I Wanted To Meme Before The Big Day.

Can we get some headcannons about the BOYS? (thats what im calling them)

I like it, from here on out they are the boys.

since you didn't specify for what exactly, I chose random things that I have thought of, too many times before.

Altaïr 🦅

• more than once this man has walked into a glass door, and on a few occasions broke said door. he walked away like nothing happened.

• I've said it once and I'll say it again : this man is terrible with technology. like, the only stuff he's good with is old time, back in the day kinda stuff. keyboard? can't use it for shit. typewriter? this guy is like a damn journalist. laptop? the thing is destroyed because he got so mad when he couldn't figure out where the mouse was, even when desmond showed him where it was. old desktop that's built like a t.v.? perfect, everything makes sense now.

• when checking out at stores and the cashiers say "have a good day" on multiple occasions, an embarrassing amount of occasions this man has responded with: "what's so good about it", "thanks.", "you have good days?", "I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning.", "im leaving now"

• due to the last one: this man never uses a credit or debit card. cash only.

• before he broke the pasta noodles in half in front of ezio, he's thought about doing it way too many times. the reason he finally acted on it was because ezio brought up the many fires, explosions, and overall chaos that has happened when he "cooks". Altaïr internally said "fuck you, AND your pasta noodles"

• has set the microwave on fire before, blown out the front of it. cue desmond and arno running into the kitchen frantically putting the fire out, taking out what was inside it. there was a can of green beans. cue des and arno asking him why the hell he put a METAL can in the microwave. "oh you're not supposed to put metal in the microwave?"

• he is NOT a morning person. if you go to wake up this man and he's in a deep sleep, he's waking up swinging. Jacob has been slugged in the face a few times.

• I feel like Altaïr would like to nap in the sun/warm places.

• believe it or not, he was the weird kid that ate dirt.

• as a kid he was gifted an bald eagle as a birthday present from his dad, he was gifted a little yellow parakeet as his birthday present from his mother. he named her sunflower and the eagle apollo. he came back from training one day wanting to spend time with apollo and sunflower. apollo was there but sunflower wasn't, but there were yellow feathers everywhere. his dad told him apollo ate sunflower. Altaïr plucked all of apollos feathers on his head out. "you really are a bald eagle now aren't you, you little shit" vengeance for sunflower was served.

Ezio 🌹

• this man is a 5 star chef when it comes to authentic Italian food. don't ask him to make American food. anything other than Italian food he can't cook.

• after becoming great friends with Arno, ezio too is now a hopeless romantic.

• ezio and arno send each other memes either during conversations or as conversations.

• doesn't hesitate on the intrusive thoughts. just does them.

• has worn both his mother and Claudia's make up before, and he is flawless when putting on eyeliner. he doesn't go all out, he's more of the natural beauty kind of guy.

• this man can take one look at a person and correctly guess their clothing size.

• he and arno like to get together and have gossip sessions with a nice (few) bottles of wine.

• I whole heartedly believe that ezio is an amazing artist. he and leonardo bonded over painting, sketching, drawing etc. and on more than one occasion has joked with Arno with the whole "paint me like one of your French girls" gets a smack to the back of the head everytime.

• loves teasing Altaïr, he's so easy to rile up and ezio gets a laugh out of it. that is until Altaïr breaks pasta noodles in front of him. fists are up and ready to go.

• hates horses cause they have a long face, it makes him uncomfortable.

Arno 🥐

• has punched both edward and Jacob multiple times for pronouncing "croissant" wrong.

• gossip time with ezio is one of his favorite days of the week.

• when having conversations with ezio its either with memes in it, or how the conversation is being had.

• will not hesitate to roast you. loves roasting people, in fact he deep down hopes that someone will piss him off enough to roast them. even though he doesn't really need a reason.

• is very protective over the boys. (this man has trauma, can we blame him)

• an amazing singer. ezio has asked Arno for tips/lessons and once Arno heard him sing he said "can you hear yourself? no? good, cause trust me, you don't want to."

• he's really good at writing: poetry, songs, stories and even plays, but he's self conscious so he'd never try to get them to actually be put out there. ezio and desmond are his #1 hype team.

• I can see him being a great figure skater. don't know why, but I do.

• is a great baker, another 5 star chef when it comes to making authentic (french) food.

• he and Altaïr like to people watch and judge them like Simeon Cowell.

Connor🐺

• this man has a petting zoo of animals, from childhood into adulthood.

• calls animals fur babies, change my mind.

• is another one who is protective over the boys

• believe it or not, he's more in tune with his emotional side like Arno and Ezio.

• loves wearing flannels, not only are they comfy but he likes the way they look.

• wants to build himself a cabin, like the ones you see some youtubers do. chop down the trees, use them to build it and all that jazz.

• wants to have a timber wolf as a pet, it's his dream pet. he truly wants just a wolf, but knows it's not a good idea.

• brought a turkey into the house as a kid, Ziio was not a happy camper. but she didn't want connor to be sad, so she said he could keep it as long as it stayed outside.

