Out Of Character But I Think He Should Be Allowed To Do This

Travesty: the anime only let Saiki keep his sweater paws for one scene this episode

So much stolen

They stole a bit of his coziness 😭

Bruce, after nose surgery: Anyone makes a single comment, I will fry you.

Dick: *giggles, trying to contain himself*

Jason: *unable and unwilling to resist his urges* So you finally got a nose job.

Tim: Congrats, you're finally a Kardashian.

Damian: What is that? A kind of otter?

Jason: yes.

Stephanie: Many women find a broken nose attractive!

Bruce: I'm not talking to you, Stephanie. *gives her a cold mackerel look*

Stephanie: If this is about the Wonder Woman thing...

Bruce to the rest of his kids, pointedly ignoring Steph: If anyone asks, Bruce Wayne is damnably vain and insecure about his looks.

Cassandra: Your body language suggests you're telling the truth.

Everyone: ...

Bruce: The best lies have a hint of truth.

Cassandra: But...it was none of it a lie. I can read you, remember?

Jason and Dick: *trying to stifle their laughter*

Bruce:...fine, I hated the shape of my nose after it was broken for the seventy-seventh time. Sue me.

Jason: You could stand to tuck your chin in a little.

Dick: You're getting a receding hairline.

Tim: Your crow's feet have crow's feet.

Cassandra: I googled DILF and got you.

The Batkids: ...

Damian: Father, being your biological and genetic son I think I need to start saving for cosmetic surgery.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: I hate all of you.

Talia: Okay, if I had Damian in the spring and it’s winter now… I forgot his birthday, didn’t I?

Harley (holding a teacup): Yeah, he said he’s used to it.

Talia (panicked): Oh my God! Quick, what do boys like? Fisher-Price is still a thing, right?

Harley (flatly): Tali, he turned twelve.

Talia (lamenting): I thought he was nine! Okay, I can work with this. I’ll call Bruce—no, no, he’ll be upset that I forgot his birthday and think I don’t care. But I do care! He’s my tifl. I spent thirty-six hours pushing him out of my body! My mind just gets foggy at times.

Harley: Talia.

Talia: If I had remembered, trust me, I’d throw him a party! Plus, I’m a busy woman. I am a businesswoman before I’m a fighter. That’s not me excusing my actions, though. Don’t say it is!

Harley (repeating herself): Talia?

Talia: I need to give him something good—

Harley (raising her voice): TALIA!

Talia (annoyed): What?!

Harley (passing Talia her phone, which is open to the Amazon app): What you see is his wishlist. That’s the stuff he wants as gifts. You don’t have to buy everything, just one or two items.

Talia: Oh bless you, Harley! Huh, he has a lot of books in here. I shall buy them all!

Talia pulled out her phone and began adding every book she saw on his wishlist to her Amazon cart. Harley shrugged, sipping her tea.

Two weeks later, Damian received numerous packages from Amazon filled with the books he had been hoping to get. He blinked, unsure of how to react. But what stood out the most was that Talia had also bought him the ship Lego set he wanted.

Damian: Hm… She really went through my wishlist for this. If she got the notification that the packages were delivered, she should be calling any second now.

His phone rang two seconds later, right on cue. He answered with reluctance.

Damian: Don't speak yet. I just wanted to say thank you for the gifts. Now you can react.

Talia (sweetly): I get you the best because you’re my precious twelve-year-old, and I knew you turned that age, but it’s been crazy busy dealing with business and my father.

Ra's: Hey!

Damian (small smile): Mm-hm, thanks anyways, Mother. I… love you.

Talia: I love you too!

Cork ‘im Daisuke‼️‼️‼️‼️

Damian: *hits a growth spurt and now he's taller than Tim and Duke*

Jason: No

Damian: *grows taller than Dick*

Jason: No no

Damian: *taller than Bruce and eye level with Jason*

Jason: No no no –

i think... this is flirting.

Batman has to constantly remind them he's not going down with the sinking ship when it's not his fault

Superman: Yeah, so we're turning ourselves into the government. Do you want to meet us there, or should we meet with you?

Batman: …

Wonder Woman: Batman, we're on a time crunch. Just give us your answer.

Batman (while driving, hesitating): First, I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Second, my son, who is in the car with me, is also fine… thankfully. Third, are you on crack?

Superman: I… We as a team voted that it's best if we turn ourselves into the government.

