"Kill Them With Kindness" Nah, Fuck That, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK* 🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏

can you imagine you go to a fancy italian restaurant and before you go through the doors the doorman stops you and is like Signore Per Fevore, I Simply Must Remove Your Jacket Before You Enter and youre like well if you must, its getting a little shabby anyways and he says It Is My Pleasure Signore and then he smashes you over the head and cuts you up into little pieces for your flavour and aroma. such is the life of the humble garlic

Exterior, Hillary Clinton’s doorstep, 3AM

Kamala Harris, looking her version of disheveled and unhinged (which is to say she’s still in the same immaculate suit from her speech earlier in the day but she’s lost her high heels, has exactly five hairs out of place, and there is a discreet smear of Dorito dust on her fingertips): I’m sorry, I just didn’t know where else to go.

Hillary, in a cozy bathrobe, but perfectly made up and coiffed: Honey, I’ve been waiting for you to show up since they called Pennsylvania. (Hands Kamala a margarita and ushers her inside.)

Chinese weighlifter Li Wenwen successfully defended her title, winning the gold medal in the women's over 81kg category at the Paris Olympics on Sunday!

In her private life, Li is actually a fan of traditional Chinese Hanfu.

(source)

(Saw this post on Facebook and loved it, and since Facebook always steals Tumblr posts, I figure I can do the reverse and steal this Facebook post)

anyone else ever get jumpscared by white fingon

freaks in my DMs…. 😑

middle-class american who subsists primarily on factory farmed beef fed slaughtered by semi-slave immigrant workers on sub-minimum wage and which were raised on soy produced in clear-cut areas of the amazon rainforest which until last year belonged to an uncontacted tribe who have all been murdered by the enforcers of the logging company: well what about inuit people who eat whales huh? checkmate vegans

My guilty pleasure right now is watching luxury hotel reviews and I found this british guy who keeps accidentally clipping into the backrooms.

He's unintentionally making the best liminal horror content on youtube

So one day a dwarf is talking to a human and finally realizes that when humans say woman, they generally mean “person who is theoretically capable of childbirth” because for whatever reason, humans assign social expectations based genital differences. (What a fucked up culture, the dwarf thinks.) But hey, better communication! So the next time the dwarf introduces theirself, they say, oh, by the way, I am what you call a “woman.”

And the trade negotiations just stop. They just stop cold. The tall people insist on speaking to the man, they insist on talking to the lady dwarf about all sorts of irrelevant bullshit, like recipes and childrearing and perfume

so the dwarf goes back home, enraged

and is like “BTW guess what happened, we’re all just going to be men forever now as far as the tall ones are concerned”

and everyone is justly horrified at this barbarism but they all agree to do whatever  it takes to squeeze those tall bastards for all the resources they are worth

and the dwarves get surlier, and the trade agreements less generous

and the tall people are all “what a miserable and greedy race”

but really they’re just still nursing a grudge about how goddamn backwards and sexist the tall people are

because their best negotiator, one of their sacred cave people, got snubbed the instant she said she was capable of childbirth - and a mortal insult like that can never be forgiven