It All Starts To Kick In When Im Sad For Nothing.

PRETTY effed up morning :)

so like everyone has a coping mechanism and their go to songs when they feel that something which TRIGGERS them is happening or about to happen AGAIN so i have this song -

so its sunday morning today and ive been feeling low and that gut feeling since last two three days that yes something wrong is about to happen and boom then that triggering thing happens and as soon as i see it coming i go to this song and man this sunday morning isnt supposed to be this sad yk cause its a festive season and ugh this sucks. so lowkey sad and irritated. like fuck it. im just draining out of energy.

real

ok so hear me out.

i was watching reels on instagram and then this reel pops up it says "when is something that you do for yourself?"

i ask this to myself or simply answer it like it was meant for me. i say "photography" and the last time i did it was this morning when i woke up to a beautiful sunset and i rushed to capture it because it was different of orange and brown (picture inserted).

my answer is followed by a thought in my head which brings me to tumblr because i wanted to save it here. it says that i clicked the picture and sent it to a friend or two and while i rushing to take the picture of the sky in the back of my mind i had this thing that they like the pictures of the sky and cloud and this sucks. not that they like but that SOMETHING THAT I DO FOR MYSELF - PHOTOGRAPHY is linked to someone now! i am destroying my art. my creativity. i feel so ashamed and embarrassed because i should have never done this in the first place. i was doing one thing for myself and i linked it to someone now and its not for me anymore?

i sincerely apologise to my art. ill be very attentive from now on and what follows my thought cause seconds thoughts are always important and its important to know whats going on in your brain. so just take a look at your brain like you are peeping out of your window and you can see the road? the buildings? the stuff going on there? and all.

freak

dont freak out because of the title.

im a disappointment. nothing i do is ever good. i hope i die when i am depressed again.

edit - 27th sept, 23 today. this post is gross. i dont ever wanna be this shit.

im god's child and im a mess. neither beautiful nor ugly. im just his mess and i love being one.

https://pin.it/4Gcbyu98e

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

yooo how do u email a prof for a recommendation letter?

Hi Professor!

I am in the process of applying to ____ and they require letters of rec. I sincerely enjoyed your classes, and felt that they gave me a particularly good chance to display my strengths, such as ____ [class participation, writing, etc.] and would love for you to write me a letter, if you’d be willing. The due date is ____, and I can send you further instructions for submission later if you accept.

Attached to this email is ____, the piece of work I did in your class which best showcases my abilities, as well as my current CV [or resume]. If you agree to write me a letter, soon I will also send you drafts of my ____ [statement of purpose, personal statement, application essays, other relevant material] for my application to aid in your writing. I am also happy to meet in person to discuss this with you.

I want to stress that this application is quite competitive, so if you feel you will not be able to write me a strong letter then I completely understand - but please let me know. Thank you so much for your time!

Sincerely, ____

—

a few notes:

- you should have all your relevant materials (app essays, etc.) sent to them *at least* a month in advance to give them ample time to write the letter

- thus, your initial email asking them if they’d be willing to write a letter for you should be sent *over* a month in advance. professors are busy

- if you are applying for a really prestigious position/scholarship/fellowship, or grad school, it’s best to have at least a majority of your letter writers be professors (rather than adjuncts or post docs). ideally you’d want them to be full/tenured professors. in lots of cases, especially academic ones, *who* writes your letter matters - not just *what’s in* your letter

- the reason you send them the piece of work you did in their class that you are most proud of is to remind them of your abilities as a student and the quality of the work you produced for them. they have lots of students. sometimes they need a bit of help jogging their memory of exactly what you did in their class.

- the reason you send them your other application materials (personal statement, statement of purpose, CV) is so that they have information to draw from when writing your letter. they know what you’re passionate about, what you hope to do in the future, other experience you have, and can use this information when writing your letter

- on a similar note, this is also why you’d want to list the strengths you displayed in their class

- basically, you want to give them as much information as you can about your strengths, goals, and intentions - give them prompts they can use to write your letter

- the bit at the end about asking for a “strong letter” is important because some professors can only write you mediocre letters (e.g. “this student was always on time to class and gave their undivided attention during lecture” - what does this tell admission committees? well, it tells them that the professor has nothing positive to say about your *academic* abilities and so they’re resorting to other strengths. it’s a polite way of saying “this student was okay, but not spectacular in any notable way”. big red flag for admissions committees.) if all you’re going to get is a mediocre letter, you might as well not get a letter at all

- if the professor you ask accepts, then be sure to send them polite reminders as the date approaches. (i usually send a reminder at the 1-month-till-due-date mark when i send the other application materials, and then again at the 2 week and 1 week marks, and, if necessary, every day after the final 3 days leading up to the due date

—

i know this was a lot, but i remember being in your shoes and being completely lost when it came to applying for stuff so i know how daunting it can be. i figured i’d just throw all this information at you to be of as much help as possible.

for reference, i’ve applied to graduate programs, fellowships, and scholarships. i have been accepted into several of the top 10 graduate programs in my area, as well as received multiple scholarships and a fellowship, and received honorable mentions for some of the most competitive fellowships in the US. i have also worked with the admissions committee at my graduate program to organize multiple informational events for those interested in applying to graduate school and, in the process, have learned a lot about what makes a strong application.

so while you should absolutely take my advice with a grain of salt (different circumstances call for different standards), i do have quite a bit of experience with applications and what makes a strong letter of rec.

i hope this helped! best of luck with whatever you’re applying for :)