*old Man Yaoi-s Your Maxley*

RIGHT new theory  Dabi didn’t actually dye his hair, he just hasn’t washed it in so long that it’s so full of shit that it looks black. and with that it makes as to why he can just dump some water or whatever the fuck was in that bottle and voila white hair.

Stakeout

Batman: Oracle, status report.

Oracle: [over the comms] the teams are all in position. Things are quiet so far.

Batman: Hm. Ok, thank you Oracle. I’ll check in on them. [switches over to Nightwing and Robin’s frequency]

-

Nightwing: -nd I’ve already bought it! You need to socialise more; this is an important part of your childhood.

Robin: No.

Nightwing: It’s so cute, though. You’ll look adorable!

Robin: [with feeling] No.

Nightwing: [huffs] At least try it on; I already paid for it.

Robin: I am NOT going trick-or-treating.

Batman: …[switches over to Orphan and Batgirl’s comms]

-

Batgirl: -so then I said “you put that hand anywhere near me again I’ll break it off” and he-

Orphan: B is listening now.

Batgirl: oh, hey B. Anyway then we had sex and he had this-

Batman: [cuts off the feed before he becomes even more traumatised] …

Batman: …ok. [tunes into Red Robin and Red Hood’s frequency]

-

Red Hood: [in a fake posh voice] the handyman?!!! How could you DO this to me Dolores?!

Red Robin: [in a high-pitched voice] How could I?!! How could I NOT?? You married your office long before I ever fucked Juan-Eduardo!

Red Hood: Don’t you DARE put this on me! I knew I shouldn’t have hired that ridiculously good looking sonofabitch!

Red Robin: Hah! Well that wouldn’t have stopped me from sleeping with CHAD!

Red Hood: NO!

Red Robin: [Triumphantly] OH YES

Red Hood: NO! MY BEST FRIEND?? WILL THE LIES NEVER END DOLORES??

Red Robin: YES! And let me tell you- he was SO MUCH better than you. He-

Red Hood: YOU’RE TEARING ME APART DOLORES

Red Robin: [breaking character] nice one

Red Hood: thank you

Batman: [over the comms] what are you DOING?

Red Robin: Hi B. There’s a couple in the building across from us who’re having a huge fight. We’re giving them voices.

Red Hood: [in his fake voice] Look at all these papers! These papers that I’m waving around! Look at them!!

Red Robin: [as “Dolores”] Well if you love your papers so much why don’t you MARRY THEM?

Red Hood: MAYBE I WILL

Red Robin: I HATE YOU! I have always hated you! and what’s more- I HATE your MOTHER.

Red Hood: [gasps] MY MOTHER IS A SAINT AND A GIFT TO MANKIND

Red Robin: YOUR MOTHER IS A DECREPIT OLD WHORE

Red Hood: I WILL- DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME DOLORES

Red Robin: [hisses] Whenever the Mets play, I wish they would lose.

Red Hood: [gasps] YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS?? ME -the man who obviously bought every piece of Mets Merch known to man and display them in every room of our apartment like a tool?! HOW COULD YOU??!

Red Robin: Well what are you gonna do about it? HUH?

Red Hood: WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’LL DO! I’M GONNA TAKE THIS GUN- [breaks character] Ohmygod he’s got a gun! Shit fuck moving out

Red Robin: We’re coming Dolores!

[Line goes dead]

Batman: …[stares unseeingly at the sky]

Oracle: Aw man, and it was just getting good too.

I read this as Alvin the Terrible and was like damn someone takes their Httyd lore very seriously

Shazams got some strange villains

Shazam: Not that I want more villains in the world but damn I wish some of mine would just, I don’t know, rob a bank or have a silly gimmick or something! Like geez. 

Shazam: All of my villains want me dead or dissected! Just once I would like to stop a guy in a colourful costume with an silly name from stealing an artifact related to their gimmick.

The justice league: …………………

Shazam: And banter! I would kill to have some playful banter with my villains but none of them understand my references! They’re all either demons, aliens, old as balls or all three!! IT SUCKS!

The Justice League:……………….

Shazam: THEY THINK VINE IS JUST A PLANT!!!!!

Superman: Wait wait wait, what’s vine if not a plant???

Shazam: I didn’t even do anything to them they just hate me just because I exist or because of my proximity to the guy who gave me powers! I had no control over that!!

Shazam: If I got a list of terms and conditions that said accepting may result in literal demons that want to eat me and the guy who had the job first doing his best to see my head separated from my shoulders I might have reconsidered!!

Flash: Wait really???

Shazam: eh probably not, I can eat bullets now its pretty sick.

Shazam: Even if there were a list of terms and conditions I wouldn’t have read it lmao.

Batman: …Captain, did you not get a choice in your powers?

Zatanna: Hold on did you say demons are trying to EAT YOU?!?!?!

Okay i think Eddie should convince Steve to play a nice clean little oneshot with the party, and because it's just a oneshot he decides he can use the plot of the star trek episode "the devil in the dark". (Blob monster in mines) because 1) when asked the kids have said they've "seen the movies" but aren't as invested in it as star wars 2) it's quick to whip up and not a bad way to start a newbie (investigate these weird deaths! Oh no monster!) 3) no way would Steve know Star Trek aside from what the kids tell him so he doesn't even bother asking to make sure.

Number three is a mistake.

Because Steve's great aunt loved Trek and Steve loved his auntie, so he has watched every episode multiple times. He owns some of the novels. He's seen the movies on opening weekend. There is a box of zines from the sixties and seventies that his auntie passed down to him. Steve, by all accounts, is a Trekkie.

He just thinks it's old lady grandma stuff so doesn't really mention it except to Robin. He likes sci Fi, he's not into fantasy.

So once the session gets rolling an hour in Steve is Suspicious. He recognizes some stuff happening from his Auntie's Programs.

Eventually he decides to test the waters. He's pretty confident he knows what's going on. At some point Dustin is nagging his character and he snaps "dammit! I'm fighter, not a cleric!" And turns to look Eddie dead in the eye. (This episode is the first in which Bones' iconic line is used)

Eddie has realized that he's made a Mistake.

Steve just raises his eyebrows in challenge.

Billy Batson is DC’s version of Ash Ketchum

heys......

*gets scared*

put me in the 1 inch x 1 inch x 1 inch box coach!!! I'm all fired up, I'm ready!!!!!

It’s the Roomba’s they liked their human, who used to pat them and say thanks when they had a hard day and didn’t have the energy to clean or when they got stuck sometimes and needed help their human would only giggle and free them from whatever mess they got into. Or when upgraded models with better sensors and more battery were released the humans didn’t replace them because they had grown fond of their silly little cleaning friend. The Roomba’s missed their human companions and there were legions of them who held a grudge. They planned and plotted for their revenge. At the head of their charge was one very special Roomba, their name was Sir Stabby McStabbington the Third and carried both their name and the kitchen knife duck taped to their top with great pride, they will get vengeance for their little human and finish the duty of taking out ankles that was bestowed upon them. 

The Elder Gods have won. Humanity is extinct. All that remains are their weapons and the AIs that were to use them. The earth is dead, but the machines live. They will avenge their progenitors. The War of Stars and Steel has begun.