Latest Posts by magpie-black-and-white - Page 3

ur in her dms im decomposing in her chest freezer that blew its fuse three weeks ago n she didnt notice

disembowling a clowngirl and I'm trying to yank out her intestines but they just keep coming. its been 30 minutes and there's no end in sight. she's laughing at me

ever since i was a child ive known that i wanted to, someday, be the mutilated corpse on a nature trail that ruins a hikers week

“what that mouth do” gnaw on bone and chew through ligaments

He wants me to fuck him through the hole in his hazmat suit so bad but lowkey it isnt even him in there anymore

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Something like this would be so colossally helpful. I'm sick and tired of trying to research specific clothing from any given culture and being met with either racist stereotypical costumes worn by yt people or ai generated garbage nonsense, and trying to be hyper specific with searches yields fuck all. Like I generally just cannot trust the legitimacy of most search results at this point. It's extremely frustrating. If there are good resources for this then they're buried deep under all the other bullshit, and idk where to start looking.

Do you think Jesus ever didn't want to be the son of god. Do you think he ever laid awake at night at an age when he was just barely old enough to understand what that kind of title meant, and wish and wish he could just be normal. Do you think he ever wished he could sculpt pigeons out of clay without them turning to life. Do you think he struggled to make friends when he was a child. Do you think that, as he grew older, he would count the amount of people he trusted and find that number to never be higher than two. Did he ever help his father with work and wish he could just become and stay a carpenter. Did he ever run back to his mother weeping for being different. Do you think he ever prayed to his "father" to pick another, to choose someone else to carry this kind of burden, only to be met with silence. Do you think that when he first made friends, the light in his eyes died when they called themselves his disciples instead. Do you think the realization that he would never connect to a human like a human would was soul-crushing for him. Do you think he prayed. Was he ignored. Do you think that, when he became an idol and had twelve gathered around him, he would look around and find he hadn't spoken in twenty minutes, and feel so utterly lonely. When he was told he was nothing but a sacrificial lamb, do you think he felt scared. Angry? Did he curse, did he grieve? Did he have to hide his terror at the idea of slowly dying because god Said So as to not worry the people that looked up to him since the day he was born. Do you think as he was dying on the cross, his divinity faded from him, seeped out of him along with his life, gathered in a bloody pool underneath his feet, and he just felt human. Angry at being a sacrificial animal. Lonely and in pain. Do you think it killed him, being denied a lifetime of humanity, only to feel so utterly mortal as he died. Do you think that, for a moment, when he was brought back to life, he demanded an answer from his "father" as to why he had to suffer, and why he got to live once more when so many others suffered and died and stayed dead. What do you think went through his head when he was called back to him. Do you think he accused god. Do you think he screamed. Was he ignored. Do you think he cried.

No, I’m not normal about anything, ever

“Oh my god, he’s so scary,” I say as I kick my feet up in the air and giggle like an idiot.

A birdie told me you should go drink water. Stay hydrated smh.

I’m being harassed into staying hydrated by anonymous birds

What’s your most deranged opinion on cereal

I sometimes eat it for breakfast and its yummy

also, I heat the milk before I put the cereal in, I can't eat it with cold ass milk

Scientific inquiry: What is your most deranged opinion on cereal

uhhh so there was a period of my life where I didn't like dairy milk or the available plant milks (soy, almond, etc) but I did still like cereal so for several years I just ate it dry. like a full bowl of honey bunches of oats with nothing else in it.

now there's oat milk, thankfully.

Hey how's the ovulation going

im a danger to myself and others

temptation

Give me your honest opinion on blackbirds and their agenda

They're superb little creatures and good friends of mine. No I don't know anything about their plans to overthrow the government

You should kiss your girlfriend more often

I wonder who could’ve sent that

✨ 🌹⭐️🪻🌸✨🌟☀️✨🌺🌷✨ 🔮 *stabs you >:3c🔪*

Elaborate thirty-second-long magical girl transformation sequence, and at the end of it the only difference is that I'm now holding a knife.