• the turkey and Connor were playing outside of their village. it was November. there was a loud bang, Connor turned around and turkey had been shot...and he was shot by none other than Charles Lee. another reason he hates the man so much.

• (for this one we're gonna say Haytham and Ziio stayed together) whenever Charles Lee came over to visit, Connor never liked him. when his parents weren't looking he would do this to Charles Lee; bite, kick, pour salt in his food and drink, make faces etc. Haytham knew, but it also amused Haytham so he said nothing.

Edward🏴‍☠️

• cried while getting his first tattoo, like sobbed.

• Mary on more than one occasion has gotten him (when he's drunk ofc) to cross dress (like she does as james)

• is a huge fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series.

• sings sea shantys when doing things around the house.

• has slept outside many times while drunk. doesn't remember how he got there, when he got there, or why he stayed.

• has wanted to try those swimming like a mermaid trend.

• wants the boys to get a pirate themed tattoo with him.

• he and Jacob like to go out drinking together and watch each other get drunk because of the way they act. unfortunately while doing this since the both of them are drunk neither knows what in God's name is going on, until they wake up outside half naked wondering why they're wearing lipstick.

• has said many times "im never drinking again" yet is holding a cup filled with alcohol.

• has pushed Jacob off the side of the jackdaw when he pissed him off.

Jacob🎩

• being evies worst nightmare is his favorite passtime.

• teases evie for having a crush on 2 of his best friends, she tells him if he ever told them his manhood will be missing when he wakes up.

• woke up on a roof one time after drinking escapades with Edward the night before. Edward was on the roof across from him.

• has worn his shoes on the wrong feet all day long to annoy evie, but also was too lazy to put them on the right feet.

• he tries to trip evie whenever the two of them are going up the stairs. jokes on him he actually trips himself.

• is the king of intrusive thoughts.

• 95% of the time he gives into those intrusive thoughts, that small 5% is evie being able to stop them before they happened.

• got a drunk tattoo with Edward once, it's a tramp stamp.

• he's the one filling Edward's cup whenever Edward says he's never drinking again.

• even though he's a jokester and does stupid stuff, he's honestly one of the most trustworthy people the boys know. "he may be an idiot, but he's our idiot" and evies like "go ahead and have him. I should have killed him in the womb"

Desmond🐶

• was adopted by the Auditores when he left the farm.

• when he first started bartending, he broke over half the glasses they had.

• debated on becoming a therapist about a year into bartending, he sure as hell felt like one. might as well get paid the right money for it.

• he doesn't like to drink alcohol very often due to how he's around it so much while he works, and sees how people act. not a favorite pass time, but he does enjoy having a glass of wine with Arno and Ezio.

• he's really good at playing guitar, he and Arno like to do little karaoke sessions, ezio is there but isn't allowed to sing.

• is good at cooking all types of foods, just don't ask him to bake. he's not good with precision so the sweets always come out messed up. leave that to arno.

• wants to get more tattoos, and has tried talking the boys into getting the brotherhood/creed insignia tattooed.

• I see desmond as a piercings kind of guy. what they are, who knows.

• Desmond is the golden retriever friend, everyone loves him.

• Desmond is the epitome of "I didn't want to wake up today, im tired you're lucky I dragged my corpse out of bed today"

You can tell when someone’s frame of reference for “normal people” is more “people at the church sponsored ice cream social” and less “people on the bus”

Anyone got that poem written from the perspective of an English teacher where they know deeply personal things about their now adult students because of the essays they wrote

hurr hurr I'm a human body hurr hurr I'm gonna solve all my problems using mucus

Thanks for the tip!

hey netizens! i'm not sure how many people are aware, but youtube's been slowly rolling out a new anti-adblock policy that can't be bypassed with the usual software like uBlock Origin and Pi-Hole out of the gate

BUT, if you're a uBlock Origin user (or use an adblocker with a similar cosmetics modifier), you can add these commands in the uBlock dashboard to get rid of it!

youtube.com##+js(set, yt.config_.openPopupConfig.supportedPopups.adBlockMessageViewModel, false) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.adBlocksFound, 0) youtube.com##+js(set, ytplayer.config.args.raw_player_response.adPlacements, []) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.hasAllowedInstreamAd, true)

reblog to help keep the internet less annoying and to tell corporations that try shit like this to go fuck themselves <3

If you are living right now in 2023 and are still a big fan of LOTR please reblog bro where are my fellow Tolkienites (Tolkieneers?)

Yes

That is the cutest name for orc ever

TIL “Yankee Doodle” was written by the British to mock americans. “Doodle” is thought to come from the German “dödel”, meaning “fool” or “simpleton” and “macaroni,” a flamboyantly stylish type of dress, painting the Yankees as morons who thought placing a feather in one’s cap made them a “dandy.”

via reddit.com

every time i start thinking about the Cagots i go a little insane

Hallmark Movie tropes where a woman visits her rural hometown and fall in love with a random camo wearing musclebound white man because of the power of Christmas, and then leaves her successful city job, and cuck boyfriend to be said man's submissive wife is conservative and possibly even white nationalist propaganda.

In this essay I will...