How do I stop comparing myself to others and how can I feel fulfilled on my own without needing anyone else's validation?
hiii<3 i feel what you're going through, trust me i do. here are some of my tips that specifically worked for me + at the end i'll include some more recommended things to read/ watch.
how to stop comparing & feel fulfilled without needing anyone else's validation
how to stop comparing yourself:
start focussing and thinking about yourself more. lol ok i realise that may sound like "become self absorbed" but i suppose, to some extent, that is what im saying. you're becoming too interested in others' life around you if you find yourself comparing. its time to focus on you and up levelling yourself to the best version possible.
comparison = wanting their life style, yes? so when you find yourself comparing to others in your life, realise that its because you envy something that they have. maybe its money, popularity, prettiness, intelligence, etc. so its like a signal in your brain which is telling you: "i want this. but i dont have it." so now what can you do, work hard to get it.
focus on what you have. i read a quote once (i think its by Oprah Winfrey) and it goes: "if you focus on what you don't have, you'll always have less. but if you focus on what you do have, you'll always have more." instead of looking at other's lives and thinking "i dont have this, i dont have that", look at your own life and think "i have this, i have that."
feeling fulfilled without needing anyone else's validation:
self love. self love. SELF LOVE. self love will ALWAYS be the answer to this. learn to LOVE yourself. and if you dont, ask why!! i have a whole guide on how to develop self love HERE. Stop looking for love in others, GIVE YOURSELF THE LOVE FIRST!!
It’s you over them. Always. Always always always. Always choose you over them. If they want you to do something but you don’t, then you say “no. I will not do that” it’s scary? Oh boohoohoo, suck it up. Because if you are constantly doing stuff that others ask you to just for the sake of pleasing them, you are disrespecting yourself in the worst way. You are basically saying that what they want is more important than what i want and need. Ew. Don’t do that.
extra resources:
a guide to develop self love & confidence (by me)
vanilla's opinion🍰 edition 1: dealing with hate & not caring about what others think. (by me)
ways to stay unbothered (by @pastel-charm-14)
Self validation (by @prettieinpink )
Tam Kaur's youtube channel
Thewizardliz youtube channel
Week 1 Evaluation
It's been a week since I've started this journey, so let's reflect on how the first week has been!
First of all, let's have a refresher on what my GOALS for this 30 days initially is~
Fixing my sleep schedule
Incorporate more physical activities (doesn't have to be exercising, can be stretches or walks!)
Drawing more often for practice
Sleep:
I'd say sleep wise, I'm slowly getting better at it. Though, there are moments where I couldn't get myself to sleep and ended up getting worse. But in general, I think I've made good progress than before I started on this journey, so good job me! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧
Physical activities:
I'm pretty proud of my progress for this! So far, I've managed to do something everyday for the past week to get my body moving! Whether it be actually following along exercising videos on Youtube or some stretching to ease some tension on muscles! Again, good job to myself uwu
Drawing:
Now this. I did NOT meet this goal at all during this entire week, which is a shame. I think I was focusing a lot on taking better care of my own body that the thought of taking care of my skill set kinda slipped my mind? Which, to be fair, is kind of expected since even trying to remind myself to do certain basic self care task is difficult in itself. So, it's okay, we'll just have to do better during the following week~
Extras:
Other extra stuff for my health that I think would I've done well is also finally taking my meds and vitamins. Though it's not consistent yet, I'm glad I finally was able to take them more than I was before. This goes for my water intake as well! Sometimes I would go on days without drinking any water at all, which is quite bad... But now that I'm trying to actively record down my days and what I've done to better my body, it serves as a reminder in itself to drink more water, so yayyy another great job done for me °ʚ(´꒳`)ɞ°
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Things I need to improve/add for the following week:
After a week into this journey, I think I'd like to adjust some of my goals and be a little more specific in what I want to achieve for hopefully the next week! This will help me be a little clearer with what I need to do and help myself feel good in the future >:)
Try to sleep 30 mins earlier than the last, but the latest time for me to go to bed would be 3am. I have been doing quite okay with only a few slips here and there on this. So hopefully by the end of the next week, I can somehow sleep around 12am instead.
