More Posts from Jailposes and Others
but real life question why are people wasting breathe on meaningless topics like this, y’all not trying to help these people, if that’s your opinion then leave it at that people too irresponsible with open dialogue deadass
12.12.18
Im not sure why life has been so crazy and out of hand lately. aside from all the bullshit tho my mom did tell me i was becoming a man for the first time in my life. that was cool. But after all the shit ive been through this past week i gotta be stronger. I gotta focus more. People are counting on me this time, i can feel it. Just the simple fact that these people trust me with their future just tells me i gotta go my hardest. this year is different. 2019. i feel stronger, taller, more grounded in who i am. people still judge me from the outside, my quiet side. the side that doesn’t really talk to anyone because im uncomfortable. the part of me no one understands, the part of me that people believe is the only part of me. i just want to make better music. i need to create again. i need my crew. i love them niggas. i still feel lonely. currently having an oreo fetish please forgive me. i feel temptation creeping close. not that i can act on it anyways, but its there. i still know im not ready for the lifestyle i want to live. and i only say this because i dont want my significant other to suffer on my behalf. am i wrong? am i selfish? should i take time to figure out myself and what i want? i want her, thats no doubt. but will i get everything i need from her? idk. i cant help but feel this feeling in my heart. i just dont know what its telling me. what am i doing? im starting to see how great i am. legendary. its a lot of responsibility and thats why i gotta be on my shit. for my team, for my guys, my family, the people that wont leave my side no matter how much i fuck up. i do this for y’all, for us. its all love. i hope everyone is patient with me, give me a chance. maybe chances. im not perfect but being looked at like im perfect is stressful. any mistake i make people hold it and dont let go. its a gift and a curse. life so far. nigga honestly im just trying to go home. i need to build my foundation again. i need a clean fresh start if that makes sense. i haven’t seen my mom in over a year. im scared what everyone is going to look like. fuck you JC why’d you put that thought in my head. is my family scared to see me and vice versa? it doesn’t matter. i love them. i love everyone who supports me. the fact youre even trying to read my thoughts is a surprise. how long should i keep this blog a secret? well its a not a secret my name is so easy to find lol. i still think about you everyday X. i hope youre in heaven i love you with my whole heart bro. im not sure why i have to carry your legacy but i will. idk how you took care of all these kids but ill do my best. your “children” as you called them lol. damn i miss you. everything i do i do for you. and God of course but that goes without saying. i will carry on what you started idc if i didn’t know you. you left something with me, i felt it ever since you were gone. youre still the yin to my yang bro. idk why i feel so close to you but i got your back forever. forever. Bad Vibes Forever. i love how our group names are so similar. Rare Vibes Only + Bad Vibes Only. Fuck bro. i love you with all my heart my nigga. how am i gonna keep moving without you? seriously. i love you, i wish it was me rather than you. i just hope you can and god can guide me. i dont ever tell anybody how i feel about you. they dont understand its too close, too personal. you were a genius bro. i love you. i respect you. i wish we became friends. you were really a hero to these kids bro. 2019 is ours. just dont let me get lazy or unmotivated please.
today i saw two birds chase and hunt a tiny all white butterfly (or moth) until one of the birds caught and ate the butterfly. i was sad for a moment but then i just thought well i guess life goes. there are technically tons of these white butterflies; at least i see them a lot. and i did try to stop the birds slightly but it didn’t work.
i’m finally looking up symbolisms and meanings of what i witnessed and it seems like a symbolism for embracing change? but it was two birds and that seems to always symbolize love in some form and symbolize balance as a whole concept.
this seems to align with my current events and my journey of self. but i feel like there’s more to this if anyone has insight.
