Azula: And That Was How I Successfully Staged A Coup And Took Control Of Ba Sing Se. Do You Have Any

A vampire that selectively targets drug dealers and criminals because they know those people would be easy targets that wont warrant an investigation is confused to find out that the people of the city believe them to be some sort of vigilante that is ridding the city of crime.

The list of regrets I totally have and am not just writing because Charlie is making me, Vagina Vaggie is glaring at me, and I want the free rent:

By Angel Dust, 3 time X-X-X award winner.

(Warning, there is some victim blaming in this. The abuse Angel faces from Val is not his fault, but given that I’m writing this from his perspective I figured it would be something he’d add.)

1. Writing this list

2. Verbally complaining about writing this list cause now Vagina wants to stab me.

3. Only taking half my usual hit before starting today.

4. Complaining about not being high enough.

5. Not hiding my drugs better

6. Not having more stashes of drugs

7. Calling TV superior to radio.

8. Not killing that snake before he had a chance to go to the hotel.

9. Not “trying hard enough” at this shitty hotel.

10. Being too close to roof so the CRAZY BITCH COULD THROW ME OFF OF IT.

11. Walking up the stairs with Pentious only to have to go IMMEDIATELY BACK DOWN.

12. Signing my deal with fucking Valentino. Seriously I’m a fucking idiot.

13. Even suggesting the idea that Charlie should come to the studio. She’s just going to get hurt.

14. Mouthing off to Val.

15. Not getting Charlie out of the hotel sooner

16. Being such a pathetic, dick sucking ho who isn’t good at anything beyond sex.

17. Not being able to take all of this.

18. Not acting well enough cause some this bitchass cat is seeing through me.

19. Ever offering that bitchass cat my services.

20. Pushing Husk’s boundaries

21. Not being my true self.

22. Acting for so long I don’t even really know who my true self is

23. Being a dick to Charlie

24. Being a dick to Husk

25. Being a dick to everyone

26. Putting my dick in a vacuum cleaner.

27. Calling Smiles a creepy dommy daddy.

28. Letting Niffty know about some of my more kinky films. She’s getting ideas…

29. Trying to play poker with Husk (and not even strip poker!)

30. Testing if my venom works on myself (it doesn’t and now I have pink bite marks)

31. Leaving what I used to clean my bites out because somehow Alastor found them and is now TEMPORARILY PARALYZED AND I DONT WANT HIM TO KILL ME WHEN HE CAN MOVE AGAIN.

32. Not answering Val’s texts.

33. Wearing boots. Seriously these things hurt sometimes.

34. Having ugly feet so I can’t NOT wear boots.

35. Tracking mud into the hotel

36. Mentioning sex around the Egg Bois because now I have to explain what it is.

37. Describing sex as something their boss “has never had,” it got back to Pentious and I’m scared.

38. Mentioning “Vox” anywhere in Alastor’s vicinity.

39. Agreeing to play Monopoly with Niffty. In general Monopoly sucks but Niffty likes to get knives involved?!?!

40. Getting addicted to drugs.

41. Getting caught in that alleyway by my BITCHASS brother.

42. Not trying harder for Molly.

43. Not saying goodbye.

44. Fucking overdosing.

45. Doing literally fucking nothing with my life and nothing with my death.

46. Taking the easy was out and doing whatever pops told me to

47. Yelling “FUCK” loudly in church that one time

48. Not teaching these people at the hotel how to FUCKING MAKE SPAGHETTI RIGHT?!

49. Getting high with Cherri.

50. Telling Val to “fuck off”

51. Flirting with that one cannibal guy because now they all seem to want to EAT ME (and not in the sexy way)

52. Leaving those pot brownies out. High cannibals, Egg Boiz, and Nifftys are terrifying.

53. Letting myself be named “Angel” because this makes shit too damn confusing plus I think Niffty wants to KILL ME?!

54. Not spending more time with these losers

55. Not opening myself up to Husk sooner.

56. Being too much of a coward to tell him how I feel.

57. Mentioning Pent has two dicks to Cherri cause she won’t stop asking about it.

58. Not doing enough to save Pentious.

59. Not telling him how much he means to me.

60. Trying to lift way more than I should have. Apparently six arms doesn’t mean I’m super strong.

61. Calling Niss a short motherfucker who nobody likes. I’m sorry, I’ll be better (and call him something even worse next time.)

62. Still being too much of a coward to tell Husk how I feel.

63. Flirting with Husk in Italian when he UNDERSTOOD ME THIS WHOLE DAMN TIME?!

64. Getting a room on the same side of the building as Alastor’s because he keeps laughing at 3 in the morning???

65. Kissing Husk in public. Val is mad.

66. Trying to even have a boyfriend with Val around. It’s stupid.

67. Calling yourself stupid for wanting to have a boyfriend.

68. Giving my boyfriend access to this list.

69. No regrets. Only 69. :D (Jesus Christ you’re a child.)

Post Reveal Convo

YOR: “Ooh, I stopped counting after I got into the triple digits.”

MELINDA: “Oh… oh my. D-does your husband know?”

YOR: “He does! It took me a while to tell him the truth, though. These kinds of conversations can be so troublesome, after all. But it turns out, we have a very similar number of conquests!”

MELINDA: “Uh… you don’t say?”

YOR: “Yes! Isn’t that funny? Although, not to brag but lowers voice I have nearly a dozen more than him.”