Still moving my body every single day, but let's try to exercise 3 times this week for at least 30 minutes! It's been a long time since I've exercised that I forgot how good I always feel afterwards both physically and mentally. So yes, I'd like to challenge myself to actually do some exercise more often! ( *` • ω •´)ゝ
Since I have 0 progress on my drawing, I want to start slow and easy myself into it. Since it feels daunting (for some reason), let's try achieving at least 30 minutes per day for 3 days of art practice. Can be anything, like anatomy, color study, or even just my own personal art. As long as it reaches the goal I set, then it's good :>
hi, i’m binatoki. this is my online diary to document my self-rebrand journey. i am going to go on this journey for 159 days. why? because 7 years ago from that date will be the day that my glow-down started. so in 159 days, i want to be better than i was on that day 7 years ago.
daily non-negotiables:
my non-negotiables are daily habits that i am going to do each day. these habits will help me get better physically, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually. these include:
• movement/exercise— 45 minutes minimum, 10k steps
• clean eating (with minimal occasions)— no alcohol, minimal dairy, minimal refined carbs, minimal sugar. high protein, lots of veggies, herbal tea, water, and supplements
• hair, makeup, skincare, hygiene— styling my hair pretty, wearing makeup, smelling my best, and grooming my best daily. i am going to look the best i can each day
• listen to at least 1 video/podcast or read at least 10 pages of self-improvement material
• get closer to God— use the Bible app, pray, and listen to at least 1 service/Christian video
• must document on here daily
weekly “homework”:
each week, i will be giving myself “homework”. my homework is basically 1-3 tasks that will either get me out of my comfort zone (ie become friends with a stranger) or to boost my level-up (like getting my hair done). the start of the week is monday and the end of the week is sunday
monthly goals:
each month i will give myself 1-3 goals within each category: beauty, health/fitness, finances, career/school, and lifestyle/social.
so what are my goals for the next 159 days?
i can’t list every goal on here because i have so many, but here are the more “major” goals that i’ll be working on.
1. lose 50lbs (i need to lose about 85lbs)
2. move on to my third quarter in nursing school with straight A’s
3. have my dream hair (long, thick, blonde, healthy)
4. keeping my skin plump and youthful (face & body)
5. become debt-free (i’m approx $30k in debt)
6. move out and live on my own again
7. make at least $12k a month / quit my current job
again, i have so many other goals (that i will be writing about) but i’m not trying to make this post super long!
lastly, what parts of myself or my lifestyle will i be leaving behind?
i’m leaving behind the part of me that loves playing into the victim mentality. i’m leaving behind the part of me that let’s her insecurities ruin her day, her mood, and her social life. i’m leaving behind the part of me that is tired, “lazy”, comfortable in my discomfort, and who loves to procrastinate and put things off. for the next 159 days, i’m going to focus on me and the present. i’m not going to focus on who i was in the past anymore. i’m not going to dwell on things i can’t control or change.
so now what?
feel free to follow my journey. i will be posting daily and will keep it raw and authentic. i can’t wait to see how much i’ll grow at the end of the 159 days. i’ll talk to you soon.
— binatoki
《♡》
studying feels like a dream 🍁☕️
🌼Bucket list for this summer
prep day(s) on the early/late days: hair trimming and treatment, facial, full body gua sha/lymphatic drainage, shaving/waxing certain areas (if wanted), mani and pedi, lash treatment (colour+lift or filling), eyebrow fixing
going on a hike with friends through a big big forest
have a bathing lake day
camping (in an approved location ofc)
bike tour
sleepover with the besties (cocktails, self care, games, watching TV)
having several days fully offline and without work, chores and electronic devices solely dedicated to my faith and religious, spiritual practices
board game night
dinner w spouse, family or friends
horseback riding
skinny dipping
full moon party
stargazing
visiting the wellness/massage center
bubble tea dates
shopping: craft and book store, farmers market, second hand shops, whole foods
get a new piercing somewhere
beach day
baking sourdough
trying a new recipe
gelato dates
writing more
getting in touch with family members I haven't seen in a while
renting a house deep in the forest w friends
learning at least 2 new songs
finishing 3+ books
min 3L water every day
mostly whole and clean food
15-30k steps a day
In the book The Hidden Messages in Water Dr. Masaru Emoto shares his research showing how water crystals change shape depending on the energy, words, music & thoughts they’re exposed to. Water is more than just hydration it’s a living & feeling element. High vibration words like thank you or love create pretty symmetrical crystals & negative words lead to distorted, chaotic ones. When water is spoken to with love, gratitude, beauty etc it holds that energy and the same goes for fear, anger, or sadness. Since our bodies are made mostly of water, our words and emotions we don’t just float away, they shape us. Literally. Water holds memory & that memory becomes part of us
Because water absorbs all these things, you can use it as a vessel to program your intentions and call in what you desire
Hold your glass or bottle of water. Get grounded. Breathe deep. Tap into the emotion of what you want
Then speak or think of your intention
Say it out loud or whisper it gently to the water like for example:
“I am magnetic to everything meant for me”
Don’t just say the words, feel them. Water responds to your frequency more than anything else. Then drink it slowly and imagine the intention entering your cells. Visualize your body and life aligning with it
You can also write your affirmation on your water bottle or on a piece of paper under it
Place it in sunlight or moon light to amplify its energy
Or play high vibration music near it
˖ ִֶָ་࣪˖ ִֶָ་࣪ °˖ ִֶָ*·.。.° ·。.·*˖ ִֶָ་· ࣪˖ ִֶָ་༘・࿐