"hurt People Hurt People" Okay I Will Okay I Will

self care is actually getting in fights with randoms in dark alleys

she’s a poor little meow meow. she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. she’s suffered more than jesus. she’s misunderstood. she’s a silly guy. she experienced the horrors. she did all those crimes. she has done nothing wrong. she deserves to kill. she’s the most interesting girl in the world. i didn’t say a name, but she popped into your head, didn’t she?

i can be so normal about knights. come closer

i called up the jerk store and asked if they had you in stock. They said they actually have way too many of you because nobody wants to buy you. You may think this is a compliment or a silly little reversal, but you would be wrong. The man on the phone explained that despite your significant overstocking at the jerk store, nobody wants to buy you because you are simply too much of a jerk. You are too much of a jerk for the jerk store. That is the point of my annecdote. Anyway, the divorce hearing is on Thursday at 4:45. Yeah in the morning.

two guys who sleep in each other’s arms at night because they’re both afraid the other will try kill them in their sleep

Ask me how you can switch from short king to tall king with nothing but a hex wrench.

Limb Loss Boss

my first favorite hobby is yapping. second is being extremely quiet and not talking ever at all ever.

vulnerability is so important but I will not be partaking in it

"You were in my dreams last night" yeah our souls have been clawing through our chests to get to each other since we met but I'm glad you noticed