ALRIGHT SO I CHANGED MY PRODUCER NAME JUST HAVENT OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED IT YET
The reason why i did this for anyone wondering is because i’m starting a clothing line and i’ve decided to make everything all under one name just so it’s much easier to follow everything. This isn’t the first time i changed my name but i promise this is the last 🙏🏾 Thank you again to anyone riding for/with me for the long haul 🤎
1.20.19
Man life is fucking crazy. i think i need to start documenting my life more. i need a damn diary. i just want to share everything, every part of me. im so human. soooo soooo so human. its so hard for people to understand me, sometimes i feel people dont even try. I know everyone feels this way but it feels sooo much worse for me. All this shit thats happening and im experiencing its just like bro why is this shit happening to me? i dont get any of this. i just want love to be existent everywhere. what am i going to do? i feel like ive been so distracted from who i am and my purpose ive looked out the window when i should be looking straight ahead focused. i dont feel special anymore, i know i am but thats not enough ive realized. my physical being doesn’t matter it doesn’t mean anything. my spirit is my essence. why have i been so jaded by life? im so hurt. what do i do? how do i keep fighting. but Slipknot is playing in the background so i wont fall. im so fucking weak tho. my bestfriend has been missing for a week. its so weird. with all the relationships i have with my neighborhood friends and how different my relationship with each and every one of them is. Its so much pain behind my door. i just remember growing up with you and meeting you for the first time. when i let your brothers see my magazine but not you because i didn’t know you yet. i had trust issues early bro im sorry for that day maybe thats why you snaked me so many times, haha. Man i love you even from moments that broke my heart, you never really remembered my birthday but you always a day or two off so man i love you for the constant effort every year, i remember trying to express my love for you with a handshake and a hug, i told you i loved you and you didn’t say it back, but i know you love me bro i know you do, even the one time you almost called me your bestfriend, i still remember your voice i said you were my bestfriend and wanted to make it clear and you said i got you bro youre my bestfr.. and that was all i heard. i think the saddest part is weren’t even kids maybe we were like 17? 18? shit maybe even 19. and ive known you since i was in 5th grade. ever since those moments i questioned if you were my bestfriend. i haven’t really had one since you tbh. so i guess you really were my bestfriend. at the end of the day. its so surreal. idk if youre alive or not. you were such a great soul i hope god spares your soul. You got the whole city looking for you my guy and everyone has had nothing but good things to say about you. i know how tiring that is, so many people you showed love to. We really are the same lowkey im just a cooler version of you lol. man im dead inside without you. there just an absence of me. i just want to escape everything i just want to feel really good for once. my life is just kind of unstable. im not sure if all this is happening because im about to be someone important, i know God has to keep me within his arms, not within his reach, but his arms. i fail him every day. he still chose me, he still loves me. i still fight for him no matter what. no one will change that. i will not fight for anyone that thinks because they’re above me in some sort of caliber i have to respect and fear them, save them so to speak. You cant do anything to me, period. i dont serve you, my destiny is not any mans hands and that will never change. everyday i wake up feeling like someone special, important, different, destined. but what am i really doing with myself. why am i so stupid, slow and lazy. im trying so hard but i aint trying at all. how crazy is that. idk how to educate people and put them on when they dont listen. you always gotta fucking prove something to people first and i guess thats why im chasing music right now. thats really my whole purpose for making music, for wanting to be in this industry. i got something to say. im not ready to be a leader or a king as was destined for me but i gotta fucking do the job. im sorry im crippled as fuck right now. i just really hope all the people that are by my side and join my side can and will stick by me no matter what. my heart is always in the right place, never forget that. and i wont either. everyone does dirt dont forget that. we can win but only together, i just hope i mean enough for you all to defend some day, when i need you the most, dead or alive. my hearts a little too big and im sure no one will be able t0\o understand what i truly mean. it’ll always be an understatement because fuck niggas being using these words and phrases religiously but dont mean it and yet again another reason why you always gotta prove shit to people. nobody takes my word for my word. and y’all wonder why i dont speak often smh. anything that comes out of my mouth now i will always mean and stand by 100%. but niggas dont trust me, my own team dont even trust me entirely.
Self reflection
I saw a dead cat walking on acid today. It didn’t shock me or scare me, it actually surprised me more than anything. I was sad for a minute but I had to ask why was I sad? I saw death but it’s actually not something to be sad about or even to fear. It wasn’t a warning of what’s to come. The moment was a stand still. The cat had its eyes closed if anything a bit of it eyes were glaring but not even to actually shock me. Its ears were upright it was perfectly in tact. In fact I just assume a car hit it but tbh there was absolutely no evidence of that even taking place. But cats dont just die in the street do they?
That’s why im able to step back a little more. It was very foggy. A cat that could’ve lost its way. A cat that was potentially stuck in its ignorance and own ways. But it was fog. Something died in the fog. Did I find what died in the confusion? Did something die when I become more aware? What died tho? But I guess another key takeaway is allowing space and time for the answer to just simply come to me. I got to excited with this information but now im going to pull it back into self and find comes next.
I would ask for opinions but in reality yours doesn’t even matter to me. It would shape my belief in something I dont have clarity in and why does your truth have to become mine? I’ll remain unanimous. Instead you who are reading take this information as you will. I guess we all uncover our own truths and hidden layers
THE GROUP TAPE IS OUT AND ALTHOUGHT ITS NOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANT IT TO BE IT IS WHAT IT IS. IM JUST GLAD THESE SONGS SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY. NOT HOW I WANTED TO RELEASE IT BUT ITS BETTER THEN NOTHING.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO FEATURED ON THE TAPE AND TO EVERYONE WHO LISTENS TO THIS PROJECT. THE NEXT ONE WILL HAVE MY NAME ALL OVER IT BUT UNTIL THEN ENJOY. RARE VIBES ONLY FOREVER 🤞🏾
https://soundcloud.com/rare-vibes-only/sets/my-hardrive-crash-so-this-what-yall-got-demo-tape?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=0
