. Your boss is so rich and successful and could provide you with everything you could ever want. And what could Jinx offer you?

Jinx turns to you, dropping her hand from her face. “Why WOULDN'T you be interested in her? She's got it all, for fuck's sake! She's pretty, she's nice, she's independent, she's successful… she's everything any guy or girl would want. What's not to like?”

“Because she's not you!”

“Pfft! Of course she's not me!” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “She's got everything going for her. She's put together, mature, not a total mess-” her mind goes blank when she realizes what you'd said. “...wait. What did you say?”

“She's not you.”

Jinx opens her mouth to argue, then suddenly closes it. She looks away, biting her lip, refusing to look at whatever expression you have right now. 

Why?

You shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have said something like that.

Don't you realize this is only going to make things harder... and better?

—

Jinx isn't saying anything. You both are just... standing there in silence. People are passing by, couples holding hands, friends laughing and talking.

Your boss' words are still ringing in your ear. Figure things out.

You glance to the side, at the brick wall, and at the clock on the building. The second hand is ticking away. “We still have time,” you say, and you feel Jinx look at you.

“Time for what?”

“My sister isn't out of school yet, so…” You clear your throat. “I heard there's a new amusement park that just opened up nearby. Would you…”

Would you like to be my valentine? The words hang in your head, and your mouth refuses to say them. You just want to see if it's still there. If the connection you felt before is still present. If the feelings she had for you remain.

“Would you like to go with me?”

“...huh? Like, right now?”

“Er-” you sputter, “ONLY IF YOU WANT TO-” you add hastily. “I… I mean, if you're free-” You look down, shifting awkwardly. “If you're not-”

“I am!” she blurts out.

Okay, she agreed.

Wait, what?

Your head whips back up, eyes wide as you blink at her in silence.

“No, I-I mean, yes, I'm free,” Jinx clarifies. 

“Are you sure?” you ask, “I only mean if you want-”

“Yes!” Jinx blurts out again, then clamps a hand over her mouth with a muttered ‘fuck’ when she realizes how eager she sounds.

You both just stand there awkwardly, staring at each other, before Jinx snaps herself out of her nervousness, eyes hardening as she puts on a confident smile. “Well,” she quips. “Lead the way.”

—

“Watch this.”

Jinx grips the fake pistol, a grin spread across her face. She lines up her shot, and-

BANG!

The target falls.

BANG!

Another falls.

BANG!

And another.

The park staff watch in shock at the girl's accuracy, while passersby stop to watch the impressive display of skill.

“Hell yeaaahh!” she crows, spinning the toy gun around her finger. “That's how it's done, baby!”

A group of teenagers watches her, chanting “MVP” and “QUEEN!”

Jinx shrugs, twirling the gun around. She hands the toy gun back to the staff and looks up above to choose a prize. “Hmmm... hmm... that one.” She points up to a giant stuffed pink shark, and the worker sighs. 

“That-” they start before Jinx interrupts them. 

“Yeah, I want the giant shark.”

The worker sighs heavier and takes the shark down, reluctantly handing it over to Jinx.

Giggling, she throws her prize towards you, and you awkwardly catch the gigantic stuffed animal under one arm.

“What-” you ask as she walks away. “Where are we going now?”

“Ooh! Let's go to that!” She points to the twisted rollercoaster as you struggle to keep pace with her.

The roller coaster looks like torture, and the line is so freaking long you could fall asleep while waiting.

“Can't we go on something... calmer?”

—

“I'm not so sure about this…” you hesitantly say as you're forced to sit next to Jinx in the roller coaster, her thigh touching yours since the seat is so damn small.

You try to fit the giant shark between you, and by some miracle, you manage to cram the stuffed toy in the already crowded space.

The staff comes to make sure everyone is buckled up and stops when they see the giant pink stuffed shark squished awkwardly between you two. “That uhhh... needs to be placed there.” They point over to a shelf where they take any extra luggage/belongings.

You and Jinx both turn around to look at the shelf, then back at the ride worker.

“Oh, right.” You nod and pick up the giant stuffed animal, handing it to the staff.

“Don't lose it-” Jinx warns them.

“Yeah, yeah, we won't,” the staff says, putting it on the shelf.

The bars come down and latch you in.

“Alright-” one of the staff says, “The ride is about to start!”

You look at Jinx, and she looks back at you. “Ready?” she asks, grinning.

