Latest Posts by pistachio69 - Page 2

i havent had anybody bounce and moan on it since.... (a haunted look flashes across my face) the incident.

Okay this Bible quote goes hard can’t even lie

teddy

horse next to a glass of white wine that is equal in size to the horse who only has its upper half visible the horse is a rather standard looking horse but the glass is abnormally large perhaps due to a trick of perspective in which the glass is placed closer to the camera therefore appearing larger while the horse is placed farther away making it smaller or perhaps the glass is just unusually large or the horse is unusually small or maybe the gray background is a sign that the horse and wine glass are in some kind of strange alternate dimension in which everything is oddly proportioned maybe to cope with being transported to another dimension the horse has chosen to indulge in an alcoholic vice

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

americans: pssshh you think 80°F is hot???? i'm from big texas this is nothing kid, i might put a coat on actually

europeans: wdym 10°C is cold???? this is shorts weather bro, when you start pissing crystals then we'll talk

unattended raspberries: i went moldy while you were reading this

ℸ ̣⍑ᒷ|| ꖎᔑᓵᒷ↸ ᒲ|| ᓭ⍑╎ℸ ̣, ᓵᔑリ'ℸ ̣ ⍑ᔑ⍊ᒷ リ𝙹∷ᒲᔑꖎ ⎓⚍ᓵ⋮╎リ⊣ ⎓𝙹𝙹↸!!1!1!

╎ᒲ ᓭ╎ᓵꖌ 𝙹⎓ ℸ ̣⍑ᒷ ⊣リ𝙹ᒲᒷᓭ ⎓∷𝙹ᒲ ℸ ̣⍑ᒷ ∴ᔑꖎꖎᓭ ↸𝙹╎リ⊣ ⎓⚍ᓵꖌᔑꖎꖎ!!!1!1!

Me, trying to figure out what iced coffee i want before work: ...mocha?

The thing that's been clawing at the inside of my ribcage since I was 13: GOD IS REAL AND HE IS THE SPACE THAT EXISTS BETWEEN ALL THINGS. DO YOU HEAR THE DRUMS?

Me: i think.... french vanilla

i realised that a lot of baptist churches & some evangelical ones do not guilt trip each other every mass, so for those of you who don't know that, here is what catholics say every mass:

I confess to almighty God and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have greatly sinned in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do; through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault; therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin, all the Angels and Saints, and you, my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God.

i can’t stop thinking about cuffing my boy to my headboard while i explain how i’d cut him open. i want to watch him tremble while i run my knife down his torso, telling him the lengths i’d go to get to his heart. he deserves to know exactly what i mean when i say i want to rearrange his guts :3

[i block minors and ageless]

"Hawk Tuah" was a four-month psychological experiment conducted by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. It has now ended. All participants will be arrested shortly

Forgive me father, I know my body is a temple and I've made such a mess of it, but perhaps if we fully demolish it we can build something better, something maybe even worth love.

my life is forfeit

ending every fully botched sentence with "thats my sentence i hope u liked it"

Hey girl is that a knife that just fell through a hole in your pocket down your pant leg or is your penis very sharp and by your ankle

my mate ( boyfriend ) has been off on a hunt ( studying ) and he hasn’t responded to my howls ( my texts ) for 2 moons ( 7 minutes ago )

Guy who didnt satisfy his partner during sex cryign and punching himself in the balls going STUPID STUPID STUPID!!

I don't think you are ready for toys. Do another 100 imagination drills and then report back.

i really think the point of life is to be beaten into submission

To the men who voted for Donald Trump today:

When your girlfriend gets pregnant, and you’re not ready to become a father, and you’re forced into a position that cripples you emotionally, financially and irreversibly, remember: you did this.

When your sister’s pregnancy turns out to be ectopic, and she can’t get the life-saving medical care she needs and dies a completely pointless, preventable death, remember: you did this.

When your 12-year-old daughter is raped by her soccer coach — after he’s legally allowed to strip off her pants and peep at her genitals, because the existence of trans kids terrifies you — and she steals your shotgun and kills herself in your garage, remember, first and foremost: you did this.

Hundreds of thousands of people are going to die because of the decision you made today.

You did that.

least if i get dismembered i’ll look pretty on some degenerate’s gore blog

4th dimensional farmer : stop horsing around

The horse in question:

shout out to the giant worm in the center of the earth. thank you for never surfacing 🙏 we appreciate you. have fun in the lower crusts

brefaste

cum being one of the main ingredients in creating a new human is so funny and undignified. really explains a lot about us

“cannibalism as a metaphor for love!” cannibalism as a metaphor for me tearing you apart and eating your insides raw. once desperate enough we are nothing but slaves to our instincts. the brain will do anything to save itself.

as someone who has accidentally hit a civilian with a wrench over and over until the writhing stopped