Dazai, Walking Up To Look At A Dead Body: Okay, First Of All, Big Mood.

Dazai: Last night I had a dream that you and I bought matching side by side mansions.

Dazai: But there was a secret tunnel connecting your front yard to my back yard.

Chuuya:

Dazai: What do you think it means?

Chuuya:😶

Dazai, yelling: KUNIKIDA HAVE YOU SEEN MY TOP?!

Kunikida: Chuuya's in the office.

Dazai: Ok thanks :).

Chuuya, from the office: THE FUCK?!

Dazai, stumbling in through the window of Chuuya's room with a broken red rose in his mouth:

Chuuya, startled: What the fuck are you doing?

Dazai, falling on the floor: I’m trying to be romantic, shut up.

Dazai, being captured by the enemy who is dragging him away : Let me go and I'll pay you whatever you want.

Dazai: Fuck I forgot my wallet!

Dazai: *turns back to look at Chuuya*

Dazai: Chuuya, pay him whatever he wants !!!

Dazai: FUCK THIS, FUCK LIFE. ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE HAPPY. I'M NOT ASKING MUCH. HAPPINESS IS GONE FOREVER. IT FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. FROM NOW ON, MY EMO PHASE COMES BACK...

Atsushi: Oh, Dazai, are you ok?

Ranpo: No. He didn't get eras tour tickets.

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!

Dazai, pulling out an engagement ring: Got it a week after we first met.

Chuuya:

Chuuya, also pulling out a ring: Got it yesterday.

Yosano: Hey, Dazai, who's your favorite singer or band?

Dazai: I don't really have one.

Yosano: Oh c'mon pretty boy, everyone has one.

Kunikida: It's propably arctic monkeys.

Dazai: Fine. If you really wanna know that bad...it's taylor swift.

Yosano: Who? Gotta speak up.

Dazai: Taylor Swift.

Ranpo: HAH, I KNEW IT! YOU ALL OWE ME FIVE BUCKS.

Atsushi, seeing the cops marching past:

Atsushi, who has done nothing wrong ever: They're coming for me.

Dazai, currently wanted for 138 murders, 312 cases of extortion, and 625 cases of fraud, along with various and sundry other crimes: Yeah, probably.

Ranpo: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.

Fukuzawa: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Ranpo: Breakfast burrito but yeah...

Fukuzawa: I pity your dentist.

Ranpo: Joke's on you I don't have a dentist.

Fukuzawa:

Fukuzawa: I'm taking you to the dentist.