MELINDA: “Er-“

YOR: “Similar levels of experience really do matter in situations like this, don’t you think? Loid and I are quite capable of handling all kinds of situations together! One-on-one is rarely an option with our lifestyle, so we’re quite used to handling multiple people at once. I prefer to get up close and personal, but Loid does love his toys. Especially projectiles.”

MELINDA: “Projectiles???”

YOR: “Oh yes! Not my preference, but I must admit they always leave such interesting splatter patterns.”

MELINDA: …

ALSO MELINDA: “Sooooo, I don’t suppose you and your husband are busy this Saturday night, huh?”

(tap dances) LESBIANS TALK ABOUT FAMILY!!!

i know in game usually you’re asked to like…..start a family but i feel like it’s forced (i mean duh cuz it’s a game thing) and i wanted halulu to talk about their future! also to drop Casual lore about lulu~

Society6 | Ko-fi | Redbubble | TeePublic

btw a small explanation about lulu’s dad under here  ↓ ↓ ↓

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Turns out when a religious astronaut dies in space they’re out of bounds of their after life, instead of going to Heaven, they go to you. God of the abyss.

I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight

Okay, but I can’t help but be bewildered by all of these people who think that Malenia would deliberately hunt down Radahn for some slight or because of sibling rivalry when she is one of the most passive, chill characters in Sekiroulsborne Ring history. I’m not even joking. You find the woman taking the longest depression nap ever and she only fights you because you’re invading her and her brother’s sanctuary. She only smacked the shit out of Godrick because he insulted her and then probably immediately curled up like a ball and whined like a weenus at her feet after she punched him in the nose. You hear all about Miquella’s designs to become a full god and to actually use his Empyrean-ness for something, but never a mention of Malenia’s other than ‘well she’s an Empyrean, too’. Like, she just has. No fucking designs to go change the world on her own. She’s more than happy to be her brother’s blade. Malenia’s a reactive character. She kind of passive. And that’s fucking great. I actually really love that, because not everyone has to be a protagonist, and you don’t have to be a protagonist to be a badass or change the world. Hidetaka Miyazaki and GRRM could descend from the heavens right now and tell me that it’s canon that Malenia sought out Radahn on entirely her own volition and I would call bullshit. You could hold a gun to my head and I would still refuse to believe that anything but a direct or active threat to her brother’s and/or the Haligtree’s safety would have driven her all the way from the fucking Consecrated Snowfield to Caelid.

Miquella is the chessmaster and Malenia just loves him and is happy to be here. Her three main interests are her brother, swordplay, and women, probably in that order. Miquella probably rants and raves about the injustice in the world and how much their parents suck and Malenia just smiles and nods along in complete agreement and wow, isn’t her brother the best? She loves him so much. He’s gonna be such a good full god one day and she’s gonna help him get there. What? Her own candidacy to godhood? Who cares–have you seen how awesome her big brother is? He is tiny but full of rage and hope and she loves him so much. Get out of my face before I snap your spine over my leg, Godrick.

Like, I keep having this image in my head of a meeting between the demigods following the Shattering, and it’s Morgott, Mohg, Radahn, Rykard, and Godrick all standing in a circle and screaming at each other (like they’ve probably been doing for the past two hours). Meanwhile Miquella is sitting in Malenia’s lap, reading a book and quietly planning his own overthrow of the status quo and future socialist empire, while Malenia’s just braiding his hair and yawning. Like, god, she could be helping her brother liberate the albinaurics or making out with Finlay right now. This is why they left Leyndell with a fucking sapling in a pot 1,000+ years ago and only go home for holidays.

Eventually she gets done with braiding and they’re still yelling, so Miquella just starts reading aloud and she hangs onto every word. Another hour passes and Miquella says he’s bored and that he wants to go to the fantasy version of Chuck E’ Cheeses instead, and Malenia just scoops him up under one arm and walks out. Radahn tries to stop her and she snaps his wrist without looking. They get fantasy pizza and come back to the meeting three hours later. Malenia won Miquella a giant stuffed butterfly in a ring toss game and swung by Caria Manor to give Ranni the leftover pizza before coming back. They’re still screaming aside from Morgott, who’s huddled in the corner crying. Malenia still does not care but does poke out Mohg’s one remaining eye when she catches him leering at Miquella. They decide to just go back to the Haligtree and it’s noon the next day before the rest of the family realizes they haven’t shown up for lunch.

Look, my point is that Malenia could not have been assed to deal with Radahn on normal circumstances, but he probably was talking shit about invading the Haligtree or making Miquella his political god-consort to his future ‘Elden Lord’,  and she just got the lesbian army assembled and was all ‘FUCK THIS GUY IN PARTICULAR’ all the way to Caelid.

So I’ve seen a few people go over the AU idea of Vaggie being found by Carmilla after she falls, and I thought what if she was rescued by Rosie instead?

Like after the Extermination the little boy she spares tells Rosie and the other cannibals about this Angel that let him run away, and insists on dragging them back there because he heard her screaming from his new hiding spot.

They find Vaggie passed out and back and face soaked in ichor, but instead of eating her Rosie brings her back to Cannibal Town and patches her up as a way of saying thank you for saving that little boy (though the towels and rags used to clean her wounds and her old clothes get heavily fought over because everyone wants to know what ichor tastes like).

Vaggie of course is very disoriented upon waking up and is incredibly uncomfortable with the whole cannibalism thing, but she also really doesn’t want to piss off the people who could rip her apart.

Same

If i were in a high fantasy setting i’d be corrupted by the allure of ancient and forbidden magicks SO quickly you have no idea