Welcome to my shitty blog.~run by your local piece of garbage~
287 posts
Latest Posts by localhumanwreckage - Page 9
Me @my obligations
Ugggghhhhh
I don’t wanna pack. Packing is lame.
In the late 1970s, homosexuality was considered a disease in Sweden. In protest, some people called in sick claiming that they, “felt gay” and couldn’t come in to work.
A couple of other things from my experience:
Unless you know for a fact that they are comfortable with it, always ask before touching them in any way. I’ve had a couple friends trigger panic attacks that way.
If you’re in a relationship try to have some sort of code for when it is and isn’t okay to be super intimate. My ex and I had a color code for what level of intimacy I was comfortable with and he would always ask what color I was.
I often flinch and put my hands up at any sudden hand movement. Don’t get offended if someone does that. It’s just an instinctive response.
Don’t slam doors, stomp around, or make unnecessary excessive noise when possible. It can often cause anxiety attacks.
Never, and I mean NEVER, refer to someone’s anxiety/panic attacks or PTSD episodes as a “tantrum” or “fit” EVER
If I say, “can you not do that? It reminds me of my abuser.” It isn’t me comparing you to them. It’s simply me trying to let you know that whatever you’re doing/saying triggers traumatic memories.
You are not alone and it is NEVER your fault if you are a victim of abuse.
THINGS TO BE AWARE OF WHEN IT COMES TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED: 💬
we all experience it differently, but these are the most common ones to me.
Since I grew up in a abusive household,
• I could tell the mood to the person who abused me by their steps, and I remember not being able to breathe when the person was mad because the footsteps were fast and heavy. I still get scared when people walk like that.
• I get scared when a person comes home without saying anything to me because it was what the person who used to abuse me did when they were angry at me.
• I still tip toe around the house at night on my way to the bathroom, scared that the smallest sound I make will get me in trouble.
• I jump at the slightest movement because I’m afraid it’s aimed at me after all the years of being threatened and hit.
• I never refuse to help with anything even if I can’t, because I remember what happened when I refused or didn’t answer right away.
• I am very observant because it’s how I got away from being abused for days, I see one thing outta place at home and I know that day will not be a great one. Is everything at place? a day without abuse.
• If a person gets a bit angry, starts rising their voice or looks at me with a sharp look, I feel like running away and never coming back because it’s how the person who abused me would intimidate me.
please, take these things into consideration and be aware of them, it would mean a lot to me and others who also went through the same things. don’t make fun of anyone who acts like this, you have no idea what they have gone through.
if you have other things to add, please do. it’s important to be aware of the things that might trigger people who have been or are still being physically abused. and if you know someone who’s being abused, please help them. it could do so much good for them.
and if anyone ever needs to speak with anyone, just know that you can message me and I’ll do my best to help as much as possible. I’m also here if you need a friend as well :)
Just some art I did that was inspired by today’s recent bout of shitty emotions.
Fun Fact:
Did you know that women are not guaranteed equal rights under the constitution?
(Seriously! I’m not just stupid! There really isn’t anything in the constitution that guarantees equal rights on the basis of sex!)
MY RAVENCLAW NECKLACE CAME TODAY!!
To children, the world and everything in it is new, something that gives rise to astonishment. It is not like that for adults. Most adults accept the world as a matter of course. This is precisely where philosophers are a notable exception. A philosopher never gets quite used to the world. To him or her, the world continues to seem a bit unreasonable- bewildering, even enigmatic. Philosophers and small children thus have an important faculty in common. The only thing we require to be good philosophers is the faculty of wonder.
Jostein Gaarder- Sophie’s World.
So this is my song Rain. Hopefully it’ll be on my next album. Let me know what you think.
P.S. The guitar I usually play it on has much better tone.
Random shitty picture of a younger me with snorkeling gear. My grandma had a fencing competition and brought me along because it was free.
So I went to pride on Saturday. (I’m pansexual btw in case you didn’t know.)
Sometimes I’m talking about my cat and someone is like, “Gallifrey, what kind of a name is that?” And I’m just like, “He’s named after the planet of the time lords.” And they just look at me like I’m crazy.
Oh my god please tell me this is a joke. People perceiving my bpd as manipulation has torn my life apart and I just lost the love of my life to it. This disorder ruins my life. It took him away from me. And I’m so fucking tired of it.
I really don’t understand why so many borderlines are so afraid of unintentionally being manipulative.