“Uh, Ahahaha… sure.”

The staff member comes around one last time and checks to see if you're strapped in correctly. “All right-” they say. “Here we go-”

You gulp, swallowing nervously. You'd rather take on a bullet than ride this metal atrocity, but you're stuck with Jinx.

The ride starts moving, making the clicking sound as it's being lifted upwards to the very top of the coaster.

The ride climbs up to the top, and your nervousness only starts to increase as the rollercoaster continues to climb higher and higher. When it finally reaches the top, it suddenly stops moving, probably to give a few minutes for those to take pictures.

“Hey, look!” Jinx points to the view of the amusement park below the two of you. “We're so high up!”

“I just want to say…” you start, “that I ate the cake you put in the fridge last yea- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.”

The roller coaster suddenly drops, and the two of you are sent flying down at a high speed.

“OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD-” you scream over the roar of the coaster. Your screams are mixed in with the screams of everyone else.

“WOOOOOOO!” she yells, raising both of her arms in the air. “FUCK YEAAAHH!!”

The roller coaster does a series of sharp turns, drops, twists, and loops that completely mess with your perspective and gravity.

You feel like your stomach is somewhere in your thighs as the ride twists and turns around at breakneck speeds. “HOLY SHIT I CAN FEEL THE SKIN COMING OFF OF MY FACE AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”

Jinx, on the other hand-

“IT'S SO FAST! FASTER FASTER FASTER!”

This is it. This is how you die.

—

…you somehow survived the roller coaster, but you're not so sure if your soul has left your body.

After the first roller coaster ride, you decided to take it easy on yourself and went on the carousel, but Jinx was having none of it and pulled you onto the next wild ride. And the next. And the next…

Eventually, you get your hands on the picture captured during the roller coaster.

Jinx laughs and stares at the picture before sticking it into her pocket. “You should see your face.” She giggles as you pass a few other people.

She's currently holding the giant shark stuffie in her arms as the two of you walk around, looking for something else to do.

You've done just about everything except for the log ride and there's no way you're going on that.

You're walking aimlessly through the park when you notice Jinx's pace starts to slow down, trailing behind you.

“Hey?” You turn around to look at her. “What's wrong?”

She's already looking up at the sky. “Do you want to try the ferris wheel?”

—

notes: i would 100% recommend listening to “come here” by kath bloom since this scene (and what happens afterwards) is inspired by the movie before sunrise

You sit in the ferris wheel, side by side. The ride starts moving, slowly bringing the two of you up higher and higher.

You stare out the window to your left, watching the world get farther and farther away as the cabin rises up.

The giant pink shark sits across from the two of you. You like this. Just you and her and the shark.

You feel her side pressed against yours, and you're unable to concentrate on anything besides that. She also looks unable to sit still because she's constantly shifting in her seat.

You sneak a glance at her and see her looking at the window as well. She notices you staring and turns her head to look at you. Suddenly, your eyes meet—you note the color of her irises. An artist might have trouble replicating them, but you think yours could do a pretty good job.

...and just like that, she looks away. Back to the window, finding something interesting to stare at on her side of the cabin.

It gives you a good opportunity to look your fill.

But then she looks back at you, and you look away. Your lips twitch into a faint smile before you quickly purse them together.

You feel her knee brush yours, just gently, like someone walking past you in a crowded room. Except this isn't an accident.

You turn your focus back outside the window, admiring the view. You see the top of the roller coaster you were just on, the carousel, and so many other places you've been today.

But your attention soon drifts to your right side and—oh. She's staring at you again.

Her eyes trace up the side of your head. Over your hair, around your ear…

…to your lips.

She wants to kiss you.

A fact that you notice quite easily.

You want to kiss her too.

You take a deep, trembling breath. You don't know if it's the height, or the cramped space, or the fact that you're alone with her right now—but it's starting to get hot in here.

You wait for a few more seconds, but then, unable to wait any longer, you turn to look at her-

Only to realize she already looked away before you could capture her gaze.

You look down at your lap, feeling the corner of your mouth twitching into a smile again, and... you don't bother stopping it, nor the way your tongue flicks out to wet your lower lip.

You're shaken out of your thoughts when the cabin jerks to a stop. It stopped at the very top. The highest point, where the view is the best.

You don't take time to look out the window. You can only focus on the woman sitting next to you.

Just one more look.

