Always Trying To Name My Feelings

I want a cup of tea with a splash of milk, some rain, and for it to be cool enough outside that i can wrap myself in a blanket

ok so hear me out.

i was watching reels on instagram and then this reel pops up it says "when is something that you do for yourself?"

i ask this to myself or simply answer it like it was meant for me. i say "photography" and the last time i did it was this morning when i woke up to a beautiful sunset and i rushed to capture it because it was different of orange and brown (picture inserted).

my answer is followed by a thought in my head which brings me to tumblr because i wanted to save it here. it says that i clicked the picture and sent it to a friend or two and while i rushing to take the picture of the sky in the back of my mind i had this thing that they like the pictures of the sky and cloud and this sucks. not that they like but that SOMETHING THAT I DO FOR MYSELF - PHOTOGRAPHY is linked to someone now! i am destroying my art. my creativity. i feel so ashamed and embarrassed because i should have never done this in the first place. i was doing one thing for myself and i linked it to someone now and its not for me anymore?

i sincerely apologise to my art. ill be very attentive from now on and what follows my thought cause seconds thoughts are always important and its important to know whats going on in your brain. so just take a look at your brain like you are peeping out of your window and you can see the road? the buildings? the stuff going on there? and all.

dude. i want to cry T_T

I just realized that the word “seven” has ‘even’ in it.

That’s odd.

freak

dont freak out because of the title.

im a disappointment. nothing i do is ever good. i hope i die when i am depressed again.

edit - 27th sept, 23 today. this post is gross. i dont ever wanna be this shit.

real

give up on me (don't)

sometimes talking really helps. like you can talk to the person who you think is not interested in talking to you. and you can surprise yourself by getting this answer that you were never bad or irritating to them and in the end, you are left with this question "you really wanna be friends right?". lol. ofc yes. love. no. no. this is a crime. and again im tangled up in my thoughts. i don't wanna be here (in my head is what i mean). i like talking to you. thank you. im grateful so ty and here we are with "don't be" and "don't".

thank you lol.

(to that constant person of my life - im not givin' up, im not givin' up givin' up no not me, even if nobody else believes, im not goin' down that easily..... i will fight. i will fight for you. i always do until my heart is black and blue.)

hehe

it aint turtles all the way down anymore. its bitches all the way down.

fucking crap, everyday, new shit. welcome to the shit show. where u learn to judge shit.

im gonna move out for college. no matter what.

Rupture

Bloom and Bust, 2023

Ink on paper

A Murakami protagonist day-

•Wake up at 4 am

•go for a run

•take a shower

•change your sheets

•do your laundry

•study for four hours straight

•follow a cat through the neighborhood

•get the groceries for one or two meals

•read a book in silence

•call an old friend

•take a train to the next town

•watch people from afar

•go to dinner alone

•sit on your couch and listen to a full album

•have a cup of coffee

•sit on your balcony at night

•draw/paint

#qotd - What is your go-to recommendation that you always recommend to people looking for a diverse voice read?