Stakeout

Batman: Oracle, status report.

Oracle: [over the comms] the teams are all in position. Things are quiet so far.

Batman: Hm. Ok, thank you Oracle. I’ll check in on them. [switches over to Nightwing and Robin’s frequency]

Nightwing: -nd I’ve already bought it! You need to socialise more; this is an important part of your childhood.

Robin: No.

Nightwing: It’s so cute, though. You’ll look adorable!

Robin: [with feeling] No.

Nightwing: [huffs] At least try it on; I already paid for it.

Robin: I am NOT going trick-or-treating.

Batman: …[switches over to Orphan and Batgirl’s comms]

Batgirl: -so then I said “you put that hand anywhere near me again I’ll break it off” and he-

Orphan: B is listening now.

Batgirl: oh, hey B. Anyway then we had sex and he had this-

Batman: [cuts off the feed before he becomes even more traumatised] …

Batman: …ok. [tunes into Red Robin and Red Hood’s frequency]

Red Hood: [in a fake posh voice] the handyman?!!! How could you DO this to me Dolores?!

Red Robin: [in a high-pitched voice] How could I?!! How could I NOT?? You married your office long before I ever fucked Juan-Eduardo!

Red Hood: Don’t you DARE put this on me! I knew I shouldn’t have hired that ridiculously good looking sonofabitch!

Red Robin: Hah! Well that wouldn’t have stopped me from sleeping with CHAD!

Red Hood: NO!

Red Robin: [Triumphantly] OH YES

Red Hood: NO! MY BEST FRIEND?? WILL THE LIES NEVER END DOLORES??

Red Robin: YES! And let me tell you- he was SO MUCH better than you. He-

Red Hood: YOU’RE TEARING ME APART DOLORES

Red Robin: [breaking character] nice one

Red Hood: thank you

Batman: [over the comms] what are you DOING?

Red Robin: Hi B. There’s a couple in the building across from us who’re having a huge fight. We’re giving them voices.

Red Hood: [in his fake voice] Look at all these papers! These papers that I’m waving around! Look at them!!

Red Robin: [as “Dolores”] Well if you love your papers so much why don’t you MARRY THEM?

Red Hood: MAYBE I WILL

Red Robin: I HATE YOU! I have always hated you! and what’s more- I HATE your MOTHER.

Red Hood: [gasps] MY MOTHER IS A SAINT AND A GIFT TO MANKIND

Red Robin: YOUR MOTHER IS A DECREPIT OLD WHORE

Red Hood: I WILL- DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME DOLORES

Red Robin: [hisses] Whenever the Mets play, I wish they would lose.

Red Hood: [gasps] YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?? ME -the man who obviously bought every piece of Mets Merch known to man and display them in every room of our apartment like a tool?! HOW COULD YOU??!

Red Robin: Well what are you gonna do about it? HUH?

Red Hood: WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL DO! I’M GONNA TAKE THIS GUN- [breaks character] Ohmygod he’s got a gun! Shit fuck moving out

Red Robin: We’re coming Dolores!

[Line goes dead]

Batman: …[stares unseeingly at the sky]

Oracle: Aw man, and it was just getting good too.

how some of the LU boys vent headcanons but in fic form

okay so a while ago i was really angry about something and cracked open botw to fight some guardians with only melee weapons and i kept getting viciously blasted to the ground and set on fire every time i tried to do anything and i was like MOOD but then i realized something. link always gets back up. immediately. you don’t even have to hit a button. he gets knocked down, and then he gets back up again. over and over for the at least a half an hour i was playing. and then that gave me feelings so i started writing.

this goes completely off the rails very quickly and is ridiculously self-indulgent but it was fun to reread so *gestures vaguely* now you get to see it. fair warning that even though it’s presented in a very video-game-mechanics way, wild is talking about serious self-endangerment so be warned if you’re not up for that. anyway, enjoy!

(2.4k words)

“You know what I do?”

“What?”

Hyrule turned around from where he sat keeping watch by the fire, startled by Wild’s sudden question. Or at least he’d been trying to keep watch, stabbing a stray piece of kindling into the sand at his side over and over again and trying not to think too hard about—well, he was trying not to think about it. Wild stared up at the clear desert sky, deep with unfamiliar stars, laying on his back in his bedroll with one hand stretched above his head, fingers splayed. Hyrule hadn’t even realized he was awake.

“When I’m angry. You what what I do when I’m just so frustrated and furious and filled with rage and I’m caught halfway between breaking something’s bones and breaking down and all I want to do is scream but I don’t even think I have the strength to speak?”

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rabbit-with-a-grapefruit-spoon

2 years ago

Question number 1: does captain marvel have finger prints?

Question 2: if yes, are they the same as Billy’s?

Now imagine the jl runs a background check on their newest member captain marvel and what comes back is a match for a 12 year old run away from the foster system with chargers of minor theft and trespassing

4K notes View Post

rabbit-with-a-grapefruit-spoon

2 years ago