Just one more. That's all you want. You want to turn your head just one more time and kiss her right here in the cabin.

Just one more before you lean in and capture her lips with your own.

You don't know what pulls at your chest or your head, but suddenly you feel the urge to look back at her-

But she stares down at her lap, idly fiddling with her fingers, picking at the blue and pink nail polish. Her braids hide her face from your view. You want to reach out and tuck them behind her ear to see her face better... but you hesitate.

You wait for her to look at you, and when she does-

She looks up, and your eyes lock. She doesn't look away. Neither do you.

—

“Isha will love this.” Jinx chuckles, patting the pink shark sitting next to her.

You watch her from across the table. The diner around you is mostly empty, the staff working while waiting for the next customers to come in.

You look at the clock on the wall. Only an hour left before you have to pick up your little sister. Both of you decided to take a break from the amusement park and grab a bite to eat at the nearby diner.

Jinx sighs, drumming her fingers on the table, growing bored with the wait time. “I'm bored,” she whines, “Let's do something.” 

You've been waiting for your order for a while. “Like what?”

She hums, thinking. “Like... roleplay.”

You shrug. Why not? You don't have anything else to do. “Alright, let's try it.”

She grins and leans forward, propping her chin on her hand. “Okay, you're going to pretend to call a friend, and I-” she points her finger at her chest, “-will answer. Sounds good?”

You're a bit confused, but you nod anyway. If you can humor her, maybe it'll pass the time. You lift your hand up and imitate holding a phone, with your thumb and pinky pointed upwards. “Ring ring.”

Jinx does the same and clears her throat before replying, “Heeellloo.”

The sound of her cheerful voice makes you crack a smile. “Hey.” You put on your serious but friendly tone, looking straight at her. “Is this... er-” You pause, your brain working to come up with a random name. “...is this Rebecca?”

“Heyyy yes it is, this is Becca.” Jinx tilts her head to the side. “How are you?”

You have to suppress a laugh. She really sounds like another person. “Yeah, I'm doing good. I was just calling to catch up. How's life been?”

“Oh, the usual. Work, sleep, rinse, and repeat,” she says with a sigh. “What about you?”

“Well…” You look down at the table, pretending to think of something, then look up and meet her eyes once again. “I met my ex.”

Jinx's (or rather, Rebecca's) eyes go wide, pretending to be shocked. “Your ex? Like, Jinx, your ex girlfriend? When did this happen?”

“Just today. I was having a meeting with my boss, and, well she… she kind of accidentally spilled a drink on her.”

Jinx's face scrunches up into an 'O' shape. “She spilled a drink on your boss?” she repeats. “What the hell? Why would she do that?”

“I think she's jealous.”

Jinx smirks. “So... what did you do? Did you two end up talking?”

“Yeah, we did,” you reply, watching her face. “She's still the same. Same eyes, same lips, same tattoos, same long braids of blue hair... beautiful as she always is.”

Jinx's expression softens. She listens to you intently, smiling.

You hesitate before continuing. “I still... love it.”

You stare down at the table and lay one of your hands on the surface. 

“I like it when she looks at me,” you say, your fingers tracing the wood. “I like to feel her eyes on me when I look away.” Your eyes return to hers.

Jinx lets her hand rest on the table, her fingers only a few inches away from your own. The gap between your fingers is not close enough to touch, but it still causes your heart rate to pick up.

You look at her slender digits, tracing the faint veins on the back of her hand. 

Her hand moves a bit, as if she were about to reach out and touch yours, but then she changes her mind. “Are you going to get back together?”

You contemplate her words, and then a snort of laughter escapes your lips. “We haven't really talked about it yet,” you answer.

There's a pregnant pause, the two of you looking into each other's eyes in silence.

You break the silence with a cough and return your hand back down to the table. You mimic hanging up the phone, signaling that the conversation is over. She does the same, coughing awkwardly.

“Your turn,” you say, “you call your friend.”

“Okay, okay.” She raises her hand, mimicking holding a phone once more. “Brrrring brrrringggg.”

You play along and answer in a deep voice. “Sup, dude? What's up?”

She giggles at your tone. “Hey, how ya been?”

“Doin' just fine, ya know. Livin' the dream. You?”

“I'm doing just great,” she responds. “No, scratch that. I'm rapturous. Wanna know why?”

“And why, might I ask?”

“I met someone.”

“Who?”

“My ex.”

