I Started Watching Dexter And It’s Genuinely Wild Shit. His Inner Monologue Will Be Like ‘this Would

Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>

Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?

He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.

What're you? A cop?

Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.

Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.

But see, here's the THING.

The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...

Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.

There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)

He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!

Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.

That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.

Poisonous, though.

They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.

Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!

Who's Coffee Is This?

Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!

You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.

He's shouting.

People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.

Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!

He TACKLES the man of steel.

RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!

And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.

He'll move in a moment.

When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.

The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.

They never do.

And now he's nearly killed Superman.

@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles

Batson, The Bat’s Son, and Familial Misunderstandings.

Ignore how the timeline probably doesn’t make any sense at all

Recently, Damian has heard discussion among some other League of Assassins members about their newest prisoner of interest, the kidnapped Batson boy.

Additionally, Damian knows that he is the Son of the Bat.

The conclusion is obvious.

Their new captive clearly must be his brother (or, well, at least his half brother).

So he goes to see him, and that assumption is only reinforced. Their appearances are remarkably similar, and the other boy had already demonstrated his competence by escaping his cell on his own.

Which he guessed means he’s obligated to help the other boy (his brother!) escape.

…

Billy has no idea what to make of his new… ally? When he’d first crossed paths with the other boy, Billy had internally swore about his bad luck. The assassin boy was going to raise the alarm, and he’d be forced to improvise and quite possibly risk reveal his Captain Marvel powers just to make it out alive.

But then the other boy—Damian, he’d introduced himself as—had shattered those explanations by declaring that he knew they were brothers because they were both sons of Batman, and that it was his brotherly duty to help him escape.

And while the connection thing is just entirely false on Billy’s side of things (“Batson” is just his last name, not an epithet!), he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. For the time being, he’ll play along and make use of the help his “brother” offered.

Hopefully that lie won’t come back to bite him later. Or if it does, that it’ll be when he’s in a slightly less precarious position.

A scenario where Shepard jokes with Vega, saying she's practically Garrus' wife now after she promotes him to her XO during the war, resulting in them unintentionally spending a lot more time together.

The joke goes over Vega's head, and he goes to congratulate Garrus personally. Garrus is confused, and Vega promises to keep the "secret marriage" a secret. Garrus now has to figure out how in the hell he accidentally proposed to and married a human and how is he supposed to tell his dad he missed the unplanned wedding and the ceremonial meeting of his fiancé. He was almost 30, but this was going to get him grounded for at least another 30 years or maybe even life.

Was he supposed to get his new wife a gift? Where they supposed to get matching tattoos like Turians? He could've sworn he read somewhere that humans consummated their vows the same way Turians do. Where did he go wrong dammit!?

He adores the idea of Shepard being his wife and loves knowing that she was so excited that she even told Vega about it. He just now has to figure out how he married her in the first place without her knowing he doesn't know. Because then she'll think he never wanted to marry her, and that is NOT the case. Maybe Tali will know? No way. She'd just call him a bosh'tet. Wrex will also call him a professional idiot. Liara won't judge, but he's sure she still hasn't gotten over her crush on the Commander, and he doesn't want to rub his new marriage in her face. Maybe Joker will tell him if he promises him the new fornax issue.

Garrus has had his fair share of giving his dad a pseudo aneurysm, but this one was going to send him into cardiac arrest for sure when he finds out his son married a woman the family didn't even meet. He needs a drink...after he finishes bribing Edi to scrub away everything she just heard him say out loud.

Garrus doesn't know that Vega is the galaxy's worst secret keeper, telling Shepard he's keeping the secret marriage a secret unwilling to let Shepard convince him that she's actually not married yet. She goes to see Garrus to have a good laugh about Vega's idiocy but walks into Garrus telling Edi he will use Shepard's override if she doesn't get rid of something.

Garrus is absolutely mortified and gives the cheesiest greeting to his "wife." She assumes Vega already brought the joke to Garrus but she's not overlooking him trying to be suspicious with Edi. He recovers, mentioning it was for his sesrch history for a gift he wanted to get her. He did intend to get her a gift so the phrase wasn't a complete lie...

She jokes about it and calls him her husband. Garrus, the realist he is, does not take this as a joke. She leaves him to his vices, and Garrus is now in a full-blown panic. He needs to understand what he did, and he needs to know now.

(If my brain gets any more random ideas, I'll at least finish and provide a resolution to this concept, lol. Feel free to offer your own ending)

Something I haven't seen many people point out is how Jackie has said many times that she hates Hyde's family. And they show it like it's something funny but it's obviously because they literally abandoned him. She is so happy he has a new father because the other one was a drunk who left and she says "I hate your family" and then when she is talking about their wedding she says "your family can't come". And again, they frame it as a joke but even if the writers didn't have it in mind to me it's because she HATES HIS FAMILY because of what they did to him.

Johanna: Annie's eyes are blue?

Finnick: They're a sea green, more aquamarine than blue.

Johanna: When was the last time she smiled?

Finnick: This morning, we were talking about starfish.

Johanna: When's my birthday?

Finnick:

Johanna: When's my birthday, Finnick?

I am not a Father

This is based off @elvesandlanterns’s report of this post.

When Flash, told Bruce and literally everyone else about the photo, Bruce immediately wanted to see it. Why? Because if he could see it, he might be able to identify who this Freddy character is. If he identifies this Freddy, he could identify Marvel’s civilian counterpart. So, that was just what he did, or rather made Tim do.

Robin!Tim: “Hey, Junior?”

