I'm Definitely Not The Same Person I Used To Be. I'm So Different I Can't Explain It.

I'm alone but maybe one day I won't be. After suffering from schizophrenia for 5 years and multiple hospitalizations and ruining all my friendships I hope I can find something or somebody to talk to and relate to. I hope one day I can do something with my art. I am scared and have been canceled before. I have made so many mistakes in life and left places feeling less than. But I hope it will be okay one day and the pain will go away.

“Repeat after me: My current situation is not my final destination.”

— Unknown

glenn dean, landscapes of the west / user @petrichara

do u ever miss your own energy. like damn what happened to me

Drawing using both my tablets today until I get better at using my tablet with a screen on it.

I'm back from rehab and had electroshock therapy and I'm not allowed on my computer for a while but that's OK. I feel like a washed up has been that's just a mistake with no friends but it'll pass one day. Probably.

Now I know everything I thought wasn't real really isn't real. I've been having delusions for years. It's been harrowing. I've bothered others, gone off the deep end. If only I could go back 5 years and undo what has happened and what I did. I don't feel the crippling guilt anymore at least that's lasted my entire life.

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me