“Oh wow.”

“And the best part is,” she adds, looking at you. “She's here with me,” she continues. “Have you heard the saying that we're all our own angels and demons?”

You nod.

She hums and grins. “Well, turns out that's true. Because I'm looking at an angel right in front of me.”

That's so cheesy... and it's working. “How did you meet?” you ask, changing the topic.

“Oh yeah, about that…” She clears her throat and sits back. “Well,” she starts, drumming her fingers on the table. “I was just curious about who your... uh, I mean her…” She wrinkles her nose. “Valentine's date was. So I got info on her little sister.”

“My sis—I mean, her little sister?”

“Yep, that little squirt was actually pretty cooperative.” Jinx chuckles. “But I just saw her with another woman in a cafe. Turned out it was just her boss.”

You laugh at that, shaking your head.

She grins, satisfied that she was able to make you laugh.

The two of you sit in silence again, waiting for the waiter to bring your orders.

“Anyway, I know we have a lot to talk about,” she continues, her eyes finding yours. “Everything that went down between us. About our relationship. But…” her voice trails off, and then she seems to have found her voice again. “But do… do you think… do you think we would ever be back together?”

Your hand moves from the table to her hand, taking it into yours. The gesture is so natural you don't even notice it until you see the way her fingers wrap around yours.

You run your thumb over her knuckles, her hand fitting in yours like it always did and always will. “I think... if you both talk things out... and if you're both willing to try again…”

She brings your hands to her mouth, placing kisses on your knuckles, on the bumps of your skin, on the veins that run beneath. She looks back up at you, her eyes searching for something in your face. Whatever she was looking for, she finds it and smiles.

“Are you willing to try again?”

You don't reply. 

What would it be like to be with her again? Despite everything, despite how things were, there were still moments you remember in a warm light.

The times you and she held hands and just walked down the street. The times you two would sit in a park and people, watch and joke about anyone that walked past.

The times you got stranded in the rain with her and had to share an umbrella, giggling as you squeezed together under it. 

The times you two went on a road trip together and laughed and sang along to the radio the whole way.

The times you two spent a night at a hotel together, and neither one of you got any sleep.

The times she would laugh at a stupid joke or just do something adorable, and all the air of the room would just leave you and your voice would get caught in your throat.

The times you saw her in a t-shirt and shorts and no makeup, and she's still the most beautiful in the world.

The times you felt your heart leap when you saw her name pop up on your phone. 

The times spent talking about the most boring things and the most boring things were suddenly the most interesting things in the world.

The times you went to the movies and she'd get bored and try to make out with you.

The times she fell asleep with her head on your shoulder, and you'd stay as still, not moving a muscle, and when she asked why you weren't moving, you said “Nothing,” but it was because you could feel her breathing against your neck, and it was so calming that you just wanted to stay like that forever.

The times the sun would hit her face and light up her features and her hair would be golden and the freckles on the bridge of her nose would stand out.

The times she would say something ridiculous like “Oh god, my back is killing me... it sure would be a shame if a beautiful and caring woman just, oh, I don't know, gave me a back massage,” and then look at you with complete innocence.

The times she went with you to meet your grandmother, who immediately took a liking to her and pulled you aside later on to tell you she's a keeper.

The times she would talk about her childhood, and you would listen, and you thought “I wish I could take your pain away.”

The times you stood in the kitchen and cooked together, and it was a mess of flour and batter and sugar and eggs everywhere because you two kept throwing things at each other and laughing and kissing and stealing sips of cookie batter.

The times you woke up next to her and she was looking at you and her eyes were still bleary and the only thought you could think of was “I love her even more than I did last night.”

The times she would get upset about the smallest thing and leave, only to come back hours later with tired eyes and a tight smile. The times you would try to comfort her and she would shrug you off and tell you she's fine, even when she's clearly not.

The times she'd play with your little sister, pretending to be a princess alongside her. The times she'd be a regal queen who let her little princess sit atop her throne. The times she'd be an evil witch who terrorized your little sister. The times she'd be an adventurer who'd save your little sister.

The times she'd look at you when she thought you didn't notice. The times she'd lie and say she wasn't staring at you.

The times she would come to your place unannounced, just to show you something that reminded her of you.

The times you would just exist. No need for words. No need for actions. Just both of you in the same space, comfortable.

There used to be so much love between you two.