Batman (flatly): That's a decision you made. You guys have fun with it. Can I go now?

Wonder Woman: You’re part of the team! You have to turn yourself in!

Batman: Says who?

Wonder Woman: We decided as a team!

Batman: Yes, good for you. Why am I being dragged into this?

Wonder Woman and Superman: YOU ARE PART OF THIS TEAM!

Damian (in the background): Father, can we get McFlurrys later?

Batman (to Damian): Why do people eat those? They taste disgusting.

Damian: You have to get the one with the Oreos.

Superman: We’re still on the call!

Batman (annoyed): Right, not going in. Bye.

Wonder Woman: Don’t end the call! You have to hear us out.

Batman: I should just hang up, but I’m bored and need something entertaining to listen to. Proceed.

Flash (speaking first): Take one for the team, Bruce.

Batman: Okay, first, when I'm on a call with any of you, call me by my hero name. Commissioner Gordon can get away with that, but I’m not on that level with most of you. Second, I’m not on this team if you want me to do this ridiculousness. Third, seriously, are you on crack?

Green Arrow (in the background): Thank you for not saying heroin.

Damian (in the background): Father, why do they think you’re dumb?

Batman: Because they’re not very smart.

Green Arrow (expecting this): It’s amazing how badly this is going. I told you guys he’d say no, but nobody listens to me.

Batman: This is one of the rare times I agree with Arrow. I didn't sign up for a team where we all turn ourselves in for something I didn’t do.

Superman: It’s a team decision.

Batman: I don’t care.

Superman: But it’s for solidarity.

Batman: That I don’t care about.

Superman: Again, we’re a hero team. We’ve saved the world together; can’t you do this one little thing?

Green Lantern (Hal): And his response is…

Batman: Fighting villains, I enjoy. I wouldn’t be on a sports team, a firefighter team, or a doctor team with you if you're going to be this dense, and I sure as hell won't be on this team if you want me to do something this stupid. Is the brain cell you share gone for the day?

Superman: Okay, well… Kara is going with us.

Batman: And I've lost a little respect for her.

Supergirl: Hey! Wait, you had respect for me?

Batman: Did you contact any of my adult kids? Nightwing? Red Robin? I know Red Hood would just laugh before hanging up.

Superman: We haven't called them yet… but I bet they'd say yes!

Batman: No, they wouldn’t. I know that because they just texted my youngest son, who’s with me, and their messages say, “Not a chance in hell.” I didn’t even have to say anything. I raised them well.

Superman: Can’t you put aside your ego and just do this for us?

Batman: Who’s going to pick up my son from school? Go to my daughter's recital? Attend my other son’s group therapy session? Talk to my future fiancée about where I’ll be? Just curious, which one of you will handle that?

Batman waited for a few seconds, and none of the members responded.

Batman: Right. As stated, I'm not going, and if you call me again with this stupid request, I'm cutting the power to the building for a month. I will let that building decay to prove a point.

Damian: You tell 'em, Father!

Batman ended the video call without another word.

Wonder Woman: He’s getting calmer with his reactions.

Green Arrow: Yeah… Guys, maybe we don’t turn ourselves in this time. Maybe we… do something else? Anything else, because he has a point. I'm not sinking in the Titanic when there's a lifeboat.

Aquaman: Good Titanic metaphor.

Green Arrow: Thanks, man.

Okay but how funny would a ITSV au where Hobie was the one pulled into Miles dimension instead of Gwen be?

He shows up at Visions Academy, steals a uniform and immediately begins arguing with teachers about the classist nature of private education and the voucher system, but he's so smart and well read that no one ever figures out he's technically not enrolled at the Academy. Meanwhile Miles immediately starts crushing on this cool punk rock rebel who defies expectations but can't work up the courage to go up and say high.

Miles tries the shoulder touch, Hobie flirts back, and Miles turns invisible on the spot.

Damian adjusting to his new hairstyle in B&R 2023

Toddler Damian if he grew up with Bruce will constantly be put in air jail.

Running through the halls and knocking things over? Air jail but if it's Alfred he hooks him onto a coat rack.

Almost launches himself into the abyss of the Batcave? Air jail but jason swings him around.

Escapes into the chimpanzee exhibit at the zoo? Air jail by Bruce and they go home early.

It's so cute because toddlers in air jail kick their little feet petulantly and I imagine Damian twisting around really violently in air jail.