Batkids Calling Bruce When They Need Him.

Tim, 36 hours of sleep driving like a madman on Gotham roads: FUCKING MOVE. SLOW MOTHER FUCKER WHAT ARE YOU- OH YEAH? JUST WONDER TO THE RIGHT WITHOUT SIGNALLING WHY DONT YA? MAYBE NEXT TIME JUST DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND CRASH INTO THAT GODDAMN TRUCK THATS BACKING OUT THAT YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO GODDAMN SEE-

Damian, just wanting to get to school since Alfred couldn’t drive him: I assure you these imbeciles are not worth your anger Dra-

Tim: I SWEAR IF ANYONE CUTS ME OFF ONE MORE TIME.

*Gets cut off*

Tim: ALRIGHT BITCHES. I WARNED YOU.

Damian, screaming: DRAKE. STOP THIS INSTANT. DRAKE. YOU ARE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD-

Jason doesn't get to announce his revival dramatically because Talia decides to be petty (she is her father's daughter, alright) and randomly sends Jason's photo with little Damian to Bruce in a random Monday.

Bruce: (minding his business)

Talia, messaging in the middle of the day: Beloved. Look at our beautiful sons.

Talia: (sends a photo of Jason reading little Damian a book while he drools)

Bruce, with his eye twitching: IS THAT JASON?

Bruce: SONS?

Bruce: TALIA?

Talia, turning her phone to Jason: A family photoshoot would ruin him completely. I'm just saying.

Jason, staring at the screen: ...

Jason: Call Ra's. We are doing the sweetest family photoshoot this world had ever seen. I need the old man to get a stroke.

Talia: ...I sense like I made some mistake here.

They ship printed photos of this photoshoot directly to Wayne Manor in the various copies. Jason brings little Damian to his father in a few weeks and announces that he himself will stay only for a short amount of time before returning to "grandpa Ra's." Bruce locks up all doors and forbids anyone from leaving it. .

I was today years old when I learned that when you type “otp: true” in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship

Part 30! I'm with Duke ngl

Prev ~ Beginning ~ Next

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

i promised you 🦋

(crossposting from x, bsky, & ig)

Batfam headcanon

So, I've seen posts of Bruce forgetting his kids are adopted, but what if the batkids forget they're adopted?

Jason and Tim: *fighting*

Jason: You're adopted!

Tim: *gasps* >:0

Tim: So are you!

Jason:

Tim:

Jason: Damn, you're right.

Dick tries making fun of Jason before Jay brings up that one time they were seeing pictures of toddler Bruce with his baby curls and Dick said "Oh, so that's where I got mine from."

I believe in Disney Princess Damian supremacy. I believe in a boy who loves nature so much it loves him back just as fiercely.

Odyspenelope on ao3 wrote a one shot and it has occupied my every waking thought since. The Al ghul are eco terrorists, the boy loves the world and I need that influence and core belief to filter into more of his actions.

Give me a Damian that when he came to Gotham, was horrified at the state of local animals and ecosystems and since his father will not allow him to punish every abuser or ceo who destroys the environment like they deserve, He will work to fix their mistakes. Fulfil both his parents' legacies at once by making this city better for all living creatures, not just people.

Give me a damian who, after causing so much pain, learnt unconditional love and forgiveness from Goliath, the bats in the cave, and Titus. Let him learn how to spread it to other animals and eventually people.

Give me a Damian who feeds every stray he comes across no matter the species to the point Alfred sows him extra pockets in his robin uniform and civilian coats for the food. Some are big enough to hold cats and injured birds safely during fights.

Damian brings home and fosters any animal he can hide from Bruce. The largest so far has been a horse he liberated from a neglectful carriage driver in Gotham Park. (Father caught Goliath within three days so it doesn't count.)

