Littlecigs - Out Of Body

I hate the days where everyone and everything makes me mad or annoyed because I don't wanna be that angry person but I literally can't fucking control it then I take it out on the people I care about and they don't deserve that

If you’ve had a period of basically dissociating from a hard time of your life, you’ll know that doing even the littlest thing that has an effect in the real world vs on a screen can be so profound. Something as little as you doing a favor for someone, or someone noticing something about you that you didn’t think anyone would even pick up on bc your brain is all messed up about being perceived. Your living footprint is all muddied and murky. It takes a lot to even feel like you’re inhibiting your body. So consequences that come as a direct result of you just living, whether big or small, blow you away on an inexplicable level

a solid sort of artificial sensation

the kinds that digs and claws and sinks it's filthy teeth into everything you are

leaves you in a place of remote isolation

and travels deep within the confines of what you use to explain yourself

there's no one here that truly gets it

no one who really wonders if you feel alright, past the point of superficial friendships that you know will never last a lifetime

never last more than a few months, weeks

it's over now, you think

and everything is meaningless

I need a new distraction from being alive. It's really hard to find new interests when all you can think about is wanting someone to love you, or wanting to die

thinking you're being overdramatic and paranoid over nothing only to be proven completely right is such a sickening feeling.

perpetual fuck up

It gets so old watching people have and get the things you so badly want. I just sit there hoping one day, it'll be me. But I've hoped for so long with so little in return that I'm finally starting to realize that it will never be me. I was born with the promise of being pitiful and undeserving.