PREACH
The not so funny thing about mental illness
I’ve met a lot of people who flaunt their mental illness. They use it as an excuse to be bad to other people and to themselves, and they want all the attention that comes from that. They’re upset and need help and assume that needing help means they have a mental illness. And maybe they do, maybe they really have that mental illness. But the problem with so many people using things like depression and anxiety for attention is that it forms an image in people’s heads that mental illness is something that exists only when something bad has happened, and that everything will be ok once the situation improves. I’m gonna be honest: this gets me so angry. Not so much angry as jealous. I’m jealous of these people that can just switch off their mental illness when they’re happy. I’m happy. Everything in my life is objectively amazing, but it’s still so hard just to keep getting out of bed every day. I feel guilty cause there are people out there with problems and I want to end it all even though everything is amazing. But that’s just it; Mental illnesses don’t care what’s happening around you, they’ll do anything to keep you in their grasp. It’s not fun and it isn’t fair. Which is why when people use mental illness for their own gain without actually having it I get so upset. We should all be able to get help, with or without an illness, but these illnesses aren’t a trend or something cool to look up to, they ruin lives. Lives like mine. But, this isn’t about me. Not really. It’s about everyone with mental illnesses that they can’t just turn off when they get bored or want to be happy. I want to acknowledge the struggles they go through daily, the strain on their relationships, jobs, personal hygiene, even when everything is going well. You deserve better, and I hope one day you can find it one day.
You can’t be diagnosed legally with BPD until you’re eighteen but I have been told by multiple doctors at multiple in patient facilities as well as my psychiatrist that I do have it and my psychiatrist will give me a diagnosis when I turn eighteen. They can however say that you have “traits of borderline personality disorder” and that’s included on my long list of mental issues on my hospital records and IEP forms. It’s honestly torture not being able to be diagnosed because although they can’t do much for BPD, there are newer things that have proven to be effective and I can’t have that treatment until I’ve been diagnosed. But seriously, if a mental health professional hasn’t diagnosed you and/or is not planning on diagnosing you when you turn eighteen, please do not joke about it. It’s really serious and has wreaked havoc on my life. I hate the fear of abandonment I have; I hate the way it affects my relationships; I hate that I never feel “mentally ill enough”; I hate everything about it. All I want to do is be close to the people I love and feel loved and validated by them but the ways I try to do that always end up pushing them away. And to all of you who think that people with bpd are manipulative, abusive, crazy, etc., go fuck yourself. You don’t have a clue how hard it is to live with this disorder. You don’t know shit. Go educate yourselves assholes.
Alright I’m done now. Carry on.
hey guys
To everyone replying to my first post about BPD (that one post on my account that people like and reblog lmao) saying things like “I don’t have BPD but I relate.”, stop. I know you might get jealous easily or something along those lines, but it’s not the same. For us, it’s chronic. It’s torture. I am unable to linguistically express how difficult it is to get through these feelings daily.
I’m sorry, but no, you can’t relate. Maybe you think you do because of how I’ve put it because I’m not the best at explaining things, but you don’t. I’m sorry. You can’t.
Me: Man, Harry Potter is so dreamy.
Friend: Yeah, Daniel Radcliffe is pretty hot. He needs to ditch the beard though.
Me: No no. Not Daniel Radcliffe. Harry Potter.
Friend: But-
Me: Shhh... Harry Potter.
My bus comes at 6:28 every morning but school doesn’t technically start til 7:40. It doesn’t really matter though when you’ve gotta be out of the house by 6:20 at the latest. Middle school was worse though. It started around 7:20.
Letting teens sleep in could save the US over $9 billion dollars a year.
Studies show teenage brains are wired to stay up and wake up late, they need 8 to 10 hours of sleep per night, and that school therefore starts too early.
It is estimated that high school classes starting after 8:30 am or later would improve student health, boost graduation rates, raise lifetime earning potential, and lower the risk of fatigue-related car crashes, all of which could potentially contribute at least $83 billion to the US economy within a decade.
(Source, Source 2, Source 3)
Future classmate: So what’d you do this summer?
Me: mostly just stayed in bed reading
Future classmate: oh, I’m sorry.
Me: no, no. It was wonderful.
This year I had a Spanish teacher named Ms. McConnel, which was really difficult for me because for the first couple weeks I kept accidentally calling her Ms. McGonagall.
I used to love “Trashin’ the Camp” from Tarzan when I was younger and then I grew older and realized that “Money” by Pink Floyd is like that but for older, cooler people.
Art Critic: the skull in the corner is artfully placed on the periphery of vision to symbolise the omnipresence of death, important thematically to the artist’s conception of life and mortality.
Actual Artist: aw shit, I got all this negative space, guess I’ll stick a skull there that looks pretty rad.