The nicknames you had for each other. The inside jokes that no one else knew about. The looks you would give each other from across the room.

You knew the taste of her lips better than your own name. You knew where to kiss, to taste, to worship. Her moles, her scars, her tattoo, her hips, her waist, her neck, her shoulders, her wrist, and it would always lead back to her lips. “All roads lead to Rome,” they say, and Rome was her lips.

You'd trace every line and curve on her body with your tongue the way a blind man would read Braille. You worshipped her like the messiah. She was the promised land to your Moses, her body the Holy of Holies, parting her legs like the Red Sea as you knelt at her altar, and drown in her like an Israelite drinking from Marah.

Being with her was like sitting beside a fire on a cold night. It was cozy, and sometimes you would feel her hand on your back or her arm around your shoulders.

She had a habit of touching you, you could never keep yourself away from each other. 

Even now, the way she holds your hand and kisses your hand, it reminds you of the days when all the two of you did was touch and kiss.

But that was then, and this is now.

Instead of spending every minute with each other, you're now sitting across from each other at an empty table in a quiet diner with the ghost of your past relationship hanging over your heads.

You remember the cold moments.

The times you two would fight, scream, yell, sometimes cry.

The times she was distant and cold. The times you wished you could just understand her thoughts.

The times you both would argue and shout at each other and afterwards lay in your bed and just stare at the empty space between the both of you.

The times she'd lock herself in the bathroom and you'd stand outside, your heart breaking with every word you heard her utter.

The times you would wake up in the middle of the night and see her on the edge of the bed, facing away from you, her body trembling, and every single time you would reach for her, and every single time she would pull away.

The times she'd hold you close and you'd hug her back and you'd feel her body shake from stifled sobs, and you would tell her it was okay, even though you didn't know if you were trying to make it okay for her or yourself because nothing was okay.

The times you felt so lost and alone and you just wanted her to hold you, tell you you were going to be fine, but instead she'd give you a blank look and just stare at you, unable to understand how you were feeling because how could she when she was so disconnected from herself and the world around her?

The times you wondered if she still loved you as much as you loved her, because even when you thought she didn't, she would catch you off guard and surprise you with a joke or a smile or a laugh or just the way she'd take your breath away with the simplest things, and you'd feel her love in those little moments and you'd cherish them because those moments were fleeting.

You'd hang onto them desperately, hoping to preserve them, hoping to relive them in your mind over and over because you wanted to feel her love again.

But the feeling would fade so fast, because soon enough she'd be in those moods again, and you'd feel yourself slipping from her grasp more and more every day, and you just wanted to hold on in vain, hold on and hope it will get better, it had to get better, it would get better.

And for the first time in your life, you were tired.

Not of her, not ever of her. You never get tired of her, you never want to be without her. But at that moment, you were tired.

You were tired of trying to understand her, tired of trying to make everything okay, tired of feeling like your love for her wasn't reciprocated.

Just tired.

You never wanted to break up with her. You never wanted to leave her. You just wanted everything to stop. You just wanted a pause.

She was tired too, maybe more tired than you.

When you said, “I'm tired,” she took it personally. She thought you were tired of her, you were tired of the relationship, and you were tired of being with her.

So she left. She broke up with you.

You never expected her to do that.

You never expected her to walk away from you, just like that.

You thought that she would understand, you thought that she would know what you meant when you said you were tired. You thought she would know that you were tired of being the only one trying to make things work, tired of feeling like you're the only one who cares, tired of feeling like the only one who's making sacrifices.

She didn’t hear the words you were actually saying, the words, “I need a break, just a short break.”

She heard different words, words that said, “I'm done, I don't want to do this anymore.”

And she responded accordingly.

She ended things before you could end them on your own terms.

She broke up with you all because you said the wrong words and she heard the wrong words.

But the past is the past, and you can't stay there forever. Right now, you're here with her.

You feel her hand squeeze yours, and you look up to meet her eyes.

They're the same eyes you lost yourself in so many times before, the same eyes that used to be filled with love, affection, passion, and desire. All of a sudden, the past is so close. The feeling comes rushing back, and you can't let it go.

You realize that your boss was right. Something is still there. Something that hasn't faded away.

Was or is, it's still there.

Are you willing to try again?

You know it wouldn't be easy. You still remember every painful, difficult moment of your relationship. You still remember every stupid fight, every misunderstanding, every mistake, and every argument.

