Eyeffigy - Blog Posts

If I follow you and you're uncomfortable with it you're free to block me.

I talked about my past again but this time to my Free Company in FFXIV and I'm nervous because I'm afraid I killed the chat or made people not want to respond or talk to me at all.

Never really held fast to this but I do now because it's just how it is.

Aro/Ace. He/They.

Drawing using both my tablets today until I get better at using my tablet with a screen on it.

Having delusions today. I won't let them win.

I used to say I was a void person but not so much anymore and I used to feel like I shouldn't take up space or exist at all but now not so much. Being terrible at communicating sucks though. I used to have wit and charm and good looks but I'm just rotting away. I'm giving myself till 35 to pick up the pieces and improve but I doubt it'll go anywhere successful.

Socially I've ruined myself by being insane and having bpd like symptoms and now I'm just rotting inside while snacking like crazy and I'm not sure how you're supposed to be after electroshock therapy but I'm definitely not the same anymore. I can't hold conversations or anything like that without them being horribly awkward.

I went insane for a little while there and let the delusions win. Now I'm doing better.

I'm back from rehab and had electroshock therapy and I'm not allowed on my computer for a while but that's OK. I feel like a washed up has been that's just a mistake with no friends but it'll pass one day. Probably.

Back from another mental health crisis that lasted a month.

Now I know everything I thought wasn't real really isn't real. I've been having delusions for years. It's been harrowing. I've bothered others, gone off the deep end. If only I could go back 5 years and undo what has happened and what I did. I don't feel the crippling guilt anymore at least that's lasted my entire life.

Nobody really talks about violence against men and it's a shame.

Considering I spent the last 3 years getting wrecked by life, I don't feel much like drawing right now. Much less do I feel capable of greater forethought than only a few moments in advance before I forget stuff. I'm going to focus on my health and recovery 2024.

I'm definitely not the same person I used to be. I'm so different I can't explain it.

Something for an old friend I'm not sure I'm still on good terms with.

Jaze, a mix between all my OCs.

Konpeito/Japes/Jakelope, or what I have left of them in my files.

My first real furry OC and I made it to fit in but I don't know. I just draw elves and anthro I guess.

Had them for 10 years.

More quarter angles. Oops!

More Jake I dug up. More quarter angles. It just happens that way. I'm perpetually trying to draw a nice icon but I always end up failing.

My Oc Caster. He can control the weather. I've been ruminating this character for years and it's based off of Ausayn and my first Oc I ever made, a Squirrel in 4th grade. He also has clouds in his ears and on his coat.

Quarter angles whoo!

Got my archive I had from the past 3 years off my phone storage. Have more Glowworm.

From drawing on Twitch for an hour a day ago or so.

I wish I could keep myself from dissociating and thinking of everything that's happened and then obsessing. I didn't think I'd end up this way. It's hard to deal with and let go.

Somehow, I have to let go of the past when I'm not having memory issues.

More of Jake trying to find a new style to draw him in and age him up more.

An experimental piece I made in 20 minutes or so to find a new design for Jake and way to draw for fun.

TJ from earlier this year.

Glowworm from earlier this year.