After batcow arrives, it becomes easier because when she is not in the cave, Bruce doesn't look in her Barn. The Barn becomes his base of animal and plant rescue operations. With the help of Alfred and a very amused Oracle (she found out after watching Damian on traffic cams with dozens of cats following him around like adoring fans), it grows larger and more extreme.

He creates relationships with every no kill shelter in the city and most decent veterinarians. The network becomes helpful in finding good homes for the animals he rescues and blacklisting bad owners.

Anyone found abusing an animal lives in fear of katanas. They hear soft words to puppies and cats after they have been brutally incapacitated.

He investigates companies with harmful environmental practices and passes any information he has onto Oracle to deal with. (For particularly bad offenders, he let's poison Ivy deal with them)

He carries around wild flower seed balls and puts money into local parks and nature reserves. The harbour is his next big project. ( There's so much he could do with an oyster and seaweed farm for biological filtration and detoxification of the water.)

He just never expects Gothams animals to protect him aswell.

He rescues an army of pigeons who attack a mugger after they gets a lucky shot in and get Damian in the throat. The birds descend in a fury. The mugger is so terrified he gives up before Damian can get him back for the throat punch.

The cats are next. Clawing and Biting human traffickers. Bruce assumes Silena did it, but Damian (who has twisted his ankle in the fight) knows.

It's only after a raccoon starts handing him back batarangs that he's thrown that he decides to try cultivating this behaviour on purpose.

Jon, who he goes to for animal husbandry advice and later training tips, thinks this is the funniest thing to happen ever. (Once he knows the amount of work Damian does for so many animals, he starts to fall a little in love with the boy who has birds happily making a home in his hair and only truly smiles at his strays.)

It's not long until every criminal begins to fear the sound of wings in alleys and claws on cement. You never know which stray is one of Robins.

The batfamily only realise what's going on when Damian is kidnapped and is rescued by a pack of stray dogs somehow. Each has a robin themed collar. Dick thinks it's the cutest thing in the universe, and Bruce gives him funds directly to increase the size of his operation. (After he freaks out about Damian being so much like Talia and how could he be this blind to what's going on in his house. He rescued hundreds of animals??? How??)

Robins Strays now includes exotic birds, a tiger, a couple of goats, a deer, and hundreds of rats and mice, each trained to gather information and retrieve lost and missing items during investigations.

Ivy, Harley, and Silena have dubbed him a Siren and give him any animals or environment related cases they can't personally handle. (Damian adores them, especially after meeting Harleys hyenas)

Gotham adores Robin and knows never to hurt an animal with an R on it or any animal, really. They make plushies of Goliath when he is introduced to the public after an arkham asylum breakout. (Bruce gave up on trying to get the animals to stop fighting crime. It's as useless as trying to stop his children.)

Jon eventually asks Damian out while they are bottle feeding newborn kittens in the barn under the watchful eyes of two dragons and a zoos' worth of pets.

He gets shovel talked by Silena and Ivy first. It's terrifying.

Tim, slightly drunk: I told you all that I lost my spleen, but I actually know exactly where it is, because Ra’s keeps it in a jar on his bedside table.

Jason, also drunk: THATS WHAT THAT IS?!?!

Tim: you’ve seen it? HOW HAVE YOU SEEN IT?!

Jason: I had to take Damian to visit Talia at the league!

Tim: AND YOU ENDED UP IN RA’S BEDROOM?

Jason: every time I go there I put an assortment of miscellaneous vegetables in his bedding to convince him he’s going insane.

Tim:

Tim: that’s actually kinda cool.

Jason: it’s the only thing that makes escourting the kid back and forth worth it.

Damian, twelve, Tim and Jason’s designated driver of the evening: I swear mother has assigned you to me like some sort of service dog, Todd.

Jason, nodding: or personal uber.

Tim: come to think of it I have seen you lay your head on him whenever you think he’s anxious-

Jason: HE SAYS IT HELPS-!

Damian: -fucking stay out of it, Drake!

Tim: aight damn

really enjoyed this scene from fraycheck by surveycorpsjean on ao3