But those warm moments that bring up an ache in your chest when you remember them, they were real. You know they were real.

Maybe this time, it will work out. Maybe this time, both of you will learn from your mistakes. Maybe this time, you'll make a better effort to understand her. Maybe this time, you'll try harder to listen to her and make sure she understands that you don't mean anything differently than what you're saying.

Maybe this time, everything will be different.

It will be different. 

Maybe if things work out, you won't lose her a second time.

Just maybe… you can get things right this time.

It took you both long enough to realize that neither of you really wanted it to end, right? and now here you are, with her, and she's looking at you with those same beautiful eyes, and-

Maybe this time, things can change for the better.

You squeeze her hand back, and it's an answer without saying anything.

She sees it, and she smiles. She turns your hand and brings it again to her lips, pressing a kiss on your palm.

This time, she doesn't let your hand go.

You don't let go of her hand either.

missed a deadline for this, but that’s okay because it’s worth it, JINX IS WORTH IT!! 🤞

✶ things i learned from shifting. . . as someone who's shifted.

i , the hardest part is pretending it's hard : shifting is not a herculean task. it's not climbing everest barefoot or decoding the voynich manuscript. it's deciding you're done with the mundane and stepping into the divine. every time you say, "i can't shift," you're just playing a trick on yourself. a bit like insisting you don't know how to breathe until someone reminds you. (spoiler: you do.)

ii , time is a house of mirrors :  when you shift, you're not "leaving" this reality. you're just walking down another hallway. it feels linear until you turn, and suddenly you're face-to-face with yourself, or a version of you that's holding a cat and wearing thigh-high boots. time is bendy. it's pliable. it's like clay, in a way. it's an obedient servant if you tell it to be.

iii , belief is your first-class ticket :  you don’t need a spell, a potion, or a seven-step guide. you just need belief. conviction is the real magic here. call it delusion if you like. i call it decisive manifesting. and trust me, i've shifted while feeling like a hollow shell of a human. belief doesn’t have to roar.

iv , you can't outrun yourself : shift all you want, but the core of you, the you that laughs too hard, cries too often, and loves too much, comes along for the ride. your dr self isn’t some perfect barbie doll version of you. they're you, but in technicolour. the grass is greener, but you're still the one who's walking barefoot on it.

v , failing is still shifting :  every attempt you call a failure is still a step closer to mastering it. you don’t beat yourself up for dreaming weird dreams, do you? so why do it here? your mind’s just warming up, stretching its muscles. let it stumble. even if you "fail," you’re still playing the game, and that counts.

vi , nothing is as serious as it seems :  shifting is playful, silly, camp. you’re choosing realities where you’re a pureblood gryffindor or dating a young peter parker!! have fun with it. get deranged. be the girl who giggles when thinking about her dr instead of sulking. make it ridiculous and extravagant. you’re literally bending reality to your will. why not make it a soap opera?

vii , you’re never ‘too much' : the universe doesn’t care if you want to rule a kingdom or live quietly in a cottage by the sea. your desires are never too loud, too big, or too weird. you are expansive. your mind was built for this. ask for it all, then ask for more.

viii , shifting is a love letter to yourself :  it’s saying, "i believe in you," over and over, in different fonts, languages, and realities. it’s the grandest way to love yourself, to say you deserve the universe and every parallel one, too.

ix , reality is a suggestion, not a rule :  the same way you decide to wear eyeliner and not cry in it, you decide what’s real. you decide the boundaries, the limits, the laws. shift as easily as you breathe because that’s what it is: life, but on your terms.

x , trust the multiverse, and trust yourself :  the multiverse knows what it’s doing, but so do you. trust that you’re aligned with everything you’re seeking and that everything you’re seeking is also seeking you. it’s not just about waiting for the stars to align. . . it’s about knowing that you are the one aligning them. believe that the shift is already happening, because it is. all you have to do is show up for it.

now, stop doubting and go.

OKAYYYYY HELLOOOO YOU SHIFTED??!?? PACK IT UP MASTER SHIFTER 😩🫶🏽

BAE WHAT WAS THE METHOD PLEASE THESE ALMOST SHIFTS AND SHIFTING FOR TWO SECONDS ARE EATING ME ALIVE HELP A BISH OUTTTT

the anti-method (a.k.a., you were never here to begin with).

