Carl Sagan, Who Would’ve Been 83 Today, On The Power Of Books And Why Reading Is Essential For Democracy. 

Rage

Creative title, right? Probably not to be honest, it sounds like something a hipster would post, or an emotional teenage girl(not being sexist, just providing a cliché example). Nonetheless, I feel rather compelled to put that as the title, mainly because it’s something that I feel pretty often. Not necessarily the anger, but the violent aspect of rage, that nearly uncontrollable violence that builds up inside you, is something that I feel virtually every day. Goodness, I sound so whiny, but I feel like I have to express it somehow or else it’s going to eat away at my emotional health.

I recognize that violence isn’t the answer, but it’s infuriating to be unable to do anything other than think about what you would do to someone who truly deserves to suffer. Of course it sounds rather sociopathic, but there are people to truly need to get whats coming to them from time to time.

It’s hard to describe the feeling I get... it’s a mixture of frustration with anxiety, which produces helplessness and then finally creates the violent urge to hurt someone. I have never done anything under the influence of this urge except for once, which I would rather not get into as I was luckily stopped before things got too far. I learned to control the rage, but the build up of it makes it harder and harder to control. I realized that working out often helps reduce the buildup, but what happens when you don’t have time to work out and you are constantly placed under a lot of stress?  Well, you have several options; blow up, take it out on someone, or take a break.

Of course, the most socially acceptable answer is to take a break, which would usually require going out for some fresh air,  but in more extreme circumstances it could mean take a day or two off from work or school, and that SUCKS. Taking a day off will just add to your workload afterwards, since you’ll have to make up for the time you lost the last day. Conversely, what would happen if you let your rage out? Well, if you let it out on someone else, you could hurt them, both mentally and physically. And just blowing up could get you kicked out of your workplace, and maybe even sent to jail if things get physical.

So what is there to do? This is a problem that I find myself to be facing rather often, and it always feels like a lose-lose situation. Maybe by talking about it things could get better, but who really wants to hear someone bitch about their life? I personally would find that to be extremely boring, and it might not even work! The way I found to be a good reliever is just to write it out, but its taken me several days to put this all into something concise, a so what happens to those people who don’t have the time? I guess they turn to drugs? I’m not really sure to be honest.

Maybe my point got lost while I was blabbering about this whole thing, but what I meant to emphasize was that stress, rage and anger can easily build up in people, and sometimes there really is just no way to relieve it, which is extremely frustrating to me.

Goodness, I wrote way too much... Oh well, it helped me vent, which I guess was the purpose of this. If anyone ever actually reads this, I hope you’ve enjoyed my rather long rant on rage and anger, and I hope it was somehow beneficial to you, in whatever way that may be.

mdlksdfsd my fave thing is when ppl outside of florida ask “how do alligators even get in ur pools??? how do they get into ur yards???”

alligators can climb fences. they do this a lot

Some sketches of the wild Raven while he is still in the park, he is a joy to sit with and draw. Even if he tries to steal my sketchbook at every opportunity. 

Diving across a hospital room to stop my patient’s hand from pulling their ET tube.

😍😍😍😍😍😍

Levi knocking Kenny out, s03e02

Last Night

I woke up at 5 in the morning with only on thing one my mind; you. I can’t get you out of my thoughts. I spent a good 3 hours trying to sleep while thoughts and memories of you circled my mind. It’s been going on for days, ever since I decided to try to remove you from my life. 

I know I hurt you, so bad that I doubt you’d ever forgive me, I deserve that. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I acted like a dick. It was partially because whenever we talked I would always get this feeling in my stomach. Kinda like butterflies? It was a good feeling, but also a painful one. It made me want to just beg you to come back and say that I was wrong, that I love you and that hasn’t ever changed. I never stopped loving you, not for a second. I wish so much that I could be with you right now, for everything to be back to normal, but I know that it’s too late. I acted like a dick because I didn’t want to give in, I didn’t want to come back, because I knew, or at least I was scared that it was all just going to be like before; with so much fighting and jealousy and just... a lot of fear. I hated that part of our relationship because there were times in which I just wasn’t happy, and I wished that I could fix it. I wish that I could fix all my jealousy in one go, but it doesn’t work that way.

That’s why I did all this. I can’t come back to you not having changed, not that you’d let me, I bet you want nothing to do with me at this point, and it’s really all my fault. But right now, I need to change, to grow mature enough so as not to be so insecure, because honestly, it sucks being like that, especially in a long distance relationship. I don’t want to keep resenting and being jealous, and I want both of us to grow from this, because we both made mistakes. 

You have no idea how sorry I am for so many things, but I want you to know, that I don’t regret anything. Being with you was amazing, it was beautiful and special. Yes, sometimes it was ugly and painful, but I’ll always remember everything we did together, because you really did make me happy, but I need to fix myself right now. I want both of us to be happy, and I felt like we honestly wouldn’t be had we stayed together. I feel that I wouldn’t have been, because it felt like I just didn’t matter to you at all once you got to university, and that you probably would have replaced me within the month. And I hated that feeling. I couldn’t keep going with that because there was really no way to fix it while we were together, not with all the jealousy. 

I want you to be happy, and you have no idea what I would do to make you happy, but right now that means that I have to make myself better, because I really, truly, honestly hope that once day, I’ll be able to find you again, and that you’ll accept me. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, but I know that in the future I will, because I’m getting my life together. I’m more active, more confident, more responsible, I've been working my ass off to improve myself, and I’m going to keep going, because I want to be the best I can ever be. 

Oddly enough, that isn’t good enough for me though. Yes, I’m improving, but the longing doesn’t leave. The regret doesn’t stop eating me from within. I feel empty, and there’s nothing that can fill that void now. Yes, there’s one thing, but no matter how hard I try, I doubt it’ll ever happen again, because I don’t deserve you.

I know you said that a sophomore asked you out. As much as it hurts, I’m really happy for you. If you really do like him, then honestly, that’s great, because I hope that he can make you happy, better than I could, at least. Don’t get me wrong, I wish it were me dating you, I wish it were me that can kiss you, hold you, and just make you feel loved everyday, but I had my chance. I just hope that you’ll give me another one in the future. I know I don’t deserve it, but I can’t stop loving you. Every time I think of you, I just get filled with this weird warmth inside. And then it turns to ice as I realize that you may never think of me like that again.

I know it’s selfish, but I hope you feel the same way for me. I hope that you do love me back, because even if I don’t deserve it, I want to be deserving of it in the future. Right now, I know that I wouldn’t be able to make you happy, and I know you’ll find someone else who can. I just hope that I’ll reach that level one day, so that I can come back into your life, because I still love you, llamagirl, infinitely. You may despise me right now, and you have every right to, I know that I can’t fix all the hurt that I’ve done. 

I meant it when I said that you were a miracle in my life, because you’re so wonderful and beautiful that you healed my wounds and kissed my scars. You worried for me when no one else did. You made me feel loved when I thought that I never deserved it. 

Please, at the end of the day, save the last dance for me, I swear my dancing will have improved by then. Je T’aime. 

Mon amour pour toi ne dimiuera jamais. J’espere qu’un jour tu me pardonneras d’etre si stupide. 

I love that you don't correct people thinking you are gay. Like you just roll with it. Or are you gay?

I have been straight for the last 22 years. But you know, there’s always tomorrow, amigo

Cuuuuuute

the type of love i need

You wake up one Sunday to discover that your idiot neighbour Jerry has declared your suburban street to be an independent republic, erected barricades and commandeered your VW camper van as a mobile base of operations for the provisional government.

[Wondermark] this is the coolest thing.