Tim, 36 Hours Of Sleep Driving Like A Madman On Gotham Roads: FUCKING MOVE. SLOW MOTHER FUCKER WHAT ARE

Jason and Damian meeting at the league but Batfam doesn’t know Jason’s alive is one of my favourite fanfic tropes.

Dick, in his hoe era talking about getting beat tf up by some girl’s boyfriend: I genuinely thought the dude was gonna kill me! I was framed, I swear! Istg someone must’ve planted a strawberry handkerchief on me or something.

Damian, barely listing: was that an Othello reference?

Tim: how did you know that? I didn’t even catch that.

Damian: it was ja- *long pause ensues*

Tim: is his programming malfunctioning?

Dick: Ja??

Damian, brain farting: yep. “Ja”

*frantically messaging Jason saying he almost broke his cover*

—

Damian, annotating Jason’s old copies of the classics: I forgot how much of an idiot you were back then. *takes sticky note off page* “RIP queen, this is actually so depressing.” Yeah, Ophelia just died. Way to state the obvious.

Dick: ??

Damian:

Damian: I’m a medium. He-uh, talks to me.

Dick: oh okay- wait. What?

—

Damian, sneaking back into the manor after having a visit with Jason: *tip toeing his way to the stairs*

Bruce, waiting in the living room with a lamp: Damian, Where were you?

Damian, who can’t improv for shit: uh-

Bruce: *eyebrow raise*

Damian: I was kidnapped by red hood *runs upstairs*

—

Bruce, in his feels era: I wish jaylad was around to see this.

Damian, not thinking: can we not just ask him to come over?

Bruce:

Damian:

Bruce: what-

Damian: we can use a ouija board. That’s how I communicate with him.

Bruce, concerned: what???

Tim, slightly drunk: I told you all that I lost my spleen, but I actually know exactly where it is, because Ra’s keeps it in a jar on his bedside table.

Jason, also drunk: THATS WHAT THAT IS?!?!

Tim: you’ve seen it? HOW HAVE YOU SEEN IT?!

Jason: I had to take Damian to visit Talia at the league!

Tim: AND YOU ENDED UP IN RA’S BEDROOM?

Jason: every time I go there I put an assortment of miscellaneous vegetables in his bedding to convince him he’s going insane.

Tim:

Tim: that’s actually kinda cool.

Jason: it’s the only thing that makes escourting the kid back and forth worth it.

Damian, twelve, Tim and Jason’s designated driver of the evening: I swear mother has assigned you to me like some sort of service dog, Todd.

Jason, nodding: or personal uber.

Tim: come to think of it I have seen you lay your head on him whenever you think he’s anxious-

Jason: HE SAYS IT HELPS-!

Damian: -fucking stay out of it, Drake!

Tim: aight damn

Hehehe 😊😘

i finally have enough time to properly draw again, so i'm treating myself to a PTA Mom VS. Twilight Saga. listen all i want is a silly little post reveal story with silly little shenanigans and extreme pettiness + perfectionism from twilight in the most trivial of matters. is that too much to ask?

i am going to tag this under 'spy x pta' LMAO

(for those who don't know, PTA stands for Parent Teacher Association. commonly in elementary schools, parents in the PTA are often stereotyped as overbearing, overly competitive, and petty)

Bruce, adopting Dick: Aw-w, what a sweet little kid! Surely, he is so polite, and—

Dick, the instance he gets in the battle: You fucking disappointment of a person, and (string of curses on his mother language)

Bruce: Oh. Okay.

Bruce, adopting Jason: Well, Jason was well-mannered and soft-spoken so far, so, maybe—

Jason to the random goon: You motherfucking asshole, I am going to shove this boa to your—

Bruce: Right. Okay.

Bruce, making Stephanie his Robin: Maybe...

Stephanie, using the same street language Jason did, if not worse: I FUCKED YOUR MOM, YOU SON OF A—

Bruce: Whatever.

Bruce, eying suspiciously quiet Tim, who came to interrogate the goon for the first time as a Robin: ?

Tim, the minute door closed behind him: Listen to me, you pathetic excuse of a man, I am going to fuck you up, in an—

Bruce, sighing: Yeah. Honestly. Whatever.

Bruce, staring at angry Damian, who looks like he is about to explode, but keeps up as much as he can: Go on, chump. Say what you want.

Damian, staring at the floor with the deadliest stare ever: Not to sound unbecoming, but... Loser. -_-

Bruce, flabbergasted: ...Okay.

Supportive space-uncle

damian wayne would totally be a fan of the sonic the hedgehog franchise

more specifically, he would be a fan of shadow.

hearme out on this please

ok but like, i dont have anything to back this up, but like

just trust me on this

tell me that this little kid, who was told from birth that he is genetically perfect, who eventually learns to chill out with the killing:

would not look at the ultimate lifeform, all broody n shit:

and not start learning the lore reasons for why shadow is cool as fuck

Batboys do stupid shit like compete to see who can eat the spiciest food. It’s what siblings do. It’s the law.

Duke finds ramen on Amazon with an honest-to-God warning label on it. “Caution - Do not handle with bare hands.” The boys unanimously decide that this is the ultimate test. They all regret it.

Dick asks Bruce if he wants to join them and the older man wants no parts. There’s no way this ends without vomit, painful gas, heartburn, spice in eyes, or all of the above. Bruce refuses to suffer and simply warns them not to make a mess.

Jason’s the first one down. Duke’s preparing four bowls and when Jason catches a whiff of the sauce, he tears up instantly and taps out. He’s already died once and refuses to do it again so soon.

Damian’s been eating spicy food since he cut his first tooth, but a single taste has him hiccuping. He puts his chopsticks down and runs to the sink, annoyed that he couldn’t win but more focused on willing the food to come back up. Jason rubs his back and offers him some milk to chug. Best case scenario, it helps with the spice. Worst case, you finally puke.

Dick and Tim manage a few mouthfuls each before disaster strikes. Tim starts sweating and his nose starts running. Before taking his fourth bite, he sneezes. Dick laughs while he’s chewing and something goes down the wrong pipe and oh God, it’s in my nose! He hacks and claws at his face, feeling the excruciating burn in his sinuses. He doesn’t realize that he’s got sauce on his hand until he presses his fingers into his sinuses and brushes his eye.

Damian doesn’t mean to laugh as Dick drops to the floor and writhes in agony, but it’s kind of funny. Of course, that’s when his single bite decides to come back up. Jason would find hilarious if the little gremlin hadn’t yakked all over his new shirt. And shoes. And fucking hell, how is there so much, you only took one bite!

Bruce comes into the kitchen and audibly gasps at the carnage as Tim finishes one last bite to solidify his win. The teen grins triumphantly, but the victory is short-lived. Everyone can hear his stomach gurgle unpleasantly and, to Tim’s credit, he simply pulls out a bottle of Pepto Bismol and takes a swig.

“Worth it,” he groans, beating a fist against his chest as uncomfortable heat blooms beneath his sternum. “I’ll wear this heartburn with pride.”

Duke recorded the whole thing. He saves it as “Stupid Shit” on his phone and posts it on Instagram with the hashtag #WeWereUnsupervised.

Within 3 months of Damian becoming a doctor injury rates among heroes and vigilantes drop DRAMATICALLY.

He's Dr. House but worse. He watched the show, got inspired and added a culturally appropriate amount of his special flavour of trauma into the mix.

Thomas Wayne and Alfred are Proud.

"Kamala Harris raised 50+ million dollars after Biden dropped out!" you fools.... that's the money she got from selling Biden to One Direction :(