౨ৎ this isn’t a method (well, sorta). no steps, no trying, no reaching. it’s a glitch. a realisation. a quiet little crack in the mirror. it did make *me* shift !!!

there was never a door to open. never a distance to cross. you were never locked out. just lost in a dream, trying to wake up when you were already awake.

people talk about shifting like it’s a journey, a climb, a thing to chase. but what if it was always just a memory?? something lodged in the back of your mind, waiting for you to remember it? like a word on the tip of your tongue. like déjà vu.

you were already there. you just forgot.

i , lie or sit still. don’t try. don’t force. just let yourself exist, soft and untethered. feel your body like it’s not yours. just a borrowed costume, a dress-up game you forgot you were playing. limbs are foreign. the weight is someone else’s problem.

ii , ask yourself. " WHAT IF I ALREADY SHIFTED AND I JUST...FORGOT? " not “what if i go there,” not “what if i shift.” but what if i was always there? what if i just... blanked out for a sec?

iii , your brain will (probably) panic. it’ll start grasping at straws, trying to prove you’re still here. trying to reattach you to the illusion. let it fumble. let it glitch. just keep thinking :

◞ i already shifted. i just forgot. ◞ i’ve been there this whole time.

it’s not a theory. not a wish. just a fact you misplaced somewhere along the way.

iv , the mind collapses on itself. how do you know you aren’t already in your dr? how do you prove this isn’t the dream? the body stops feeling like yours. the world gets flimsy at the edges. and then? the illusion shatters.

v , you remember. not enter. not “get there.” just....remember. your dr? you were in it before you even asked. shifting? you never had to try. it was always just a breath away. you were never locked out. you just forgot the door was already open.

vi , you're there. like the ending of a lucid dream where you suddenly know without needing proof. and that’s it. you're there. you always were.

　　　　　　　　　　  ⊹　 ︶︶　 ୨୧　 ︶︶　 ⊹

the anti-method works for getting into the void as well, as it bypasses the idea of getting there entirely. instead of treating the void as a destination you have to reach, it flips the perspective :

you’re already in the void. you just forgot.

the void isn’t something you enter. it’s something you remember. it’s the default state, the space beneath everything else. but your mind, in its little desperate need to cling to reality, convinced you that you’re somewhere else. that you’re here instead of there. this method forces your brain into a logical spiral . . .

◞ how do i know i’m not already in the void? ◞ how do i prove this isn’t the dream? ◞ what if i just… forgot?

and because your brain can’t disprove it, the illusion starts to crack. your body stops feeling real. the world starts to feel dreamlike. the physical self detaches, and, poof, there you are. or rather, there you always were.

it works because it messes with the fabric of perception. if you stop believing in the difference between “here” and “there,” what’s left???? just being. just existing. and in that moment of realisation, the illusion of reality collapses. and you remember the void like an old childhood memory suddenly rushing back.

once you're in the void, once the realisation fully sinks in and the illusion crumbles, you're just there. infinite. detached. pure awareness. it’s like waking up from a dream, but instead of waking into your bedroom, you wake into nothingness. and then? well, you decide.

◞ if you want to affirm, affirm. ◞ if you want to shift, set your intention and let yourself go. ◞ if you want to just exist in the void, soak in the weightless, limitless nothingness.

there’s no next step because the void doesn’t require doing. it’s the ultimate being. you can shape it, or you can let it hold you. either way, you’re already exactly where you need to be.

what happens after? whatever you want. that’s the whole point.

౨ৎ and that is it. no trying, no reaching, just a little oh. moment. a déjà vu in the back of your mind. go play in the dreamscape. you were never here anyway.

you definitely don't require this method, or any method at all to either shift *or* get to the void, but method can be fun ! you can definitely try this one out if you wish.

Your brain is fucked

You are stuck in a loop, you know? You will probably read this and say "oh, yeah, you're right" and keep scrolling. You've been in this damn loop for months,

Wake up.

Damn your reality.

Spend your day on tumblr.

Get motivated for 5 minutes.

Go back to being depressed.

When the night comes back, sleep instead of the void state

Wake up again.

YOU NEED TO FINISH THIS. FINISH IT. STOP SCROLLING. TONIGHT YOU WILL SWITCH INTO THE REALITY YOU WANT.

have you had enough?

"I'm here!" shifting challenge.

The concept:

Lately my beliefs regarding shifting have been something like this; I think a shift happens when we personally create reality, fully, and completely.