Junior: “Yeah?”

Robin!Tim: “Can I see that photo of Marvel and your dad?”

Junior: “Uh… Why? Also, again, Freddy’s not my dad.”

Robin!Tim: “It’s pretty obvious he is, man.”

Junior: “No, it’s not. You also still haven’t answered why.”

Robin!Tim: “I wanna see it because I’m curious about baby Marvel and baby Freddy.”

Junior: “Neither of them are babies though?”

Robin!Tim: “I’ll give you twenty bucks if I can see the photo.”

Junior: “Deal.” *fishes it out of his pocket dimension and hands it to him before taking the twenty bucks from Tim*

It was just a quick look for whatever reason, right? Thats why Freddy thought nothing of it, especially when offered the twenty. They could have groceries for months with this bill! They might even be able to get a treat for themselves with it. Billy’s birthday was coming up, maybe he could get him a cake? Or some fast food? Or a present? Maybe the Bulletman action figure he saw Billy eyeing in a store window? He wanted to get him something, he knew that.

Anyways, Tim guiltily snapped a couple pictures, feeling bad about going behind his friends back, and then sent them to Bruce a few minutes after handing the photo back to Junior.

Bruce immediately got to work, trying to match a names to the faces. He ended up having to switch to paper files and break into the city hall in Fawcett because neither boy would come up in an online database. That’s how he found Frederick Christopher Freeman and William Joseph Batson. Born in 1932 and 1933 respectively. Both Orphans. Both were likely on the streets after being orphaned. No known death date which suggests they could be alive, though it’s unlikely considering they’d be in their nineties and the asbestos in this town would’ve gotten to them already.

Though, considering that Marvel is still alive and young, this could paint a not so nice picture. Could Fredrick have grown old and died while Marvel had stayed young? Is that why he had the look of horror when he was mentioned? Is Fredrick actually Junior’s father? They certainly do look similar. It would also make sense as to why Cap was raising Junior. If this was his friend’s kid, he probably wouldn’t want him on the streets. But then how does Junior have Marvel’s powers? Can Marvel give powers willy-nilly? So many questions yet no answers.

Thankfully, he came across a news channel clip of Marvel saying that his powers were genetic. Billy made that up on the spot, not that Bruce would know.

Okay? So they are related, but how? Does that mean Junior is Marvel and Fredrick’s child? Lord, was Flash actually right about Fredrick and Marvel dating at some point? Wait, but if Junior is actually their kid, how was he born? Surrogacy? William- it’s strange to call the Captain that- has a sister, but she was pronounced dead. As for Fredrick, he had a brother but that’s it. They could’ve gotten someone random maybe? But then how would the kid look like Fredrick but have the Captain’s powers, was it magic? Can you do that? Can you have a magic pregnancy?? Bruce is falling down the rabbit hole and he can’t stop himself.

Eventually, he just went up to the pair and asked them directly.

Junior and Marvel: *talking*

Batman: “Captain? Could I ask you something?

Marvel: “Of course! What is it?”

Batman: “I…” *looks at Freddy for like three seconds before looking back to Marvel*

Marvel: *smiling*

Batman: “Is Junior yours and Fredrick Freeman’s biological son?”

Bruce has never heard a louder silence in his life. A clueless confusion could slowly be seen crossing Marvel’s face.

Marvel: “Wha-”

Junior: “Yup.” *nods his head*

Marvel: *looks over to him with the same horrified expression*

Batman: “Now, Marvel, there’s no need to look like that.” *reaches up to put and hand on Marvel’s shoulder* “Here at the Justice League we accept members of any race, religion, color, or sexual orientation.”

With that Batman left Billy and Freddy there. Billy’s jaw was already dropped, and as soon as Batman was out of sight, Freddy’s jaw dropped too.

Later…

Billy: “I can’t believe you said that!”

Freddy: “Dude, would you have rather wanted to explain that we’re two kids who got powers and decided to fight crime?”

Billy: “…No.”

Freddy: “That’s what I thought. Now here, take this.” *hands Billy a Bulletman action figure*

Billy: “What?!” *jaw drops* “Freddy where’d you get this?!”

Freddy: “I bought it, duh.”

Billy: “This is awesome!” *hugs the life out of Freddy*

Btw for this to work, somehow no one knows about the time bubble.

shang qinghua understands the shock people have when they find out he and mobei jun are together, mobei jun is gorgeous and strong. caring in weird ways; he's the ideal man so yeah it's a wonder he's dating shang qinghua of all people

really they're suprised that shang qinghua is dating mobei jun. shang qinghua is an immortal peak lord, he's an excellent spy, can be charming when he needs to be, and his awkwardness is endearing and he's dating a demon lord who barely talks, is built like a fridge and has maybe two expressions being cold aloofness and anger

people aren't shocked shang qinghua pulled mobei jun, they're shocked mobei jun pulled shang qinghua

Ever wonder why Ekko always kept close to Jinx during the battle? Like, how he was always at her side within seconds that he realised she's in danger?

Well you see...uhhh....

It's cause of Jinx's signature move "You think I'm dying? No bitch WE dying"

Yeah, Jinx's solution to whenever she's backed into a corner during a fight is to blow herself up, and to hopefully take both of them out.

I love how everyone was awwing at "look at how protective Ekko is of Jinx" when we saw him immediately appear the second she was in danger.

Yeah well ahskkkkshdjk THERE'S A VERY GOOD REASON FOR THAT!

made this back when i still used medi bang but i still find it very cute