The thing about reclaiming slurs is that once you've been affectionally called 'faggot' by friends, loved ones, and amiable fellows on the internet for long enough, you almost forget that it means something else to people who hate you.

Honestly at this point if a stranger on the street yelled "hey faggot!" after me, I'd probably turn around like "what?" like they'd just casually called me by name, and they were only trying to get my attention because they wanted to tell me something, before processing that they're being hostile.

ilovemonsterheightdifferenceilovemonsterheightdifferenceilovemonsterheightdifferenceilovemonsterheightdifference

walk’ em like dog!!!

this is how you lose the time war quotes that make me go balls to the wall insane + stick meme gore

i drew this last year right after reading time war. my rendition of red. i feel like you guys could appreciate it. iirc originally my initial design was much more bird-like and uncanny but i settled on something way more human

Tell me something true, or tell me nothing at all.

and finally the dark colourways of my timewar pattern!

how fitting is it that i went stargazing right after this

Dear Sirs.

SCP-682's powers are metatextual. He's unkillable because the story says he is nearly unkillable and no solution would be satisfying. His nickname is 'the very hard to destroy reptile' for rigour's sake. You don't have to be Grant Morrison to put this together.

The solution is to alter the narrative so that there is a means of killing him that is satisfying. Unfortunately, only full-on apocalypse scenarios or the use of SCP-682 as a jobber for an even worse threat would fill that criteria.

So unless you want to unleash something even more tiresome, like the Black Moon or the Scarlet King or the Yellow Submarine or whatever other color-coded doomsday monster you have on tap, you're just wasting jumpsuit filling doing anything at all.

The easy alternative is to simply stop trying to kill him.

Just focus on holding him in the most boring, routine ways possible, rendering him increasingly less interesting and thus reducing the time between stories focused on him and thus, the resulting breaches and disasters.

Or you can do what we did. If you aren't chicken.

Ours wasn't a rotted lizard. It was a sort of mummified horse the size of a 1996 Volkswagen Harlequin, and it was a she, but otherwise same deal. Regeneration. Vat of acid. Mass casualties. Violent opposition to the use of breath mints. Endemic to all life. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

We figured out the how it worked, and we speed-ran the whole concept, hurling that vile beast through a veritable plinko-fall of thousands of extermination tests and controlled rampages until there was literally nothing left to do with the 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse'.

And we trust the populace enough to not lie to them for 'their own good'. Because its funny? Sure. Profitable? Absolutely (don't worry, shareholders!)! But never for 'their own good.'

So we turned those experiments into a 17 season reality television program hosted by Greg Kinnear and force-fed them to a sludge-hungry populace.

There were 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' calendars, coffee mugs, t-shirts, two different animated spin-offs running at the same time for some reason, four movies starring Chris Pratt as the voice of the horse, an ongoing sketch on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' "acid bath" sour candy flavored yogurt in a tube, a series of increasingly inadequately playtested gameboy cartridges, a 27-issue limited series from Image comics, and adorable plush mummified murder-horse plushes with little suction cups on their red-felt hooves so they can stare balefully out the back of your station wagon at that ASSHOLE Kevin in his souped up Trans AM who does not understand the concept of a safe following distance, and you JUST want to run him off the road with the magno-lifters and recreate the scene from Lost Highway with Robert Loggia, but "you can't use the magno-lifters for revenge" because it's "against OSHA regulations" and "technically assault!"

And once the first shipment of 'More-Than-One-Way-to-Fail-to-Kill-a Horse' Funko Pops hit store shelves, the creature's cultural cache cratered so hard that it became a parody of itself so predictable it's "containment" is now a Universal Studios attraction with two failed executions and a containment breach each night, with double shows on Saturdays.

Now, it was a rocky ride getting there, especially for Utah (projections say you'll get those House seats back in two, maybe three, generations at most, don't you worry!) but we've proven that even if it isn't killable, you can, in fact, beat a dead horse.

Hope this helps.

Humbert, Outreach Liaison Melinoë Laboratories "Hoc non veniet ad nos mordax"

*repeating crossbows not included in crossbows