In my first method, it was based around 4D! But did it work? For me, yes.

But i wanted to check, what would be the quickest, fastest, and the instant most way to shift?

This is centered around an ask I got!

Anyways...

The concept is to spawn into a specific scenario in your dr, like you flicked on a switch, by playing around with both the 3D and 4D.

The application:

(The challenge)

Step 1: Lay down, get comfortable, all the basics.

Step 2: Set an intention; say your affirmations (as long as you get any sort of symptom)

Step 3: choose a place in your dr, it has to be moment where something is about to take place, it can't be when you're waking up from sleep in your cozy dr bed. For example, you have your head down in your office, you're to be met with a task which requires your input.

Step 4: Recommended to be sitting up, first spend a few moments feeling your dr body sitting up, there's a unique sensation associated with it, with your back stretched and all that, in this way, you'll detach from your cr's surrounding, where you're laying down. (The introduction of 3D)

Step 5: Now, start thinking thoughts relating to the current event that's about to happen, you need to get into the thinking process of your dr self, who's expecting the scenario to take place. (Introduction of 4D)

In theory you're supposed to pop into that scenario! You've completed all the steps required to construct reality, so congratulations.

Yes, yes, we achieved it by finding a loophole, which is a method to move forward the logical side of the cr brain.

(You can alternate step 4 and 5)

This is experimental, so tell me the results, I suppose? :)

HOW SHIFTING WORKS- scientifically based thesis

“we´are infinite beings destined to explore the infinite universe”

NOTE: i´m not a scientist nor a physicist. This essay is based on self interpretation of information and things i´ve learned about consciousness, quantum physics, nature of reality, etc.

We´re four dimensional beings, meaning we´re composed of both physical and non physical (intangible) things. We have three layers: body, psyche (alias consciousness) and soul. Our bodies are just the envelope, the vehicle our consciousness occupies in order to live a human experience. Accordingly, our true self is not our body, but the consciousness that occupies it. Having that in mind, we´re able to move to the next point.

Everything — and this is scientifically proven — is made of energy. Vibrating energy makes matter, and consequently both matter and energy have frequencies. Every single thing has a different frequency: objects, sounds, emotions, etc. Therefore, reality as a whole, with all of its elements combined, vibrates at its own frequency.

Thanks to quantum physics, we know particles of energy can be in different states and multiple places at the same time in superposition when there isn't a conscious observer. While being observed, energy/particles behave differently, being perceived at one state and place. This experiment shows the same particle can and does exist in many states/places at once, but we´re only able to perceive one state/place at a time.

ENERGY → MATTER → REALITY

We can only perceive one reality (state of energy/matter as a whole) at a time for the reason the human experience we're living limits us to do so. Although, like energy is coexisting in many places/states at once, and we know for certain that energy composes matter, which makes the (physical) reality, we can affirm there are many other realities besides this one, but we´re not able neither to perceive nor interact with them.

ENERGY → MATTER → REALITY

“ ↳ MATTER → REALITY

“ ↳ MATTER → REALITY

“ ↳ MATTER → REALITY

“ ↳ MATTER → REALITY

+∞

PINK: what we percieve

BLUE: what coexists but we don’t perceive

Summing things up, there are many other realities coexisting in the very same space as this one, but each reality exists in different frequencies, so realities never interact with each other. That said, we are able to introduce the main character: shifting.

Shifting doesn't happen in your consciousness, shifting happens with — and thanks to— your consciousness. Your body is trapped in this reality because it's part of this reality, for the reason bodies are physical things that can only exist in one state. Your consciousness, on the other hand, contrary to your body, can shift because it's not something physical, it's not made of matter. Consciousness doesn't belong to any reality, it just experiences them. Consciousness cannot die, so when your body faces death, your consciousness continues existing in other realities. This can explain both reincarnation and heaven, since your consciousness shifts to a reality that fits what you expect/believe you´ll experience after death.

With shifting, we´re doing the same but intentionally, choosing the reality we want to experience,with the difference our Cr body is still alive, so we can come back.

By shifting, we´re changing the frequency of our consciousness — which is the same as our Cr— to match the frequency of the reality we want to become aware of. You have to shift your inner world in order to shift the outer physical world (the 4d and the 3d).

why have i never thought of pitfighter cait ???

credit . think i just busted .

Yeehaw

the dad to my kids in another universe 🙏

Jinx and Powder