Littlecigs - Out Of Body

"But why do you let your disability stop you?" Because that's.... what disabilities... do. That's... literally the basic definition... of being disabled... A disability impairs your ability to function. That's what the term means. That's the main thing

I wish I had a group of friends to wander the city with

Work was slow today. Got myself to eat half a burger for dinner, but I didn't eat breakfast so I guess it's not really that much of an achievement

i love when i warn people over and over and over again that i have "ugly" symptoms of my mental disorders and that i won't always be easy to deal with and they assure me it's okay and it can't be that bad and say all these nice things then fuck off and leave when things start to get tough. cute.

I’m traumatized cause every time I wanted reassurance, clarification and to share my feelings it was perceived as trying to argue, shit has really turned me into a cold person

And I missed out on so much of my life because I was living in a constant state of anxiety. And if it wasn't anxiety then it was depression. And if it wasn't depression then it was mania. And I literally can't remember being a child. I can't remember being a person. My whole life looks like this inescapable grey haze and I'm stuck in it. Buried in it. I don't want to fall asleep crying anymore. I don't want nightmare after nightmare. I want to feel safe and comfortable and happy and I am literally incapable of it. And that is so fucking terrifying.

genuinely happy for people who can say their trauma doesn't define them but me personally that shit shaped me fundamentally and dictates every choice i make every single day. lol